This weekend, I’ll be chewing on 2 1/2 inch rib eyes, while you’re over salting flimsy skirt steaks.

Many of you wouldn’t know greatness if his cleats were stuck in your chest. “The Fly” is in the process of making his second greatest call of 2008 and most of you are doubting him.

Not only are you doubting him, you are not paying attention.

Often times, “The Fly” could care less if you read his blog or take advantage of his superior instincts and intelligence quotient. However, this time, you need to watch.

Speaking to my “smart friends,” I can tell you they are BIG TIME oil bears. In addition, one of them is heavily long Fannie Mae (FNM: 6.48 +15.30%) , “based upon the technicals.” Without besmirching him too greatly, I say he is 100% wrong on both fronts.

Under no circumstance, aside from a criminal act, should the government enter Fannie at the equity level. Therefore, it is likely the stock will go to zero.

As for oil:

The trade is crowded to the downside. Everyone is betting against it, due to “dollar strength” and other gay stuff, like: “hey it didn’t go up on that Russian thing ova there.”

Look you, I have zero patience to explain how I operate and when I will catch fire.

Just know, “The Fly” is on fire, in a very egregious way, with year to date gains topping 45%—at the present.

Top picks: (DIG: 88.78 +2.28%) , (RKH: 99.86 +1.63%) , (UYG: 19.90 +3.38%) , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) (PCU: 26.17 +2.63%)

‘Cane Update: Via Dr. Masters.

However, most of the cone of uncertainty lies in the major oil and gas producing areas, and I give a 60% chance that Gustav will significantly hurt oil and gas production in the Gulf.

Do not sit in front of your television, with 3-D glasses on, chomping on caramel popcorn, rooting for Gustav while watching the weather channel, saying: “go Gustav go. Get them all. Do it. Do it.”

No.

Instead, act like a gentleman and quietly turn on the weather channel. Upon seeing Gustav heading towards oil rigs, quickly turn the channel—then smirk (privately), as if you knew something that Woodshedder was ignorant of.

This way, you will comport yourself with dignity, while assuring to swell the ranks of your brokerage account balances.

Now, understand, prior to landfall, there will be many false alarms and misinformation being spread by those who are gay. Do not listen to them, for they are trying to take your coin. Have faith in the fact that Hurricane Gustav is heading for the gulf and is attracted to those rigs like a magnet to metal.

With my money, I am heavily long of (DIG: 88.78 +2.28%) , (IEO: 69.66 +1.87%) , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. (NOV: 76.68 +1.93%) and Arena Resources, Inc. (ARD: 45.84 +1.93%) .

Some of my smaller bets include: Ultra Petroleum Corp. (UPL: 69.80 +0.62%) , Global Industries, Ltd. (GLBL: 9.80 +2.51%) , Clean Energy Fuels Corp. (CLNE: 16.61 +6.13%) and GulfMark Offshore, Inc. (GLF: 50.09 +0.56%) .

The watch list, which can be bought, includes:

Valero Energy Corporation (VLO: 35.02 +4.23%) , Tesoro Corporation (TSO: 18.41 +11.10%) , NGAS Resources, Inc. (NGAS: 6.29 +6.79%) , GeoGlobal Resources Inc. (GGR: 3.78 +8.62%) , Transocean Inc. (RIG: 130.47 +0.17%) and Western Refining, Inc. (WNR: 8.79 +10.98%) .

However, remember these stocks are trades and should be treated as such, despite how much “The Fly” makes fun of you for selling before he does. Use your own judgment.

Aside from oil, I love the action in Equinix, Inc. (EQIX: 79.05 +2.07%) and Southern Copper Corporation (USA) (PCU: 26.17 +2.63%) .

I own them and would buy both with impunity, based upon “welfare cheap” valuations.

I am going net long the banks. That’s right.

If only for a few days, “The Fly” wants to be a patriotic bank lover again—via siding with the Government—waiting for bailouts and such.

I know it seems asinine, because it is!

Just know, anyone who has an iota of importance on Wall Street (as you can see I am still here) is on vacation right now. Therefore, it’s the perfect time to manipulate stocks, on low volume, through egregious government intervention.

So, as of now, I am net long the banks, via (RKH: 99.86 +1.63%) and (UYG: 19.90 +3.38%) . Let’s see how long that lasts.

Also, I see some of you are non-believers in Hurricane Gustav, due to some recent tracking report.

Hogwash.

While it’s true, the “Deacon of Death” trade is crowded; it’s far from dead. The storm is 5 days away. There is plenty of time for people to get all panicky, covering their oil shorts, in anticipation of oil rigs getting knocked offline in the Gulf.

At the present, my favorite picks are Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. (LEH: 14.78 +5.35%) , (UYG: 19.90 +3.38%) , (DIG: 88.78 +2.28%) and (IEO: 69.66 +1.87%) .

UPDATE: Accuweather’s recent model

I do not need to boast or brag about my win over Woodshedder, for it is not befitting of a gentleman.

That would be equal to taking playdoh from a baby or even worse: his starters guide to technical analysis.

With Gustav barreling down on worthless swaths of land, “The Fly” intends to bank a little coin in a variety of energy stocks. He does not need your approval or encouragement.

“The Fly” possesses the courage equal to 100 lions inside a laser tag gym filled with trapped zebras. I will bank my coin, then spend it on something stupid.

Thank you very much.

This morning, my “calculator brain” and I are enjoying large gains in Arena Resources, Inc. (ARD: 45.84 +1.93%) , (DIG: 88.78 +2.28%) , (IEO: 69.66 +1.87%) , Global Industries, Ltd. (GLBL: 9.80 +2.51%) , Ultra Petroleum Corp. (UPL: 69.80 +0.62%) and Clean Energy Fuels Corp. (CLNE: 16.61 +6.13%) .

Oh, I’m also up on some other stocks too, like Barnes & Noble, Inc. (BKS: 25.01 +2.21%) , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) (PCU: 26.17 +2.63%) and Yamana Gold Inc. (USA) (AUY: 10.89 +2.25%) .

I’ll leave you all with this video, which will explain my position, rather vividly.

Long Arena Resources, Inc. (ARD: 45.84 +1.93%) , despite Wood Cheddar’s charts. May the best man win.

Okay. After consulting with my personal weather man, I have decided to aggressively accumulate energy stocks, as if the last barrel of oil known to man was just filled.

Don’t worry. I have been buying shares of (DIG: 88.78 +2.28%) and (IEO: 69.66 +1.87%) with the utmost amount of quietness and sincerity, just in case you thought I was loud and insincere—God forbid.

In addition, I took some small/baby bets on Arena Resources, Inc. (ARD: 45.84 +1.93%) , Ultra Petroleum Corp. (UPL: 69.80 +0.62%) and even Global Industries, Ltd. (GLBL: 9.80 +2.51%) .

Basically, “The Fly” has allied himself with Gustav and will “wishcast” that devil into the rigs, as if he had magical powers—which he does.

As an aside, I sold out of my (REW: 60.82 -1.38%) position. Notice the trend of systematic reduction of short positions, going into the gayest time of year, late August.

At the present, for a trade, I like (UYG: 19.90 +3.38%) , (RKH: 99.86 +1.63%) , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) (PCU: 26.17 +2.63%) , Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. (LEH: 14.78 +5.35%) and all of the stunt dogged energy plays that I mentioned prior.