The joke bid $KHC perpetuated for all of $UL last week has been withdrawn, after the mayofags at Unilever told the ketchup goons at Kraft-Heinz to buzz off.
Clearly, no one wants a single company to control all of the comdiments. No matter how many boxes of macaroni and cheese and jars of relish the executives at Kraft-Heinz threw at the cucks at Unilever, they’d never surrender. Uniting Heinz ketchup and Hellman’s mayonnaise is one of the 66 seals of hell. Therefore, we should all view this rejection by Unilever as a win for mankind, equal to that of a Trump victory over Hillary Clinton, or allied win over the evil bastards from Japan.
Source: NY Times
“Unilever and Kraft Heinz hold each other in high regard,” the companies said. “Kraft Heinz has the utmost respect for the culture, strategy and leadership of Unilever.”
But Michael Mullen, a Kraft Heinz spokesman, offered more detail on why the company had stepped away so soon from its bid. “Kraft Heinz’s interest was made public at an extremely early stage,” he said. “Our intention was to proceed on a friendly basis, but it was made clear Unilever did not wish to pursue a transaction.”
“It is best to step away early so both companies can focus on their own independent plans to generate value,” he added.
Both stocks soared on Friday. Be sure to roast marshmallows over them when they crash and burn on Tuesday.
Back to the drawing board ketchup goons. We all look forward to reading about another FAKE takeover offer in our FAKE newspapers.Comments »