You Are Now Entering the No Selfie Zone

One of my pet peeves is being forced to see people who are obviously aging taking selfies of themselves and posting it to social media. If I follow you, or perhaps happen to glance at my phone, I am a captive audience to your depravity. Let me enlighten you to something.

After the age of 30, selfies should be illegal. The only judgement people will make when seeing your photos is how remarkable or hideous you look for your age. They’ll say stuff like “wow, she looks great  for 45. Or doesn’t he look young? He’s really 47.” They’re not actually saying you look good, mind you.

I find it to be insulting to my time for you to post selfies of yourselves after the age of 30. Older persons, such as myself (38), should resort to posting pictures of oddities or events that you happen to enjoy. Ergo, folks, you are in the no-selfie zone, a place where people know and understand to be beautiful is to be young  and if you’re not young, you’re just aging well.

Age gracefully and stop taking photographs of your wrinkles.

Markets are heading lower and futures are vomiting all over themselves. Prepare to be SAMSONITE HAMBURGALAR’d tomorrow.

Like I Was Saying, The Market Will Collapse After It Hits All Time Highs

Marc Faber has a mental disorder. Just today he said he’d feel lucky to only lose 50% of his money in the coming crash. I suppose it wouldn’t make sense for him to just, oh I don’t know, sell his securities and avoid such a horrible fate. Then again, without the dramatic effect of being personally afflicted by the coming crash, Mr. Faber might lose a little realism in his television appearances.

Very simply, today was a total circle jerk. This market is designed to set me back. My only respite is the low beta quality of my current portfolio. I could use a windfall or two:  perhaps a surge in IFON or a blast off in ARWR or LITB. One thing is for certain: this market was built for The Option Addict, who once again nailed another call with NMBL ripping off chest hairs today.

For those of you who are just tuning in, iBankCoin is hosting its first ever, and possibly its last ever (depending on my experience with  this whole thing) conference. Seek out the details and book your flights now. We do have discounts available for the Encore hotel and will get that information out to you after we finalize the paperwork.

The World is Flat

I am convinced if it weren’t for David Tepper and a slew of copycat hedge funds, TLT would be higher today. It makes zero sense to see commodities get crushed, the dollar soar higher, yet treasuries lower. In all of the history in all of the world, this has never ever happened…ever.

The country in which the bonds are located cannot have a surging currency, whilst deflationary pressures are present in the form of tanking commodity prices, and also have its yields go up. Fuck you very much Mr. Tepper, I hope there aren’t any sales at the mall today.

Deflation. Let’s talk about it.

Corn, wheat and sugar are down 20% over the past 3 months. Natural gas, cotton and oil and down 16%, 13% and 12% respectively–over the past 3 months. Gas, timber, silver and gold are lower too. The only commodities that have risen, markedly, is cattle, palladium and coffee, none of which could be considered harbingers of inflationary doom.

No, I am digging my heals in here, awaiting an awful tape–one that rewards, not punishes, those who smartly went long treasuries and utilities, god damn it.

In Light of Alibabba

I have to believe another certain Chinese burrito e-commerce website may catch fire, lighting the heads of the disenfranchised– fueled by black coal, metallic smoke, and other incendiary elements. Persons with bearish bias shall be flung out from their calashes, mid-gallop, to be ruined by mud and spoiled vegetables by the roadside.

Their frocks will be dismantled and their mandibles detached from their hideous scarred faces.

Tax collectors, and the like, will search them out and arrest them for “failing to invest wisely”, a new crime established after the great Alibabba ipo. Men like JACK MA will become examples of elegance and panache along Madison avenue, as ladies flock to him like women to millionaires.

Ladies and gentlemen, I speak of a company whose CEO manages his conference calls with a crying baby upon his lap, not really giving a flying fuck, because his stock is en fuego.

This company is LIGHT IN THE BOX, LITB (drops mic, detonates atomic bomb over Pyongyong for shits and giggles).

Monkey See, Monkey Do

The last time that billionaire hedge fund manager, who operates out of the Short Hills Shopping mall, told you to be careful of stocks, at the SALT conference, everyone panicked for a solid two weeks. After all, David Tepper is God’s only bastard son and can do no wrong. Persons of interest and disinterest alike shorted internet stocks with reckless abandon. Everything seemed to go fine, until your faces got ripped off–placing Mr. Tepper in the indomitable ‘fag box.’

Wait, should I refrain from talking shit about Mr. Tepper because he has more money than me? I know many of you microbes out there like to judge a persons opinion based upon his account size. Should I qualify myself with screen shots of my 7 fig account balance before each blog? I know some of you sub-mentals have asked me to do that before. Hey, don’t forget to come to our fucking conference in Vegas, ok?

So now Mr. Tepper, sausage eater from Pittsburg, now working on the 2nd floor of the Short Hills Shopping Mall, directly above the Santa Claus picture centre, is telling you that rates are going higher. He’s called a bottom in interest rates (LOLz), the very rate the US govt pays to borrow money to conduct warfare and other unsavory events. With almost 20 trillion tucked away in debt, this guy, the sausage eater from fuckville, is telling me that interest rates, the cost of borrowing for the insolvent US govt, is going higher.

PUHLEEZE.

 

Once you get it out of your system and follow this psychotic into shorting treasuries because of the inflation boogyman, you will realize that it is implausible and certainly improbable for rates to go higher, to any large degree.

Having said that, TLT is lower this morning and has moved 5 straight points to the downside since 9/1. On the surface, it would appear massive inflation is being priced in, at the same time gasoline dropped by 15%. Because, ummm, I don’t know: because inflation is a figment of your servile imagination!

Perhaps We Will Never Go Down

But then again, after QE1 ended we fell by 16%. After QE2 ended, we fell by 19%. Are you feeling lucky, punk?

Is it just me, or does this have the feel, the aroma, of a blow off top? Why on God’s green earth was FUEL up so much today? How in the hell did Option Addict know that LULU and WB would explode today?

All of these questions, AND MORE, must be answered soon.

I am sitting here in God damned treasuries, as rates trickle higher–ever so slowly. My utilities are flat and my long term stuff is working. I am +131% in FB, +66% in AAPL, +35% in WM, +33% in KMB, +29% in CHD, +22% in GILD, +21% in YELP, +21% in JAZZ, +21% in PANW and +20% in SLCA–just to name a few. Even dogs like GOGO have resurged, making me profitable once again.

This is a celebration of greatness and I want to have my share. I’ve been stuck on the idea that “this is 2000″ and that is why I’ve elected this milquetoast approach to the markets. Perhaps I will be proven correct. However, as that process unfolds, I am missing out on opportunity, a cardinal sin for a fast money maven, such as myself.

A GREAT SHAME FALLS UPON YOUR HOUSE

How much have you sinners made on those LULU calls that The Option Addict slaved over his computer for you? How much money are you making off his WB calls? Yet, there are are, sitting there like the road-slobs that you are, NOT, might I add, reserving airplane tickets to join him in Las Vegas on November the 8th.  Need I remind you of the improper decorum this spells out for you and your families?

Although the LULU calls are not up by much, only a mere 200%, the Weibo calls are indeud up a staggering 600%. A person, such as yourself, should feel obligated to pay this man his proper respects, am I not correct?

Gentlemen,

The market wants to head lower and you are still banking coin. We are in the last days of Rome, with a homosexual opera man as our Caesar. Envelop yourselves in the safety of high yielding utility stocks and the safety of treasury bonds. Toss away your sinful lottery tickets and prepare for the apocalypse.

Everything I’ve ever known and learned about the stock market is upside down. Nothing makes sense, only the people who’ve managed to decode the meaning to this rabble. One cannot navigate in treacherous waters without an engine, or a light, or at least a paddle. Take it from a man who has seen it all, studied the markets and has enjoyed gilded success: The Option Addict is the real deal.

Now go pay your respects.

An Update From House Fly

I do these posts, every-so-often, in order to keep you heathens abreast with the ongoings of House Fly. As you all know, these posts are of utmost importance to provide you with a guideline to proper living, one of a gentleman and not some vagrant vagabond clad in cheap regalia.

For one, the summer is over and I am happy for it. There was a lot of gratuitous entertainment at my house and I’ve vowed to avoid drinking in public for the forseeable future. Also, living expenses are beyond stupid and this all has to stop sometime–might as well be now.

I’ve been hitting the gym fairly consistently, at least 3 times per week. I am on maintenance diet now and intend to bulk after Oct 31st, with a goal to gain 15 lbs. For those of you interested in unveiling who The Fly is at the investors conference in Vegas, just know that I will be heavily creatine’d up and would rather throw you off a balcony than permit you to out me. I will come with body doubles and will have other people wear watches and rings that look like the one’s I’ve worn in my stupid instagram photos. You will never catch me. Ever.

My business is booming, despite underperforming this year. You ponder how this is possible. Well, be patient son and I shall tell you. “The Fly” has a long storied history of outperformance and his clients trust him. I’ve raised considerable amounts of new money over the summer and have taken it upon myself to aggressively pursue the market with my own money.

I’ve thrown out my Keurig and now grind my own beans and use a French Press to serve myself coffee. I take it black (no homo) and generally despise sugar, unless of course it comes in the form of a cake–which I am  a sucker for, especially pie.

I’ve stopped watching movies, in exchange for teevee shows. Over the summer, I watched all of the Homeland, Suits, Hannibal, Ray Donavan, Masters of Sex and Fargo episodes and now find myself enjoying Hell on Wheels. I keep very late hours and sleep about 3-4 hours per night. Generally speaking, I crash on weekends, but have not done so in many weeks–thanks to a busy schedule.

I’m still reading a lot, with 5 books mid-way done at the side of my bed.  I’ve taken a particular interest in the olde Robber Barrons and have been reading about how the idiot Vanderbilts squandered a $300 billion (today’s money) fortune in just one generation.

As of this moment, I am growing a beard, going for the caveman look. Typically, I shave daily and dress very neatly, even when working from home. I find it to be distasteful to slog about the house dressed like an unemployed booze hound.

I bought myself a new tobacco pipe and have been smoking it once per week, maybe less. Wine consumption is at a minimum, as I value healthy living more than being a slob.

I’ve stopped listening to classical music, after two years of hard core fanaticism. In its place, I’ve delved into jazz, more Sinatra, and some foreign music that appeals to my inner anglo-saxon.

Lastly, I am working on five new projects, one with VINCENZO ILLUMINATI, creating the new PPT 5.0 (the previous 4 iterations have been withheld from the public), another with Howard Lindzon (it is amazing and will change the way you receive stock market news), another with Caine Thaler, another with an anonymous author of the heralded iBankCoin dictionary, and lastly The iBankCoin Investors Conference. I’ve secured two excellent speakers, aside from The Option Addict, and I know you will enjoy it.

 

NOTE: We’ve now made it possible to just purchase a VIP ticket. After considerable feedback, it seems many of you aren’t allowed to travel to Vegas alone (lolz) and require an extra ticket to VIP only so that your wives could monitor your movements–at all times.

The Party is Never Going to End

Despite having lots of defensive positions, I still managed to make money today–led by gains in PANW, SLCA, AAPL, GILD and SGEN. My utilities didn’t hurt me, which further proves my point that being defensive in these names incurs low risk. Had the market tumbled, they’d be making me money right now. The only thing that I am missing out on is opportunity, which is fine–since the year is long and my brain is large.

I bought ARWR today because the good Dr is a fan. I passed along his French biotech play, GNFTF, in the low $40′s, only to see it skyrocket since then. He’s given me GILD from the $50′s, told me to short GALT from the high teens and absolutely despises EXAS. However, he feels confident that ARWR might have a cure for hep B. We shall see.

Everything is peachy. Nothing to worry about, except spiraling lower out of control commodity prices. See them. Go and learn about it.

All is well on Wall Street. Hence, all is well in the world.

JUST ONE MORE HIT

I couldn’t help myself, man. I needed to take just one more hit. I swear, this time it’s for real. Just one more hit and then I’m gone.

I bought ARWR

You Are Now Entering the No Selfie Zone

One of my pet peeves is being forced to see people who are obviously aging taking selfies of themselves and posting it to social media. If I follow you, or perhaps happen to glance at my phone, I am a captive audience to your depravity. Let me enlighten you to something.

After the age of 30, selfies should be illegal. The only judgement people will make when seeing your photos is how remarkable or hideous you look for your age. They’ll say stuff like “wow, she looks great  for 45. Or doesn’t he look young? He’s really 47.” They’re not actually saying you look good, mind you.

I find it to be insulting to my time for you to post selfies of yourselves after the age of 30. Older persons, such as myself (38), should resort to posting pictures of oddities or events that you happen to enjoy. Ergo, folks, you are in the no-selfie zone, a place where people know and understand to be beautiful is to be young  and if you’re not young, you’re just aging well.

Age gracefully and stop taking photographs of your wrinkles.

Markets are heading lower and futures are vomiting all over themselves. Prepare to be SAMSONITE HAMBURGALAR’d tomorrow.

Like I Was Saying, The Market Will Collapse After It Hits All Time Highs

Marc Faber has a mental disorder. Just today he said he’d feel lucky to only lose 50% of his money in the coming crash. I suppose it wouldn’t make sense for him to just, oh I don’t know, sell his securities and avoid such a horrible fate. Then again, without the dramatic effect of being personally afflicted by the coming crash, Mr. Faber might lose a little realism in his television appearances.

Very simply, today was a total circle jerk. This market is designed to set me back. My only respite is the low beta quality of my current portfolio. I could use a windfall or two:  perhaps a surge in IFON or a blast off in ARWR or LITB. One thing is for certain: this market was built for The Option Addict, who once again nailed another call with NMBL ripping off chest hairs today.

For those of you who are just tuning in, iBankCoin is hosting its first ever, and possibly its last ever (depending on my experience with  this whole thing) conference. Seek out the details and book your flights now. We do have discounts available for the Encore hotel and will get that information out to you after we finalize the paperwork.

The World is Flat

I am convinced if it weren’t for David Tepper and a slew of copycat hedge funds, TLT would be higher today. It makes zero sense to see commodities get crushed, the dollar soar higher, yet treasuries lower. In all of the history in all of the world, this has never ever happened…ever.

The country in which the bonds are located cannot have a surging currency, whilst deflationary pressures are present in the form of tanking commodity prices, and also have its yields go up. Fuck you very much Mr. Tepper, I hope there aren’t any sales at the mall today.

Deflation. Let’s talk about it.

Corn, wheat and sugar are down 20% over the past 3 months. Natural gas, cotton and oil and down 16%, 13% and 12% respectively–over the past 3 months. Gas, timber, silver and gold are lower too. The only commodities that have risen, markedly, is cattle, palladium and coffee, none of which could be considered harbingers of inflationary doom.

No, I am digging my heals in here, awaiting an awful tape–one that rewards, not punishes, those who smartly went long treasuries and utilities, god damn it.

In Light of Alibabba

I have to believe another certain Chinese burrito e-commerce website may catch fire, lighting the heads of the disenfranchised– fueled by black coal, metallic smoke, and other incendiary elements. Persons with bearish bias shall be flung out from their calashes, mid-gallop, to be ruined by mud and spoiled vegetables by the roadside.

Their frocks will be dismantled and their mandibles detached from their hideous scarred faces.

Tax collectors, and the like, will search them out and arrest them for “failing to invest wisely”, a new crime established after the great Alibabba ipo. Men like JACK MA will become examples of elegance and panache along Madison avenue, as ladies flock to him like women to millionaires.

Ladies and gentlemen, I speak of a company whose CEO manages his conference calls with a crying baby upon his lap, not really giving a flying fuck, because his stock is en fuego.

This company is LIGHT IN THE BOX, LITB (drops mic, detonates atomic bomb over Pyongyong for shits and giggles).

Monkey See, Monkey Do

The last time that billionaire hedge fund manager, who operates out of the Short Hills Shopping mall, told you to be careful of stocks, at the SALT conference, everyone panicked for a solid two weeks. After all, David Tepper is God’s only bastard son and can do no wrong. Persons of interest and disinterest alike shorted internet stocks with reckless abandon. Everything seemed to go fine, until your faces got ripped off–placing Mr. Tepper in the indomitable ‘fag box.’

Wait, should I refrain from talking shit about Mr. Tepper because he has more money than me? I know many of you microbes out there like to judge a persons opinion based upon his account size. Should I qualify myself with screen shots of my 7 fig account balance before each blog? I know some of you sub-mentals have asked me to do that before. Hey, don’t forget to come to our fucking conference in Vegas, ok?

So now Mr. Tepper, sausage eater from Pittsburg, now working on the 2nd floor of the Short Hills Shopping Mall, directly above the Santa Claus picture centre, is telling you that rates are going higher. He’s called a bottom in interest rates (LOLz), the very rate the US govt pays to borrow money to conduct warfare and other unsavory events. With almost 20 trillion tucked away in debt, this guy, the sausage eater from fuckville, is telling me that interest rates, the cost of borrowing for the insolvent US govt, is going higher.

PUHLEEZE.

 

Once you get it out of your system and follow this psychotic into shorting treasuries because of the inflation boogyman, you will realize that it is implausible and certainly improbable for rates to go higher, to any large degree.

Having said that, TLT is lower this morning and has moved 5 straight points to the downside since 9/1. On the surface, it would appear massive inflation is being priced in, at the same time gasoline dropped by 15%. Because, ummm, I don’t know: because inflation is a figment of your servile imagination!

Perhaps We Will Never Go Down

But then again, after QE1 ended we fell by 16%. After QE2 ended, we fell by 19%. Are you feeling lucky, punk?

Is it just me, or does this have the feel, the aroma, of a blow off top? Why on God’s green earth was FUEL up so much today? How in the hell did Option Addict know that LULU and WB would explode today?

All of these questions, AND MORE, must be answered soon.

I am sitting here in God damned treasuries, as rates trickle higher–ever so slowly. My utilities are flat and my long term stuff is working. I am +131% in FB, +66% in AAPL, +35% in WM, +33% in KMB, +29% in CHD, +22% in GILD, +21% in YELP, +21% in JAZZ, +21% in PANW and +20% in SLCA–just to name a few. Even dogs like GOGO have resurged, making me profitable once again.

This is a celebration of greatness and I want to have my share. I’ve been stuck on the idea that “this is 2000″ and that is why I’ve elected this milquetoast approach to the markets. Perhaps I will be proven correct. However, as that process unfolds, I am missing out on opportunity, a cardinal sin for a fast money maven, such as myself.

A GREAT SHAME FALLS UPON YOUR HOUSE

How much have you sinners made on those LULU calls that The Option Addict slaved over his computer for you? How much money are you making off his WB calls? Yet, there are are, sitting there like the road-slobs that you are, NOT, might I add, reserving airplane tickets to join him in Las Vegas on November the 8th.  Need I remind you of the improper decorum this spells out for you and your families?

Although the LULU calls are not up by much, only a mere 200%, the Weibo calls are indeud up a staggering 600%. A person, such as yourself, should feel obligated to pay this man his proper respects, am I not correct?

Gentlemen,

The market wants to head lower and you are still banking coin. We are in the last days of Rome, with a homosexual opera man as our Caesar. Envelop yourselves in the safety of high yielding utility stocks and the safety of treasury bonds. Toss away your sinful lottery tickets and prepare for the apocalypse.

Everything I’ve ever known and learned about the stock market is upside down. Nothing makes sense, only the people who’ve managed to decode the meaning to this rabble. One cannot navigate in treacherous waters without an engine, or a light, or at least a paddle. Take it from a man who has seen it all, studied the markets and has enjoyed gilded success: The Option Addict is the real deal.

Now go pay your respects.

An Update From House Fly

I do these posts, every-so-often, in order to keep you heathens abreast with the ongoings of House Fly. As you all know, these posts are of utmost importance to provide you with a guideline to proper living, one of a gentleman and not some vagrant vagabond clad in cheap regalia.

For one, the summer is over and I am happy for it. There was a lot of gratuitous entertainment at my house and I’ve vowed to avoid drinking in public for the forseeable future. Also, living expenses are beyond stupid and this all has to stop sometime–might as well be now.

I’ve been hitting the gym fairly consistently, at least 3 times per week. I am on maintenance diet now and intend to bulk after Oct 31st, with a goal to gain 15 lbs. For those of you interested in unveiling who The Fly is at the investors conference in Vegas, just know that I will be heavily creatine’d up and would rather throw you off a balcony than permit you to out me. I will come with body doubles and will have other people wear watches and rings that look like the one’s I’ve worn in my stupid instagram photos. You will never catch me. Ever.

My business is booming, despite underperforming this year. You ponder how this is possible. Well, be patient son and I shall tell you. “The Fly” has a long storied history of outperformance and his clients trust him. I’ve raised considerable amounts of new money over the summer and have taken it upon myself to aggressively pursue the market with my own money.

I’ve thrown out my Keurig and now grind my own beans and use a French Press to serve myself coffee. I take it black (no homo) and generally despise sugar, unless of course it comes in the form of a cake–which I am  a sucker for, especially pie.

I’ve stopped watching movies, in exchange for teevee shows. Over the summer, I watched all of the Homeland, Suits, Hannibal, Ray Donavan, Masters of Sex and Fargo episodes and now find myself enjoying Hell on Wheels. I keep very late hours and sleep about 3-4 hours per night. Generally speaking, I crash on weekends, but have not done so in many weeks–thanks to a busy schedule.

I’m still reading a lot, with 5 books mid-way done at the side of my bed.  I’ve taken a particular interest in the olde Robber Barrons and have been reading about how the idiot Vanderbilts squandered a $300 billion (today’s money) fortune in just one generation.

As of this moment, I am growing a beard, going for the caveman look. Typically, I shave daily and dress very neatly, even when working from home. I find it to be distasteful to slog about the house dressed like an unemployed booze hound.

I bought myself a new tobacco pipe and have been smoking it once per week, maybe less. Wine consumption is at a minimum, as I value healthy living more than being a slob.

I’ve stopped listening to classical music, after two years of hard core fanaticism. In its place, I’ve delved into jazz, more Sinatra, and some foreign music that appeals to my inner anglo-saxon.

Lastly, I am working on five new projects, one with VINCENZO ILLUMINATI, creating the new PPT 5.0 (the previous 4 iterations have been withheld from the public), another with Howard Lindzon (it is amazing and will change the way you receive stock market news), another with Caine Thaler, another with an anonymous author of the heralded iBankCoin dictionary, and lastly The iBankCoin Investors Conference. I’ve secured two excellent speakers, aside from The Option Addict, and I know you will enjoy it.

 

NOTE: We’ve now made it possible to just purchase a VIP ticket. After considerable feedback, it seems many of you aren’t allowed to travel to Vegas alone (lolz) and require an extra ticket to VIP only so that your wives could monitor your movements–at all times.

The Party is Never Going to End

Despite having lots of defensive positions, I still managed to make money today–led by gains in PANW, SLCA, AAPL, GILD and SGEN. My utilities didn’t hurt me, which further proves my point that being defensive in these names incurs low risk. Had the market tumbled, they’d be making me money right now. The only thing that I am missing out on is opportunity, which is fine–since the year is long and my brain is large.

I bought ARWR today because the good Dr is a fan. I passed along his French biotech play, GNFTF, in the low $40′s, only to see it skyrocket since then. He’s given me GILD from the $50′s, told me to short GALT from the high teens and absolutely despises EXAS. However, he feels confident that ARWR might have a cure for hep B. We shall see.

Everything is peachy. Nothing to worry about, except spiraling lower out of control commodity prices. See them. Go and learn about it.

All is well on Wall Street. Hence, all is well in the world.

JUST ONE MORE HIT

I couldn’t help myself, man. I needed to take just one more hit. I swear, this time it’s for real. Just one more hit and then I’m gone.

I bought ARWR

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