The Bearded Clam Strikes Back

Benjamin Bernanke stands up and stretches, after a long night sleeping on an old French colonial chair, prattling to himself over a philly blunt filled with A grade marijuana “I’m gonna get those bitches soon, real soon.”

He stares into a mirror and pulls out a small comb and grooms his beard to look perfect. He walks over to his 20 foot window and lifts up the Roman shade adorning it, revealing the sun rising on the horizon. Slowly, he pulled a pipe out of his pocket, filled to the brim with aromatic tobacco, and lights it. He then walks over to his desk and turns on his computer, browsing over some numbers and graphs, then turns it off.

As he walks out of his office with conviction and purpose, with a trail of pipe smoke in his path, he mutters to himself “I’m gonna get those bitches right now.”

(slams door)

NOTE: Either Tom Green or HELMUT BAKAITIS (the fucking architect from The Matrix) will play Ben Bernanke in my upcoming movie: 10 Trillion Ways to Die, Choose One
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygfX3VAF_gg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K-g7ipAqYY

Futures are higher. The market is going to bounce and we have this to look forward to tonight.

Life is good.

This being the year of generosity, I’ve decided to publish the first ever “What The PPT is Saying Today” report inside of iBC, in order to show you what it will look like. Pay attention because it shall never be posted in these quarters again.

I’ve been 15% cash since last week. The lot of you tend to forget about my fixation with keeping reserves. I keep them for moments like this, only far worse.

According to the magical arts of The PPT, we are not oversold yet. As a matter of fact, several inverse ETFs were flagging OS just two days ago. The prophecies are playing out exactly as intended. I will delve back in, mind you, when the time is sublime.

As for now, I am cornered inside of my home office, as a crew of 20 illegal Mexicans plaster and sand my walls, readying for a good 2 coats of Benjamin Moore (Regal) paint. They are playing the mariachi downstairs and I want to kill several of them and plant them next to my sprinklers.

Starting today, I am going to start penning a “What The PPT is Saying Today” post, inside the hallowed confines, to help guide members through the labyrinth and show them the light.

Be well and fuck off.

Good day.

Thanks to a hit piece in Barron’s…

Early in the year, my boss Randall Forsyth wrote in this space about some pretty scary Pimco closed-end fund premiums. As investors scrounge too recklessly for yield, they paid $150 for $100 in assets in some cases, or even $175.
Yep, this problem is still around. Jacqueline Doherty reviews the CEF bidding in this weekend’s edition of Barron’s, finding that too many investors are still blinded by 6% or 10% distribution yields. “At best, these funds harbor risks that investors ought to know about and understand,” she writes. “A[t] worst, the high yields are luring buyers at the wrong moment, when the funds are in danger of falling sharply in value.”

Herewith the culprits, all of whom give investors fat distributions: Pimco High Income Fund (PHK) still trades at a 70% premium to net asset value. Pimco Global StocksPLUS & Income Fund (PGP) is at 68%. Pioneer High Income Trust (PHT) is 37% above NAV. All three funds are selling off by anywhere from 1.5% to 3.5% Monday in the wake of the article.

Those are extreme examples. The milder strain of the disease is everywhere, as Doherty explains. “Sixty-six percent of taxable bond funds and 73% of municipal-bond funds trade above NAV now, versus roughly 30% both a year ago and in 2006, before the financial crisis, according to Thomas J. Herzfeld Advisors, a closed-end specialist based in Miami Beach.”

It’s not as if investors can claim they didn’t know the dangers. Trouble has happened before. From the article:

The Gabelli Utility Trust (GUT) traded at a 70% premium to NAV just before it announced on Aug. 19, 2010, that it was reviewing its distribution policy. Investors rightly interpreted that to mean a reduction was coming. The shares tumbled to $5.58 by the end of that month, from $8.18, and the premium shriveled to 15%. The fund now trades at $8.03, a 42% premium. Gabelli Utility has returned 9.5% annually since inception in 1999, assuming dividends were reinvested.

This is happening.

Old fuckers in wheeled chairs are being flung into oncoming traffic, courtesy of out of control price to NAV valuations. Anyone remember the TVIX debacle?

Other high income ETFs getting hit include RCS, DSU, PCN, PTY, PFL, PFN.

This is the sort of carnage I do not appreciate. I like to leave the bond/income people alone. Next thing you know, they are on the teevee declaring “credit crises”– things of that nature.

Tomorrow is the Vice Presidential debate, which should be a gargantuan boon for lovers of “the other black gold” due to a predictable win for Ryan. Frankly, having a debate between a retarded neanderthal and a person who actually tries to do his job, suggesting plans and bills (things of that nature) is unfair.

Just know, if Romney gets elected, the head of the Senate energy commission will be (drum roll please)

SENATOR IMHOFE

Get your fucking bibles ready, ‘cuz the good Senator is emphatic when he says “God loves coal.” Okay, I am paraphrasing a bit there. But he did pen this wonderful book.

I must admit to thoroughly enjoy when politicians play scientist in their books.

In short, the market is a no good (heavy cantonese accent), stuck in a proverbial “fag box” until November. Expect draw-downs, but keep your chins raised high. For when this downturn ends, we will be smoking blunts made from cocaine laced marijuana again, topped off with 40 ounces of malted liquor, declaring “fuck you, you’re dead” to the shorts—whilst riding unicycles in the city square.

Until then, enjoy the mini-bear market.

TOP pick: ANR

I’ve been talking to you nerds since 2006. In about a month, iBankCoin will celebrate its 5th anniversary. The money generated from this website, which happens to be a pittance compared to my numerous financial interests, help to maintain and operate North America’s first ever civilian owned ORBITAL SPACE CANNON (OSC)– to be used for offensive purposes only. You should be proud to support such an endeavor. At first I found blogging to be stupid, then interesting, stupid again, insanely cumbersome, WTF am I wasting my time here?, and finally to “I am going to prove these cocksuckers wrong over and over again, and with flare.”

The one constant you will find here is this:

“The Fly” wins all the time, even when he is losing badly.

It’s not a fight unless you get punched in the face. I enjoy the back and forth with many of you, even the ones I ban for life, discarding you like deformed babies from ancient Sparta. Over the past 5 years, there have been numerous occasions when “The Fly” has endured set backs. Just last year I was 30% long WNR from $18 to $12. Instead of selling, I bought more, then rode that bitch/whore to $25. Several months ago, I had 40% of my assets stuck in YELP, amidst a social media blackout, crushed under the weight of “The Fuckbook,” enduring a share drop of $22 to $14. So I bought more, then rode that fucker back to $28 and gone. Ghost, poof.

Now you gander upon my mystical person today, set aflame by a number of stocks gone awry. It appears “Le Fly” has lost his cool, gone for good. For the love of dead dogs and rabid humans, he’s only +27% for the year.

But I have news for you, and it’s good. “The Fly” is now a coal man, fixed on making grandiose sums of money at the explicit expense of the Goldman Sachs “coal team’s” repute. Men like Andre do not stand a fucking chance against me. The winds of the market bend to my caprices. I’ve fixed my energy into the ongoings of the “coal trade” and will see it through to the very end, as God is my witness and SENATOR GINT will blog again.

Everything is down 5%+, with marked exception to coal. For the day, I am down more than 1.6%, saved thanks to my ANR position and cash. But let it be known, this market is infected by zombies, who are hell-bent on eating your brains and stealing your coin.

At heart, “The Fly” is a coal man, only interested in the vagaries of anomalous events, uninterested in the obtuse.

Having a portfolio filled with shit is disheartening. It makes me sick to my stomach to see the obvious unfold three inches away from my face. All the while, Mrs. Fly discards currency as if it was trash, procuring items from the far east like a nabob.

Friends and enemies alike from the internet:

PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE END OF DAYS, YET AGAIN. There is very little in the way of a full fledged rout, with marked exception to a certain Benjamin Bernanke. Just 8% of hedged funds are outperforming the broader indices this year of the dragon. Take it upon yourselves to enjoy your time here and please don’t forget your topped hat, gloves and cane when deporting yourselves amongst society.

If it wasn’t for my coal position climbing higher, I’d be sitting here getting my clock cleaned like the rest of you.

Since QE3 was announced, the market has been in a slump. You can paint the pig red, but it’s still a pig. Everything is going lower, led by AAPL. Even though the market is barely off its highs, the stock action is reprehensible.

I’m at a cross roads on many of my positions. My recent draw down has been swift, yet furious. If I sell, the likelihood of me getting back in before Halloween is slim.

It might end up being a VXX Halloween after all.

NOTE: On the five year anniversary of iBankCoin (11/12/12), a contest will begin for 12631 members only. The prize will be $2,000 and it will last until New Year’s eve. It’s a stock contest gentlemen. Prepare for games.

Some analyst, obviously an Obama supporter, had the audacity to downgrade ACI this morning, even though Romney is up 4 in the polls and iron ore demand is on the rise. Clearly this beast of a man is working against your better interests. He’s trying to “vampire squid” the money from your portfolios so that his employer can finance greek junk bonds or malicious short sales against their own clients!

To downgrade coal here, ahead of the elections, is terrifically retarded.

I’d like you to get me this man’s name and bring it to me, so that I can award him an Asshat of the Week Award.

“The Fly” is generous in all things, liberal with money and opinion. However, when it comes to kindness towards men who are working against my interests, I am a miser of historical proportions. I will levy and tax, then levy again, until you’ve been washed out.

Coal, especially ANR, will be bought ahead of the elections, because its destiny is etched in higher equity valuations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zoi4bZcNuGk