THEORETICALLY, YOU SHOULD ALL BE DEAD BY TOMORROW

Might I impose on your Wednesday evening with news of your demise?

I realize the sting of my battle ax is a bit soft these days, considering I’ve missed out on the second popping of the tech bubble, down more than 22% for the year. However, for the sake of imagination, let’s surmise I’m a guy who was up 70% last year and who’s made money every single year, thrashing the markets to bits, since 2006–all live on the internets for the public to consume.

Now let’s suppose you went short today because of David Einhorn and his “bubble basket”, which was leaked on the youtube station two weeks ago. You went into the hole to sell stocks twice, bought a bundle of puts, then ventured off to iBankCoin to make fun of this chap who calls himself “The Fly”, an utterly ridiculous name. It’s almost too painful to watch, as he carelessly tosses good money after bad, all to be incinerated inside of flaming barrels of garbage. To add insult to injury, electric utility securities, as well as municipal bonds, outperform the broader indices, indeud.

You call this fellow, “The Fly”, all sorts of sordid names, under the protection of what you consider to be an inpenetrable wall of secrecy. The internet is your bestest of friends and you are empowered to let this poser know how very stupid he is, indeud.

Until your plan started going sideways. The panic that you invested in, rubber stamped by a certain David Einhorn, was predicated on the fact that high growth stocks weren’t going to grow anymore. But then they came out with better-than-expected-results, throwing acid into the faces of the people who gawked at them, waiting for execution. The stocks who were on death row broke loose–and were given sharp axes, made from VG 10 steel, and sent out into the crowd of watchers to exact a medieval brand of revenge. All the while, Le Fly, as he is known in France, activated his internet tracking software to find your exact whereabouts, for reasons soon to be revealed.

You might find yourself enjoying dinner, over a nice chardonnay, discussing politics with your brutish wife, when a man appears, kicks your door clean off its hinges and punches your jaw loose, ramming the chards from your chardonnay glass–all the way down– your– big– fat– mouths.

100 NASDAQS TO THE HEAD TOMORROW.

 

Just Because Tech Stocks Are Cratering, That Doesn’t Mean They Ain’t Cool

Both AAPL and FB are set to post earnings tonight. The street cannot possibly be more negative heading into these reports. So.very.exciting.

I can hardly wait for my stocks to leg down another 5 points tomorrow, should FB miss. Did I tell you how appreciative I was to see all of the vagrants back in the comments section after 6 up days?

I am going to stop talking now, as I feel with a deep sense of superstition that the more I talk the lower my stocks dive.

Bidless tech sector, once again, plunging the dagger of speculative fervor deeper into the hearts of traders.

NOTE: But the Dow is barely down tho.

 

More Bubble Talk

I don’t know whether to mock all of this talk about being in another tech bubble or be scared of it. Truth be told, it’s a very subjective topic, as the market, in some form or another, is continuously in price discovery mode. Whether it be tech, housing, banks or biotech, the valuations of these hot or cold sectors wholly depend on the mood of investors–plain and simple.

So, if people start to believe we are in a tech bubble, guess what: we will pop said bubble and the valuations of once rich tech companies will be reduced to garbage cans. My opinion won’t matter, as the chorus of bearish investors will scream at the top of their lungs to get out of tech. We can harbor opinions as to where XYZ belongs and we can buy those shares as they appreciate or decline, hoping to time it perfectly. But we’re never gonna nail it right. Investing is a messy thing, especially when you’re trading around a lot.

What is FB and YELP worth? Are we to value them at similar metrics, or should the smaller company be valued higher due to a possible takeover premium?

Will Bill Ackman assist in the next social media hostile takeover?

The world has a lot of questions and I have very few answers, sadly enough. However, don’t that stop you fine folks in the comments section from relaying certain truths about investing: how it should be done and where stocks are heading in the immediate, intermediate and long term.

After six days of gains, it’s depressing, frankly, to see most of my stocks down $3. It’s repetitive and even boring to lose money in such wanton fashion. I guess I could sell a bunch of stuff and “lock in” a cool 23% loss. Or, maybe I can weather the storm and wait for earnings to be the true arbiter of price discovery. Either way, you’re only as good as your last thesis trade. Thus far, I am an abohhrent mess–but can still find the time in my day to track down each and every one of you little trollops and correct your misdeeds–so remember that.

BACK IN HELL

All of yesterday’s hard fought gains have been wiped out in the first twenty minutes of trade.

We were treated to a worse than expected PMI number and then an atrocious set of housing numbers. Apparently, the recovery in housing has taken a back seat to a FULL FLEDGED DEBACLE in housing. This is all very fine and dandy. As the world turns, a barrage of egg yolk pies splash me in the face.

For the sake of arguing with all of you, dare I say, buy the dip? Well, if you’re not gonna buy the dip, perhaps you can at least think about it? Or, if you don’t want to think about it, maybe you could just jot it down on a scrap of paper and leave it on your desk somewhere?

Naturally, the Dow and the S&P are barely lower because they don’t build houses or manufacture stuff. All of our homes are built by high growth tech and biotech companies, now’er days. YELP and FEYE are huge in the California housing market and might need to lay off some workers into this downtick. Also, the fine folks at DATA must be up in arms over the PMI miss. I am sure their factory line workers will not appreciate the pink slips to come.

Breaking: The Ackman-Allergan Deal Isn’t Front Running–Not Even a Little Bit

“You are actually permitted to trade on insider information.”

–”Montauk Bill” Ackman, 2014

Aren’t we lucky to have heroes like Montauk Bill Ackman out there, making money for the benefit of the charities he donates to? On this glorious wednesday morning, I am also very grateful to have men like Joe Kernan, shill, CNBC, asking such hard hitting questions regarding the Valeant-Allergan-Ackman deal.

You’d also be pleased to know that another publicly traded company has approached Bill to assist them in taking over their prey, in the most hostile of ways. But he’s focused on this deal now and told those bozos to get in the back of the line and to wait their turn.

So, just to recap:

If you manage more than 10 billion dollars and a CEO from a publicly traded company calls to tell you they are going to acquire XYZ for 75% higher from where the stock trades, not only are you permitted to buy as many call options as your heart desires, it’s also your God given right– as a leader in the financial world– to profit from this exchange of information because you “never quit” and could “exact positive change” at the company you are targeting.

However, if you’re a self-made woman who sells towels at Sears and cooks pumpkin’d pies around halloween for the teevee, should your fucking broker call you up and tell you he heard XYZ is going to report bad earnings, suggesting that you sell it, should you do that, you will go straight to prison for several years.

Any questions?

Guaranteed Respite: Dated Till Alibaba

Now that the market is rebounding, I am looking at a few things to keep me 110% long, as I attempt to claw back from a 30% deficit.

1. Facebook’s earnings. I feel good about them and expect them to beat and guide up.

2. AMZN and Apple earnings. They aren’t very important for momo names, more for the general health of the economy.

3. Alibaba’s IPO.

Bar none, the most important of the three, for Wall Street upright walking pigs, is the latter. This is going to be the biggest tech ipo ever. It might fetch $200 billion. I put the chances of the market being uprooted, from now until then (possibly next week), at a stiff 0%.

Now that we know David Einhorn is short a “bubble basket” of stocks, it’s only apropos for them to rip tits to the upside with reckless abandon, no?

CUE PANIC BUYING

So many of you clowns are invested, mind you, in the ideology that we are at a top. Nothing other than price action is guiding you. You are unable to think for yourselves, objectively, as you fall victim to the stiff winds from the east. Watch the people on the teevee talk down today’s rally, the sixth consecutive up day following a ridiculous decline.

While you keep watching bonds, pondering why the world’s most manipulated market is misbehaving, stocks are rebounding. A lot of important hedge fund managers are short tech stocks here, working overtime to get them lower, by hook or crook. Their influence only goes as far as you allow it to go.

I made back nearly 3% today, down 19% for the year.

NOTE: Towards the end of the session, I added to both YELP and FEYE.

If these earnings reports come in better than expected, you are going to bear witness to an amazing short squeeze, one for the ages.

AUDIBLE: NEW HORSEMAN ADDED

I was able to contain myself for about 30 minutes, until the shadows inside of my bathroom urinal, who speak with a distinct Edward G. Robinson accent, told me “to shut up, see, quit being a coward, right, and go buy some DATA.”

When I got back to my desk, I bought DATA.

Hence, a new horseman has been forged in the fires of hades, mixed in with a little piss and vinegar (pun intended).

In all seriousness, I feel extremely confident regarding DATA down here, especially heading into earnings. They’ve been smashing expectations to pieces.

The Strategy is Simple

I have made back almost 10% from the lows of last week. When staring at the abyss, all I could think about was how stupid I was for holding these four horsemen all the way down. Since the bounce, I sold half of my WDAY position and all of my SPLK. I added to YELP (sub $60) and have been very patient with FEYE. I even added a new position today: TWTR.

Part of me wants to go out there and buy PANW, DWRE, NOW, BLOX, YY, DDD, SCTY and all of the other stocks that have been hit. However, I remember the pain and earnings are right around the corner. Should we get some earnings short falls, we’ll be heading right back towards the lows, in no time at all. I believe FB will be a major earnings driver, as well as AMZN and CUDA.

My basis for YELP is $72.43 and FEYE is $65.74. I can add to both positions now; but that would be an emotional move, based upon a feeling of euphoria and not reason. The smart move here, for me, is to wait a little longer. I am not so much hoping for a decline in YELP or FEYE to justify buying more. On the contrary, if they both head lower again, that would be vey bearish for their recoveries. I’d rather buy into strength, knowing the earnings season is going well.

Ideally, I’d prefer to avoid all earnings calls. They make me sick to my stomach, the massive gap ups and downs based upon a single report. Think how stupid that is.

Understand that I am being rational right now, but that can change by the end of the day.

Fly Sell: $SPLK

I sold out of my entire SPLK position, locking in a 16% loss. With the proceeds, I will either wait around for something cool to happen, or buy more YELP and FEYE.

THEORETICALLY, YOU SHOULD ALL BE DEAD BY TOMORROW

Might I impose on your Wednesday evening with news of your demise?

I realize the sting of my battle ax is a bit soft these days, considering I’ve missed out on the second popping of the tech bubble, down more than 22% for the year. However, for the sake of imagination, let’s surmise I’m a guy who was up 70% last year and who’s made money every single year, thrashing the markets to bits, since 2006–all live on the internets for the public to consume.

Now let’s suppose you went short today because of David Einhorn and his “bubble basket”, which was leaked on the youtube station two weeks ago. You went into the hole to sell stocks twice, bought a bundle of puts, then ventured off to iBankCoin to make fun of this chap who calls himself “The Fly”, an utterly ridiculous name. It’s almost too painful to watch, as he carelessly tosses good money after bad, all to be incinerated inside of flaming barrels of garbage. To add insult to injury, electric utility securities, as well as municipal bonds, outperform the broader indices, indeud.

You call this fellow, “The Fly”, all sorts of sordid names, under the protection of what you consider to be an inpenetrable wall of secrecy. The internet is your bestest of friends and you are empowered to let this poser know how very stupid he is, indeud.

Until your plan started going sideways. The panic that you invested in, rubber stamped by a certain David Einhorn, was predicated on the fact that high growth stocks weren’t going to grow anymore. But then they came out with better-than-expected-results, throwing acid into the faces of the people who gawked at them, waiting for execution. The stocks who were on death row broke loose–and were given sharp axes, made from VG 10 steel, and sent out into the crowd of watchers to exact a medieval brand of revenge. All the while, Le Fly, as he is known in France, activated his internet tracking software to find your exact whereabouts, for reasons soon to be revealed.

You might find yourself enjoying dinner, over a nice chardonnay, discussing politics with your brutish wife, when a man appears, kicks your door clean off its hinges and punches your jaw loose, ramming the chards from your chardonnay glass–all the way down– your– big– fat– mouths.

100 NASDAQS TO THE HEAD TOMORROW.

 

Just Because Tech Stocks Are Cratering, That Doesn’t Mean They Ain’t Cool

Both AAPL and FB are set to post earnings tonight. The street cannot possibly be more negative heading into these reports. So.very.exciting.

I can hardly wait for my stocks to leg down another 5 points tomorrow, should FB miss. Did I tell you how appreciative I was to see all of the vagrants back in the comments section after 6 up days?

I am going to stop talking now, as I feel with a deep sense of superstition that the more I talk the lower my stocks dive.

Bidless tech sector, once again, plunging the dagger of speculative fervor deeper into the hearts of traders.

NOTE: But the Dow is barely down tho.

 

More Bubble Talk

I don’t know whether to mock all of this talk about being in another tech bubble or be scared of it. Truth be told, it’s a very subjective topic, as the market, in some form or another, is continuously in price discovery mode. Whether it be tech, housing, banks or biotech, the valuations of these hot or cold sectors wholly depend on the mood of investors–plain and simple.

So, if people start to believe we are in a tech bubble, guess what: we will pop said bubble and the valuations of once rich tech companies will be reduced to garbage cans. My opinion won’t matter, as the chorus of bearish investors will scream at the top of their lungs to get out of tech. We can harbor opinions as to where XYZ belongs and we can buy those shares as they appreciate or decline, hoping to time it perfectly. But we’re never gonna nail it right. Investing is a messy thing, especially when you’re trading around a lot.

What is FB and YELP worth? Are we to value them at similar metrics, or should the smaller company be valued higher due to a possible takeover premium?

Will Bill Ackman assist in the next social media hostile takeover?

The world has a lot of questions and I have very few answers, sadly enough. However, don’t that stop you fine folks in the comments section from relaying certain truths about investing: how it should be done and where stocks are heading in the immediate, intermediate and long term.

After six days of gains, it’s depressing, frankly, to see most of my stocks down $3. It’s repetitive and even boring to lose money in such wanton fashion. I guess I could sell a bunch of stuff and “lock in” a cool 23% loss. Or, maybe I can weather the storm and wait for earnings to be the true arbiter of price discovery. Either way, you’re only as good as your last thesis trade. Thus far, I am an abohhrent mess–but can still find the time in my day to track down each and every one of you little trollops and correct your misdeeds–so remember that.

BACK IN HELL

All of yesterday’s hard fought gains have been wiped out in the first twenty minutes of trade.

We were treated to a worse than expected PMI number and then an atrocious set of housing numbers. Apparently, the recovery in housing has taken a back seat to a FULL FLEDGED DEBACLE in housing. This is all very fine and dandy. As the world turns, a barrage of egg yolk pies splash me in the face.

For the sake of arguing with all of you, dare I say, buy the dip? Well, if you’re not gonna buy the dip, perhaps you can at least think about it? Or, if you don’t want to think about it, maybe you could just jot it down on a scrap of paper and leave it on your desk somewhere?

Naturally, the Dow and the S&P are barely lower because they don’t build houses or manufacture stuff. All of our homes are built by high growth tech and biotech companies, now’er days. YELP and FEYE are huge in the California housing market and might need to lay off some workers into this downtick. Also, the fine folks at DATA must be up in arms over the PMI miss. I am sure their factory line workers will not appreciate the pink slips to come.

Breaking: The Ackman-Allergan Deal Isn’t Front Running–Not Even a Little Bit

“You are actually permitted to trade on insider information.”

–”Montauk Bill” Ackman, 2014

Aren’t we lucky to have heroes like Montauk Bill Ackman out there, making money for the benefit of the charities he donates to? On this glorious wednesday morning, I am also very grateful to have men like Joe Kernan, shill, CNBC, asking such hard hitting questions regarding the Valeant-Allergan-Ackman deal.

You’d also be pleased to know that another publicly traded company has approached Bill to assist them in taking over their prey, in the most hostile of ways. But he’s focused on this deal now and told those bozos to get in the back of the line and to wait their turn.

So, just to recap:

If you manage more than 10 billion dollars and a CEO from a publicly traded company calls to tell you they are going to acquire XYZ for 75% higher from where the stock trades, not only are you permitted to buy as many call options as your heart desires, it’s also your God given right– as a leader in the financial world– to profit from this exchange of information because you “never quit” and could “exact positive change” at the company you are targeting.

However, if you’re a self-made woman who sells towels at Sears and cooks pumpkin’d pies around halloween for the teevee, should your fucking broker call you up and tell you he heard XYZ is going to report bad earnings, suggesting that you sell it, should you do that, you will go straight to prison for several years.

Any questions?

Guaranteed Respite: Dated Till Alibaba

Now that the market is rebounding, I am looking at a few things to keep me 110% long, as I attempt to claw back from a 30% deficit.

1. Facebook’s earnings. I feel good about them and expect them to beat and guide up.

2. AMZN and Apple earnings. They aren’t very important for momo names, more for the general health of the economy.

3. Alibaba’s IPO.

Bar none, the most important of the three, for Wall Street upright walking pigs, is the latter. This is going to be the biggest tech ipo ever. It might fetch $200 billion. I put the chances of the market being uprooted, from now until then (possibly next week), at a stiff 0%.

Now that we know David Einhorn is short a “bubble basket” of stocks, it’s only apropos for them to rip tits to the upside with reckless abandon, no?

CUE PANIC BUYING

So many of you clowns are invested, mind you, in the ideology that we are at a top. Nothing other than price action is guiding you. You are unable to think for yourselves, objectively, as you fall victim to the stiff winds from the east. Watch the people on the teevee talk down today’s rally, the sixth consecutive up day following a ridiculous decline.

While you keep watching bonds, pondering why the world’s most manipulated market is misbehaving, stocks are rebounding. A lot of important hedge fund managers are short tech stocks here, working overtime to get them lower, by hook or crook. Their influence only goes as far as you allow it to go.

I made back nearly 3% today, down 19% for the year.

NOTE: Towards the end of the session, I added to both YELP and FEYE.

If these earnings reports come in better than expected, you are going to bear witness to an amazing short squeeze, one for the ages.

AUDIBLE: NEW HORSEMAN ADDED

I was able to contain myself for about 30 minutes, until the shadows inside of my bathroom urinal, who speak with a distinct Edward G. Robinson accent, told me “to shut up, see, quit being a coward, right, and go buy some DATA.”

When I got back to my desk, I bought DATA.

Hence, a new horseman has been forged in the fires of hades, mixed in with a little piss and vinegar (pun intended).

In all seriousness, I feel extremely confident regarding DATA down here, especially heading into earnings. They’ve been smashing expectations to pieces.

The Strategy is Simple

I have made back almost 10% from the lows of last week. When staring at the abyss, all I could think about was how stupid I was for holding these four horsemen all the way down. Since the bounce, I sold half of my WDAY position and all of my SPLK. I added to YELP (sub $60) and have been very patient with FEYE. I even added a new position today: TWTR.

Part of me wants to go out there and buy PANW, DWRE, NOW, BLOX, YY, DDD, SCTY and all of the other stocks that have been hit. However, I remember the pain and earnings are right around the corner. Should we get some earnings short falls, we’ll be heading right back towards the lows, in no time at all. I believe FB will be a major earnings driver, as well as AMZN and CUDA.

My basis for YELP is $72.43 and FEYE is $65.74. I can add to both positions now; but that would be an emotional move, based upon a feeling of euphoria and not reason. The smart move here, for me, is to wait a little longer. I am not so much hoping for a decline in YELP or FEYE to justify buying more. On the contrary, if they both head lower again, that would be vey bearish for their recoveries. I’d rather buy into strength, knowing the earnings season is going well.

Ideally, I’d prefer to avoid all earnings calls. They make me sick to my stomach, the massive gap ups and downs based upon a single report. Think how stupid that is.

Understand that I am being rational right now, but that can change by the end of the day.

Fly Sell: $SPLK

I sold out of my entire SPLK position, locking in a 16% loss. With the proceeds, I will either wait around for something cool to happen, or buy more YELP and FEYE.

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