Everyone likes to pick on Jim Cramer, mainly because he is out there. As much as I disagree with Jim, he started this financial blogging game and should be respected for that, if anything at all. Look, there is a reason why TSCM is trading @ $3, despite their big web presence and big subscription base: they’re old and tired.

Seriously, in the era of web 2.0, with all of Thestreet.com’s money, how the fuck does their premium blog site look like this? Look at how it is aligned to the left? Are they fucking serious about this design, or is it a joke?

There is no excuse for that. I can’t blame Cramer, since he does enough for the brand. Whoever is in charge of web development needs a stern talking to, and more. On Jupiter’s stone, TSCM should be fucking killing it right now; but they’re not. I do not pretend to know what the solution is to their problem. However, I can tell you right now, 90% of their writers suck dick. Even more, they (TSCM) pay their writers too damn much.

My advice: Fire everyone. Start fresh and tell Doug Kass to read Le Fly, so that he could get his market timing issue fixed.

Go to your local street corner and do 100 chin ups on your traffic light pole. Or, if that doesn’t float your Cadillac, do some vertical push ups off a fire hydrant or upside down squats off monkey bars. An important man of business, such as yourself, must stay in shape and release stress. Nothing says “stress relief” like a little urban workout regiment. Plus anyway, what are you gonna do, stare at the box all day, waiting for the market to do something nice? This shit is pure evil, spawned by dastardly Goldman tradebots. I have no interest in playing this game. I am 40% cash, 23% VXX and the rest long. Do the math.

I don’t give a shit.

Most of you are making large directional bets, which inadvertently lead to acute medical conditions, due to stress. Do yourself a favor and do some one arm push ups off a park railing. This market will not make you happy, just like most marriages.

As for you piker brokers out there: quit spinning your wheels. Get on the phone and make a friend.

As for me, I will partake in a little “r and r”, poolside, in order to get ready for the weekend. As you could readily understand, my life is very stressful. I mustn’t work too hard, else I might get sore fingers or my eyes might burn a little from looking at the screen. But I am sure you, big man on campus, have it all figured out. You’re over there buying puts or calls right now, hoping to hit stock market lotto, AND MORE. If you haven’t figured it out by now, the market is in “meat grinder” mode, where everyone loses. Sure, you can get lucky and fuck a pig in style. But at the end of the day, you’re still fucking a pig.

Words of wisdom.

More on this later.

This guy knows what’s up.

Trading this market is like that movie groundhog day, where Bill Murray is forced to repeat the same day over and over, until he gets it right. Right out the gates, we dove 100 points on weaker than expected GDP numbers. Then, stronger than expected PMI/consumer confidence numbers buoyed the market higher. Now, we are about break-even.

Big fucking deal.

You try to get excited about this market, by stepping into some names here, and next thing you know the floor disappears and you end up in a pit filled with alligators. Sometimes, you have to make your bed, then lay in it. Even if that means being wrong: lay in it.

As far as I am concerned, we have a cool 400-700 points of near term downside. When I say “near term,” I mean over the next 1-3 months. Earnings have been for shit, as far as I see it. For every win, like CTXS, there are cataclysmic losses, like APKT or that God forsaken MLNX. If you are a publicly traded company, you better have some damn “Intel money” tucked away. Because if you miss, you are going right into the murderhole.

TLT is ripping to the upside, as well as FXY. It will take some serious heavy lifting to remove that burden, in order to allow the markets to run freely. Additionally, breadth is bad in most of the leading sectors. Essentially, if you are short, hang on awhile. If you are long, raise some cash. If you are hedged, go see a movie.

NOTE: As you know, we are gifting away 12631 t-shirts. There are some conditions. One condition was to tape oneself dead lifting 315lbs. Behold:

You think the market is doing great, no? Guess again.

Up until recently, everything was cruising along just fine for tech. Then we were blessed with misses out of AKAM, NVDA, CTV, SYMC, X, just to name a few. Other names like MRVL, TEVA, NFLX, ERIC, WDC, STX, and a slew of gold stocks, have been picked off. Large cap names like GOOG, RIG, MT, BP, AA, BLK, MON, PBR, NOK, GILD, ADBE are all down more than 20% year to date.

So what’s working?

It’s a fucking chop-fest. It really is a mixed bag. Aside from the casinos, which are all up big, there is no definitive theme this year. Maybe cloud computing plays can be considered a “theme”; but that’s a fucking stretch. As cool as VMW and CRM are now; they are tomorrow’s lunch. Mark my words.

Care for a burrito led rally, via CMG? Pathetic.

CMI has been a big winner, as the trucking industry stabilizes. And WFMI has soared, likely due to the egregious spending habits of Mrs. Fly. But I cannot put my finger on any particular sector and say “I got to own it.” I have been in and out of 4g, Foreign and Commodity names. Heck, I even built indexes in The PPT to display my favorites. But, more often than not, staying too long in any basket of stocks has led to disappointment.

Chemical and Ag names are very volatile and 100% unpredictable. Every other week POT and MOS are swinging double digit losses or gains, while the chems boom and bust every month. Because of all of this, I’ve been pigeon holed into trading in and out, more than usual. My year to date gains are fantastic and I am in a good position to profit, in the event the market declines. But, what I really want to do, more than anything else, is pick a basket of names and buy them for months, without having to worry about 15% drops in the general indices.

Going into the final month of the summer, I am extremely apprehensive about the prospects of this market. I can see us sticking around these levels, inside of a 1-5% range. However, I cannot think of a scenario where this market survives the seasonal Fall “fuck you clown fucker, you’re dead” trading environment. All of the chickens will be coming home to roost soon. States need money and Republicans need seats. It’s not gonna be pretty and the consumer is floundering, as evidenced by the multiple contraction of many retailers.

Tomorrow is just another trading day. I will not put too much credence into the GDP numbers, mainly because it’s all bullshit. The name of the game is jobs. You can tell the jobs market is fucked up badly, simply by looking at the earnings of MWW: dreadful. And, let’s not forget, TLT is still hovering around $100 and the Yen goes up daily.

In short: get small or get raped.

You lose, Good Sir. Well played and I certainly do appreciate your zestful efforts. Howsoever, you lose.

Thanks for playing.

Good day

Now this is the type of market I can commit murder over. This is the type of “pinless hand grenade action” that pushes a man to throw everything a way, in favor of stabbing people in the face with jars of peanut butter. First we dive, then we rise. Now we just sort of sit on the flat-line, fucking with people’s brains. It’s moments like this that “The Fly” wished to dear God that he was a zombie. Instead of enduring this mouse-wheel, I’d be on Wall Street taking bites out of people skulls, right about now.

“Pardon me Miss, can I bother you for the time?” CRUNCH!!!!

For better or for a lot worse, I’ve been adding to my TZA position, as it trades lower. I’ve done nothing with VXX. I am done buying that. And, in light of this “gay as fuck” rally, I added to my GLW position. Essentially, one way or another, we all get split two for one by Mother Market. Some make it to an old age, like that Kerkorian fucker. But, rest assured. we all split two for one.

In short, GET IN THE MEAT GRINDER! We’re serving up tacos for supper.