iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,376 Blog Posts

PREPARE FOR WAR PLEBS!

American and German armor getting shredded in the Donbas. More weapons and more death on the horizon, all the while we spend the lives of our Ukrainian brothers so eagerly. If you think about it, since Ukraine is so important, Americans should be in the Donbas, boots on ground, fighting against the Russian hordes. After all, if Ukraine can fight and defend all of the free world — shouldn’t we?

Most conservative estimates point towards 500-1,000 KIA per day on the Ukrainian side. For us to win for them, just like we helped out S. Vietnam, we’d need to send at least 500,000 men. Back in WW1, we fought for 110 days and lost 110,000 lives. I suspect, based off current events, we could expect similar deaths.

The question is: how fast can we defeat the Russian army and force them to heel? We’d have the Flinstones in the Baltics helping us and a neutered German Reich army, as well as a flabby UK gathering. On the whole, we might expect Russia to commit MAXIMUM resistance against a US entry into the war, as well as submarine warfare near Alaska and in the Pacific. Whilst a world war might seem scary to you, you should not be afraid — for we are spending lives in order to save lives — whilst at the same time breaking up the Russian empire and placing one of our own on the Russian throne — someone who could celebrate the month of June with us and regale in the glory of the rainbow standard.

As an aside, a war of this magnitude might require a military draft in the United States — which as you know is exactly the right thing to do because all should contribute in the struggle for freedom and fight back the despotism that our forefathers fought against by dropping gelatin gasoline munitions on women and children in Germany and Japan. Because of those actions, we now enjoy the subservience of those civilizations — bought and paid for with the blood of those not in a position to become exempt or commissioned as an officer behind the line of contact.

I was +212bps today, closed at record highs with a long only book — no hedges.

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When Will Markets Collapse?

No one likes all of this prosperity. Man craves danger and bloodshed and death. There is nothing better than the death of stocks that imposes panic unto a deserving public. The people of America have earned a market crash and more than that — wanton unemployment.

The suffering to come will be unlimited in its scope and the individualism that has ball and chained society will swing back to the individual and take off his/her/they/thems face.

Perhaps this is wishful thinking from a man who simply grows weary of it all. I suppose this is how most men feeeeeeel as society changes around their archaic way of thinking. Nevertheless, one can always dream and perhaps dreams can come true.

I read my horoscope today and it read the following:

“If you are not yet on the move it won’t be long before you are off on your travels again and having the time of your life. You will be super popular too, so don’t turn down invitations unless you absolutely have to. Get out there and shine!”

INDEUD.

What I need to do is become “super popular” and travel more — perhaps shine a bit. I do believe, as I have said here numerous times — that I am a very good person — powerful even. I also believe, due to thoughts in my head, that I have much to offer. For example, I am very very good at trading stocks, investing for long term, intuitively feeeeeeeling market directions. I should get out there and share my ideas more often — perhaps create a chatroom where I can offer advice to people and maybe inside of that room I can have TOOLZ for the market — you know build stuff that I use to find stocks that allow me to have success. I could name it something, like Stocklabs, and invite people to join it and maybe, just maybe, they too can enjoy success and be at RECOURD HIGHS.

On the issue of market collapse, I do believe there are shoes in the balance of the dropping varietal. From what I have gathered, via my astrological reading, the droppings shall commence in about 1 week and 7 days hence, a fortnight or one half of one month — common parlance for two weeks.

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RECOURD HIGHS ###

Let’s talk about me. I stepped into today, an important CPI number, leveraged long at 105% equity. I chose the best stocks, drank some Burgundy, and had an overall great sushi dinner.

The CPI data was of course BETTER THAN EXPECTED and now stocks are flying. Since I do not like to be tricked, I booked all of my gains this morning and kept just the very safe BTC and IEP on the books. I’m up 160bps to new RECOURD HIGHS.

How do I keep doing this? Very easy — I use Stocklabs. Whilst that sounds like a sales pitch, it’s also true. I use nothing else to find stocks.

Since I’m mostly cash now I’ll be taking it easy for the next few hours, since I deserve a rest.

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LISTEN TO ME NOW

I have never been so sure of a trade, perhaps ever. Carl Icahn is old and he’s a winner and nerds are trying to storm his castle, impugning his integrity and legacy. He is going to throw hot tar onto their heads, then feathers, then he’s going to cut their dicks off.

Many people are in fact short IEP after a short seller twisted a knife into Uncle Carl, proclaiming Carl had made some rookie error and him and his fucking son Brett were morons. Traders laughed at this report and destroyed IEP. Even Bill Ackman joined the fray and took pot shots at Carl.

All this time Carl has been scheming, remaining quiet, biding his time.

I suspect Carl, perhaps even now as you read this, is filming a DEAD MAN’S SWITCH video whereby upon his death he is going to face fuck all of the shorts who bet against him while alive. In his death, he will haunt them and take their money, just like Ebeneezer Scrooge.

Because of this, and other things, I am 10% long IEP. I will trade in and out but always try to remain exposed for the big explosion, for I feeeeeeeeeel it is coming.

Everything else looks good. I closed at session highs +52bps, +122bps for the quant — firmly at RECOURD HIGHS and fully invested without hedges or fear.

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I AM BACK IN

Sort of a boring day. At first I wanted to show restraint and head to cash — shaming others who thought stocks were heading back up. After about 45 mins I got back in slowly and now all the way. My returns are negligible, +0.01% — but I feeeeel good buying stocks here because I have ideas and visions of the future with me winning in it. There is very rarely a vision of mine that shows me losing. I, in fact, manifest, absolutely, my success.

I usually get an idea and then think about it for a long time — figure out the future, and position myself in it. I do this all the time and I’ve never failed.

Right now I envision myself winning again — reaching RECOURD highs and having a nice summer. I might, for example, dabble in some wine and cigar tasting — perhaps another trip somewhere — and then chide my readers for not winning like me.

We have a steady crawl higher wit decent breadth. It’s a traders market and I happen to be a trader, so it’ll all work out.

I see no risk whatsoever and do not even feel like me saying such is a jinx. I could, if I wanted to, spit into the faces of the stock Gods and nothing bad would happen to me. We are now impervious to drawdowns.

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STEPPED ASIDE INTO CASH

I’m sitting in 93% cash, the rest safe and secure in Bitcoin. Let’s be clear, the bears have been defeated and have been refuges for the past 6 months.

But my issue with trading now is the same stocks showing up in my screens: AFRM, UPST, CVNA, IONQ, TSLA etc. I’m living in a ground hog dayesque hellscape and grow weary of repeating the same trades.

I get it, high beta means big movers. I also see various other sectors and industries plodding higher. Heck, I even sold IEP, which was hard because I really want to see Icahn skin Bill Ackman and friends alive again.

Maybe in an hour or two I’ll feeeeeeel better. For now, cash and some Bitcoin.

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Here Are Some Must Use Screens in Stocklabs

One of the chief criticisms of following my trades is that I do too many. This new rapid style trading is somewhat new for me and I never did it until COVID hit. In the past I was a swing trader and built positions over convictions for longer durations. But after COVID and the speed of markets coupled with the speed of the tools I created inside Stocklabs, I found I could achieve far greater returns being autistic.

Because most of you are retarded submentals and cannot figure out how to use the tools in your trading, I am doing this post to offer advice.

On the screener page, I have a series of pre set screens populated. I hand picked them myself and curate them when needed.

I will now pose to you a philosophical question.

Is it smarter to buy stocks you think will move next or stocks that are already moving? This is the essence of investing and you can have it both ways, contrary to moronic beliefs.

Introducing my Alpha Chaser screener.

This screen will populate all stocks that meet a minimum volume threshold of 500k that have moved higher by 0.3% over a 5 min time frame. When day trading, I sort by 1 min and sometimes 30 seconds. This screen will capture every single stock movement as it happens. Nothing can escape its grasp. The idea here, buy stocks moving now. You would do this because you’re not stupid and want to trend follow. But while doing this, you can spy areas of the market moving and perhaps attempt to front run a future move. For example, if you see a flurry of Chinese stocks or Alt Energy or Refiner stocks moving on a 1 min scale — you can then click into the industry and fish for stocks at session highs.

How can you do this?

Click on industry and sort for it.

Confused which one to pick? No need to look at charts. We do not have time for that shit. Apply the technical score algorithm and sort for the strongest.

In very bullish tapes, I gravitate towards short squeezes. The logic behind these ideas is natural buyers compiled on top of short covering. If short, you do not want to get caught inside a short squeeze. Look at the recent action in CVNA, UPST and AFRM.

That screen is preset to look for squeezes with stocks already up 3%. But I will adjust that when looking for a future winner. I simply remove the % change filter and sort by heaviest shorted and see what looks good.

Another must use screen deploys our volume tools. Again, this is basic sense translated into my bespoke trading tools that many of you ignore. A stock doesn’t breakout without a volume increase. We can show you which stocks are volume spiking in real time. The delta tools measures the volume pro-rated over a 1 min scale against the 30 day average. So if Apple usually trades 10,000 shares per min and is blasting off 20,000 shares per min — we will see it and report it at 100% spike.

We also do this on an intra day 1 min over 1 min or 5 min over 5 min or 15 min over 15 min etc. If XYZ releases some news and buyers come in — if this screen is up you will see the spike immediately register.

On the issue of news, as you know we have a news wire powered by Twitter. We use this news wire to build a database from which users can search from and also apply in real time screeners.

If at the pro version, you can use the “live” features — which makes everything dynamic. Under this search feature set on news, if any press release hits the SL tape using the keyword “intelligence” under an associated ticker symbol, it will register here inside 3 seconds. You can set time frame ranging from 24hrs to past 12 month. You can also use this to search company profiles and the Pelican Room, which is our chatroom.

Our industry page can do many things. The lowest hanging fruit is finding the most technically strong areas of the market.

But it can also apply our volume tools and alpha tools to see what is moving over a determined intra day time frame and what is volume spiking. It can also show backtest data using our intelligence algorithms.

Every stock, sector and industry is accompanied by multiple sets of predictive algorithms. The intelligence algos uses current technical or hybrid (fundamental and technicals combined) and crosses it against a selected time frame to show you how said security performed in the past.

Our overbought and oversold algos are merely the extreme ranges of the algorithms, which are then documented and tracked for a 10 day holding period.

This is our systemwide aggregate oversold signal the past year, flawless data under the hybrid score.

We also visualize it.

Ok, this post is already too long and I need to fuck off. What else can Stocklabs do?

Grade balance sheets and fundamentals, show valuation data going back to 1993. You can go back to 1970 to see our algorithms scores per stock. You can view seasonality data on a daily, monthly and even hourly basis. Curious to see what QQQ has done between 2-4pm the past month? We can show you that. We also take the valuation data and cross it against traditional PE and PS ratios to produce price targets. Yes, we use FPE and FPS. We also aggregate all financial data, show share buybacks, and I use fundamental data to produce a quant portfolio.

Here are the returns for this static monthly allocated model.

If that’s not good enough, you can always hang out with the degenerates in the Pelican Room and wait for my picks. Here are my returns.

There’s actually a lot more to the platform than what I mentioned. If you want a free trial, you’ll have to wait until we offer them again. But if you’re a serious trader and want to see it now, try it for a month and cancel at any time. If you’re confused due to low IQ after joining, we can help with demos and educational videos and emails.

Ciao

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THE FLY IS UP 40% YEAR TO DATE; RUSSIAN WAR UPDATE

Who can stop me? Certainly not you.

I etched out a 78bps win today and nearly achieved my daily goal of booking $10,000 in profits for the day.

It’s important that you acknowledge this achievement and then quickly shut the fuck up. I am in the business of procuring money for myself. And, in my spare time, I might offer others small tips in between my war tweets.

Ultimately, we are all ideologues. I have strong opinions on democrats and their freedoms and this extends to the Federal Government and their ideas what liberty represents, which then extends to the Ukraine war and all of its disgusting grift. I do not have strong feelings one way or another for Ukraine. If pressed, I’d say they’re retarded slavs. That doesn’t make me pro Russian either. However, if pressed, I’d say Putin is a very nice man. The gist of my bias against Ukraine vs Russia in this war stems from my disdain for my government’s meddling into that region. Bear in mind, there is ONLY DOWNSIDE for me and my family if this war goes sideways and Russian missiles are flying into my front yard. If we succeed in Ukraine and kill all of the Russians, I do not make more money or receive estates in Stalingrad. As a matter of fact, I lose again — since Russia will be an enemy of my children and their children for just about forever.

My foreign policy is similar to what many straight while males in America believe: be fair and stay the fuck out of everyone’s business. Most importantly, stop killing people.

If we only applied half the energy into reaching a peace accord as we do in procuring weapons for the corrupt Zelensky regime, we could have it.

I suppose the truth of it all is — there is no political solution. America and the west is now represented by an oppressive satanic order of rainbow flagged edge-lords and their new rainbow flag is universal in its depravity and it counters the ancient order of god fearing civilizations who valued family and procreation above all. This can only be uprooted through violence and their spite must be eliminated and then erased from the memory of those who tried to pull America into hell.

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RIDING WITH ICAHN

My whole life I’ve looked up to Carl as the person on Wall Street who best personified a son of a bitch. Anyone in the business loved the movie Wall Street and the villain Gordon Gecko. Well, there have been many rumors about who the movie was based off and those rumors can all fuck themselves — because he’s the only man on Wall Street who has emblazoned a path like Gordon — taking innumerable companies over in a “fuck you, give me three seats on your board” fashion.

Now 87 years old, the catamites are out to get Carl. I haven’t looked into Carl’s business and hope he can live long enough to find a better replacement than his fucking son Brett. Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty to support Carl in his time of need. We all know how much Carl appreciates the assistance of unnamed Internet personalities, so I wanted to reiterate my long position in IEP and tell Carl the following words.

Do not worry bro. We have your back. We will kill your enemies and eat their flesh off their bones and then take said bones and place them into the oven and bake them till dry. Then we’ll take those bones and Vitamix them and use them to fertilize our cannabis crops. And then we’ll smoke them.

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EXECUTE THE BEARS

I was on guard for rape and the only thing it did for me was I raped myself a little bit with poorly executed hedges. I soon began to realize that in spite of my seething hatred for a bull market — we are inside one. I admit to you to be powerless in this regard. I cannot destroy the market with words or even with my small accounts. In a different time line, perhaps I was a banker with billions at my disposal to crush the spirit of longs — crashing stocks lower at will. Men like Jay Gould used to partake in these sort of shenanigans all the time — back in the good olde days. Hey, I used to partake on a smaller scale in stocks we could rig higher back when I managed money.

But those days are over and now it’s just me and my fucking toolz against market forces. I really do win every single time. You’d think the sort of returns I am posting on a live forum in an actively managed portfolio would create some excitement. Alas, people like to trade their own way and blow the fuck up in spite of my best intentions.

The truth is, you do not deserve Stocklabs. None of you do. If the software did nothing and only had me in it — you’d still not deserve it. There will come a day when I decide to take my ball and fuck off and cancel everyone, returning their filthy money to them. That day, as nice idea as it is, has not come. I have more toolz to create and need test subjects to test them.

I crushed the session, +123bps, fully long and without hedges into tomorrow. Who is gonna stop me?

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