A Special Message from Merlin

Poof. Your bullshit Obama rally is over.

-Merlin

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kJUqR5gCtk 450 300]

The downside moves in some names are absolutely staggering. I am having my face melted off, long BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , in a way that is most startling.

Although I ended the day, mostly unscathed, most of you longs shall and will be scared for dear life soon. The boogey man of bankruptcy is after your ass, old school tax collector style, trying to knock your head off and shit down your neck.

The assclowns on CNBC are an atrocity of epic proportions to all those with skin in the game. They are the General Hospital (soap opera) of financial journalism. If Grandpa Fly was alive, I am sure he’d spit at the television, then proceed to curse them out in Italian. Then, I’d be forced to tell him “Grandpa, it’s only a box with pictures in them. You’re gonna break the tv.” His reply, without a doubt, would be to take off a shoe and throw it at television, then walk away, cursing under his breath.

In closing, I hate the fuckers who buy Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] . Its mind numbing stubbornness to just die already is very reminiscent of Vulcan Materials Company [[VMC]] . We all know how that story ended.

HK shall meet its maker, whether it wants to or not.

As an aside, I nibbled at some [[UYG]] and BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] today, a move that I am sure to regret for centuries to come.

By now, I am sure you realize that stock picking abilities means nothing in this tape. It’s all about market timing. We’re convoy trading: everything up, everything down.

Rarely do you see divergence in this tape, barring some select health care names like Almost Family, Inc. [[AFAM]] and LHC Group, Inc. [[LHCG]] .

With the market down more than 800 points in two days, I want to take a poke at some upside etf’s here or average in on my BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] experiment. At the present, I am 50% short, 25% long and 25% in cash. I might take 10% and buy some shit.

Into weakness, I like [[UYM]] , for an insane gamble, sub $18. Just know, it is an insane gamble. Also, taking down a little [[UYG]] , sub $8.5, may not be a horrid idea. However, it may be wretched.

For the day, “The Fly’s” holdings have been range bound, between +1.5% to +2.5%.

Much to my chagrin, horsed faced jackasses are buying into Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] , late in the day, trying to get some “earnings love.” I will tell you this: you (horsed faced jackass) will have nothing of the sort. The stock Gods shall strike down on those betting against me and foreclose on your bullshit house and motorcycle.

If you are late to the party, in terms of “hedging up,” it is too late. The market has already swan dived. Don’t get all “DEVILDOG-ish” or “CAP-like” and start sucking your own cocks down here, into the closing bell. Instead, hold your ground, like a fucking man, and nibble at some long side trades down here, like a small rat inside of a coffee can made from sugary oatmeal.

UPDATE: I bought 10,000 [[BEAV]] @ $11.34. And, I bought 10,000 [[UYG]] @ $8.42.

Nevermind the market going down. It’s just plain silly.

As Americans, it is our duty of rejoice in the heartfelt bloodshed, taking place in our neighbors 401k’s. It’s the only honorable thing left to do.

Life is all about laughing at people who worry about bills at the dinner table, I’ll have you know.

Think about this:

While you have me (Plutonium Petey) to print money for you, sort of like the Fed, you can buy up vacated lots in your neighborhood and convert them into petting zoos or clown gear warehouse centers.

The very idea of doing such things keeps me motivated, I must admit.

The market internals are abysmal, with the Dow cracking 9,000, like a cheap ass Viper getting hit by an airplane.

With my money, I am fully invested: 25% long, 50% short and 25% cash.

I intend to use the cash to pick off trades or average down in egregious stocks, like BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] .

This is a rout. Enjoy it and be sure to avoid those clown rape alleyways, while navigating this market.

UPDATE: Footage of the DEVILDOG leaked to me,

This is no longer a laughing matter, for our dear friends, just east of Africa.

I went negative on crude because of the pervasive downside pressures to price action. I don’t have exact numbers, but know this: many, many contracts are tied to $60 crude. Should oil dip below $60, I am afraid it will cascade lower, much to the chagrin of the Saudi Royale [sic] family.

Stocks like Transocean Inc. [[RIG]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] will get the stuffing kicked out of them, if crude went sub $60.

Naturally, because we’re American idiots, we will stop exploration and get all happy and shit about gasoline in the low 2’s again. Howsoever, once the world economies come back online, we will be eating tar sands, as if they were pop tarts. Oil will super gap to $500 5 million dollars per barrel, due to an extreme lack of supply, estimated around 9% per annum—if we stop looking for damn stuff.

So, if I were you, thank God I am not, I would be shorting Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] and buying [[DUG]] , as if a clown was chasing after me with a pocket full of date rape drugs.

As an aside, the homos from [[M]] are quite chipper this morning. If any of you believe in America, you must own Macy’s, sub $12. Nevermind the perfume section or the flamboyantly gay cashiers: the stock is cheap.

Speaking of cheap: anyone interested in a little BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] this morning?

I didn’t think so.

So, let’s wrap this up:

Oil: bad

[[M]] : gay, but cheap.

[[REW]] , [[FXP]] , [[DUG]] , [[SDS]] : good places to put your money.

Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] : die.

CLARIFICATION: For the retard variety who reads this blog, the $500 target on crude, is in fact, not a target at all. I wrote it to emphasize a point, which very few of you are capable of understanding.

Okay, get back to your hummers and oversized furnaces.

I’m not providing links to news or give you greaseballs any Fly opinions. Go fetch that shit yourself and read some other assholes blog. I’m too busy to fuck around with you losers.

Oh, and by the way, the market is going to lob your scrotum off tomorrow.

Nite-Nite.

Fly

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lermqfhhJx4 450 300]

You election lovers thought we’d have a rally today, no?

“The Fly” is simply bowling on you cowards, with spiked balls covered in spicy mustard.

Check this out:

As unbelievable as it may seem, despite today’s liberal beatdown of the indices, I was down 0.45%. I enjoyed egregious wins in [[EEV]] , [[REW]] , [[SDS]] , [[FXP]] , [[DUG]] and even short Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] —despite its midday stubborness.

Let me just say, there is NO FUCKING WAY Chesapeake Energy Corporation [[CHK]] sells out to BP plc (ADR) [[BP]] , following Aubrey’s margin call sell out. No way.

Sell it 100 ways to the graveyard.

For the day, I bulked up large on the inverses. What can I say, I am in a very, very macabre sort of mood.

To be honest, as opposed to bald faced lying to you, I am uncomfortable holding BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] and American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] . Nonetheless, crazy shit is known to happen in this market. Do not be shocked to see the market rally tomorrow, effectively poleaxing you goat fuckers into a very bad imbecilic situation.

Top pick: My brain

UPDATE: At the bell, I actually closed up 0.07%.

We’re back into crash mode. The Obama rally is over and The PPT is spitting out a strong sell rating on market technicals.

With my money, I’ve bulked the fuck up on a variety of downside plays. Howsoever, I did not sell BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , much to your chagrin. The inherent point of having a hedge is to be both long and short. So, as I bank coin in [[EEV]] , [[FXP]] , [[REW]] and [[SDS]] , I lose a little in BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , [[UYG]] , [[M]] , [[AYG]] —just to name a few.

See fuckers, the markets fate is not decided in one afternoon. Who knows, maybe the market goose steps higher tomorrow, amidst some really bad news.

My point is: do not get caught up in the emotions of the market. You must have iced cold ice flowing through your heart, in order to do bodily harm to trader/servant and make buckets of coin in this market.

Thus far, my only disappointment is the absurd strength in Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] . It’s sort of poetic, actually.

On the souls of all of my ancestors and the very foundation of what the coal industry was based on, “The Fly” will have his way with Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] , much to you oil/gas lovers egregious, and erroneous, chagrin.