iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,426 Blog Posts

Mueller Indicts Russians; Markets Rally; Mueller Doesn’t Indict Russians; Markets Rally

Any questions?

You fuckers have good leads. You know the market is gonna trade up no matter what. Sure, every once in a while you’ll be raped by an ETN going to zero, or a CNBC expose showing what a scam crypto proxies are — but that’s part of the beauty of investing.

After all, you cannot have joy without first experiencing extreme levels of pain and agony.

Earlier today, Mueller indicted 13 Russians for shit posting on the internet — in an attempt to disparage Hillary Clinton — a true American patriot. Mueller outlined, in great detail, the lengths of depravity these Russians took, traveling throughout the country like a circus act — attempting to elect Trump.

On that news, stocks dipped, but now they’re coming back. Should stocks dip again, you’d be wise to purchase them. If you do no purchase dips, perhaps one day a Fly Administration will investigate you for crimes against America — subverting our capitalistic system through wanton acts of aggression against share prices. Your name might be posted online and your employers contacted. You might be publicly shamed and humiliated. You might even lose your job.

Courtesy of Exodus, here are the winning sectors over the past two weeks.

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I LOVE COKING COAL

President Trump is firing on all cylinders — making America great again. Part of this plan is to boost our steel industry by imposing harsh tariffs on inferior and very evil (believe me) Chinese steel. By doing this, the price of steel can be great again and metallurgical coal companies can thrive.

Nothing says ‘Merica like metallurgical coal. It is beautiful, big, and definitely fantastic.

So, because I like the MUH charts, and because there is a fucking breakout underway, with steel stocks sliding like wet bodies on vaseline lined vinyl, I stepped in and bought some CLF here.

For the sake of my sanity, just know that all purchases are 5% weightings. If I buy twice, then it’s 10%. When a stock or a fucking volatility ETN blows up and goes to zero in the after-hours, I can only lose 5-10% of my equity — because that’s how adults invest. We do not partake in river boats gambles, unless the game in rigged.

Markets are +150, oil is strong, as well as dollars. You have no reason to complain.

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CNBC Takes Aim at $RIOT — CEO Sketchy AF

I sold RIOT in the pre-market after watching this video.

Investigating Riot Blockchain from CNBC.

It was a 5% position, as all of my positions are, and I hated losing money on it — but let’s be honest here: that CEO is sketchy as fuck.

It’s worth noting, CNBC will follow up on this story at 10:15am, which is likely to send shares even lower.

No one is surprised. We just wanted to ride the wave a little while longer. Sometimes the party ends early and you end up with vomit on your sleeve.

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SHIVER ME TIMBERS — ME SHITCOINS HAVE EXPLODED AGAIN

During the day time I am a very nice manager of money/profound, award winning, blogger and author. I am both charitable and intelligent. But at night time, whilst the rest of the world are fast asleep, I am a demon SHITCOIN trader — furiously exploring the Binance platform in search of fortune.

Some of my toils have come home to roost recently, with an explosion in price in three of my SHITCOINS.

INS

ELF

STORJ

Early going, Dow futures are +80, commodities are firm, but SHITCOINS are energetic.

Encana upgraded to Buy from Hold at Societe Generale
Campbell Soup sees FY18 $3.10-3.17 vs $2.98 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees -1% to +1%
Kraft Heinz misses by $0.05, reports revs in-line
Coca-Cola beats by $0.01, beats on revs; guides FY18 EPS above consensus
MuleSoft upgraded to Overweight from Neutral at JP Morgan
J.M. Smucker beats by $0.34, reports revs in-line; guides FY18 EPS above consensus
Deere beats by $0.11, misses on revs; guides Q2 revs above consensus; raises FY18 revs above consensus

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ZERO of You Trollops Can Fuck With My Chart Game

Check this out. This stock right here is going to beat all of your stocks tomorrow, and more. You might pretend to know how to pick stocks. Hell, you might pretend to think that you knew XIV would blow the fuck up — but you didn’t know shit. You’re all a bunch of water carrying faggots — getting banned on blogs and what not. What sort of life are you leading when you’ve been reduced to an insignificant pleb getting banned on websites?

Just today, for the first time in iBC history, I had to fire someone from Exodus and ban him from our confines. We’re living in an era of peak mental illness — weak men addled by insecurities because they’re too scared or insignificant enough to live the life they always dreamed of living.

There are two types of people in this world. There are people who draw charts like this:

And then there’s people like this:

See you in the morning, eyeball face.

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Taking Another Floater into the Bell

I bought some RENN into the bell — rounding out a day that involved closing out hedges and buying more shit stocks.

The highlight of my day was a breakout in KODK. One should expect extreme upside in those shares in short order.

Dialogue is irrelevant here, as the market is in full retard mode to the upside. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand the short trade is nothing short of sticking your balls inside of a glory hole. Sure, you might strike gold — but you’re more likely to have your balls bit off by a rabid dog on the other side.

Energy took a breather today, so expect that sector to run higher tomorrow.

Top picks: KODK, FTK, RIOT, and KODK

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King Shitcoin Busts Through $10,000; Covered All of My Shorts

By covering I mean selling my idiot inverse ETFs: SOXS, TZA, FAZ, and TMV. They looked like a good idea when I bought them — but they aren’t anymore. By taking the L, I free my longs to sprint naked in the fields without restraint.

Meanwhile King Shitcoin just broke out past $10k. While that might seem significant, glance over at the chart to see how stupid it is — big picture-wise.

The working theory now is to simply sit back and eat sandwiches all day, shitposting online, making money in stocks just for showing up. We can ensure this outcome two ways.

1. Using a quantitative strategy, like what I have going in Exodus.
2. Loitering in the Pelican Room in Exodus for new ideas.

Either way, all roads end up in one place.

Breadth is abysmal at 63% and I am not keen on adding all of the cash I just raised from the sales into stocks here. But the panic has subsided and the bulls are back in charge, so holding shorts now is just stubborn and nonsensical — a trade designed for idiots. Hopefully with the cash I raised I can buy some dips tomorrow, or perhaps later on today.

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Guillotines Everywhere — Beware of Reversals

After such a glorious run up, one should expect the market to moderate a bit here — perhaps even plunge just about the time when everyone else gets back in. As you know, I did buy RIOT this morning, basically due to my unchecked greed. But I also sold BITA for a 10% win and still own a great deal of rapidly declining inverse ETFs.

Why, I could imagine the glory now — seeing the market reverse and decapitate all of the late comers, while I nosh on a vegan snack of my choosing, profiting handsomely and terrifically in my ETFs that are designed to lose money.

Heck, I deserve the wins, me being the benevolent kind hearted person that I am.

Some of you, on the other hand, are awful people and deserve nothing other than the black flag. As God is my witness, I will pray for your extinction.

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Fly Buy: $RIOT

This piece of shit is like a blue chip in the wondrous world of the chain.

Blockchain technology will change the world. I merely want to make some money on a trade, however.

In it for at least another $3.

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Researchers: Eating Processed Foods Greatly Increases Chances of Getting Cancer

The British Medical Journal published a study that says eating shitty processed foods cause cancer.

Researchers in Paris studies the medical record of 10,000 adults and cross referenced their intake of food items — amounting to more than 3,000, and found that foods such as processed cakes, chicken nuggets, mass produced bread, soda, confectionary and processed meat increased risks of getting cancer.

In fact, it showed that as little as a 10% increase in consuming this shitty foods led to a 12% bump in cancer.

Naturally, processed food fags are having a fucking stroke over this and are in hyper-shill mode trying to kill the story. The common rebuttal is ‘urging caution’ and reminding normies to have a ‘balanced diet’ while also advertising Dorito flavored Taco Bell cancer bombs.

Processed foods amount to a staggering 50% of the average person’s diet in several western countries — such as ‘Merica.

“If confirmed in other populations and settings, these results suggest that the rapidly increasing consumption of ultra-processed foods may drive an increasing burden of cancer in the next decades,” the researchers said.

Here is the absolute state of Cancer Research U.K.:

“People shouldn’t worry about eating a bit of processed food here and there based on this study. There is good evidence that too little fruit, vegetables and fiber and too much processed and red meat in our diets can contribute to the development of some types of cancer,” Linda Bauld, Cancer Research U.K.’s prevention expert, said in an email.

“Eating a balanced diet, avoiding junk food and maintaining a healthy weight are things we can all do to help stack the odds in our favor,” she added.

In other words, keep eating MCD and frozen tendies, in spite of the fact researchers found a marked increase in cancer rates in people in a LARGE DATA SET, rubber stamped by a cancer prevention ‘expert’ who probably gets grants by General Mills.

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