FUTURES PLUNGE, PUTIN RESPONDS; IT’S TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING

European markets are down almost 2%. Gold and oil and firming and U.S. futures are plunging lower, after a Russian warplane was shot down near the Turkish-Syrian border, by the retarded Turks.

Putin responded, saying “We understand that everyone has their own interests but we won’t allow such crimes to take place,” Putin said at talks with Jordanian King Abdullah in Sochi. “We received a stab in the back from accomplices of terrorism.”

The Kurds have been complaining about our “allies”, the Turks, for quite sometime, who, seemingly support and fund the psychotics in ISIS. It appears Putin is calling a spade a spade and upping the ante on the rhetoric.

NATO will be convening today, in an emergency meeting, over this fuckery.

It’s turkey for Thanksgiving, always has been.

Great, this is just what we needed in time for the holiday’s, the duplicitous and worst ally in the world, Turkey, plunging us into fresh crisis with a country with something to prove, in Russia.

In case you’re just tuning in, Turkey shot down a Russian SU-24 over Turkish airspace, something Moscow declines. There is video of a Syrian terrorist loving the the injured/Russian pilot on the groud, saying “God is great”, as he films him lying there.

Turkey released this graphic, effectively “proving” they had every right to fucking shoot down a Russian warploane, because, umm, just because.

And to top it all off, NATO is calling an emergency meeting in Brussels to discuss how to deal with this situation with those pesky Russians in the way, who have now, reportedly, blown up 1,000 ISIS oil tankers.

Clearly, we won’t allow any of that to take place, since we’ve hit zero to date.

NASDAQ futs -20.

I know you ball-handlers love that title–because you’ve watched lots of war films and the romance of war on the teevee is cool and manly.

Near the Syrian border, where true hell on earth exists, a Turkish warplane shot  down a Russian su-24. Details are vague and we do not know if it was a Syrian plane or belonging to the Red Russians.

Either way, it’s an escalation of tensions, as Turkey is part of NATO.

Turkish Lira is responding.

These photos are circulating, showing a plane getting pawned and then the proverbial pilot in the owned eject chair, being ferreted away to safety via parachute. Only this time, the pilot is likely to land in the hands of savages who’d love to cut his head off, helmet and all.

There are reports of a Russian helicopter at the scene of te crash and heavy gunfire too.

And then there’s this:

BREAKING: Intense exchange of fire at Turkish-Syrian border as Russian helicopters search for survivors of downed Su-24 jet.

UPDATE: Turk CNN is reporting it was a Russian plane.

UPDATE: The President of Turkey confirms they shot down a Russian warplane.

UPDATE: Nasdaq futs down 22, reversing gains.

UPDATE: BREAKING Russian Defense Ministry says warplane did not violate Turkish air airspace

UPDATE: RUSSIAN DEFENCE MINISTRY SAYS IT CAN PROVE THE AIRCARFT WAS OVER SYRIA FOR WHOLE FLIGHT – IFAX

The luster of Icahn’s NFLX trade has worn off. By the way, it’s worth mentioning that it was Carl’s son who insisted he buy NFLX. Carl wanted to sell it and his son had to threaten to quit the firm, in order to get him to hold it a while longer.

“Permanent capital” Carl doesn’t really give a shit what I think, definitely not what you think either. He’s a thousand years old, worth $20 billion, and buys whatever the fuck he feels like, on any given hour in any given day.

God bless.

The billionaire revealed a 7.13 percent stake in Xerox in a securities filing on Monday, making him the second-largest shareholder of the 109-year-old company.

Icahn, who recently took stakes in American International Group (AIG.N) and Freeport-McMoran Inc (FCX.N), said he would look at getting representation on Xerox’s board, as well as pursuing strategic alternatives.

“We are aware that Carl Icahn has made an investment in the company,” Sean Collins, a Xerox spokesman said. “Xerox welcomes open communications with shareholders and values constructive dialogue.”

Ivan Feinseth, a Tigress Financial Partners LLC analyst, offered a cautious view. “I like Icahn. He has done well but I just don’t know what he can do here,” Feinseth said.

On the other hand, Susquehanna Financial Group LLLP analyst James Friedman said there are multiple things that Icahn can push for in the company, including selling the equity stake in its joint venture Fuji Xerox and separating the Documents business and the IT services business.

Xerox’s IT services business offers business process outsourcing while the document outsourcing business primarily includes sales of printers and copiers.

Friedman thinks Icahn can position himself for a board seat in the upcoming May elections.

“Getting on the board is the easy part, actually fixing the business is harder,” Friedman said.

The last reported position by Uncle Carl was FCX, whose shares have been fucking poleaxed in recent weeks– off 33% over 1 month’s time.

Here is a list of Carl’s holdings, with their YTD returns.

Data provided by Exodus

It’s also worth mentioning the market has gone straight the fuck higher, since Icahn threw shade on the entire market with his absurd “DANGER AHEAD” short film.

Jeff Ubben and co are having their hats eaten for them by the purveyors of the Citron Research blog, as is William Albert Ackman, John Paulson, and many other big, powerful, and strong, hedge fund managers.

This must pain these men of leisure to no end. To succumb to the social pressures of a rabid short seller crowd, based upon the missives of a man with a last name that is the inverse of right, plagues them.

Activist investor ValueAct Capital said its fund fell 8.3 percent during the third quarter, wiping out its gains for the year, hurt by a plunge in shares of its main portfolio company, Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc.

For the nine months ending on Sept. 30, the ValueAct Capital Master Fund was down 0.9 percent, ValueAact said in a letter to investors which was seen by Reuters on Monday. As of the second quarter, the fund had been up 8 percent for the year.
ValueAct also said it is launching a new offering for investors that would lock up their money for five years. This new investment tranche will allow ValueAct to draw down capital over a period of three years rather than receive it up front.

“The fund performance in the third quarter was difficult and disappointing,” said the letter, dated Nov. 12, adding that ValueAct saw 10 percent or more share price declines in four of its largest core investments.

As of last filing, ValueAct owned a little more than 4% of Valeant. Due to the “fuck you, you’re dead” nature of the decline, VRX has completely fucked and ruined Valueact’s otherwise solid performance, ravaging the fund of its 8% return.

LOLz

I know this is a long shit, being that the Fed is trying really hard to telegraph this move. But what if they don’t hike rates in December? The dollar is an 8 month high, commodities in the tank, stocks in the penalty box, and treasuries on pause.

“About 90 percent of economists expect the Fed to raise interest rates next month and based on Fed fund futures, investors have pretty much priced in the move, which is why we firmly believed that last week’s correction was technical and not fundamental,” wrote Kathy Lien, managing director of FX strategy for BK Asset Management.

Futures prices showed investors see nearly a 75 percent chance the Fed will hike rates next month, according to CME Group’s FedWatch.

Very simply: if the Fed surprised the markets by NOT hiking rates, it would produce the biggest Santa Claus rally you’ve ever seen. Treasuries would crater, stocks and commodites jump and the dollar would retreat. It would be the best pagan X-Mas ever.

A fly can dream, no?

Human nature is to achieve triumph and want more. Some of us are greedy, lustful, baneful men. Surveying the StockTwits this evening, I can clearly see why the managers there make it a point to curate the community.

Financial people are the very lowest creatures on the planet, right next to attorneys and firemen.

Everyone has the next KBIO, pumping that shit out like the gluttons they are. Back in the old days, we’d have these fuckhead stock promotors come out to the firm and offer to buy us lunch, just to hear their sleezy sales pitch. Nowadays, all you need is a StockTwits account and the world is your oyster.

Beware of these greedy little fuckheads, ignorantly claimimg to know “the next KBIO.” They literally know nothing and are a danger to your net worth.

Market breadth checked in at 54% today. Market’s were essentially flat, perplexing the bearshitter class into a perplexed state of idiotic stupor. KBIO gapped higher by 116%, dispatching all of the gurus on Stocktwits who told you to sell it short on Friday.

The under current of the tape is bullish. I am constructive on this rally moving forward with vigor.

My holdings advanced by 0.6% today, bringing my gains up to 16.5%.

I am most enthused about my PAH position, which is now up from my basis. The way I’m thinking, Bill Ackman is a a craven lunatic at this juncture in time, down in the sewers of loss, off more than 20% for the year. He’s gonna try his hardest to redeem himself from the bottom quartile of hot shot hedge fund managers.

Pershing Square owns 20% of PAH.

Mind your gullets dear lads, for revenge is a dish best served cold.

With National Festival right around the corner, and the country on the verge of debauchery, expect the market to climb. Minor setbacks are expected along this journey; but this is a trade that has rarely failed: feed off the hopes and dreams of an underclass as they make their way through the oversized doors at Walmart. Lean into their prayers and glean a little bit of information, enough to profit in the stocked market.

I will have you know, as people readily soil themselves after eating poisonous CMG, SHAK is grinching away their customers.

Very simply, I am very long and bold and determined to profit over the next two weeks, heading into National Shopping Week.

My top positions are COST, PAH, SHAK, CNC, AAPL and JAZZ.

As you were.

At a very minimum, the west should thank the benevolent Putin for miraculously finding 500 ISIS oil tankers to bomb. I am sure we’ve toiled away, tirelessly, trying to cut off their funds. In less than 1 month in the field, our enemies friends in Moscow have accomplished this miracle for us.

Even still, the west is unforgiving in Putin’s sins towards the Nazi loving Ukraine and will likely extend sanctions, further fucking themselves and Russia in the process.

European Union countries will probably extend Ukraine-related economic sanctions against Russia for another six months at the end of January despite improved cooperation in Syria, three European diplomats said.

Lack of progress in implementing this year’s Ukrainian peace accord means the trading bloc has no choice but to prolong the measures, diplomats from pro- and anti-sanctions nations said, speaking on condition of anonymity because the discussions are confidential. The EU’s 28 leaders are set to discuss the issue at a Dec. 17-18 summit, German Foreign Ministry chief spokesman Martin Schaefer told reporters in Berlin on Monday.

French President Francois Hollande will meet his Russian counterpart Vladimir Putin in Moscow on Thursday, two days after talks in Washington with U.S. President Barack Obama, with the goal of forging a united front against Islamic State. Russia has stepped up strikes on the militant group after blaming terrorists for downing a Russian civilian plane in Egypt last month and after the Nov. 13 Paris attacks promised to coordinate military action in Syria with France.

I mean, if the guy really wanted to be a dick he’d cut off the natural gas supply to Europe and tell them to bury their frozen dicks in the hot Syrian sand. Everyone deserves a second, sometimes 100th chance. Why not Vlad?