iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,860 Blog Posts

Random Shots

Thanks to all who participated in the recent Exodus free trials. I will make a sincere and vigorous effort to better explain the platform to newcomers than in the past. When you get into it, it’s not complicated at all — but I do realize it can be a bit overwhelming for people who’ve never used it. If you have any questions about it — feel free to contact me. I promise to not bite your heads off.

Went for an early walk with my coyote today. She nearly ripped my hand off my forearm this morning, as she frantically tried to attack the tires of a fucking speeding truck. I don’t understand what her end game is: suicide? Any time she sees a truck or God forbid a schooled bus, she races towards it and tries to get underneath its tires. Maybe she think it’ll roll over and she can then eat its muffler? I love dogs — but they’re fucking retarded.

Long day planned today — most likely to be hamstrung by some variant of seasonal allergies. Nonetheless, I intend to drive out to Cape May today, saunter around a bit — partake in extreme debauchery.

No gym until Monday — and I’m glad to take a rest from ingesting creatine. While it truly helps quicken routines at the gym, that shit makes me drink gallons of water per day and sends me to the bathroom every 10 minutes. People must think I have the bladder of a 5 year old.

Not much to discuss today, other than the good weather and strong opinions on dogs. Wall Street is just fine, even better when made in China.

One last thing that I found interesting. Apparently sales for hard liquor are down sharply year over year, in favor of Aperitifs. Instead of vodka, the youth prefer manlet drinks, like Aperol or Lillet, perhaps asking for spritzers or maybe a little Negroni if feeling bold. I’m a fairly competent amateur bartender and can whip up a solid dozen cocktails as good as any faggot at a bar, but I must admit I am taken a back by this recent trend. Sales for Aperol are +59% in America, YOY, while vodka sales are -8%. What?

The theory: kids don’t want to get drunk anymore — for fear of being exposed on social media. What in the fuck is going on here? Kids don’t want to get drunk and make fools of themselves anymore? No more throwing up in the streets, falling sideways on your head into a sewer pipe? Geez. I recall being so drunk one night, I fucking induced myself to vomit — fearing I’d make a fool out of myself. I then went right back into the bar, like a fucking man, and ordered another drink. That’s what you’re supposed to do as a kid — spend money you don’t have on drinks that make you look stupid and feel really bad about the next day.

Kids these days.

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LAST DAY FOR EXODUS FREE TRIAL ACCESS — YOU ABSOLUTE BABOONS

Greetings,

My generosity is fast approaching an end. I appreciate the scores of people who’ve stopped by and given Exodus a tour. I realize there is a learning curve to it and although I come off as a complete asshole, I love this shit and am here to help. If you’re taking the trial and have questions, email me for assistance.

[email protected]

Also, today is the final day to request a 7 day trial. If you’ve ever been on the fence about it, or were a past member who, for whatever reason, didn’t find value — come check us out now. I have made dozens of updates over the past year with the data and adding new tools. Plus, the Pelican Room is fucking lit (channeling my 15 yr old, sans the egregious use of potty mouthed verbiage).

Although I’ve threatened to take a nap since 8am, I still haven’t done so. I’ve been eating, sauntering, eating some more. Consider today a cheat day with my cutting diet.

Okay, I must be going now, for I believe I am finally ready for a good nap.

Listen to this nice melody as you gaze at BILI arching higher.

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Markets Want Higher on Le Fly’s Birthday Carnivale Extravaganza Gala Bash


Surprise me pal, it’s my birthday

So today I turned 42 and I’ve been feeling better recently, only because I’ve been hitting the gym hard. Previous to that and especially during my vegan phase, I felt like shit. Things really start to go downhill after 40, or maybe it was just me. Health wise, I am in perfect condition. I do work very long hours and barely get any sleep, so that’s probably the reason why I’ve felt like absolute shit.

Markets are ignoring the new EU drama — because it really doesn’t matter. The price of crude is lower because both Russian and Saudi Arabia are reviewing their output goals. More nothing. The only important piece of news is N. Korea — because that could affect trade negotiations with China. Trump just tweeted the US was in contact with NK again and the summit may still happen. Ok.

Nasdaqs are flying off the handle and China stocks are looking better than ever.

We cannot and will not trade down today. Ok, now I’m really going back to bed for a nap. Fuck all of this shit. Wake me up if BILI or IQ bust loose.

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Political Turmoil Rattles Italian, Spanish Markets — Risk Off Mode Relevant Again

Both Spanish and Italian markets are off by 2% and 1%, respectively, on political turmoil fears. In Spain, the government is corrupt and they got caught. This might lead to new election, which may bring forth a power who hates the EU and the institutionalized cronyism that is implicit with the bloc. In Italy, their new government are stacked with EU skeptics who might opt to leave the euro — all of this is wreaking havoc on confidence, a wholly necessary ingredient to keep the house of cards intact.

Here is the news in the nutshell.

Stocks will eventually recover from this tumult. The bonds in Europe will stabilize — because they always do, and those left holding the bag will be penniless and homeless again. After a decade of seeing these panics come and go, I really can’t take them seriously anymore. It has a boy who cried wolf quality to it, so I’m going to assume this is all transient. Nevertheless, it’s worth reminding readers of how very delicate the EU is and how their debt structure is lopsided in favor of the weakest countries, who, at some point, might opt out of the EU in order to print money.

Across Europe and in America, bonds are rally — classic risk off. All are rallying, with exception to both Portugal, Italy, Greece, and Spain — classic PIGS action. Look at the divergence.

Another ‘red flag’ is the divergence between Spanish and Italian bonds.

And let’s not ignore the spread between Italian and German, right now at 2013 levels.

But are we really scared? Come on.

If anything, the N. Korean summit cancelation is a bigger deal — because it could affect Trump’s negotiation tone with China. This very idea was floated by a fake news artist this morning.

Last night futures were sharply higher — more than 35 NASDAQS; but now we’re looking at a negative open. More panic, more nothing, great.

Pre-market, several retail names are shooting higher on better than expected results.

FL +15%, SCVL +6% and DECK +5% after earnings, NVS +1% after upgrade: ZOES -28%, HIBB -16%, ADSK -5%, SPLK -2%

Lastly, crude is getting poleaxed, off by 2.6%. Perhaps the negative seasonal trends have begun and WTI has finally topped? The dollar is also +0.4% on this very busy Friday.

Oh, and Happy Bday to me. Now I’m going back to bed. Wake me up if my stocks break out.

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BACK TO HEDGING AGAIN

ALERT: In honor of Le Fly’s magnificent impending birthday, we are handing out 7 day trials to Exodus. Email me a nice note and gain access: flybroker at gmail dot com.

One of the displeasures of working from home is having to do random chores, such as walk the coyote or hedge the bushes. Today, after coming back from a long walk with my coyote, who attacked 3 joggers, 2 rabbits, and 1 dog, I decided to take on the overgrown bushes in my fucking yard again.

So I went into the garage and dusted off the old electric hedger, attached a big old stupid blue extension cord to it and then proceeded to electrocute myself.

Just kidding.

But after 5 minutes of sawing through random parts of my boxwoods, an allergic attack struck me. I was befallen by an odious affliction and sneezed for the next 10 minutes. Racing back into the house to grab a Claritin, my coyote chased me down and bit my foot. I told her to “fuck off” and then grabbed a bottle of water, opened it and some fell on my shirt, then went back outside to finish the job.

Like a creative genius, with Mozart playing in my head, I cut thru those fucking shrubs with extreme energy. Halfway through the job, my landscapers rolled up and parked in front of my house, looking at me sideways, amazed to see me outside doing their job. As I sawed thru the branches with indecorous qualities, I could feel them laughing at me, saying some shit like “Oye, look at gringo trying to hedge that shit. HAHAHAHA, cabron.”

I became a little distracted and instead of focusing on the art in front of me, I envisioned them stepping out of their truck and me throwing the saw at them and cutting them in half. But then I remembered I had an electric hedger and that shit would simply disconnect and barely knock anyone out from the blow.

I cut them shits so deep, barely any leaves were left. It was a complete massacre.

Then I moved onto the side of the house, where I have another dozen or so shrubs, trees, and other shit to cut. I laid into them like a UN resolution and banged out another boxwood, part of a tree, since I was too lazy to venture back into the garage for the ladder, then I got hungry and went back inside — shaking from the energy spent and lack of sustenance coursing thru my creatine laced veins.

I quickly grabbed a granola bar, a key lime La Croix, an energy shake, and blew out of HUYA for a +16% gain and then doubled up in BILI — because my urinal shadows said so and I can’t lose and the Stock Market Gods are dead, replaced by me. I cannot lose. Try to stop me. No one will be able to.

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I BOUGHT KING DICK OF THE SAAS WORLD: $ZEN

The SAAS business is being fueled by a crop of newcomers who make the industry more efficient. Back in the old days, CRM had to wing it and figure the shit out for themselves. Nowadays, there are software applications for just about everything. They A/B test the size of people’s cocks and cross reference that data against % chance of cross sells.

Essentially, it is growth hacking by manipulating the human psyche.

On the customer service front, no one is hotter than ZEN now. I bought the stock, not so much for a quick spin higher, but for the eventual acquisition.

I have three stocks in my active account that should be acquisition targets: SHAK, FIZZ, and ZEN.

All of the other shit is fleeting, gambler type positions designed to keep my degeneracy in check.

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Goldman Was the Mysterious ’50 Cent’ Vix Trader, And That’s Just Retarded

Real talk here. Goldman was 100% the 50 cent trader — I’d be both my testicles on it. Here I can prove it.

Who else made $200 million in retarded VIX contracts? I say ‘retarded’, in spite of the desk being praised now for its prowess, because who the fuck buys contracts simply based off price? That’s autistic. Moreover, this trading desk lost $200 million at its trough, then started to trade sideways and down, scrounging for 30 cent option contracts. It got to the point that people laughed at the 50 cent trader over cocktails and figured it was some mentally ill Saudi Prince with nothing better to do than get jerked in the options market.

“At one point, he was down $200 million, most of that permanently lost in expired option premium. At one point, ’50 Cent’ became ’30 Cent,’ scrimping on his usual VIX option purchases, unwilling to pay up for the 50 cent VIX options that were his namesake,” Pravit Chintawongvanich, head of derivatives strategy at Macro Risk Advisors, wrote in a note to clients Monday. “But in early February, when it seemed like Fiddy’s fortunes could go no lower, it came: redemption.”

This wasn’t a case of Goldman being gurus and forcing a liquidation of XIV. This was a desperate trading desk in ruins for nearly a year, thanks to a trade gone out and retarded, rinsed clean from the bull market of 2017.

Full discloser, people said it was Ruffer Capital who placed these bets, but for the sake of congruity, I am ignoring this old news clipping and chalking up the trades to Goldman. It suits my world view in this way.

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TRUMP CANCELS N. KOREAN SUMMIT, STOCKS ROLLOVER

He’s gonna need to wipe some egg off his face for this one. What eggs do I speak of?

HOW ABOUT THIS?

That’s right, he made a coin.

Here’s his letter to the now doomed Kim Jong Un.

Dow is off 135, Nasdaq 35 — but I’m up and that all that matters — me being in full narcissism mode and all.

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WHO GOT $BILI-CLUBBED?

ALERT: In honor of Le Fly’s magnificent impending birthday, we are handing out 7 day trials to Exodus. Email me a nice note and gain access: flybroker at gmail dot com.

Indeud folks.

Even though 10 out of 10 people surveyed in the midwest hate iBankCoin and would kill “The Fly” if provided a clean escape, the wins keep piling up and the corpses of my enemies catapulted into outer-fucking-space.

The stock Gods smiled upon me, in lieu of my birthday (tomorrow) and granted me a comical victory in the form of a $BILI-club.

Observe.

That’s my discretionary portfolio, up very sharply on better than expected results out of BILI. Immediately, HUYA chased it higher and so will IQ, all in due course. This my friends is what one might call ‘winship’. You’re entitled to hate all you want — become jealous of the man inside the time machine zipping throughout time with a very high $IQ — or you can do something about it and quit being such losers and maybe work hard, or hire a Voodoo magician to do sacrifices for you.

For some of you reading this now, especially the gentle type, this is all very ‘off-putting’ and maybe I have a chip on my shoulder, or perhaps both are true in this case. Either way, you should go fuck yourselves — for Le Fly has bottles of champagne to devour, nice big fucking steaks to destroy, and 5gs of creatine to ingest — just before hitting the gym and lifting things until my arms can’t move.

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While You Were Getting ‘Terminated’ in $XIV, Goldman Made $200 Million in a Massive Volatility Bet

ALERT: In honor of Le Fly’s magnificent impending birthday, we are handing out 7 day trials to Exodus. Email me a nice note and gain access: flybroker at gmail dot com.

How lovely. Remember a few months ago when Credit Suisse unceremoniously terminated XIV, depleted the accounts of millions in an after-hours session for the ages.

While all of that was happening, muppets getting muppetted, Goldman’s trading desk was raking in a fucking fortune — $200 million to be exact.

Equities sales & trading revenue $2.31 billion, estimate $1.85 billion, up 38% from $1.67 billion

As Zerohedge points out, Goldman warned of an impending XIV collapse in a note three weeks before it happened.

“VIX ETP rebalancing would be most impactful should there be a quick SPX selloff near the end of a trading day, pushing issuers to rebalance positions quickly to avoid unhedged overnight risk (ETN issuers) or excessive tracking error (ETF issuers). With the rebalancing need primarily driven by inverse products instead of levered long products, a multi-day volatility spike (e.g. VIX futures rise 1-3 points for several days in a row) would be less impactful than it would be with more levered long product open interest, since absent inflows the inverse products would shrink quickly on an initial vol spike (and their vega-buying is limited to the total position they are currently short).”

On February 5th, 2018, Goldman’s trading desk, led by Managing Director David Casner, made $200 million on its VIX trade. To put that into perspective, the trading desk typically makes $200m per annum and rarely does more than $100m for a day. Last year it happened just 4 times.

It’s must be good to be King.

Reminder, only ‘complete morons’ lost money in XIV.

Eat the rich. Go ahead and do it.

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