18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,559 Blog Posts


Back when I was a young lad, my Father would force the family to go see the NYC’s St. Paddy’s Day parade. Anyone who grew up in an Irish household has endured this right of passage. Things have changed since then and I could’n’t care less about some damned parade with leprechauns prancing about the thoroughfare steeped in Guinness.

For those of you who are young and/or ignorant as fuck, here are some quick rules to abide by, in order to have a successful St. Paddy’s Day celebration.

Don’t play yourself wearing gimmicky shirts with fucking shamrocks on them. This is crass bullshit. A proper Irishman wear slacks and a heavy cable knit sweater on this fine day. The sweater should be thick like burlap, uncomfortable to wear, and incredibly itchy about the arms and neck. But you will wear this shit, and like it, because you’re Irish and because you’re a proper Irish gentleman and not some scoundrel clad in wares from Target.

You cannot just make corned beef one way. Treat your guests to a nice variety of flavors by cooking it three ways, like Le Fly. First way is to boil it, like an ancient fucker, with beer, water, and stock. Cut an onion and casually toss it into the pot o’ gold and then toss your brined corned beef. Let that fucker boil an hour and then toss in some potatoes. After another 2 hours, toss in the fucking carrots. Finally, during the final hour of boiling, toss in the fucking cabbage. Dinner is served.

The second way to cook your corned beef is in the oven, in the pan, like a fucking dego. Make a roux out of bacon, Irish banger grease and then deglaze that with a bottle of Smithwicks. Take that mixture and then dump it into a deep pan, throw your corned beef into it and then add your potatoes. After a few hours, add the carrots. DO NOT ADD THE CABBAGE. Instead, take the cabbage, cut it up nice and fine, and then fucking saute it on the stove with butter and lots of fucking mustard seeds.

Lastly, cook your corned beef in the fucking crock pot. To do this, you take two tablespoons of sugar and mix it into a glass of water and two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and a fucking bay leaf. Dump that into the crock pot, alongside two bottles of ale. Toss your corned beef and potatoes into it and add water until it’s halfway up. Make sure to put the fat side UP. You will need to trim some of the fat. In about 5 hours, add the cabbage and carrots, and take that fucker out in another two for expeditious, gluttonous, eatery.

As far as drinking is concerned, DO NOT DRINK AMERICAN OR GERMAN SWILL. Drink some Guinness or Murphy’s and definitely some Smithwicks Red Ale. After you’ve had enough beer, permit yourself to drink some Irish Whiskey. Try not to drink too much, otherwise you’ll end up looking and feeling like a complete jackass.

Quick reminder: Be sure to have ample amounts of Irish Soda bread.

Lastly, American or English music should NEVER be played on St. Paddy’s Day. You must only play Irish Celtic music, the tunes of Dublin and Belfast, in spite of your company’s requests for American degeneracy. Thou shalt NEVER play rap music. This level of sin will surely earn you a keep in hell during the after life.

Have fun. River dance to your heart’s delight. And raise your fist in defiance against those bloody English bastards who’ve been occupying your land for so long.

IMPORTANT REMINDER: You’re not a fucking leprechaun and you do not know where the fookin’ pot of gold is. Do not demean yourselves by acting like a prairie fairy.

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Time to Prepare for National Beer Day — Happy St. Paddy’s

I have very little regard for the UK and even less on St. Paddy’s Day. Once upon a time, they had an empire. Now they’re an island filled with absolute manlets — weak and impotent. Their government is oppressive, even more so than ours, and they’re influence decreasing with every passing day. That being said, the women are fine and the Scots are great.

It’s time for iBankCoin readers to prepare for National Beer Day. Regardless of your background, I dub thee Irish from now until tomorrow. Get out there and buy some ale and some stout, 5-10lbs of corned beef, and a heavy bag of potatoes, two cabbages, and prepare for festival.

My trading was supreme today, although somewhat interrupted by a short raid on my new AMTX position. From what I gathered, those people will pay dearly come Monday. I am expecting some fire to encapsulate their brokerage accounts come Monday, forklifting yours truly to even greater heights.

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The boats are back in play. Names like EGLE, SALT and DRYS are sprinting higher again. Truth be told, I’ve always had my balls boxed in playing these shippers; but I think this time is different.

I stepped in here like a man and bought DSX.

Also, I understand some GIGANTIC FAGGOTS with internet newsletters are shorting AMTX. These people are indecorous criminals and shall be dispatched into the pits of hell. I shall never waiver, never surrender. We will be victorious.

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BIOFUELS FOR THE WIN: A Pair of Wins Worth 50%+

My brokerage account is rising like a blizzard today, succored by two gigantic fucking wins — one in SEED and another AMTX. I booked the SEED for a +62% and am up the same in AMTX, an open position from $1.89 — currently trading $3.

This shit is timestamped and emailed in Exodus — real time. Hat tip to @Tgir for the AMTX idea.

My next play is GEVO. Come see how similar the keyword searches are with GEVO and AMTX. I am long GEVO from low 50s, basically a call option on continued degeneracy.

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I booked gains in SEED, a genteel +62% from my basis from a few days ago. If you annualize that, I stand to make 6,000% on my money for the year.

Moving on, I am delving into the carnivale world of bio-fuels. This is all about converging science and industry. As such, I’ve taken out new positions in AMTX and AMRS. Both are up, but they do wonderful things. The latter, for example, makes fuel out of fucking plants. That’s some Back to the Future part II shit for you there.

I’m only interested in the best stock, the best plays, which is why my positions are often the top gainers for the day.

Always remember, no matter how hard you try, you will never been as good as Le Fly.

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Happy Pre-St. Paddy’s Day: I Stand Before You a Successful Man

On this holy day ahead of St. Paddy’s Day, I’d like to cordially invite all of you to pretend that you’re Irish for a day, drink copious amounts of beer, eat some fatty meats, and beer boiled potatoes and cabbage, and river dance in your homes until you pass out like a drunken goat.

As is customary at House Fly, I am throwing a party, replete with lots of Smithwicks and Guinness beer — corned beef, potatoes, cabbage, and soda bread to break up the fat and the booze. While you’re feasting and drinking, you should only be playing Irish Celtic music like what I have below.

As for success, I cannot describe the happiness I felt when I woke up and bore witness to SEED +30% in the pre-market. I am sure there is news, something ado with Frankenfood on the blockchain — but I don’t give a shit. I merely accept these gracious gifts, tip my hat, and jog on into the sunrise river dancing with a fucking stout in tow.

On a side note, the most memorable St. Paddy’s Day I ever had was in 2004, bar hopping in NYC with my cold caller — who had come back from the war in Iraq. Imagine 20-30 US Marines swashbuckling through the city, at the time considered victorious heroes, charging into pubs singing the songs of Ireland. It was indeed a scene to behold.

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A Quick Update on My FRANKENFOOD Plays

Yesterday I was brimming with hubris, after achieving a former greatness that has been a common occurrence during the narrative of my life. By all definitions, I am an overachiever. During a different timeline, I should be shuffling chairs atop some luxury cruiser, mopping the floors for supreme assholes born into wealth. By the grace of divine right, like Mumarah, I’ve conjured up my ancient spirits and made a go out of my life — not accepting mediocrity in any form for as long as I’ve been alive.

As a young boy, Le Fly would swing from tree tops, like a chimp, tossing rocks down at the kids below. Sometimes other boys would squirrel up the tree in fast pursuit, which made me climb even higher. Often times I’d end up on the tippy top of said tree, swinging in a nest of weak twigs, drifting with the wind, much to the surprise of those in fast pursuit. As I got older, I began to fire people out of the tree, falling in most horrible ways — breaking faces and bones on the branches on the way down.

Today my Frankenfood plays were both dispatched and exposed, sacking me for 26% on my investment. Due to my elegant timing, I am still up on said positions and look forward to reengaging the market tomorrow with a full heart and a belly made from steaks.

My hedges are still in place, LABD and SOXS.

Always remember, “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing miserably.

Enjoy some Aaron Copland, a true American talent. This music should be played in your homes often and with pride. It is not for Non-Americans, so if you’re Russian scum (no xenophobia), please do not bother listening.

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Mueller has ordered the Trump Org to hand over its fucking documents regarding Russia.

The special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, has subpoenaed the Trump Organization to turn over documents, including some related to Russia, according to two people briefed on the matter. It is the first known instance of the special counsel demanding documents directly related to President Trump’s businesses, bringing the investigation closer to the president.

The breadth of the subpoena was not clear, nor was it clear why Mr. Mueller issued it instead of simply asking for the documents from the company, an umbrella organization that oversees Mr. Trump’s business ventures. In the subpoena, delivered in recent weeks, Mr. Mueller ordered the Trump Organization to hand over all documents related to Russia and other topics he is investigating, the people said.

Very soon the Orange Gorilla will be in jail, while John Podesta visits Fox News to mock them for being rural retards and Hillary Clinton laughs so hard she falls down a flight of stairs onto a bed of lettuce. Trump’s greedy filthy hands will soon be chopped off, your 2nd amendment stripped away, and your elected officials will bend the knee to the new order of things around here — massive immigration, massive bathrooms for transgenders while everyone else gets small ones. Finally, your internet search history will be the ultimate arbiter of job readiness.

Take that you Russian Nazis.

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$RKDA Continues to Run on Wheat News — But Don’t Forget About the Corn

UPDATE: At the time I wrote this article, RKDA was +6. Now that I published it, it’s down $4. ‘Tis is life.

This news provoked shares of RKDA to run 300% yesterday.

Arcadia Biosciences now up 276% following this morning’s High Fiber Resistant Starch Wheat program milestone news

Arcadia is working with a select number of consumer packaged goods companies on new, healthier formulations of existing products using both enriched and whole wheat RS Wheat flour. The company is preparing for an increase in acres planted during the upcoming US wheat growing season.

The rally sparked interest in other bio-ag names, such as YTEN, SEED, and AQB.

Back in August, this was the news regarding their wheat project.

Arcadia Biosciences and Dow AgroSciences (DOW) announces collaboration to jointly develop and commercialize a wheat quality trait in North America

Under the collaboration, the companies will further develop and commercialize an improved wheat quality trait, which has completed initial field trials and is advancing to next-stage field trials. Dow AgroSciences will introgress Arcadia’s trait into its proprietary elite germplasm lines and manage all aspects related to the trait commercialization. Certain development costs will be co-funded under the collaboration agreement, and the commercial value will be shared by Arcadia and Dow AgroSciences.

But what else is RKDA working on? How about corn? Indeed, they do have a project on the front burner and it is with SEED. Have a look at the old presser.

Origin Agritech & Arcadia (RKDA) announce a collaboration to achieve the export of a corn biotech product developed in China to the US for completion of global regulatory trials; financial terms not disclosed

Arcadia and Origin signed an agreement under which Arcadia will assist Origin in developing information for submission to regulatory authorities in the U.S., China and other countries for the approval of their traits in corn. This project involves production of inbred and hybrid seed lines under quarantine conditions in Arcadia greenhouses.
“The successful movement of this corn seed, containing an insect resistance/herbicide tolerance trait discovered and developed in China, to the Arcadia greenhouse represents a key milestone in Origin’s strategic business plan to achieve global regulatory approvals for cultivation and international grain movement.”

SEED is also working with House DuPont on a corn seed.

Origin Agritech signs a definitive agreement with DuPont (DD), giving SEED access to non-GM corn seed products from DuPont Pioneer

Under the terms of the agreement, co will gain access to non-GM corn seed products from DuPont Pioneer.

Co anticipates having commercial seed products available for sale in the U.S. market for spring 2017 planting.
Additional terms and financial details of the agreement were not disclosed.
This is Origin’s second business agreement with DuPont.
The cos announced in April a commercial agreement to jointly develop new seed technologies in China for Chinese farmers.

Botton line: Who knows exactly what this company is up to, domiciled in China, playing with seeds. However, I do know that RKDA is the hottest stock in the market now. Why, they’re gonna feed the world and save it from famine. See the share price for proof.

With a market cap of ~$25 million, sharply off its highs, I like my chances long SEED. FRANKENFOOD for the win.

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Moron $XIV Trader Levies Lawsuit Against Credit Suisse For Wipe Out

We all know what happened last month with the infamous XIV product, which was apparently DESIGNED to trade to zero. On February 6th, 2018 the XIV was trading $100 at the close of trading. When it reconciled at 4:01 it began to tumble and even greater morons chased it all the way down into the toilet bowl and into the sewers. When it opened up for trading, it was trading at $5, which is generous considering it was DESIGNED to be worthless. It was all there for you to learn about, in the prospectus, but you were too stupid and lazy to figure it out.

Here’s Jim Cramer explaining what had happened.

Here’s some more poignant content from the CNBC website, from a Bill Blain at Mint Partners.

Bill Blain, a senior fixed income broker at Mint Partners, said the main issue with the ETN was “understanding the exact basis on which Credit Suisse has been selling these products.”

And it turns out this understanding is absolutely crucial. The Credit Suisse XIV prospectus says on page 197: “The long term expected value of your ETNs is zero. If you hold your ETNs as a long-term investment, it is likely you will lose all or a substantial portion of your investment.”

Blain said that if that has been “properly made clear to investors” then legally the bank will be covered. “However, it’s not yet clear these products were marketed with that page 197 disclosure concisely explained,” he added.

In response, Credit Suisse spokesperson told CNBC that the bank “clearly stated in the prospectus that this was meant for short-term holding” and that it was marketed exclusively to professional investors.

“It very clearly says this is not a security that you buy and hold. It is designed to be used on a daily basis,” the spokesperson said.

Well is that true? Of course it is. Here’s the CEO of Credit Suisse telling you that he read it in its entirety and it plainly states, in black and white, the damned thing was going to zero. All you had to do was pick up the damned thing and learn about it.


An investor who got wiped out filed a lawsuit in Manhattan, alleging Credit Suisse manipulated the ETN through its liquidation, also stating the company did a poor job explaining the risks associated with the product.

What in the world is he talking about?

Credit Suisse retorted these ridiculous charges with the following statement.

“The publicly available prospectus accurately and fully disclosed the risks of an investment in XIV, which is only intended for sophisticated institutional clients,” the bank said in a statement emailed to Reuters, referring to the product by its former stock ticker.

“Credit Suisse did not engage in any conduct designed to mislead investors regarding XIV’s value or cause the February 5, 2018, decline in XIV’s price,” the bank said.

The bank’s chief executive, Tidjane Thiam, has called the product “legitimate” and said investors took their own risk on a trade that did not pan out.

It just didn’t pan out folks, down 95% from 4 o’clock to 4:01.

The lawsuit is seeking class action status.

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