Now Baseball Teams Are Hacking

Oh fuck this shit. The FBI is investigating the St. Louis Cardinals for hacking the Houston Astros? If this doesn’t scream out GET LONG SOFTWARE SECURITY STOCKS, nothing does.

I added to my QLYS position and still hold decent size in RDWR and PANW.

For the day, I am up 0.25% so far.

I sold out of the remainder of my HDP position, in order to clean up loose ends. I have a tremendous amount of cash now, so I added to my XLU position.

Reason being: it’s down 3.5% over the past two weeks and I think it can swing around to the tune of +7%, should the markets sell off. At present levels, XLU offers a unique risk/reward ratio, especially considering how low the beta is on it.

My maximum acceptable drawdown for this is -5%. Either way, I don’t expect it to move too much in either direction.

My only tradable high tech positions are QLYS, RDWR and BITA. They will offer me beta, where XLU comes up short.

I think this is a peasants market, deserving of a lashing or two about the gibbet.

I was delighted to see Portuguese, Italian, Greek and Spaniard yields higher this morning. It made me pine for the days of 2011, whilst on vacation on a fucking island, getting my skull kicked in by the market–thanks to the sovereign debt crisis. Greek yields are spastically inverted, now yielding a tad over 29%. They don’t have money to go to the bathroom, let alone fund their retarded government to the tune of $1 billion per day.

The Germans really got fleeced this go around. They will need to balance out the scales later on, through another fucking world war.

Moving on, my apple laptop broke again. First it was showing my pretty lines, line on a Fendi bag (no homo). Then it just self-destructed, like an Inspector Gadget note. This is the 4th time this fucking laptop crapped out on me, typical shit in my life. I can never simply enjoy life without some hardship imposing itself on me. I will now have to lug this piece of shit into the apple store and talk to one of the bipedal primates there, walking around in blue t-shirts.

Futures are lower. I don’t think the market is buyable yet. As a point in fact, I am fairly certain Greece defaults this time and you’re all gonna soil yourselves from over-exposure to capital markets at a time when it was least appropriate to do so.

I kicked out of my entire CYBR position for a huge fucking win. I did it after one of my urinal shadows warned me to “never look a gift horse in the face twice.” I heeded this advice and with some of the proceeds, I started a new position in QLYS.

I’m Papa Giorgio motherfuckers, big into software and things of that nature.

I have it in me to do triple digits this year, now up 31% for the year in a flat-fucking-tape. I’m embarrassing the lot of you, quite frankly.

Some of you like to handicap your inabilities to find up stocks through leveraged ETFs. You do this, along with cutting losses at 2%, because you’re over-churning pikers who are without religion, uninitiated, hucksters about the internets. I do this shit for real, good and the bad–all on display for the world to see. Last year I shot myself out from carnivale cannons in a display of grotesque depravity, booking heinous losses. This year, I’ve nearly made them all back, on my way to new all-time highs, which in turn will enable me to buy new things and partake in new adventures–all the while your fat head bobbles about the dinner table over a plate of beans.

I am up 0.4%, not because I got lucky or a few things broke my way. Not at all. What is at play here, lads, is Darwinism on a grande scale. Based upon DNA evidence, I can firmly tell you that I am your superior being. As you get your brains racked about with losses, my largest position, CYBR, continues to hit new highs.

Why is this occurring?

It’s elementary, gents: it knows that I am long. Ergo, it is higher.

What are you to do now?

God willing, you will continue the rapid pace by which you are losing money, permitting me with the opportunity to buy your shares in liquidation. Remember, I have 15-20% in cash, fully expecting the market to collapse. Also, I have lots of XLU and GDX for outlier events. I want Greece to collapse and the people in Athens to storm the government buildings, demanding justice.

By the way, my RDWR and PANW positions are also higher. I have a lot of irons in the fire, so to say.

Is the market going to bounce from here?

Absolutely not.

Should you sell to protect assets?

Absolutely not.

What should you do next?

Permit Fly the opportunity to buy your shares through margin call liquidations.

Top picks: CYBR, XLU, GDX, cash

The Federal Reserve is going to hint at a comically bad idea this week: a September rate hike. Sure, what would go wrong with tightening during the worst month of the year, for the past 100 years? I am sure the markets will not be delighted by this news. More than that, Greece is 100% fucked, just like the Game of Thrones franchise after last night’s despicable finale. They need to stop following the books, for its author is addled with a number of mental ailments. After all, he’s from Bayonne, NJ. Ever been? A fucking disgraceful town.

When I say “time to take out the barbells”, I mean your pair-trades, long this/short that. Hedge yourself, but keep long exposure just in case. Let’s not forget we’re in a bull market. Any declines can be met with irrational buying, so try not to get too bearish in the short term.

My barbell is cash-gold-utilities and long 30 stocks with CYBR being my largest holding. I am prepared, and willing, to lose 10% from current levels, before I opt to get aggressive with my cash raising efforts. I just think the market will struggle for another week or so and then careen higher again, as has been the case for the past 5,000 years.

Also, in the event Exodus spits out some high probability oversold signals, I will certainly act on them and take a trade or two–maybe three.

Greece is going to default, 100%. Janet Yellen is too busy with podiatrist appointments, than to properly manage the Fed. Market are pricy as fuck and the June swoon is officially here.

According to the laws of reason and logic, we are set to undergo a hair raising decline soon, the type of drop that makes you regret life, wished you were aborted before birth or deposited into a condom instead.

I realize a great many of you are sucking sky-dicks and do not fear China’s $10 trillion market scam, hoping the party will continue for just an hour MOAR.

Very sorry lads, the police are here now– with billy-clubs– and they’re gonna shut this shit down properly–bashing skulls in, tasering people about the face, and shooting pet poodles in the chest for sport.

Is Le Fly prepared for such a bleak occasion?

Damned right I am. I called the police!

I am utility’d up, long gold and 15-20% cash, waiting to buy your margin liquidation from your dastardly 3x retarded trades.

HORATIO CLAWHAMMER is here, motherfuckers. All of you deserve to die.

This is the last of my Hitchcock related movie reviews, so I had to end with Birds. This is a singular movie, one that mixes birds with horror. I recall watching this movie as a young lad, then afterwards while playing hardball (that’s right, I said hardball) on the boulevard, having a distinct feeling that the neighborhood pigeons were menacing me, out to peck me to death.

This was a game changing film, made by a very disturbed and sick man: Alfred Hitchcock.

The lead actress, Tipi Hendren, is said to have been sexually harassed on a daily basis by Hitch. He had a thing for his blonde actresses and behaved in a manner that was awfully similar to the psychotic in another one of his films: Psycho.

Apparently, they didn’t use fake birds in this film and Tipi didn’t have a fucking stunt double. Those birds truly went ham on her and she was injured during the production, most likely because she didn’t give into Hitch’s sexual advances.

You didn’t think I’d forget to celebrate the $WING ipo, an eatery that is partly owned by none other than Rick Boss Ross, did you?

As you can see the fat fuck trade keeps going, placing lemon peppered dollars and cents into the pockets of “The Boss.”

As per his Twitter account, he is enjoying the occasion, on a very bleak day in the markets–fresh out of jail for possession of marijuana.

What is the takeaway from all of this madness?

Records don’t sell anymore, brands do. Rick Ross might be a shitty musician to some; but he’s managed to create a caricature out of himself that even appeals to persons of extreme intellect, like myself. I appreciate his unchecked depravity and violence towards his fellow man. When I look at Rick Ross, I think to myself “that is a man who gives zero fucks and will end up dead on the end of a hammed burger.” I can respect that. What I can’t respect are fakers, false dieters, and persons of annoyance.

Cheers to you, Rick Ross. I hope you and your criminally minded rap’d friends pop many bottles of champagne corks at one another this evening, whilst having roman candle’d shootouts about the boulevard.

NOTE: By the way, Exodus called an OVERBOUGHT on SPY yesterday. I made 0.2% for the day, thanks to CYBR.

If you gander down below my headline, you will see this.

Fellow blogger, and keynote speaker of the iBankCoin 2nd Annual Investors Conference (get your fucking tickets now), has been buying, what he likes to call, “a dick in the sky.” To each his own, I suppose. As a matter of fact, I once owned this “dick in the sky” and was nearly decapitated by it. He’s been making an absolute killing in it, and many others stocks for that matter. No one is better than The Option Addict when he’s on a roll; and right now, he’s fucking avalanching.

But the point remains, gents: whist dicks in skies make new highs and chinese burritos concoct daily schemes to “go private”, the market cords are unwinding. We’re in the midst of a market rout today. But you wouldn’t know it with all of that sky dick on your plate.

On a separate and unrelated accord, my CYBR is heading higher again. AGIO is getting crushed following data. I sold out of it last week above $120 and will be looking to reenter down here.

HOWEVER, it is my belief that the market will endeavor to “June swoon” some more next week, leaving the purblind with a bad taste of sky-dicks left in their mouths. I’d advise you to take profits now and bask in the sunshine of you winship, at least for a short while. But I simply don’t care enough, so I wont.