18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,680 Blog Posts

Amazing: Madoff Victims Have Been Made Whole

In an amazing feat of claw-back excellence, the law firm Picard has managed to regain ALL LOSSES for Madoff’s many powerful victims. At the height of his scheme, the fund was worth $65b, of that $19-20b was principle.

The law firm Picard is very close indeed to making a full recovery.

Just last month, Picard’s lawyers asked a U.S. appeals court to revive about 80 such lawsuits in which he’s seeking up to $4 billion—perhaps the last big chunk of money available in the case. A lower court threw the suits out two years ago, ruling the money was beyond the trustee’s jurisdiction because it had been been transferred from feeder funds to foreign banks before Madoff’s arrest.

“That kind of recovery is extraordinary and atypical,” said Kathy Bazoian Phelps, a bankruptcy lawyer at Diamond McCarthy LLP in Los Angeles who isn’t involved in the case. Recoveries in Ponzi schemes range from 5 percent to 30 percent, and many victims don’t get anything, Phelps said.

What’s equally amazing is the fees Picard has been able to siphon from the public via SIPC.

For its work, the trustee’s firm has been paid $1.67 billion over the past decade by SIPC, not from the customer funds. The industry group also provided $639 million in advances—up to $500,000 each—to victims who were waiting for claims to be paid.

Some people never lose. Happy holiday’s to Madoff victims.

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Prepare for Sellers Exhaustion

All of the writing that we’re in a bear market is on the wall. However, even with that being said, nothing goes straight up or down. This generations Lehman or General Electric and the boogey man resides in high yield and the enormous amount of debt on corporate balance sheets. Those worry about student debt are foolish. However, if this drama with China doesn’t recede, there is a real threat to America’s top universities who host scores of intelligent Chinese students.

Expect a lot of chop inside of this downward and do not anticipate a reversal to the upside anytime soon. Most spikes will likely be met with trepidation and end up failing. Trump’s two magic bullets, the China trade war deal and Fed pause have been expended. If he doesn’t broker a deal with China soon, this market is going to get fucked in a way you’ve never seen before. More than $150 billion in US sales are born in China and not having that strong trading relationship, in spite of how unfair it was, will cause irreparable damage to our multi-nationals and also the US consumer — who will inevitably get hit with price hikes.

The manner of this downturn is pretty standard, with losses stacked in the smaller cap stocks. But it’s also worth noting, Tootsie Roll is the big winner the past three months. If you look at those defensive stocks now, you’ll notice they’re also struggling here — which has created an environment with our safe havens.

I barrel into tomorrow a strong man — heavily long SOXS, LABD, TLT, and gold. I will most likely book profits tomorrow, however, as I suspect the market will soon consolidate recent losses before making a fresh leg lower. The true action, mark my words, lies ahead for us in January.

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Capstone Programme — Getting Started Next Week

My sessions begin next week. Don’t be scared — I’m quite affable.

Here’s what I want to go over first.

I spent some time and created some decks highlighting the many reasons you need to fear for a bear market. Many of these things have been talked about before, but none as eloquent and with poise as I am prepared to orate.

The second is the most important subject for any trader, beginner to expert.  It’s the psychological aspects of trading — knowing when to buy and sell and how to think about positions and/or strategies. It is the foundation from which everything else will be formulated on. Without being sound minded and having clear goals, you’re building a house of cards destined to fail. I know because I too failed before and have seen dozens of good friends and family beguiled by the same rigors.

The last topic for next week will be a technical look at the markets — by presenting some data. What are the most important sectors, stocks, data points, to pay attention to? How will we know if any bounce is legit or a head fake? WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON? I intend to broach all of these subjects, AND MORE.

You can join Capstone and cancel if you’re only interested in one session. That’s fine. It’s a subscription based service that is designed to put members thru a Fly styled boot camp. At the end of 12 months, I expect you to curse wildly whilst drinking gimlets, reading from leather-bound books, and smoking an nice estate pipe — women too.

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China Summons Canadian Envoy to Beijing over Huawei CFO Detention — Threatens ‘Severe Retaliation’

It appears the attorneys for Meng Wanzhou are having a difficult time convincing the Canadian that their client isn’t a flight risk. Part of that concern might stem from the fact that her crimes are political in nature, based upon sanctions are are wholly subjective. She was tossed back into her cell on Friday, to face the judge on Monday. I suspect she will be held without bail, in spite of the fact that she’s willing to wear an ankle bracelet, surrender her passports, and live in Canada until the trial is finished.

China is not amused.

Chinese Vice Foreign Minister Le Yucheng summoned Canada’s ambassador to Beijing, John McCallum, on Saturday to deliver the warning, according to a statement from the Chinese Foreign Ministry.

The statement doesn’t mention the name of Huawei’s chief financial officer, Meng Wanzhou, though it refers to a Huawei “principal” taken into custody at U.S. request while changing planes in Vancouver, as was Ms. Meng. The statement accuses Canada of “severely violating the legal, legitimate rights of a Chinese citizen” and demands the person’s release.

“Otherwise there will be severe consequences, and Canada must bear the full responsibility,” said the statement, which was posted online late Saturday.

Phone calls to the Canadian Embassy rang unanswered while the Canadian government’s global affairs media office didn’t immediately respond to an email request for comment.

What ‘severe’ measure might China take? Will they, perhaps, stop making toys for them, or cease buying their oil. Or will they, by chance, attack Vancouver with their missiles and burn it to the ground? I think not.

In a statement cited by official news agency Xinhua, China’s Vice Foreign Minister Le Yucheng said Meng’s detention was a “severe violation” of her rights and interests as a Chinese citizen.

“Such a move ignores the law and is unreasonable, unconscionable, and vile in nature,” the news agency quoted Le as saying in the statement.

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ALERT: The Fly’s mentoring service, The Capstone Programme, has launched. Our greatest product to date. Indeud.

I know this shit is serious to a lot of you — so I’ll reserve my bragging for Sunday night.

Here is how I am positioned. SOXS is a 15% MAX holding. TLT is 10%, LABD is 10%, and everything else 5%. I have 45% cash.

Apple is down $200 billion in market cap from the highs. Real money. But here is the actual position of the overall market, less the noise. It’s a lot of chop — transfixed inside of a FAGbox designed to kill people.

I suspect we break thru this box into the downside next week. At front and center of the catalysts is of course the China trade war, the Huawei CFO being held without bail and facing 30 years in prison on a sundry of charges, and of course a slowing economy. Last quarter, earnings grew at its fastest clip since 2010 — at +25%. Now we’re heading into a period of slowing expansion and possible deceleration. While the market trades cheap, at just 15x, the leadership in tech, AAPL and NVDA, have already pointed to considerable weakness and earnings revisions to the downside.

In other words, the E in the PE is uncertain. Ergo, we’re now probing, led lower by fear.

Bear in mind, at the very center of any bear market environment is credit. There is roughly $3 trillion + in BBB rated credits that could face a downgrade. This would lay waste to junkFAGS who’ve been relying on easy money for a decade to grow, buy back shares, and ingratiate themselves with bonuses.

If forced to condense all of my thoughts into a singular narrative, I’d argue you need to simply obey the trend. Remove yourselves from the bias of being long for the past decade and accept the idea that maybe, just maybe, things are about to change.

Today I was looking back at my old blogs, on my very first finance blog and recall the first blog I wrote that truly admitted to the possibility that the bull market of 2007 was coming to an end. Back then I was inspired by Cramer’s advice and his insight. He was tapped into the large bracket firms better than anyone in the media and truly was great in his commentary during the crisis. Even though I despised him, I respected what he had to say.

Keep an open mind. You might be proven wrong one day and perhaps saved by the ideas of someone who knows a little more than you.

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Report: Trump Box Watching Markets Crash Lower

According to the apes at WSJ, Tariff Man is obsessed, transfixed even, over the rapid decline of his great, beautiful, stock market.

Mr. Trump has often dismissed market fluctuations as part of a natural correction, but several people close to the president say he places as much importance on the health of the Dow Jones Industrial Average for validation of his job performance as he does with his polling numbers.

While at the White House, he will often keep the TV tuned to business channels and watch the Dow’s minute-to-minute movements, people close to the White House said. He would get excited about triple-digit gains in a single day and question aides about how certain actions might influence the market, people familiar with the matter said. Asked about Mr. Trump’s attention to the stock market, one person close to the White House said: “He’s glued to it.”

Let’s examine this for a moment. He’s scared, plain and simple. He is obsessed with his legacy and how markets respond to his administration. In a sense, it represents everything he’s trying to achieve, which means the leverage is wholly on the side of the Chinese — who quite literally give zero fucks about their markets.

If you’re President XI, you do not bend and set a bad precedent for your country. You wait Trump out, as he sweats and markets unravel. In two years hence, a new President will preside and Xi can crush him into reverting back to the status quo.

At the same token, we’ve seen his recent tweets and how he’s explicitly trying to jimmy stocks higher, even sending out his minions to talk up markets. This is not normal behavior for any President, even this one. I think Wall Street is keen to his tricks now and have called him out for crying wolf and are punishing markets, more than usual, because he lacks credibility. He needs to broker a deal now, and stop talking about getting one, otherwise morale will collapse and markets will follow it down the rabbit hole.

UPDATE: Unbelievable tweet.

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Listen to me now, I am much smarter than you. Both silver and gold have displaced Bitcoins as a alternative investment to stocks, most readily in demand during periods of duress.


This is a HIGH CONVICTION trade. I bought WPM, KL, and AU.

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You stupid fucking shits. I told you not to buy stocks yesterday. But you knew more. You were better than me, the Space Alien Magician (SAM) — the guy in the fucking time machine zipping thru space while your fat faces sleep.

I sold my TZA — because small caps are strong. But I bought more SOXS — making it a 3x position, or 15% of my trading account. This is my maximum allocation and I do so because I know we’re heading lower.

Markets do not bottom on Fridays, lads.

Come join me in the Capstone Programme, the boot camp to end all other boot camps. I will teach you what you need to be told.


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Throw Back: The iBankCoin Dictionary

This was the masterpiece of one of the original bloggers here, Danny. Good times.

iBankcoin Dictionary

This guide is a must-have for any iBankCoin.com user looking to properly communicate with others:

47.5: The cut-off age after which one becomes “old,” and plain ol’ vanilla gay. If you are above the age limit, kindly close the browser and leave.

Angelo: Any tan dickhead who seamlessly fucks up many concurrent thousand/million/billion dollar situations, or the description of said dickhead’s actions.

“Bob Steel totally Angeloed Wachovia Bank this year.”

“God, RICK stock turned out to be such an Angelo to investors who appreciate tits.”

As a Point in Fact: When a truth is so deeply entrenched in the cement foundation of rightness, as so it can never be wrought free, it can be said that such a fact is indeed a point in fact.  It is a fact shrouded by insurmountable correctitude.

Asshat: A magical hat, granting the benefactor of said hat insurmountable stupidity in the face of needed leadership.

“Wow, John Mack is an asshat.”

Bill Miller, Asshat of the Year 2008

Asshole Dip Buyer: The unnamed force that saves the bulls and comes in to buy stocks trading at a “bargain.” Always aged below 47.5, these traders, aka as The PPT, will come in nimbly and eviscerate the bearshitters by squeezing all their shorts.

“Did anyone catch the A.D.B. bidding 100k RIMM at 3:50pm, ruining some beashitter’s homo honey-hole play?

(see bearshitter, homo, honey-hole)

Asslot: An odd-lot, or any incremental share purchase not denominated in 100.

Barack The Builder: President elect Obama has vowed to essentially rebuild America from the ground up, funded solely with monopoly money.  The goal–invest in the future by spending a shitload to save America today.  As such, he has been entitled Barack the Builder, and it can be inferred that the BTB theme will bouy E&C firms until the lustre[sic] wears off.  (see sic)

Bearshitter: A miscreant douchebag, stemming from the Latin Ursus poopare (see Douchebag).  Needlessly pessimistic, the bearshitter often bears the brunt of well-placed jokes, and is universally recognized by the financial world as “clowny” and at times “runtish.” To be a bearshitter, you must satisfy the following:

  • Proclaim unknowns as truths
  • Forecast down
  • Borrow punditry from Tim Knight.
  • Automatically eligible if over age 47.5

Though the bulls and the bullish things bearshitters abhor often get their comeuppance at some point, it comes in the form of brief spike downs, only after weeks of poor market calling, often to the detriment of week old puts trading below cost.

“Doug Kass is a bearshitter, accordingly, he is also a douchebag.”

Bearshitters have had their revenge in 2008, although historically, they get the short end of the stick…no pun intended.

Bearded One, The:

(see Plutonium Petey)

Behold!: When the glory of one’s presence or the strength of one’s argument renders someone else’s point so moot that the only reaction they can muster is to simply behold your glory and attempt to hide their shame.


Bullshitter: Sometimes referred to as “perma-bulls” or Goat Fuckers (see Goat Fucker), these planglossian bastards mix gibberisj with convoluted thinking to arrive at false positive conclusions. The bullshitter often bears the brunt of well-placed jokes, and is universally recognized by the financial world as “clowny” and at times “runtish.”  The main cause of this is misplaced optimism on everything from China’s economy to Natty G prices.

To be a bullshitter you must idolize the following patron saints of bullshit antiquity:

Matt Goldman – An acrimonious douchebag. First lied here, then owned here. OWNED!  Also see Kneale

Don Luskin – An genuine head-in-the-sand cock-sucker.  See video below

Dennis Kneale – The largest cunt of the modern age.  Also see here.  Occasionally, he can be hilarious, like when he called Steve Jobs out for having PMS.  An impressive majority of the time, however, he is a homo.  A comedy legend in his own right, Kneale’s wince-inducing monologues against bloggers and game-changing comedy routines will stand the test of time, as scholars decades in the future blissfully chuckle at how fucked up the talking heads of the oughts were.

Art Hogan – Will go down in history as having his bottom violated on public record.

Larry Kudlow – A pollyanna.  Snorts a ball of mustard seeds a day, although will tell you he’s been clean for years. (See Mustard Seeds)

Burrito:  Any small or gay group of stocks.  Frequently Chinese, always speculative, these are the lotto tickets in the Chinese Lotto.  See Chinese Lotto.

Camel Tit: A unit of measure indicating 20+ SP e-mini points.  (see horse tit)

Chinese Lotto: Any and all Chinese stocks, especially the new IPOs. Most are nothing more than card tables in a fetid Mandarin alley.  A smattering of chinese lottery ticks.

De-Balled: To lose one’s balls on a bet gone awry. The magnitude of which depends on the size of the balls to begin with.  Since this dictionary was first penned, Chinese burritos have been spectacularly de-balled.

*It should be noted that ball size has nothing to do with ball-hair, as hair does not grow on steel.

Devil’s ETF, The: All diETFs.

Viz the following maths for you Goat Fuckers who continue to bitch and moan about it:

China...or Financials...or Whatever: $100
The Devil's ETF: $100
China...or Financials...or Whatever get Horse Nuked, down 66%: $34
The Devil's ETF, up a sweet-ass 132%: $232
China...or Financials...or Whatever rebound, up 25%: $42.5
The Devil's ETF, down 50%: $116
China...or Financials...or Whatever rebound, up 25%: $53.13
The Devil's ETF, down 50%: $58
Net Result:
China...or Financials...or Whatever ended down 46.87%: $53.13
The Devil's ETF ended down $42: $58

Due to the magics of compounding, the ultra didn't work.

(see diETFs, Goat Fuckers, homo. Horse Nuked viz)

Diamond Scale: A 2 – 7 relative ranking of performance relegating desirability, sex appeal, and usefulness to others.

The diamond scale is used on, but not limited to:

  • trades ops / setups
  • technical indicators
  • account size/ % gain / YTD gain
  • to compare a woman or hooker’s relative breast-size, vagina quality, and/or breath

diETF: Acronym for “double inverse exchange traded fund.”  AKA “The Ultras.”  If you are talking about SKF et al., everyone knows what that is, so you don’t have to specify it as a diETF, you can just say “SKF this,” or “FXP homo” that.  Usually you only refer to the diETFs as such when talking about an asset class.

Douchebag: A less reviled form of the ‘Angelo.’ May include some or all of the telltale signs of bearshitterdom.

“Chuck is a douchebag.”

(see Bearshitter)

Ducati: The greatest stat/arb trading robot ever created. Co-opted by Toyota and GSAM. Achieved 126/126 trades, using zero risk, and with monthly gains of 26 odd percent. Proficient in use of “vis-a-vis.

“Wall St. traders this Xmas (2007) will be eager to achieve Ducati status, after all, bonuses are at stake.”

(see vis-a-vis)

Fucktarded: Greater than 1.5 standard deviations below retarded.

“If you need an example of this, you are fucktarded.”

Full Complexities: What a hooker in Barcelona promised me for the extremely egregious price of $400.  (see Street Beast).  In it’s essence, Full Complexities represents any offer for which the price far outstrips the value, and viz., it describes any extraordinary or meaningless valuation metric.  It seems, for one reason or another, people offering Full Complexities almost always have English as a second language.

There are many instances of Full Complexities in your daily life if you look close.

At the car wash, occasionally you have those dent-popper guys trying to mooch off the carwash’s business…

Guy:  Ah, very nice car sir.
Me: Thanks
Guy: It..euhhhh...have any dent [quizzical look, wry grin]
Me:  Not that I know of know.  Maybe a scratch or two somewhere.
Guy: [Face lights up] You show me! I take-a care of scratches
Me: Here [points to a practically invisible mark]
Guy:  I pop-a this dent for you, $175 dollars.

Fully Robed And Sandaled: Originally, this meant one thing, and one thing alone:  That Fly had his ass-kicking boots on, so to speak.  Over many millennia, the meaning has become more generalized to simply be prepared for a trading day.

(see Plutonium Petey)

FUPA: A fat, upper-pussy area.

Garbagio: A fancy type of garbage stock. For a stock to be garbagio, a high quality stock must start acting like trash.

“Prior to earnings, RIMM was garbagio.”  Many stocks enter the garbagio stage at some point in their life cycle.

Gibberisj: When something is wrong, misspelled, misconstrued, or misunderstood, it is gibberisj.

Get Your Share: A call to arms, commanding the listener to earn billions via the internets.

Get In The Funnel: A call to arms, commanding the listener to earn billions via shorting stocks.  Telling someone to “Get in the Funnel” is a nice way of saying that the market is about to shit the water closet, and, well, to get in the fucking funnel.

GME Theory: Pioneered by Cramer, this is the idea that when a sector is hot but has a lot of players, buy the stock of the company that benefits from all sides.  Activision and Electronic Arts both lose money developing games and rely on peak-cycle sales to make money. And, what, you’re gonna buy Sony Corporation (ADR)? Or Take-Two Interactive?  Exactly. Or, you could buy GameStop, which benefits whether I buy an ATVI game, an ERTS game, or a SNE machine.   When shopping in an up-cycle sector, always apply the GME theory.

Goat Fucker: A term of derision used to describe the myriad groups of losers, retards, and generally wrong people who don’t fall into the “Bearshitter” or “Douchebag” camps. Goat Fuckers, like microbes on earth, are ubiquitous on the Internets.

The word remains one of the more versatile in our rich lexicon for instance, one can be a Goat Fucker for ill-informed views on Medicaid, while still not yet being a Douchebag, or even close to a Bearshitter. Or, one is called a Goat Fucker for simply not accepting one’s own Angelo behaviour[sic]. Also worth mentioning are the vast array of Goat Fucker offshoots

  • Cactus Fucker
  • Can of Corn Fucker
  • The suggestion that one “Go fuck a can of Corn”

When you invite the reader to “Fuck a Goat” or a “can of corn,” you are openly implying that they are a Goat Fucker, and as such, simply designating them as “Goat Fucker” will suffice in subsequent namings.

“The yahoo message board is the quintessential podium for many an internet Goat Fucker.”

(see Angelo, bearshitter, Douchbag, [sic], )

GLORC: The Global Coordinated Rate Cut among central banks around the world that was supposed to rally the markets, instill confidence, and ease the credit crisis.  In the end, it accomplished none of those things, except the increasingly difficult task of warming the cockles of the internet’s heart.

“All hail mighty GLORC!”

Honey Hole: If you were to pay attention to technical analysis tomfoolery, this is where you would short/go long the market, at the exact intersection where the magical lines cross. It’s like when the stars cross paths and that very movement determines the course of your life–only this is the stock market and infinitely more consequential.

Despite the similarities between Bearshitters and Douchebags, Bearshitters rarely, if ever, use this phrase. Also, users of the “Honey Hole” phraseology are likely proponents of the Trading Goddess and will be persecuted as such.

homo: The most apt, politically correct, and superior titular admonition for any and all inferior stocks, concepts, ideas, or groups.

” (GBT: 0.00 N/A) is a homo stock — If you like it, you are homo.  Chinese batteries…you douchebag

(see douchebag)

homo-hammer: When one has been dealt a ‘homo-hammer’ or a ‘homo-hammer of death’ you are effectively on the receiving end of the market as a whole, who has decided to Angelo one of your stocks, or preferred bullshit sector.

“Watching Stillwater Mining Company (SWC: 9.48 +6.76%) get the homo-hammer day-in and day-out isn’t as gay as it sounds.”

Horse: The state of “horse” can reflect either a transitory phase of disarray, or the full blown commotion evident in your commodity, stock, field, incident, or sector of preference

“All the investment banks were totally horsed this year.”

“Holy shit, FMCN got horsed.”

Horse Offshoots

What the horse

  • Similar to WTF


  • Similar to pissed-off


  • Similar to shit-faced

When something “horses your goat”

  • When something irks your ire

Horse-Tit: A unit of measure, indicating 5-10 points on the SP E-mini (see camel tit)

Horse-Nuked: When an asset, equity, or account gets blown the fuck up.  Much more severe than a routine homo-hammering or horse incident.

The distinction is clear: matters of trifling consequence are homo-hammers, matters of minor concern are horses, and matters of gave danger, they and they alone are representative of the horse-nuke.

“Bill Miller was horsenuked this year”

(see homo, homo-hammer, Horse)

Illegals: Not unlike the load-bearing Krusty the Klown poster in Bart Simpson’s room, Illegals often don’t get the credit they deserve given what they do. For all intents and purposes, they keep The Fly’s yard tidy, while showing poise and grace in the face of being pelted by cans of Monster Soda.

Kitchen Sink Quarter: A K.S.Q. is where due to some asshat, you must write-off everything on the books, except for the kitchen sink in the employee washroom, which presumably has no subprime, credit, or asset-backed exposure.

(see asshatwrite-off)

Lofty: An extraordinarily shallow description analysts all too frequently use to imply earnings estimates are too high. Just come out and say they’re too high, like a man.  To call anything lofty, well, you sir, are a can of corn fucker.

(see Goat Fucker)

Madoff’d: To be Madoff’d (transitive verb) means you lost money directly with Bernie, or indirectly, like HSBC, who was Madoff’d to the tune of $3.2 billion.

Magician: An achiever of Financial Magic. Highly, highly regarded on the street.

“What type of magician moved CDO’s with no liquidity or buyers to a mythical tier-3 tranche on Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. (LEH: 0.00 N/A) ’s balance sheet with no write-down?”

“Meredith Whitney called those magicians out.  She was the loudest, and probably kinkiest hooa on the street, calling for C’s div cut late last year.

Meatballs: The nickname of Charles “Fuhgeddaboutid” Gasparino, CNBC reporter of the “breaking news at 3:30 PM on a Friday” variety. Sometimes called “Gasparino’s Fireside Chats

A “jack of all spades.” He’ll accuse you of wrongdoing, then shank your polio-laden mother in the back.  We need more Gasparinos.

  • “Broke” the ABK bailout story, much to the chagrin of others.
  • Claimed on-air that prostitution should be legalized
  • Wrote a book
  • Ate Bess Levin out (unconfirmed)

(see Much to your Chagrin)

Merc’d: An abbreviation of “mercenary.”  This versatile expression can mean actual murder, or the figurative expression that XYZ is “getting killed”

BSC wasn’t merc’d by the shorts, rather, they were merc’d by a mgt. team that made large, levered bets that failed.

The Fed made the executive decision and merc’d LEH.

Milk The Farmer: A mantra reflecting the willingness to bank as much coin as possible off of the current Agriculture cycle.

“For so many years, the farmer has milked the cow, then charged me money said delicious product, effectively milking me as well. Well, now the milked shall milk the milker, and goddammit, is it satisfying.  Long (MOO: 43.79 -0.57%) .”

Much To Your Chagrin: When something we do is contrary to what you do, it is much to your chagrin.  Unfortunately for you, the reader, over 75% of what we do is much to your chagrin. I really cannot be much more specific than that, but maybe Rag can fill you in.  Occasionally, there are other parties involved in causing chagrin, but not frequently.

Mustard Seeds: Larry Kudlow’s (see bullshitter) biblical allusion to things our huge govt. is doing to that will stimulate a recovery and spurn growth in the economy.

Odd, no?: A sarcastically true statement.

“As silly as you think this may be, you are actually appreciative I made a list like this. Odd, no?”

Dinosaur’s blog is described as homo by RaginOdd, no?

Off to Romania: A two-pronged meaning, depending on context.

The more common usage is a vague threat aimed at the Market in general who you suspect is going to Angelo your portfolio. Not taken lightly, to use “Off To Romania,” would indicate confidence that stocks are officially for asshats and not to be bothered with, reflecting a grave sense of doom.

“After today’s close, posting may be light, as I’m off to Romania.”

The alternate usage appears after a short or long period of poor performance.

“My biggest positions for 2007 were SIRI, HLYS, CFC, and VG. My smallest positions were AAPL, FWLT, POT, and TNH. Off to Romania.”

Ovah Heah: Aka “The Lawn Guyland Special,” ovah heah is classic guido, and really, need I even fuckin’ explain the definitions to you ingrates, ovah heah?  I think no.

Pah: An exclamatory, used by non-American English speakers to rebuke a known fact with an unknown and probably incorrect one.


Pisant: Pronounced [pi-Zhant], a pisant is a Pisani-like person who means little, yet has a figurehead position, often to the dismay of others. Or, it’s just a bastardized version of “pissant.”

“Santelli pulled a pisant by citing non-Chinese blog based sources during his daily ranting”

“So many Pisants in the PG, where do I start?”

Plutonium Petey:

(see Senor Tropicana)

Ride the Monster: A former mantra we used to profit from the explosive growth of energy drinks. We have ridden the monster very successfully here, though we exited the trend once it broke (See “Milk the Farmer“)

Robster: A common bait-and-switch used by Chinese restaurants…you order lobster, you get chicken. In modern times, however, its meaning shifted and it now means when one is promised one thing, but given another.

“Microvision, Inc. (MVIS: 3.17 +2.26%) keeps giving us robster…”

Senor Tropicana:

(see Bearded One, The)

Sham-Wow: Can hold over twenty times its weight in water.  The sham-wow rally rag can soak up epic bears in a single homo mop.  Be forewarned, however, that the sham-wow can only soak up so much bullshit.

Shoe To Drop: An expression used to describe anything that is remotely and conceptually possible, while simultaneously bad. Intended to be “colloquially smart,” as in, it sounds understandable to the layman, but really, it is quite complicated to achieve a full understanding pf what shoe, and when? Why?  As such, shoes to drop are often used in tandem with “wall of worry” or “write-downs” on the financial news circuit.

(see wall of worry, writedowns)

Graphic Rendering of what many dropping shoes may look like:

Uncle Ben + Brown Bear+ Bootstomp + Mozilo toast face + Asshat + Poverty = FUCKED

Sic: Adding [sic] after an intentionally misspelled word, or after the English spelling of a word is just a friendly way for the author to take time out of his sentence, to remind the reader that he is, as a point in fact, much more honourable[sic] than you.

(see as a point in fact)

Solar Burrito: Alternative energy and solar stocks, frequently have high PEs, no net income, or both. The Solar Burrito pokes fun at exuberance towards a hot sector. Solar shit is so hot, that by simply placing “solar” next to a semi-worthless, and totally irrelevant burrito, all of a sudden, it sounds cooler, and that much more lucrative.

“I would pay 500x earnings for a solar burrito.”

Skiffles: SKF, The Ultra Financial

Small Bag of Garbage, A: Anything which is terrible. A very versatile expression.

“It is quite likely your 2008 portfolio was a small bag of garbage.”

Street Beast: Also known as street warriors, or street pigs (if overweight), these party crazy, drink anything, blow anyone girls are a must have for any proper night on the town.  Caution should be exercised.

A story of a street beast

Tan One, The: A reference to Angelo Mozilo, an Angelo, or any Angelo situation. Can also reference managerial ineptitude.

“BWLD’s higher chicken prices? I Blame The Tan One.”

Technical Analysis: “Divining” stock trades based on magical lines, frequently ignoring commonly followed “fundamentals.” The epitome of trading for the lazy and ignorant. Frequently used by bearshitters and bullshitters alike to “explain” things.

“I follow technical analysis, yet sell winners to quick, and pile on losers. I love doji stars, but remain an impotent trader. I need to backtest more.”


(see Bearshitters, ZING!)

Ticktard: When a trader foolishly buys and sells a stock at the most retarded possible time/price due to minute price movements and the fear that he will be wrong.


  • Buy 200 HANS at 40
  • sell 2 days later at 38, due to stop.
  • See it running two days later, buy at 44 on a breakout, sell at 42 that afternoon, stop.
  • Next day it opens at 46. At 46.50, you do nothing.
  • The next day it opens at 44.75 , and you feel somewhat vindicated.
  • The third day it gaps up 10% on a GS upgrade to 60, and at 48 you buy it.

So, you lost around $850 trying to go long a stock that went up 8 pts. You are a ticktard.

Ex. 2

  • Same thing, but on an intraday basis.

Trader Servant: A magical wood nymph who fills the orders you place online. Using a wood nymph to fill orders is ideal because they are expendable if you get a bad fill, or are otherwise irked, you have the go ahead to beat the trader servant to death with your civil war era paper weight to relieve the anger–have no fear though–there will be another in its place tomorrow.

Viz.: An “any” word. Used as a participle, a modifier, or a gerund.

  • Categorically, a complete sentence
  • Expresses the sentiments “clearly,” “namely,” or, “it’s fucking obvious.”
  • Is the only word known to channel the spirit of the “Ducati.”

“AAPL will have a stranglehold on the home computing market for years to come. Viz.”

(see Angelo, Ducati)

Vis-a-Vis: To compare or attribute things to one another, often incorrectly.

“Hurricane Katrina, vis-a-vis changes in crop rotation, surely affected our Ethanol shortage situation today.”

Wall of Worry: Although not coined by Joseph Heller, the author of “Catch-22,” this assemblage of words would make him proud, and indicates when a TV know-it-all acknowledges that the higher a stock or the market goes, the more likely it is to be inferior. Circular in the sense that “if it costs more, it should be better, but apparently isn’t.” One caveat of this wall is that it is the wall of “worry,” not the wall of “fruition,” as in, whatever the worry is, it may never come to pass.  Note, that this phrase doesn’t mean “overbought” it is basically code for “I’m an idiot.”

“After bouncing around, from Oct-Dec, the market sure is climbing that wall of worry.”

WTF Chart Pattern: An pattern seared into the memory of many a trader over 2008.  A WTF Chart Patterncoined by CTA, is a seemingly random, chaotic, and violent move that often moves the ES a camel tit in a matter of minutes.  Evidence of WTF Chart Patterns throughout the internet are probably as common as evidence of douchebaggery in Fly’s comment section.

(see Camel Tit, Douchebag)

Write-(Off)Down: When a company buys something hastily, greedily, homoly, or stupidly, then finally acknowledges after many, many other people that said asset is worth less than rotten bull balls.

“Meg Whitman’s acquisition of skype was an Angelo in the making–she bought a homo company for way too much, invariably leading to billion dollar write-downs for eBay.”

(see Homo, Kitchen Sink Quarter, A)

ZING!: The pronouncement made following a well-timed and deserved insult. Always forms its own paragraph, no indent.  Also, the embodiment of “mocking a loser,” though usually a rueful one. Its more common usage is to follow a needlessly harsh insult with a


to let the recipient know the joke was made in jest, and not borne from animosity.

The only time it shall ever be intended is in the following example.

“Woodshedder giving away trading books is like Al Roker giving away diet books.


ZIRP: An acronym for “Zero Interest Rate Policy” which is what our fucksane Fed is doing currently to sham-wow us out of this boondoggle.  Much to Santelli’s chagrin.  See Below:

(see Much To Your Chagrin, Sham-Wow)

ZOLT: Coined by Jefferson Krull. Used in times of duress over poor trading.  Like many other four-letter words, ZOLT is usable in multiple ways, as a noun, a verb or even an adjective.

Zolt (adj.) – After that guy took my parking space I was ready to punch him right in the ZOLTING face
Zolt (n.) – Damn, that is a big piece of ZOLT over there.
Zolt (v.) – Even though I’ve been married for 6 years, it would be nice to get a little ZOLT from my wife from time to time.


A gentlemen’s guide to XYZ:  You’ll notice a persistent theme in the benevolent social propaganda produced by iBC Foreign Affairs Council is the edification of the third estate (see third estate), a pulling back the curtain of civility the reader class finds confusing and foreign. These gentleman’s guides allow even the most cloven-hoofed nelipot a rare opportunity at impressing his wife, family, mistress, and friends with displays of socail dominance and refined etiquette.  (insert –> links to your articles / quotes)
Third Estate: Specifically, in the preordained rankings of significance, you have the Owners, the Tabbed Bloggers / Distinguished Gentlemen, and the garrulous third estate, the reader.  See Reader Class, Canaille, Catamite, Third Estate
Reader Class: A member of the Reader Class is often a mealy-mouthed pervert whose father never gave them the belt often enough. See Canaille, Catamite, Third Estate, #Eggflo
Canaille: Not just relegated to impaired social status, this lower form of human being is both detritus in the sea of financial life as well as a resource hogging strain on the economy and magnanimous empires such as iBankcoin.com.  The Canaille live beneath the Reader Class.  See Third Estate
Catamite: Perennially on the receiving end of the black flag (see black flag), the obligatory comment trolls and “I told you so” back-up singers to the homosexual opera that is losses (no Elton John), these ne’er-do-well hordes roam the night looking for opportunities to kick a man while he’s down via inane message board comments and #eggflo (see#eggflo).  The catamite will do anything to perpetrate upon others the unrequited back-blasting to which they’ve been a party, even if it means infighting with the higher caste, the Canaille and Reader Class.  See Third Estate
Dick guillotine aka penis guillotine: As the smell of freshly grizzled meat permeates the city square (see City Square), a rumble is heard in the distance. The untoward groan of creaky, cruor resinated wheels sings out as the wooden peacemaker rolls gently down from the hilltop castle, headed for the populace below. Behold! (see behold!) The Penis-Guillotine enters the carrefour, blade splayed forth with acrimony befitting the soon-to-be-dickless recipients, beveled edge glistening in the sultry night air. Short-sellers, non-believers, and Rick Ross deniers alike line up and prepare to be fully removed of mustache, chin, jaw, and penis (also dignity by extension) by the fell swoop of the loathsome edge of the penis guillotine.
Fagbox:  A lonesome parallelogram of remorse, harbinger to the homosexual opera that is BALs (see BALs), home to the Catamites (see Catamites), this floating space prison traps forever the untoward souls who took a large, possibly levered bet, into a one-way melt up / down. If you just put on a huge VXX-tits (see VIX-tits) position into a Dr. Benjamin Bernanke blunt smoking sessions (see Dr. Benjamin “Blunt Smoking” Bernanke), then your fag box surely awaits.
Einhorn’d: To get caught pantsless in a fagbox (see fagbox), every orifice dripping with cheap chardonnay (see drinking chardonnay), long a basket of tech stocks following promulgations by a certain David Einhorn over the pruported bubble valutaion of said stocks. Leads directly in no uncertain terms to BALs and or penis guillotine.
Road slob: A typical wall street wannabe, pocket square still feathered with laxative-heavy cocaine from night before, this drunken miscreant is just brimming with the right type of financial advice to blow up your meager four figure zecco account with BALs (see BALs).
Ciao: The Most Annoying Form of Goodbye: Eye-talians bear the brunt of many lamentable problems:  Excessive use of cologne, having lost the generations long stronghold on the construction and disposal business to the Chinese, and surely being part eggplant (no Christopher Walken).  Perhaps the worst is using “ciao”, which is categorically the most annoying form of goodbye.  It’s something I live with every day of my life.
Grandma Yellen:  Grandma Yellen, or “Nanners” as she is known to her three live-in convalescent nurses, is the new Chair of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, replacing the inimitable Benjamin “Blunt Smoking” Bernanke in 2014. Although a sufferer of facial arthritis, her visage, not unlike a fine ricotta, curdles at the notion of expressing forward Fed guidance to markets, unless of course it is in Congressional testimony to recommend “shorting biotech and internet stocks, because nap time”.   Though a huge believer in 5am AARP sponsored breakfast, her inability to get blunted and POMO will make living up to her predecessor a challenge.  
Lateral Moves:  Making Lateral Moves is about the dumbest fucking thing you can do in life, work and politics.  If The Simpsons taught you anything at all, it’s that you want to go forwards, not backwards, upwards, not forwards, and always whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom.  If you can’t pull that off in your professional or social life, you need to really study up on the Gentleman’s Guides

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A Witches Brew of Fuckeries This Morning Should Send Stocks Higher

Trump tweeted things were going well with China.

The NFP numbers were weaker than expected, providing the Fed with cover to pause.

WTI is blasting off on supply cuts.

The 15-member OPEC cartel was targeting a cut of roughly 800,000 barrels per day and asking allies to cut 400,000 bpd, Reuters reported. Meanwhile, sources told Down Jones OPEC was considering cutting 750,000 to 800,000 barrels per day and asking partners to contribute enough to bring the reductions to 1.3 million bpd.

Futures were a lot weaker, but now they’re only -30 after fair value.

My hunch is for higher prices today. My only reservation is the fact that today is Friday and MARKETS DO NOT FUCKING BOTTOM ON FRIDAYS.

That being said, today looks like another day where you should trade lightly and not get roped into the mood of the moment — because it’s fleeting, unreliable, and changeable.

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