I’m sure plenty of you homeowners out there deal with the incessant parade of two bit salesmen coming to your door in search of a sale. Recently, I was entreated to a very special Bernard Maddof character, who was from the solar company VSLR in search of personal fortune.
He was most likely employed straight out of a prison facility, white male , mid 40s, wearing an orange and black construction vest.
Upon opening the door, I saw that he had a Pg&e (my local electric utility) clipboard with him, with an official document facing me, from Pg&e, attached to it.
He asked me ‘ hello Sir, have you seen the construction trucks passing by the neighborhood recently?’
Because I have an aversion to door-step salesmen, immediately, I denied seeing anything. Had God himself been down the block creating humans with a magic staff, I’d deny seeing it too, if asked by a fucking porch planted salesman.
Then I spotted his ID tag and it said Vivint Solar. I shot back with force “not interested.”
He responded, wearing a fucking construction company hard hat, “excuse me? What do you mean? I’m from the local utility and we’re seeing if you qualify for renewable energy.”
I interrupted him and said “you’re from a solar company, selling those hideous panels and sticking them onto innocent people’s roofs. Again, I’m not interested.”
He shot back in a smug, condescending manner “you’re not interested in green energy, even though it’s paid for by the government?”
I said “yep, not interested.”
In a valiant last ditch effort, with a chuckle that he probably learned in prison, he said “I don’t even know if you’re qualified. That’s why I’m here, to assess your home. We have a contract with your utility, Pg&e.”
I interrupted him again and said that I didn’t like ‘green energy’ (extra Cat in the Hat) and that ‘I loathed solar panels with every fiber of my existence.’ Moreover, and indelibly so, ‘had you offered to pay for those panels and then continue to pay me a monthly fee to store those blights that you call solar panels on my roof, I’d still tell you that I wasn’t at all interested.’
‘Okay, I guess you don’t like green energy.’