Laugh at the Rally

Do not trade the rally, laugh at it. Remember, the Fed is bailing themselves out, via supporting [[FNM]] and [[FRE]]. They (the Fed) are now in possession of 100’s of billions of dollars worth of GSE’s, thanks to their retarded shit for treasury ‘lending facility’ with the investment banks. So, by putting a backstop on the GSE’s, the Fed, essentially, is supporting their new/fucktarded holdings.

The fact that Paulson refused to elaborate on how much this “bailout” of Fannie/Freddie will cost speaks volumes. It is likely to cost American tax payers 100’s of billions.

With my money, I might nibble at some shorts here or buy some more [[FXP]]. However, beware of a sharp rally, led by gay men in florescent jumpsuits, calling another “bottom.”

A bunch of homo bottom lovers, they are.

Once again, just to reiterate logic and reason: [[RIG]] goes higher and so does gold. My favorite way to play gold is [[DGP]]. If you really, really hate the dollar, long [[DGP]] and long [[UDN]] is for you.

I locked Merlin in the closet.

Developing…

That’s it. The crisis is over. The VIX hit 30, [[SKF]] topped and oil is knifing lower: global growth is back.

With the markets about to go positive here, [[UYG]] is worth a shot. I bought that fucker a little early. Nonetheless, should the market “power vault” higher today, I’ll retake some of my lost coin.

I could care less what you oil bears think. [[RIG]] will trade higher.

So, my game plan for this “obvious bottoming action” is to hedge my shorts, via long UYG and RIG amongst others, while quietly reloading my short positions.

Next thing you know, you’re walking down the street and some asshole jumps out of nowhere and clubs you over the head with a stuffed bear head. That’s me.

Into this melt up, I want to sell short [[HDB]], [[WABC]], [[VLY]], [[LFC]], [[CHL]], [[EWBC]], [[PCBC]], [[PACW]] [[CATY]] and [[FHN]].

With today’s move in FHN, “The Fly” is taking that fucker out of retirement and reinstating it as one of the five “Reverse Horsemen.”

Also, should [[PZN]] ever go up, I want to sell it ten ways to Sunday.

I’m a little busy now. Go away and quit bothering me. Can’t you see, I got work to do?

Fuckers.

“The Fly” is in his fucking tank, just rolling over pedestrians.  As you know, my unearthly short positions in [[HDB]], [[PACW]] and [[CATY]] are ‘tea bagging’ pension funds, across the globe.

Early this morning, the market stepped into an empty elevator shaft and was quickly impaled by a degenerate bank teller. [[SKF]] hit $211. I cannot believe it.

Right now, many of the financials, led by [[LEH]], are trying to bounce. However, I am very skeptical of such occurrences.

By the way, how wrong can one man (Cramer) be? Wasn’t that jackass just touting [[FNM]], exlaiming: “they’re done going down”?  Seriously, I know CNBC enjoys the “charm” of Cramer, with his manic-depressive lifestyle and all. But, when will they come to grips with the reality that Jim has NO FUCKING CLUE what he is talking about?

In other news, one day after I sell out of my bullshit [[SMN]] position, basic resource stocks collapse. ROFL!

That ETF is out to get me, no doubt.

Also, the ag sector is knifing lower, eating pavement—if I may be so bold. At the moment, [[MOS]], [[CNH]], [[AGU]], [[CAT]] and [[POT]] are worth betting against. Additionally, ‘global growth’ plays like [[TEX]], [[VMC]] and [[ETN]] should always be bet against.

Finally, if you’re a lazy cow fucker and like taking short cuts, get long some [[FXP]]. In my opinion, without any reservations, that fucker is going higher. While I’m here, don’t forget to shoot [[VLY]], [[WABC]] and [[PCBC]]—for good measure.

Steve’s 401k plan is “hurting,” as per Steve, during our weekly garbage night chat.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y88VjW-ZPfI 450 300]

In no way did the fucktarded indices represent today’s carnage. Regional banks were eliminated from reasonable discussion today, as the ongoing financial crisis burns through equity—faster than dirty whores through the S. Bronx.

From [[ZION]] to [[FED]] to [[WM]], we’re in trouble here.

Plus, on top of that, we have a fucking inflation problem, with oil ‘ova here’ at outrageous levels. I hope many of you can really learn to appreciate the magnitude of this crisis and accept it for what it is: A historical fuckup, probably never to be repeated again.

Everything is lining up perfectly for the bears. From banks to barrels, there is so much stress on the system, it is likely to break down and crumble.

As you know, those are very bold words for some anonymous internet God. Keep in mind, at all times, you are some numbskull with a ruler and graph paper, while I travel in diamond rimmed time machines and rub elbows with the stock Gods.

Going forward, I believe it is possible to see a bounce. On that bounce, I will probably let go some of my oil holdings, which include: [[FTK]], [[RIG]], [[ARD]], [[PCZ]], [[NOV]], [[HP]] and [[OII]].

Top picks: short [[PACW]], short [[WABC]], short [[VLY]], long RIG

The lower the market goes, the greater the chances are for a ‘bounce back/short squeeze.’ I know things look dire at the moment. However, as sure as I’m sitting here, the market will rally again, much to Mr. Mortgage’s chagrin.

Now, I do not have a death wish to bottom fish for banks, despite my dastardly [[UYG]] position. However, I think it makes sense to put my balls on the oil guillotine, for the blade is very dull.

I am not afraid of you oil bears. You’re all weak and old. The whole lot of you.

Just know, if I hear any of you talking shit about [[RIG]], I may spend resources to track you down, then have your mustache punched off at your favorite eatery– while drinking a fine Chardonnay.

Other energy stocks worth buying are [[HP]], [[NOV]], [[ARD]] and [[OII]].

Aside from longs, sell short any bank located in California. Personally, I am short a variety of banks, yet again, including: [[HBHC]], [[CATY]], [[WABC]], [[HRB]], [[PACW]], [[HDB]], [[PCBC]], [[VLY]] and [[UMPQ]].

Thus far, PCBC and VLY are leading the way, for inclusion into the NEW “Reverse Five Horsemen” of Death and Hard Work.

NOTE: Another buck shaved off [[PZN]]. Losers. Look for [[JNS]] to follow suit.

I bought 10,000 [[FXP]] @ $81.55.

Disclaimer: If you buy FXP because of this post, Poseidon will fuck up your next cruise. And, you may lose money.

I sold out of my [[SMN]], selling @ $31.65.

Fuck this shit.