Cannon Fodder

With pomp and purpose, fat men decorated in pretentious garments sashayed within the city walls, buying up all available provisions for the upcoming soiree. Their wives were overwrought with delight, as the 3rd annual “party for the privileged” began.

Their host was a curious man, with a baritone voice. He wore a festive mask and carried golden balls the size of grapefruits, in an elaborate briefcase, for no apparent reason.

Amidst a cavalcade of ostentatious costumes, the host grew wearisome. Loudly, he yelled out “YO, FUCKTARD,” in a tone that struck the audience in a most terrifying/harrowing manner. Lesser men were submerged with fear, afraid of getting entangled in some sort of uphill scuffle with the masked man—who carried golden balls the size of grapefruits, in an elaborate briefcase—for no apparent reason.

Needless to say, they fled the scene in a most expeditious manner.

Neatly decorated women gawked at the masked man through their monocles, amazed by what they saw him do next.

In what can only be described as “imbecilic senselessness,” the masked man, with the bullying voice fit for a barbarous ruffian, jumped into a florid cannon made from solid gold, which was laced with decorative silver jesters and harlequins, then proceeded to launch himself, mind you, into the adjacent acreage—which was replete with “leprechaun green” stringed beans.

So goes the story of the masked man.

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This one goes out to the Jakester.

President Obama must have Count Dracula on his fucking brain, when he states 1 trillion dollars will produce 4 million jobs. Hell, if that’s the case, why stop there?

Let’s spend 2 trillion or 4 trillion. Or, how about we spend 10 trillion dollars? Using Obama’s Sesame Place math, with 10 trillion dollars we can produce 40 million jobs!

Gyeah!

As you know, “The Fly” was made richer today, with various positions catapulting the values of his accounts to new highs. You fuckers can only dream of having a slither of my investing skill sets.

My inverse etf’s, which include REW, EEV, SMN, SRS, FAZ, ERY and DUG, shot multiple bulls in the head today. In addition, my short positions in XOM, KIM, NOV, VNO and HANS, made most of you look stupid.

When the value of life, as a whole, is analyzed, “The Fly” leads a better one than you. Cordially, he opines on the daily events of the stock market/economy, while making asinine amounts of coin in the market. It’s a funny/hilarious thing: I cannot fucking lose—scientifically of course.

Now, you may try to beat me, through various stock picking methods. However, I am sure you realise [sic] by now that HORATIO CLAWHAMMER is well capable of beating your brains out, via surgical nuclear bomb strikes on your portfolios. And, of course, he is not to be fucked with.

If you find your little portfolios in an egregiously flaccid state, you are well deserving of incurring such said losses, for Senor Tropicana never loses. Hence, the punishment for betting against living stock Gods is, unfortunately, distributed to you.

UPDATE: Indeed.

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Indeed.

With the market throwing refrigerators on the heads of those who are long Obama stimulus plays, I thought it would be “nice” of me to pile on here and offer up some “loose toothed” short sales.

As China slowly but surely slips into recession, basic resource names will get crushed, under a heap of “clown debt.” As I’ve said before, only assholes buy infrastructure plays, in the midst of a global recession.

China is one giant GM, making a bunch of shit that no one wants or can afford. They are forced to keep expensive subsidies in place, while making sure crazy eyed factory workers keep their jobs. It is an economic structure made from a mixture of seaweed and shit. It will fail.

The following stocks can be shorted, in between snacks:

RTP, MT, DOW, SNP, CHK, RIG, CNQ, APC, FCX and EP.

All of the above names have mountains of debt and negative cash per share ratios. In a tight credit environment and depreciating commodity prices, all of the above names, as a point in fact, will get bowled on by “space alien magicians” in plutonium powered time machines, during 2009.

Trade accordingly.

NOTE: CNBC is a fucking joke with their Madoff controversy reporting.

No more insults.

Senor Tropicana is all about sunshine, crack pipes and apple pie. He is as happy as a hooker on a vacation day.

Reacting to the tape, I took some losses in a variety of names, namely C, FAS, TBT and a little AKAM. And, I booked a 6 point profit in SSG.

Essentially, my goal is to reduce my long exposure, which currently stands at about 8%.

In addition, I bulked up on some shorts, via EEV and SMN. And, I shorted a little more HANS, just south of $32.

At this moment in time, there are lots of good shorts out there, setting up for the taking. From CHK to X to POT, stocks look ripe to fall.

However, at the same time, men with large bow ties and clown shoes are recommending caution, at realmoney.com. This alerts me and as a result chagrins me—for those fuckers are always wrong.

Please, prove me wrong.

Aside from tossing over ripe bananas at my trader/servants desk, “The Fly” will spend the entirety of his day planning his next kill. Presently, I possess a 25% cash position.

I sold out of my C position, for an egregious loss. I sold out of the little FAS I had left, for a loss. And, I sold out of my entire TBT position, some at a loss—some at a gain.

In other words, I’m taking off the long side hedges.

I bought 5,000 EEV @ $53.65

Disclaimer: If you buy EEV because of this post, you may never get rid of your addiction to leveraged etf’s. And, you may lose money.

Quit embarrassing yourselves, you fucking idiots. All of a sudden 2009 comes and you think the appetite for risk is back? What kind of crack/cocaine blend are you smoking? I bet it’s the good stuff, with very little additives.

Look you, China’s economy is collapsing. I’ll say it again, China’s economy is collapsing, not just pulling back. They are the factory for the world and their domestic economy, led by former farmers with a pitch forks in hand and shit on their shoes, is as broken as a debit card from Bernie Madoff’s brokerage firm (rim shot!). Okay, enough with the Madoff jokes already.

All of their (China) recent output and consumption data is pointing towards recession, not 9% growth—you fucking faggots.

Over the past 16 months, investors, worldwide, have been depleted/relieved of their capital, in a very rude/abrupt fashion. As a result, we now have billionaires jumping in front of speeding trains and thousandaires shooting howitzers shells at their faces. And, all of a fucking sudden, in the miracle of all miracles, you believe the Gods have bestowed a “generational stock market bottom” on us, in the form of President Obama and his magical job creating microphone. You believe his microphone will suck the pants off of you, if you just, well, believe— hard enough.

You say to yourself: “I believe it will, oh Lord Obama. I believe that a change is a comin’ and Bill Miller is a gonna be right buying asshole stocks, in 2009. I believe.”

Then, much to your chagrin, a few jerkoffs from Brooklyn snatch your chain and wallet, while your busy praying to a statue of a Chinese coal factory.

The good news is: as always, “The Fly” will end up being right.

The bad news is: you’re not qualified or capable of staying in this business of investing.

Let me clarify.

If you are “day trading,” you’re a loser anyway. Therefore, I don’t even bother spitting in your general direction. See day traders are like little vultures flying above, waiting for a snack, while the lions below “eat their share.”

On the other hand, some of you punk investors are entrusted with vast amounts of coin, via clients, family trusts or through others means—maybe mafia related. Who knows? Anyway, you just can’t help yourself, buying stocks all the time—can you?

You suffer from a mental disorder and need to seek therapy right away.

Look, I’m sick of making my point. I’m really fucking busy right now, planning to chop off the heads of a few bad oil/gas names. Do me a favour [sic], good Sir, and go fuck yourself.

Happy trading!

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Thoughts?