18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Congrats to the final 6 winners of the iBC tabbed blogger elections. We will be holding FINAL ELECTIONS next wednesday at midnight.
Here are the results:
The winners are
CHUCK BENNETT
RHINO
ELIZAMAE
RAUL3
MAXIMUS
DCHSN6 (that’s a fucked up name son)
For all of those who lose, do not lose heart. I am sure whoever ends up being elected will be fired in 3 months, for failing to attain the required minimum traffic share of 3%. At that time, we will hold elections, yet again.
You really have to take this action with a grain of salt. This is end of year bullshit, a time when stocks get whipsawed for a number of reasons. Tax loss selling hits down stocks. Window dressing helps stocks that are the flavor of the moment and hedge fund liquidations cause disruptions–causing panic amongst the unwashed. Case in point: AAPL.
The majority of funds did poorly in 2012, underperforming the indices by a wide margin. Unfortunately, those managers might be calling it quits, as redemptions come in. Investors love to judge their managers at the end of the year, like the true calendar retards they are. As a result, whole funds need to be liquidated and the ripple effects can be jarring.
This all sets up for the real move in January.
Have a look at the monthly data for the SPY, in December, since 1993.
Aside from 2010, which was a roaring bull market, the month of December is a snore fest.
Now have a look at January.
Every year since 2008 has been psychotic. Why should 2013 be any different?
I am warning you, both longs and shorts, this lack of volatility is coming to an end. I am not making the case for a VXX trade. However, I can promise you the calm waters that your little boats are enjoying will soon be over-flooded by the hand of Poseidon himself, thrusting famished sharks onto your decks, upsetting your existence to the point of financial extinction!
I’m riding in a space rocket, scooping up farmers in 0hio and dropping them into blackholes. According to my time machine, SWHC is scheduled to smash earnings, fueled by the resurgence of the confederacy. Do you think gun sales slowed or quickened prior to the elections and why?
Here is what RGR and SWHC have done to EPS estimates (hint: they’ve shit on them) over the past 4 quarters.
RGR
SWHC
Despite all of the bad news, AAPL losing $35 billion in market capitalization in just one day, the markets are benign. I will prove to you later why markets shouldn’t be feared in December, but instead January.
Bottom line: I’m holding SWHC into earnings because I believe in the 2nd amendment and a heavily armed southern United Steaks. Also, I’ve noticed some of you partaking in a little good ol’ fashioned Tammany Hall election rigging. Need I remind you “The Fly” sees all and will disqualify you for soiling these fine elections with your filthy fat fingers?
I gather many of you are huddled up around the fireside, toking from your favorite pipes, discussing the iBankCoin elections. Well read up and educate yourselves about the candidates, for elections begin at midnight, lasting until tomorrow’s closing bell (I changed my mind on the whole midnight to midnight thing).
I will not be endorsing anyone, instead letting the people decide for me. I am sure you will not let me down.
These stupid shits thought they’d fuck with Howard Schultz, a man born in Brooklyn, because they paid for some dickass lab results that showed “high levels of pesticides” inside of Teavana’s tea. Howard Schultz pisses on your lab report. He shits on it.
Fuck a bag of rocks, Glaucus. This recent spate of stupidity has brought short selling boiler room sites like theirs to new lows. They’re now trying to interfere with mergers and acquisitions via ridiculously stupid means.
Question for Mr. Glaucus:
Do you think Mr. Schultz gives a shit about the organic properties of Teavana’s tea or do you believe he bought them for their footprint, brand and distribution?
Any ape with an IQ above 80 would agree that canceling a deal based on some pesticide report is absurd. Therefore, any reasonable person can only conclude that Glaucus, with the help of certain person(s) on the television, have purposefully issued these reports in order to recover some of their losses, following SBUX’s takeover bid. One can only assume they are working against the best interests of their readers and attempting to profit from media driven fears.
Did you really think SBUX was going to pay attention to what some stupid shit, on some unknown website, with regards to THEIR MERGER?
For that, amongst other things, Sir, you are the recipient of an Asshat of the Week award.
Listen to them prank calling Teavana stores, like Jerky Boys, thinking they’ve made some biological breakthrough.
Oil and gas stocks are moving higher because folks like James Cramer suggested a new wave of consolidation might be upon us. WRONG. Today’s bump is because FCX is a ridiculously retarded organization. It’s equal to going to a grocery store and spotting a rotten piece of fruit, approaching the vendor and saying “excuse me Sir, how much for that rotten piece of fruit? (taps cane)” Meekly, the vendor responds, “well, it’s selling for $.80, but I might be able to do better.” The rich and extravagant man, named FREEPORT, responds, “no need good chap. I will give you $1.50 for that rotten fruit and while you’re at it, give me that half chewed apple in the corner as well. I’ll pay no more than $1.00 for THAT, however (mumbling to himself with victorious satisfaction).”
The meek vendor packs up the fruit and gladly accepts Freeport’s money, much to the chagrin of Freeport’s family who will now go without an Xmas turkey–because the old man spent all their money on two ruinous rotten pieces of fruit.
Parables abound!
I’m not participating in this rally, just like most of you. Despite the greeness of the Dow Jones Industrial Average, breadth stands at a feeble 53%, hardly inspiring. Silver is getting poleaxed, and by extension, as am I. My largest holding is VHC and that’s holding up, but by a thread. SWHC is scheduled to report earnings tomorrow, so it’s pins and needles until then. My world as you know it is frozen in time, stuck in the amber that is being caused by an indecisive stock market–customary of the month of December.
What is FCX fucking retarded? I apologize for waking you up with such profanity, but these fucktards are bidding for a company (MMR) that was on its deathbed because their big oil project is likely a dud. Hey, but that didn’t stop the assholes over at FCX from doing ANOTHER deal, on the same fucking day. Like women in a shoe store, they decided to buy PXP too, because that’s what pimps do.
As a result, FCX is down more than $5, fucking their shareholders for pagan Xmas, like nothing I’ve seen before.
Everyone on the teevee seems to be rather “meh” about the whole thing, pointing to stupid tax advantages.
THE COMPANY JUST EMPTIED ITS FUCKING COFFERS FOR A PIECE OF SHIT and another company that is bound to suffer under a difficult Obama led EPA. They probably bought MMR because the name sounds like theirs. Stupid shits.
FCX is a short because copper and gold isn’t good enough for them. FCX is a short because the company is led by asshats.
Gather ’round the fireside for a little iBC history–youngsters.
When I started blogging, back in my government reported age of 29 (my actual age is in the thousands), we held elections all the time. Bloggers would be hired for weekend stints and they’d be fired shortly thereafter. That’s how I met Woodshedder, Ragin Cajun, Danny, Caine, Alphadawg, even my world famous programmer VINCENZO ILLUMINATI.
When iBankCoin was founded, I scouted the area for good writers. We had official elections back in 2008. Hell, we even made campaign videos for them. Have a look, some of them are my finest work.
Elections will begin Wednesday at midnight, lasting through midnight on Thursday.The top 6 vote getters will advance to the next round, where 3 will be chosen for probationary tabbed blogger status.
Thus far, these are the contestants (let me know if I am missing anyone).
I expect voters to educate themselves on the choices they will be required to make. And contestants should campaign hard for the spot, even covet the backing of current staff bloggers–if they so choose.
