iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,418 Blog Posts

Damned Market is Down — NOW GO UP

Son of bitch. I wanted to believe in the Thanksgiving Day Weekly Festival. I envisioned myself girding into vats of gravy, ladling myself with it as if in a bathtub — eating copious amounts of turkey and yams — happy knowing my stocks were soaring based on nostalgia.

Markets opened sharply lower and I waited and waited — but I remain lower by 89bps. I shall not sell short — because I still want to believe and find myself needing patience.

WE ARE RISK OFF based on earnings fears. Today has nothing to do with rates or geopolitics. We are simply down after many days up and also because the fundamentals aren’t too great. They’re not too bad, but not too great.

Into the final few hours, I will pray to the Gods for respite, to provide me, personally, with exceptional talent to see the forest through the trees and to profit from today’s market. With the proceeds, I might venture off and buy a coat for ANTIFA FLY, as the children tend to get cold this time of year. If I made a lot of money, I might even buy myself one.

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NOTHING CAN STOP THE TRANSGENDERED BULLS NOW

The impetus to execute the transgendered bulls has passed, an opportunity lost in the westerly winds of progress. Congratulations for all those celebrating TRANSGENDER REMEMBRANCE DAY on this day and may we revel in the adventures of bravery of all of the many sexes out there — people morphing from one to the next in search of pleasure and individualism.

I carried out my day in complete honor, gaining 80bps in genteel trade. This is National Festival Week, a time and place that is very special to Americans — as we celebrate the conquering of the Americas — superior people building towards the sky with dreams of living forever. We revel in the glory of Pax Americana when we cut into the turkeys and mashed potatoes, heavily gravied — washed down with either Apple cider or nectar of the Gods. I will always reflect back and cherish the many feasts enjoyed at House Fly and the feelings they gave me of hope and safety.

It is unusual for markets to bid lower on this Holy Week, but entirely acceptable to cut the elevator cords on Friday — as Blackened Friday looms and the expectations rarely if ever meld with reality.

I offer nothing but good tidings and happy days, at least until Friday. I shall not sell short, not matter my feelings and will only remind you, the unwashed reader, that to bet against the fondest memories and ravage their meaning is self-hatred. Love thyself before you can love others.

With that being said, I still hate you all — but feel that I am especially talented and gifted, unique in many regards, and will do as I like when I prefer to do it.

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I POSSESS AN AIR OF DIGNITY AND HONOR

Look at me bowling on my many enemies, flaying them alive under the Bull sigil.

Conservatards are out in full force celebrating the ascendancy of mental patient escapee Milei getting ‘elected’ in Argentina, a nation not at all relevent since Hitler fled there in 1945. He says many abrasive things, all directed squarely at the “LIBTARDS” and makes grand promises to kill them all. The truth is much sadder, as he’s not going to be doing any of that shit at all. Change is genetic and cannot come artificially. The liberal democracies you absolute retards take for granted were bestowed upon us by great men who were visionaries. You cannot export moral ethics to people via one election. The people must do it when no one is looking. The people must want to return the shopping cart in the parking lot when it’s perfectly acceptable to just leave it there for someone else to put away.

GOOD SIRS — you are forgetting the answers.

At any rate, I’m in too good a mood to lecture you people about how things work. My daughter is flying in and I’ll be keeping her up at the airport soon. My spirits are very good, health is most excellent — gains are splendid.

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Smooth Sailing Till BLACK FRIDAY

Don’t expect much this week, as America girds into large vats of brown gravy. I’ll have you know, I escaped this morning out of most of my positions and made back what I lost on Friday, +66bps. You might then ask aloud “why well Fly, if it’s “smooth sailing” like you said, why the fuck sell?”

The answer is as obvious as relevant to the tape: I’m afraid to give it back. I’ve been in too many morning reversals to just hold onto a book filled with trading stocks. I feel like doing so invites calamity and the times I have held — markets reversed on me and punished me for my obstinacy.

This why I get to slow things down and hand pick new stocks, probably stupid and probably unnecessary. Nonetheless, my trading is CRUSHING the static quant portfolio of mine, which only trades once per month.

I suppose my methods will not change unless I start performing badly. Until then, I’ll sell every fucking open, no matter the circumstance.

For now, I own $RUM, $ILMN, and $UBER. In my opinion, UBER is a 10 bagger from here, my fat pitch. The RUM story is based off the censorship at YouTube and the stock, in a normal country, would be soaring — as people love free speech. However, we live in an evil country that punishes free speech making RUM risky for that very reason.

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Reconnecting with the Church

I was at church today for the fourth consecutive week after having a sojourn of sorts from organized religion for many years. I grew up being Catholic, switched to Episcopalian later on, and then went through a long period being agnostic/atheist. I am back to Catholicism — because all other forms of Christinaity are inferior frauds, built upon houses of lies.

It’s very easy to not believe in God, even look down on people who do as childish fools who believe in magical notions that can’t be proven in the physical world. But to be this way is also a religion, and you’ll just end up filling the vacuum by believing in other fanciful things like celebrities, politicians, athletes or other forms of idolatry. Truth is, at least for me, being in a church and listening to a well spoken sermon in a clean well kept building, adorned with gold chalices, well ironed robes, polish woods, and wonderfully crafted stained glass represents order and grace. I think anyone in need of peace and equanimity should visit his/her local parish and instill the virtues of God into their children; because if you don’t the vacuum will be filled by your local GLOBOHOMO politicians who do not share family friendly ethics, sense of justice, or morality.

There is an old saying “cleanliness is next to Godliness” and I think about that a lot because, unbeknownst to many of you who only see my belligerent side, I endeavor to improve as a person.

After church, we ventured off to clean my son’s new place, spend $600 at Whole Foods for Thanksgiving, and then read a little at home amidst Stan Getz jazz, family chatter, in a well lit room.

Finally, I sharpened two chef knives, made some sugared cranned-berries in preparation for Thanksgiving (I am what you might call a mixologist), which is an exciting holiday for me. The kids come back from college to spend the week with us and my wife and I enjoy spending maximum amounts of time with them — watching movies, dining out, playing games, trying to help them become happier and well balanced people. It’s not easy and I often regret not instilling certain moral values in them — but it does no good thinking about missed trades so I choose to think ahead.

Speaking of which, NASDAQ futs are -36 and I exited Friday fully long and emotionally scarred from a week of trading like an absolute bitch. I will be extremely angry in the morning should things not materialize in my favour.

Good night.

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DAMN IT

I don’t want to write a god damned thing, so instead I will list things I did into the close and then fuck off.

I wrangled with my laptop all day because the O key isn’t working prperly.

I planted a fucking tree, hated my soil and lawn.

I was short stocks into a god damned melt up, switched to VERY LONG into the close and ended up -67bps.

I bought 5 new iPhones and two got sent back to Verizon on a fraud flag that has infuriated me to the point I am sending all 5 phones back now.

I have a rage inside of me that can’t be contained.

I traded like shit the whole week and lost 1.2%, whilst bot my Quant and strategic holdings account made 5%. This only means I am, personally, retarded.

I do not like anyone.

If the market doesn’t trade up on Monday, I might snap and lose it.

Good bye and fuck off — have a miserable weekend.

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Infuriated By Soil

I bought the house I live in last year, moving to the Raleigh area about 4 years ago from a lifetime in the north. I’ve always enjoyed landscaping and cultivating a nice lawn — because that’s what human beings like to do. This autumn I became obsessed with the fucking lawn and the amount of weeds in it — so I bought about 2,000lbs of compost, top, and peat moss and pulled up the old grass that was festooned with every varietal of weed you could imagine.

I did this at some expense and great physical toil — at a time while nursing a torn ACL from a fucking 10 min pickle ball match gone awry. At any rate, the new grass has since grown in and much to my chagrin — the local fuck who sold me their “unique blend” of grass also included weeds. These are new weeds, never seen on this bastard lawn. On top of that, I just bought a Japanese Maple and attempted to plant it — but incredibly could not find a spot in the lawn that wasn’t built upon bedrock. I am on a bit of a hill and I suppose the builders said “fuck it” when they constructed this and simply placed the lawn on top of the rock, about 5 inches down.

This leads me to my next conclusion about the grass: the shallow roots, due to the rock, are causing it to burn and permit weeds to thrive. The only solution is to build up, which means I’ll need to slowly increase the top soil about 5 inches over the next 3 years. I could do it all at once, but then I’d have to kill the fucking grass again.

On the issue of the Maple, I ended up digging an incredibly hard fought hole on a hill with arid/dead soil. I had to displace roots and rocks 3x the size needed and replace it with high quality soil before planting.

As you can see, I haven’t given a fuck about the market in several hours. I’ll get a cup of coffee now and sit down to look at it.

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Let’s Really Discuss Markets

There are two ways to see this tape. On one hand, the Nasdaq is +42% for the year. On the other, the Russell is down and within the NASDAQ there are dozens of stocks off by double digits. To argue about 2023 is basically a point of reference — your experience in markets and the stocks you prefer to trade.

I prefer to trade the degenerate names that offer outsized returns. I’d rather make 10% per day and brag about it online than squeezing out a dystopian existence making 0.4% on average days. 2023 hasn’t afforded traders the luxury of excess and has instead given us $META, $ADBE, $AAPL and $LLY to trade — grinding out the low fitness/low IQ fats for their spirit and treasure. This is especially foreboding coming off the crisis year of 2022 which saw stocks lower by half.

There once was a market that climbed higher in every facet of its existence. We’d trade it merrily and be happy and rich. My returns were so high, I insulted people with them when I shared the data. No one would believe me because they seemed so outrageous.

In the professional sphere of investing, the returns are paltry. The average returns of hedge funds in 2023 is +5.5%.

The Captains of Industry have produced the following:

Citadel +13%
Bridgewater +2%
AQR Capital Management +19%
DE Shaw +6.5%
Millenium +5.5%
Third Point -3.9%
Pershing Square +13%
Two Sigma Investments +15%

These are rank amateur returns — but their market is much different from ours. When you manage tens of billions you instantly become retarded and your very existence creates bureaucracy. None of those fund managers can hold a candle to me. They’re the equivalent to eating out of a paper bag at the DMV, while I am a 3 star Michelin denizen of excellence. Perhaps if I too directed my energy into being a fantastical hedge fund manager, I’d be a DMV tier shit-head investor and whenever some blogger mentioned me in his end of day missive, I’d have him killed.

For the session, I closed down 102bps and kept a barbell approach heading into Friday: short the fucking small caps, long the tera caps.

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Rot Underneath the Veneer

I want to believe in the fairy tale — the good guys on Wall Street winning for America — making stocks go up not because they’re rigging it but because Americans deserved it. I miss the days when we’d play sticked ball and hit homeruns into the windows and into the living rooms of the people who were unfortunate enough to get in our way. But I’m taking a look at this tape and do not like what I see.

Maybe it’ll clear up tomorrow and we can all but happy and sashay about the office in linens. But as of right now, I want zero bid trading.

Here’s what I hate about today.

Rates are lower — but no one gives a shit.
WTI is down 5.3%, behaving as if the world entered a depression.
The homosexuals have kept the NASDAQ flat — but the plebeian class suffer immensely in the Russell down 1.7%

Names on the chopping block include:

$CSCO -11%, $PANW -6%,$PLCE -27% on news everyone is gay and there’s no need for children’s clothes, $ABR -12%, $IEP -12%, $BABA -9%, $WMT -8% and on and one.

I can keep going you fucks. It’s fucking over.

It’s important to remember, when seeing pain and suffering amongst the third estate, the catamite elite are still doing quite well and shares of $AAPL, $AMZN, and $GOOGL are strong. The trade is simple and as follows:

SHORT THE FUCKING RUSSELL INTO THE GROUND, hedge that with longs in the catamite tera cap techs, and possess cash in excess of 50%. For sport, even though it’s likely to lose me money, I am long some $UVIX here — as I hope the bears start eating the bulls like Pacman into the final hours providing a spike in fear and panic on Wall Street.

Thus far, my forays into the market have resulted in a loss of 113bps.

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Markets Dispassionately Lower Early On

Markets are basing out this morning with weakness in small caps and of course the fucking scientist in the biotechs. The price of oil has collapsed by 3% and gold is up, which is a trade I’d rather not take. I just cannot think of a world where oil is down and gold is up. Well, I could but it’d be a very bearish one and at the moment, I’m a bull.

On that note, my bullish position has me down 97bps early, thanks to $COST $MSTR and several other piece of shits. Don’t worry, I sold them and made myself small in order to keep my losses manageable.

Like I said yesterday, losing money is fine. Being wrong is fine. But deluding myself for the sake of ego and letting things spiral isn’t fine.

I’ll try to perform magic acts to get back to profit today, but it looks like a downer.

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