iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,220 Blog Posts

Here in the South Now — Ready to Whip the People Here into Submission

It took me 11 hours to get here and oddly enough — it wasn’t really torturous. I got fucked in DC around 3 and was stuck in traffic in the rain. There was a group of, I don’t know, 10,000 Mexicans protesting something and they really fucked up my alternative route flow. I hope Trump sent them all back to Mexico. That shit really pissed me off.

When I got down to Richmond, I went to Mission BBQ — my favorite place for brisket and green beans. I ate an absurd amount of food and side dishes and didn’t even feel full afterwards. I’m here with my dogs, so I sat outside during a little drizzle eating meat after meat after meat — like an absolute barrel-ass.

While driving to Raleigh the fucking rain started to come down in sheets, so bad I had to put my hazards on and drive like an old man.Truck drivers were flashing their lights into my car, telling me to fuck off and get out of the way. I wanted to kill them.

Then I noticed my car was handling poorly and I felt like I was rolling on Flintstone rocks. I checked the PSI on my tires and they were motherfucking 55. I normally keep them at 35, like any normal human being. I had just took my car out from the shop for a routine oil change and I can only guess that the fucking geniuses in there filled up my tires without actually checking for PSI. I am going to skin them alive when I get back.

It should be noted, I am in a nice suite with a full kitchen and wonderful amenities — dark gray rugs, charcoal couches, white walls, flat teevees, several neatly made beds, and a stainless steel fridge — already stocked with champagne. Tomorrow I intend to make my debut in the south, even though I’ve been here before, donning my cashmere cardigan. The very site of this sweater will shock the southern folk here into a panicked retreat and submission. The idea that someone could cavort amongst them in a sweater of this magnitude and grandeur will assuredly put them into an immediate subordinate position.

More on this tomorrow.

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Off to Become a Southern Gentleman

Why do you fuckers argue with each other about politics? Just a few years ago when I made the grave mistake of delving into politics, driving traffic at the site to all time fresh record highs. Our Alexa ranking soared to 5,000 — ad revenues tripled, and I was miserable. I know it has said before, but never again. I might have to start banning you fuckers for talking about politics in the comments section.

Last night I ate a hammed burger with cheese and some grilled potatoes, very heavily salted and lightly peppered. This morning I intend to whip up some Frenched toast, drizzled with real maple’d syrup — not that Aunt Jemima horseshit. By this time tomorrow, I expect to be eating grits and chitlins for breakfast, as I whip my waiter into shape and inform them of the preferences of their northern masters.

I’ll be driving 8 hours down to Raleigh soon and it’ll be the longest drive of my illustrious career. When I first started driving, I was a complete faggot — couldn’t go more than 2-3 hours at a clip. Since I enjoyed traveling up north into the New England region of America, I’d plan my trips to be dotted with hotel stays along the way. Every 2-3 hours I’d rest and take up residency in a hotel — extending trips much longer than needed. Nowadays I can drive a solid 5 hours before seeing double and wanted to keel over and die due to boredom. Sometimes I’ll blast really bad rap music in the car, just to draw a negative response from Mrs. Fly, in order to keep the drive lively. But today I’ll do 8-9 hours straight — like a robot. I’ll likely stop in Richmond, cavort with other southern gentlemen and whip them into shape too, asking quite aggressively where I might find some good BBQ and corned bread.

I’ll take my laptop with me and I’ll be sure to inform ya’ll about my southern adventures over the next few days.

Oh, in case any of you FUCKERS intend to burglar my home when I’m away, just know a good friend of mine is staying over while I’m gone and he’s armed with a machine gun and grenades. Plus he’s a black belt in karate and bench presses 400lbs.

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You Can Never Defeat Me — Fly Reigns Supreme Over Internet Retards

What a glorious day. Booked 12% in VIOT, +7% in RIOT, then strolled into DAVA and made instant gains. Fuck you and all of your pretend greatness — I practice this in real time here daily — been doing it since 2007.

Over this long weekend, Le Fly intends to mosey down to the south, in search of a home, in order to execute upon his plan at becoming a southern gentleman of extreme proportions. I do not mean that in the girth sense, as I am anything but a barrel ass. However, I intend to extend my alpha dominance south of the Mason Dixon — grow crops amongst other distinguished gents, and smoke my pipe lazily into the hazy late summer afternoon, whilst sipping copious amount of sweet tea.

The only other stocks that I bought today was PD — looks great — really do not see how I can lose. I know this comes across like I’m the only person in America who is making money in the stock market. I get it — everyone is making money; but I am simply making more.

What an interesting week, bookended by the Notre Dame burning and the Mueller report causing a psychosis in the millions of people who were praying upon the altar of misdirection for a resolution to finally, and once and for all, deal with Donald J. Trump. He has his purpose. We all do. Sadly, yours, and to a great extent, my own, is to hate one another.

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$ZM Comes Public — So Morons Bought $ZOOM on the Grey Market and Jacked It

This is to document human stupidity. This wasn’t algos or some quant with a fat finger. This is a fat headed fool buying ZOOM on the grey market instead of ZM — because the name of the company is Zoom. God damned these people — fuck off.

Looks like the stock rampaged higher by 130%, before collapsing after buyers found out they were in the wrong stock. Taking a gander on Twitter, I see plenty of people confusing the ticker. Let’s document them now, shall we?

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Slow Crawl Towards Holiday — Made a Swap

I often think about life and wished it was more like trading. Unhappy with job, house, friends? — swap them out for something more appealing — immediately. No need to fuck off and sit around with bad friends, or for some of you unhappy with your spouses — NO NEED FOR THAT EITHER. In my perfect world, we’d just trade them out, like a stock, and move on towards greener pastures.

I’ll be selling my house soon and that’s a fucking headache of monstrous proportions. It’d be nice to just trade this house on the spot for something down south. Wasn’t the blockchain supposed to do this shit for us — record transactions and cut out the middle men? Why can’t I used the god damned blockchain?

Markets are doing much better than I had expected and I had a stock up sharply, VIOT, so I sold it for +12% and with the proceeds I bought DAVA.

UPDATE: I sold RIOT for +7.3%

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Fly Buy: $PD

*** LAST TRADING DAY OF THE WEEK FUCKERS *** Take an Exodus Free Trial now.

New issue, SAAS play, specializing in AI and machine learning. Hard to see how I can possibly lose here. This being the last trading day of the week, I suspect more nothing and probably a terrible tape. You really need to be tough to trade stocks — sturdy and insane.

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Peak Feminism: Pinterest to Come Public Today

My wife loves Pinterest. I think it’s a giant piece of shit and waste of time. Fuck off with your crafting ideas and redecorating schemes. According to the internet, 80% of users on Pinterest are female, which is gender insensitive if you think about it — since men are women now and women are sometimes men. Alas, the point being — it is used by beta cuck fagLords and also women who like to waste time online learning how to bead.

Because the VC whores opted to get liquid on Joe Public — it is coming public today. I suspect they’ll jerk it off on CNBC in an attempt to make it ejaculate into all of your faces today — but it’ll be a flop. See, men, real men, hate Pinterest and we’ll never use it. What sort of social media site only caters to one gender and thinks they can get away with it?

Pinterest does.

Cheers to peak feminism and the beginning of the destruction of the very odious matriarchy — who have been keeping good men down for too long. We will short this PINS down to the ground, burn it, and then get down from our horses, and then throw its remains down into the rocks for the vultures to pick at and clean.

Happy Thursday morning fuckers.

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Biotechs Feel the BERN

Big drop in biotech stocks today — probably thanks to this Bernie Sanders tweet.

Down 4% on a nice spring day is not something to gloss over. But the truth of the matter is, Bernie will be long buried in a pine box before America reforms its healthcare system. Sure, he can talk and make a lot of noise — but no one will listen. Same thing goes for gun control. You can say stuff — but nothing will happen.

You live under the direct rule of elite families, exactly like an aristocracy. Your socialist dreams of equality and fairness are fodder, hopium for the masses to keep them at bay — just like the Mueller report kept 50% of mouth frothing fucktards at bay hoping the report to come would assuredly lock Trump and his family up for good.

We march on through the fires and nothing changes, a criminal enterprise with designs to protect an empire built upon death and theft commences.

Now go pay your $1,750 per month healthcare bill and shut the fuck up about it — else Chase bank will close your account and all of the socials will exile you for the bastard you are.

Top picks: TUFN, BE, and CPE.

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Fly Buy: $TMV

Yields cannot stay down for long. The divergence between stocks and yields is a wide open void. It will close. Hence, I am long TMV — short bonds 3x.

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Bullshit Holiday Reversals

This is the sort of tape that makes one want to jump into a lit fireplace. No traction. Reversals to the downside, led lower by small cap. However, you’re being overly dramatic. See, small caps have crushed to the upside the past week, far outpacing the large caps. This is simply, dare I say, a reversion to the mean.

One could make a strong argument that I am being blind to a possible reversal in the indices and I admit that I am jaded beyond belief and barely know the difference between what is fake or real anymore. However, I do know this — leverage loans are doing ok, as well as junk bonds, and WTI.

I would’ve liked to lock in those gains in $TUFN this morning, but I didn’t and that’s life.

Oil isn’t down and small caps are merely in profit taking mode. Into a holiday, expect thin and disgraceful trading. If you’re placing hedges now, I do believe you’re making a mistake.

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