Let this be a lesson to all of you out there.

I will offer portfolio updates this weekend. Don’t forget to sign up for one week free trial to Scott’s service. I will be shutting that window on Monday.

Following my recent sales, my largest long position is BAC, based upon a number of things, all to do with valuation. Analysts estimate with “normalized” earnings, the stock is worth $25. However, I don’t give a shit what they think. As long as the long bond comes down, I am a net buyer of BAC. It really is as simple as that. The banks have been bludgeoned and will lead this market higher, providing we sustain the recent rally.

The rationale behind my recent sales has more to do with short term market timing, than longer term macro shit. Longer term, I like the valuations of GLW, BAC, FTK, iBN, GS, GMCR, C, TEVA and SHLD, which is why I still own them.

On a slow Friday afternoon, ahead of a long holiday weekend, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY I AM SHORTING STOCKS HERE OR BUYING TZA. In my opinion, if you want to short stocks, Tuesday afternoon might represent a very good entry point—not now Lord Fuck Face of the Berkshires.

With today’s sales, I am about 30% cash.

I sold out of TNA, TBT, BUCY, FLS, SWN, CBL, TSO and half of GMCR, 75% of EWZ.

Although I have not done anything major today, I intend to shake things up a little. The jobs numbers were good, yada, yada, yada. Those numbers were leaked several days ago, if you haven’t figured that out by now. Breadth is good, across the board. However, don’t get complacent and do not trust this market to do whatever the fuck you want it to do. Got it?

For bulls, the worm has turned, sort of. We are rallying pretty hard off the lows and economic data has been great. But, stocks like BUCY are up 18% over the past week. It’s a large position of mine, so I’m not bitching. But come on already!

The only thing that I trust is what I am doing right now. And I know this: if I book some profits today, I will feel good knowing I positioned correctly for this bounce.

My strategy is one of precise timing. When I let go of my longs, I expect the market will pullback, allowing my ever-so-cumbersome VXX appreciate in value. It does not matter if I “make money” in VXX, as long as it trades up from here. My concern is the overall health of the portfolio, not measuring my dick size again a p and l statement.

Without a doubt, I am a seller into this leg of the rally. Proceeds will go to cash.

No one gets in front of a freight train and lives to talk about it, over tea and crumpets. If you are interested in ideology, GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG. There are thousands of inferior blogs out there, penned by midgets who mange 4 figure Zeeco accounts, who’d be pleasantly elated to see you on their site. To be honest, as opposed to flat out lying to you, I do not care for your company. While it’s true, I run and operate a first tier financial blog and employ many to relay up to date, top shelf, financial commentary; I fucking hate you.

Please remember, when I use the word “hate,” I mean it in the most sterile/almost medicinal way possible, as I have no emotions with regards to this website or my readership, aside from monumental indifference. I have warned many of you about “the coil”, alongside the seasoned pros here on this site, namely Scott and (CH). However, you chose to ignore and ride the FAZmobile to death. Listen to me, ever so intently: YOU FUCKING DESERVE TO LOSE MONEY. Your loss is a net gain, somewhere in the world.

Just to be clear: iBankCoin doesn’t whore itself out for VC money or any sort of “support.” I could give a fuck if news algos pick is up or if CNNmoney acknowledges my greatness. As far as I am concerned, all of those fuckers can shine my shoes, twice over, after I drop gravy on them. We are self sustained, due to the fact that success breeds success. Got that, Mr. Business Plan?

Good.

Into the bell, I am looooong egregious amounts of TNA, UCO, FAS.

NOTE: For the first time since we launched his service, Scott Bleier, in light of the Labor Day weekend, is extending the gift of FREE TRIALS to his readers and admirers. Once again, Scott is one of those guys you need when the markets get dicey. His service is top notch and is well deserving of your undivided attention. So go sign up now.

Everyone is scared. People with cash are scared to miss out on a rally. Investors long stocks are worried about a double dip recession. And, short sellers are scared of getting scalped by way of a Fed manipulated short covering rally. While everyone is scared, “The Fly” flicks his cigar ashes on his neighbors Persian rugs and proceeds to execute his plan.

Shorting today is a waste of time, since most sectors are green. Look at the animal strength in retail, tech and ag and please explain to me why you are shorting stocks now? If you want to short something, wait until the end of the day. However, that might be a bad idea too, going into the Labor Day weekend. Having said that, I am being extremely patient with all of my positions, as if they were faberge eggs (no homo).

On a separate note, I am most pleased to see FTK march higher. If God is interested in blessing The Fly with early X-Mas (pagan version intentional) presents, he will send the shares of FTK through the roof. That’s right, fuckface. “The Fly” is totally off his rock, vain as fuck, asking God himself to buy a penny stock for the explicit purposes of making me money. Plus, don’t forget, a win for me is a loss for someone else. It’s not enough that I win; everyone else needs to lose.

Lot’s of nervousness out there, oooohh. As far as I can tell, with TLT dropping here, there is no reason to be nervous—fucking pussies.