iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,843 Blog Posts

EAT THE RICH — BUT SPARE DAVID TEPPER

I am sure some of you were victims to physical abuse at home, by a Dad, a husband, or maybe even an older brother. We all know someone who has been a victim of this horrible behavior, insecure and weak men who use their power over others who are smaller than them. This is the very definition of coward. These people disgust me.

In a commencement speech at Carnegie Mellon, Tepper broke down and revealed his Father was abusive. I don’t know much about Tepper, other than his CNBC spots and incredibly record of charitable donations. But for a second here, you can peer into his soul. He’s a good man.

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Bitcoin is Finished Again, This Time For Good

Just a few weeks ago, there was widespread hope in the shitcoin sector. People were ripping open their discord chatrooms to discuss opportunities. Now those same people are flat broke, bankrupted by the finality of this most recent decline.


Shitcoin

I’m no longer interested in learning about news for this sector, or the opinions from retarded influencers. I view this asset class as animal instincts personified. It embodies the human spirit and right now said spirit is dead. This might be a precursor to something heinous on the horizon, with regards to equities.

Even worse is the faggotry taking place in Ethereum. I don’t need to be a technician to understand that is a gigantic house of pain, a torture chamber for broken chicken McNugget eaters who regularly exchange their dollars for cryptos at their local bodega.


Shittiercoin

If you dare to leave a comment in this thread, it better not be bullish. I do not want to read any bullish notes about cryptos. All I want to see is total compliance. I am right. You are wrong. I’ve proven this with my high IQ.

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$IQ Has Sperged Out to the Upside, $BILI is Next

You’ve been Mcwarned. Not that said warning means anything to you.

I made a King’s Ransom in IQ today — no thanks to any of you of course. Next I am going to make a ransom in BILI. Wait and see. Watch.

What you need to do immediately is shut up, relax, and enjoy the show.

As my 42nd birthday nears, the free trials at Exodus increases. Hit me up for access and BEHOLD the updates that reduce shit sites like YCharts the absolute shame of the Fintech world.

flybroker at gmail dot com.

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MY IQ IS HIGHER THAN YOURS

I was just told by a good friend of mine that 10 out of 10 of the people he meets
hates iBankCoin, rather emphatically. He described meeting all sorts of people from various walks of life as being appalled and utterly disheveled by the level of discourse on the site. It has gotten to the point that the mere mentioned of associating with author(s) of the site have made a pariah out of him, a social outcast to be avoided like San Francisco gay aids. He specifically mentioned the level of “free speech” on the site as being something of a gargantuan negative selling point, an albatross, and that folks from the flyover states despised Le Fly for being a man of contemptuous qualities, a rogue pirate on the high seas of finance swashbuckling without decorum, an insult to the guards tie wearing gents at Merrill’d Lynch.

I have a message for you faggot wearing catamites at Merrill’d Lynch from the midwest: go fuck yourselves. No one cares about what you have say; you’re nothing but mere readers, a lowly form of subhuman that is easily swayed by buzzwords and trending topics. I can literally force you to hate me or love me with a simple 300 word essay, evoking emotions out of you that you never knew existed.

When my story is written and iBankCoin logged into the annuls of time, we will be known as a cutting sword across the necks of industry losers — men fixated on decorum during the day, perverted womanizing drug addicts by night. Your opinions are fleeting, whispers in the wind on a very windy day, indeud.

On the issue of IQ, it was analyzed over twenty years ago to be very high, so high the mere mention of it is somewhat embarrassing, considering I spend my days here shitposting with you. It also happens to be a position of mine — which is breaking out now. Maybe you should buy some and profit from the move. Maybe if you did that, you could pass this lovely post onto other employees as Merrill’d Lynch, Flyover fucked edition, so that I can tell them to fuck themselves too and that their firm is filled with catamites and faggots, weak kneed men with glass jaws and fat ears.

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No Happenings — Go Eat a Sandwich

What a crock of shit. I was expecting another +300 rally on Trump’s Chinese trade war victory, part 3. Instead, more nothing.

I do have my IQ edging higher and I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I am very tempted to preemptively celebrate this move, boast and brag, make my enemies feel like small infant children. But I won’t — because I gentleman never has to brag. Winship is implicit.

Utes are the standout sector today and I am long XLU. Heck, you can see my positions and my Quant portfolio for the thru the week Free trials at Exodus, bitches. Just email me: flybroker at gmail.

Also, foreign banks are taking a breather from getting smacked around. Shares of DB, ING, SAN and BBD are sharply higher. Conversely, some bubble basket stocks are getting hit. It’s a mixed bag — a traders tape.

Go eat a large sandwich and then head on over to the gym to do some deadlifts.

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BEHOLD the Wonders of Allergy Season

I always quiz the landscapers if they’re allergic to the planet like I am and they never are. I suppose they wouldn’t be cutting grass and getting bit by ticks all day if they were. As a young boy, I’d always find myself getting sick around my birthday — May 25th. I recall countless times being in a haze while playing baseball around this time of year, always chalking it up to catching the flu or a cold.

The first year of being a stockbroker, I remember vividly opening 2 new accounts on my birthday and I was sick as a fucking dog. I went home early that day and celebrated over tequila and antibiotics.

Truth of that matter is, I was a fucking moron all of those years, succumbing to stupidity on a grandiose level. I was never sick, per se, but allergic to the planet, or pollen. I actually had to redpill a friend of mine about his seasonal sickness a few years ago and much to his surprise he felt better, almost immediately, following a dose of anti-histamines.

Last year was the only year in well over 15 that I did not suffer from debilitating allergies. Often times I am awoken by them and sneeze for an hour straight, scrambling like a fool on a stool for a Claritin pill to help me live like a normal human being. The reason why I escaped allergies last year is because I skipped gardening. Typically I buy $1,000 worth of plants per annum. I take said plants and toss them into holes I dig in my garden beds. I’d then water them and feel good about them for a few weeks, and then watch them die over the next 8 weeks because I get mad at the water bill, which makes me turn off the irrigation system and then I often forget to water them in time to save them.

I’m a busy guy and don’t have time to water fucking plants.

The secret to feeling better this time of year is to be a hermit, take an anti-histamine pill every single day, regardless of symptoms — and never, ever, fucking garden. I recall a story that was once told to me about Mr. T, during his prime, and how he moved into a very posh Chicago suburb. Like me, Mr. T, aka Clubber Lang, suffers from allergies and he wasn’t having none of that shit in his new suburban mansion. Word is, much to his neighbors dismay, he chopped down all of the trees on his property and had his entire backyard turned into a concrete jungle, in order to avoid sneezing during pollen season.

You can do that, or simply hole yourself up tight for the next month or so and only veer out into the public during rainy days and/or the night — just like a vampire.

NOTE: In honor of Le Fly’s upcoming 42nd bday, we’re doing free trials for Exodus this week. Email me at Flybroker at gmail dot com for access.

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Reminder: Ron Johnson and Bill Ackman Destroyed JC Penney

NOTE: In honor of Le Fly’s upcoming 42nd bday, we’re doing free trials for Exodus this week. Email me at Flybroker at gmail dot com for access.

About 6 years ago, Bill Ackman and Ron Johnson, former guru from Apple, ventured on the quest to turn JC Penney into a chic retailer, one without coupons filled with elderly people in search of deals. That plan ended in disaster, placing the once legendary retailer in the grips of a debilitating financial crisis.

Look at the revenue and earnings collapse during the Ackman-Johnson era at JCP.

This morning the stock is spiraling lower again, heading towards the $1s, on news that its CEO is leaving for Lowes.

The home improvement retailer announced Tuesday it is naming Ellison president and CEO, effective July 2. Ellison will take over for Robert A. Niblock, who previously announced his intention to retire.

Ellison is chairman and CEO of J. C. Penney, which he has attempted to steer through a turnaround.

Prior to J.C. Penney, Ellison worked at Lowe’s rival Home Depot.

Shares of J.C. Penney were down 6 percent, while shares of Lowe’s were up 2 percent in pre-market trading.

The highly leveraged retailer has struggled to find its place in the evolving retail landscape, hamstrung with by its ability to properly buy clothes shopper want and unprofitable stores.

The retailer has taken a number of efforts to help steward a turnaround, including in March the elimination of 230 positions and the departure of executive vice president of Penney’s omnichannel business, Mike Amend,

Question: When SHLD and JCP go away, what will happen to all of that empty space at the mall?

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Markets Ebullient on News of China Slashing Tariffs on Auto Vehicles

NOTE: In honor of Le Fly’s upcoming 42nd bday, we’re doing free trials for Exodus this week. Email me at Flybroker at gmail dot com for access.

It’s hard to not categorize this as a win for team Trump. Naturally, some might say the tone of these threats isn’t friendly and it might damage relations long term — but who really gives a shit about feelings anyway. The Chinese eat pets, dogs and cats — believe me — they don’t give a shit about a little hardball negotiation. If I had to guess, they were probably bored of beating us stupid and silly and have enjoyed this new version of American virility.

On news of these tariff cuts, futures are +55, Nasdaq +25.

China’s Finance Ministry said that it will cut import tariffs on some vehicles to 15 percent, down from as much as 25 percent.

The announcement Tuesday also said that tariffs on some automotive parts would fall to 6 percent. The cuts will be effective from July 1.

The move signifies an attempt to open up the world’s largest auto market to international players. Discussion of a potential automotive sector tariff cut surfaced in April, and was mentioned in a speech by Chinese President Xi Jinping that month. It was also revealed that China would permit full foreign ownership of car makers in five years.

According to the Finance Ministry on Tuesday, the average tax on qualifying vehicles will now be 13.8 percent. Car parts to have import duties lowered include bumpers, doors and seat belts.

And, it looks like Trump backed down from penalizing ZTE. This is bullish for ACIA.

Everything is the fuck higher, gold, oil, silver — everything but Bitcoins.

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SAASFAGS GET IN HERE AND TELL ME WHEN THE PARTY ENDS

I posted a chart of CRM’s revenue ramp yesterday and all of the faggots got defensive over it, implying I was calling them a scam. I know it’s not a scam — but a growth hack.

All of the gains in productivity utilizing tech can be found inside this one sector: SAAS (software as a service).

In a way, NFLX falls into this group too, as well as Amazon Prime. The favorite business model on Wall Street is a subscription based one. Over the past 10 years, this model has exploded everywhere, as techFAGS use their wits to figure out human behavior, what colors to use in banner ads, words that make people buy shit, etc.

The theory behind SAAS is simple. Find a repeatable business model by subscription, with a low churn rate, that can grow thru a sales force or ad campaigns. The more money you throw at it, the faster they grow. Even during the criss of 2008, these companies grew.

Also, they never show profits — because all of their money is reinvested into growth. It seems like the biggest fucking scam ever — but it’s simply a matter of growing subscriptions, up selling, cross selling, and making sure customers are happy.

Some of the big winners the past year are in this space: ADBE, CRM, NOW, NEWR, ZEN. I will tell you now, the main high growth player in this sector now is ZEN. I’d be shocked if they didn’t catch a bid inside a year or so.

When does the party end, if ever?

Valuation isn’t even stretched, based off recent historical compares.

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In Honor of Le Fly’s Upcoming Birthday, I Grant Thee Free Trials

Just so you know, I’ll be 42 on the 25th of May — giving me just 5.5 years left on this site. When I started blogging in my 20s, I always said the age limit was 47.5; anything older than that deserves to be euthanized. If you’re not secluded in some mountainous village away from the world by the age of 50, you’re living life wrong. No one wants to see old people anymore — that shit is played out. I get it from my kids all the time. I’m an ancient man, a relic from another era and their way is better. Playing video games all day on a 5 inch screen is far superior to hitting fast balls over a park fence and into a bay across the street, tipping one’s hat as he trots across the bases and his enemies on the opposing team lament in their humiliating misery. I am sure placing a ring onto the nose of a shark in some shit-fun game is better.

Having said that, I still have a few years left here until I retire to the green fields of Romania.

Starting now thru this weekend — I’m handing out fresh Exodus free trials. Come check out the upgrades we’ve made to the software, the piped in data, Sharpe ratio tools, and of course my Quant strategies.

Because I now operate with a skeleton crew, you’re gonna have to email me and say hello in order to gain access. Don’t worry, I won’t bite.

[email protected]

Good day gents, ladies.

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