FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

There I was, acting all clever and shit, selling 90% of my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] position yesterday, trying to avoid a dip. Lo and behold, here I am today, mind you, throwing the office silverware around, infuriated for missing out on today’s run. I knew the stock was cheap. But I wanted to be “clever.” BAM: 4 points in my face.

On the bright side, my BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] position is running hard. It appears the elections have released the animal spirits of the markets.

Again, I want to sell into this rally and buy cheaper. I might even do a little short selling. Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] looks like a piece of shit, dying to trade down.

I still own a nice chunk of [[UYG]] . There she blows!

And, my starter position in American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] is doing exactly what “The Fly” wants it to do: go higher.

In short, life is incredibly grand, aside from the random forks and knives on my office floor. Missing out on National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] hurts; but it’s part of the game.

For a trade, I like all ag stocks, specifically CNH Global N.V. (ADR) [[CNH]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] , Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) [[POT]] and Agrium Inc. (USA) [[AGU]] . I still own a meaningless amount of The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] . But that fucker is up way too much here.

More on this later.

UPDATE: I bought 8,000 [[AVD]] @$15.

UPDATE II: I bought 1,000 [[BEAV]] @ $13.99

UPDATE III: I sold 2,000 [[NOV]] @ $33.50

God forbid the Tin man and Dog sledder capsize the Obama boat, you green fuckers will be eating your shoes come Wednesday. I said, you liberal cocksuckers (pun intended) will be eating your shoes.

I know the classic lib plays: Calgon Carbon Corporation [[CCC]] , First Solar, Inc. [[FSLR]] , Yingli Green Energy Hold. Co. Ltd. (ADR) [[YGE]] etc. All of the water filtration and “green stocks” need to be sold now, every which way but loose.

I don’t think McCain will win. However, I do think a lot of idiots are leaning one way, for a long time. In other words, investing in stocks, based upon one election result is entirely stupid. If you have profits in any “Obama plays,” sell them tomorrow, else prepare to eat your rubber shoes.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfqraa2hUlg 450 300]

I am running away from this market, like a little bitch, ahead of the “historic elections.” I blew out of 90% of my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , despite loving the valuations, due to a capital preservation move on “The Fly’s” behalf. Right now, my cash position stands at a staggering, yet pussified, 70%.

Let it be known, “The Fly” is winning on a continuous basis, in all facets of life and the internet. He has been banking coin in this devil of a bitch of a whore of a market, even since he was old enough to tell people to go fuck themselves.

I bought a little more BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , towards the end of the day, mainly because I have money burning a hole in my pocket. It must go somewhere, why not “The Beaver”?

As an aside, I am all for “bankrupting the coal industry.” Fuck those bastards, with their canary killing ways. I say, let’s SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT, via dumping all available coal into the Atlantic Ocean.

With all of my Godly 10,000 dollar bank notes, I intend to invest them unwisely, then wisely, if you get my drift. My next move, without a doubt, will be wrong. It’s the law of averages—so sorry. However, I am aware of such likelihoods and plan on “tricking the trickers,” who are trying to get me, if you catch my drift.

My paranoia, by the way, is deep rooted in the fact that “The Fly” was a very poor man, in his past life. During that blue collared life,  I am sure I was killed, via falling air conditioner on my head, somewhere in the housing tenements, just south of the Bronx.

With that in mind, I employ the bloggers on this site for less than the ancient Roman minimum wage and have zero interest in giving them a raise. At the end of the day, all of the worlds money is mine; you’re just borrowing it from me, on a temporary basis.

Top pick: BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]]

UPDATE: Via The PPT, top 10 ranked etf’s:

1 [[DTO]] 4.4
2 [[DGZ]] 4.35
3 [[DEE]] 4.2
4 [[DRR]] 4
5 [[UUP]] 3.75
6 [[DZZ]] 3.65
7 [[BBH]] 3.65
8 [[ITE]] 3.55
9 [[RKH]] 3.4
10 [[PJB]] 3.4

I bought 15,000 BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] @ $13.15.

Disclaimer: If you buy BEAV because of this post, JakeGint will move in next door to you. And, you may lose money.

I sold 90% of my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] position, north of $29.75.

Go ahead, waste your time exercising “your constitutional rights.” I am sure your vote will change the country for the better. All of a sudden, red necks from Virginia will start reading at a 7th grade level; and the pot heads from California will apply for jobs, effectively displacing all of those asshole/hard working illegal aliens.

As for managing money:

I have no interest in playing republo vs demo stocks. That’s pure gambling. As you know, good Sirs, I am no degenerate OTB guy, by no means, as a point in fact, decidedly so.

Although it is tempting to sell it all and just watch; I can’t do that. I like to keep my skin in the game, no matter what. People who go to 100% cash, for an extended period of time, are either really, really dumb or their spirits are riddled with outright cowardice.

As for you Obama haters:

He already won. No one is voting for Granpa Munster and his idiot sidekick. If the market wanted to price in an Obama win, it had weeks, if not months, to do so. In other words, I do not think the market will crater on Wednesday.

The drop off in crude is troubling. Should it continue, expect to see the market get all weak kneed and shit. So, if you rally lovers want to see more green, you best call your Arab friends and kindly ask them to jack up the price of crude— God willing, of course.

Top picks: Cash, BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]]

Something doesn’t feel right about this tape. Call me paranoid, but I get the sense someone is trying to trick me into wiping out my fucking account. Everyone is too giddy. Even my neighbor Steve is “back in the saddle,” playing Gordon Gekko from the “unluxury” of his bullshit cubicle.

I have many stocks on my watch list; and many of them look poised to break out. However, the voices in my head tell me to “stay away asshole and go eat a sandwich.”

I have numerous wins today, via American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] and other unnamed/hidden gems.

To be blunt, as opposed to just beating around the bush and lying to you, I have an urge to splurge in the inverse etf’s, specifically [[SRS]] , [[FXP]] and [[EEV]] . And, I would like to short the euro, via [[DRR]] .

The election is just one big ol’ gay distraction. It’s allowing people/traders to catch a breather. True. However, my guess, volatility will pick up big time, post election, effectively punching the mustaches off of a variety of milquetoast traders and stay at home moms, deservedly so.

At the present, I have more than 50% in cash. I am conflicted between taking down a quick long side trade, going to cash or throwing up some downside hedges. These questions, and more, shall be answered for me, prior to the sessions end.

Let me be clear: I am bullish on stocks until Thanksgiving. However, by no means am I interested in participating in a brief sell off, before the turkey day run up. In other words, I am trying to demonstrate my “space alien magician” skills, for all of you “low-enders” to see.

As you can see, the airlines are running hard. These bastards may have more upside. But, unfortunately, my DNA does not allow me to ever buy an airliner. So sorry.

Select healthcare stocks, like Almost Family, Inc. [[AFAM]] , Amedisys, Inc. [[AMED]] and Chemed Corporation [[CHE]] look decent. I would like to buy in, God willing, at lower levels. And, education stocks are running with their socks off. However, they are too extended. I am tempted to bottom fish in beaten up tech, like NetGear, Inc. [[NTGR]] or Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] ; but they just blow.

Typically, when I force trades, I lose money. So, barring something really cool happening, I might just roam around my office, in a red turban, while berating everyone who works for me.

The market is not interested in going down, anymore. The volatility has grinded to a halt, as we wait for President Obama to give his acceptance speech.

So he will bankrupt the coal industry. Big fucking deal. Those black lunged fuckers will be happy to receive the government dole, in exchange for, umm, the black lung.

With my money, most likely, I will sell out of Arch Coal, Inc. [[ACI]] , especially since our next President is not into coal and shit.

I find it very humorous that VeraSun Energy Corporation [[VSE]] went bust. What happened to the glory of ethanol, you fucking idiots? Huh, what-fucking-happened-to-it?

Right here, right now, for some reason, I find myself long the homos from the perfume section at [[M]] . And, I like National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] , BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , [[UYG]] and Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

Regarding my watch list, I am very close to buying [[EEV]] , [[FXP]] , Clean Energy Fuels Corp. [[CLNE]] and Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]].

UPDATE: I sold out of my [[ACI]] position, north of $20.90.

Many of you weak kneed bloggers out there have the slightest idea how to build traffic, organically. You scurry around, link whoring like fucking imbeciles, praying for someone, anyone, to listen to your bullshit. When, in fact, the very notion of listening to pathetic link whoring bastards is quite sickening to most people, with intelligence quotients north of 99.

If you want to swing your balls from high stools, with regards to this blogging game, I recommend not giving a fuck about readers, content or even logic. Just throw shit on a page and call it “art.”

Tell the world you are a fucking space invader, with serious and purposeful intentions of sucking the gray matter right out of their stupid skulls. Believe you me, that’s a blog even “The Fly” would read.

With regards to other bloggers:

You guys all suck. Just pack it in and go play with your fucking blackberries.

As for me:

I got shit to do right about now, following an arduous weekend of busting out unions and making sure my NFL team improved to an unbelievable 8-0.

The wins come in bunches, if I may be so bold.