18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,415 Blog Posts


Good morning ladies and gentlemen,

No more chin-wagging or contemplating how this all works out to your benefit. Stocks are going to get fucking shipwrecked today and there is nothing policy makers can do, aside from SHUTTING IT ALL DOWN and suspending trade. Later on today the ECB will announce “liquidity measures”, but what use can they serve when business is down 80%?

Where do I get such a number?


Since everything is being shut down, my question to you is this:

How long can companies survive holding overhead and business down 50%+?


We are talking instant bankruptcies here, across the board. Significant draw downs in lines of credit, totally fucking banks to the point of ruin. The banks, if you will, are on the hook for $2.5 TRILLION in LOCs, most owned by JPM, C, WFC and BAC. It will look like a massive run on banks, all happening so fast, no one will know what hit them.

LOC’s flying out of the door, banks forced to recapitalize.

This is the gloom and doom scenario. Let’s play devil’s advocate and say they manage to instill some confidence in markets. How might that look like? Perhaps a government or Fed lending program of massive scale to take the place of the LOCs? I don’t know. But as of right now the only stocks that are working are mini plague stocks. You remember, the stocks you mocked me for last month.

HAHAHAH — go fuck yourself.

Comments »


It’s over again folks. Small cap futures are lower by a fucking outrageous 6%. Dow futures are limit down 1,100 points and the DAX slobs are looking into the hourglass — FUCKED BY 6.5%.

Civil society has officially ended tonight. Trump enacted a harsh new travel ban from Europe; your summer vacays are inexorably canceled, henceforth. We’re completely in the dark sea now without a paddle. The NBA season CANCELLED. Poor Dave Portnoy sold his Barstools pice of shit sports site for PENN stock, and it’s barreling towards ZERO — as American sports are now a thing of the past. Tom Hanks is almost dead, officially diagnosed with CORONAVIRUS. And reports are that John Travolta is in the hospital too, fucked from the Wuhan Batsoup Flu.

Yours truly began prepping tonight, as we swim quickly towards end of days. I fought for the last roll of toilet paper and won, as well as ample supplies of papered towels and other coronavirus curing dry goods. This is it folks, the end.

After hours, Wynn, Hilton and Boeing all tapped their lines of credit — maxing out their credit cards — but it won’t be enough. All of these companies are leveraged to the hilt, puffed up with employees and overhead, and now have ZERO business. Think about it, a true doomsday scenario if I’ve ever seen one.

The singular thing that worries me now are markets shutting down completely in order to preserve the system. We cannot paper over this, so the next logical step for our manipulators in chief is to stick a pin in everything and HALT TRADING until the virus passes.

The Black Flag flies on iBC tonight, somberly. I will accept my wins tomorrow, long FAZ, NNVC and some tankers, but mourn the passing of this once great globalized world.


Comments »


The Dow closed down more than 1,400 points, wiping out yesterday’s rally clean — leaving a little tip to boot. I did a full 180 intra day and went long FAZ, cleaned out my longs, and remained long tankers and one virus stock. The news is fluid and the ramifications are horrible. The advice given on CNBC is worse than during the financial crisis. All day they had shills on, RIAs, talking their book.

There used to be a guy in my comments section bragging about his ETF returns. How they doing now pal? How do you feel getting HOT ROLLED AND FUCKING STEELED into there teeth of a bastard credit crisis?

MBS spreads blew out today. BA plunged 17%, sending CDS to record highs. Everywhere you look speaks to crisis of an unprecedented nature. The NBA will play without crowds.

And here we are — general entertainment sector getting nailed to the wall — cruises, playgrounds, concerts BTFO.

REITs took the biggest ass hammering today, with credit crisis CRE names like SPG and MAC knifing lower.

One of the largest emerging market ETFs got wrecked and continued to decline.


Lots of reasons to fuck off and stop telling people to just dive in there. National disaster declaration is being rumored now in order to free up FEMA coffins and their money. Trump is chimping the fuck out, overseeing the greatest bubble to have ever existed deflating in real time — executing buy the dippers with malevolent alacrity.



Comments »


Like a man, I looked at my computer screen and acquiesced to the fact that I was wrong. I sold out of my position and went to cash. Also, with a little bit of said cash, bought another tanker and SHORTED THE FUCKING BANKS.

The results

APT +4.5%
(LOPE -7.3%)
(OXY -6.9%)
(FAS -8%)
(YINN -3.8%)
(MAR -8%)
(AYX -2.2%)
(MDB -0.7%)
(XPO -3.2%)
CRM – wash
SE +0.8%
FB +0.34%
NFLX +2%
TSLA +1.4%

NOT FLATTERING, but if I only showed you the ups, you would have no idea of the tumult it takes to get there. I’m going thru a process here of trying to reconcile an insane market. This is very 2008ish and I am beginning to see outsized movements in CDS that suggest SEVERE credit issues are on there horizon. You can plainly see it in HYG and SRLN now.

I do not have a crystal ball and can only offer you words to help you see through this horseshit. But the issues the global economy is facing now is in fact unprecedented. Don’t just sit there and see your portfolio shrink. If we’re heading into recession, prepare for another 20% lower from here. Of course there will be drops and pops, fantastic rallies. But this sort of shit, up 1,000/down 1,000 is enough to drive me nuts. Most of you simply can’t handle the tick tock.

Comments »

A Waterfall of Selling Awaits You

I am off to a late start, so I need to catch up quick and make this post quick.

BOE did an emerge rate cut of 50bps to 0.25% and offered some funding shenanigans. More central bank intervention. It might not look like much now, but it will later.

The Saudis ordered Saudi Armamco to produce a million more barrels per day to 13m. The result, sharply lower crude, off by 4%. Also, you can track VLCC rates and read reports about Saudi securing all of these ships for extreme day rates, now fetching $200,000 per day. They were fetching $20 on Friday. This explosion is a major boon for FRO, STNG and many other tankers.

Dow futures are off 1,000. Whoever bought the close is fucked. If you bought early yesterday, you might want to consider selling today. This sordid action will not conclude right away. I suspect lower prices are coming and I’ll need to re-shuffle things to prepare for this reality.

Comments »

Futures Hammered to Pieces; I May Be HOOKED

I have no fucking idea why futures are lower tonight. The LSTA leveraged loan index was higher, oil is up 3% now, and Asian markets are garden variety down by 1.7%. Dow futures are lower by more than 600, absconding with more than HALF of today’s gains, extra Thanos.

Incidentally, I am 80% in on the long side, no virus stocks, loaded up with two 3x leveraged instruments. In other words, I may be HOOKED.

I do have a little leeway, since my basis on those positions are significantly lower, taken on today when markets were only +100. It’s the fucking nature of the market to always rape and pillage. It’s always like this during routs, dark clouds of uncertainty rip thru confidence and we get these widening trading ranges. In 2008-2009, policy makers LOST. Contrary to popular belief, they lost because markets went down 75% before rebounding. That’s game-set-match. Since then, they’ve learned to head off these bear runs with stimulus and/or central bank intervention. We are now at the point, down 20%, when their actions must work, otherwise we might find ourselves quickly swimming downstream — stacking up losses in the magnitude of 40-50%.

Comments »

Markets Take Traders on Rollercoaster Session, Ends +1,100

Lots of ways to trade this wrong today. Fortunately for me, everything I did was right. From short to long to ALL IN, Le Fly (as he’s popularly known in France) banked immeasurable amounts of coin. It’s important for you to understand this, no one fucks this market better than me.

I banged out TZA for +4.7% and swung around like a barbarian and ripped out nearly +18 in SOXL. I ended the session a supreme winner, led by a double dicked sized position in FRO. That’s right, +28% for the day. I told you, literally, told you.

I don’t fuck with you faggots on the free site anymore, out of respect for Exodus members. I used to cheapen my tightly honed skills by offering free advice to losers sloppily hanging out in my comments section and often felt like committing murder against many of you. Those days are long gone, as I cater to a sophisticated group of gentry, all like minded and who also wear top hats and swing around canes.

The market might go higher from here?


Comments »


I didn’t want to FOMO with markets up 1,000. I felt like an oven was to cook me if I did that. But when I saw the Italian markets go negative, I got in — only short via TZA. After markets dumped out, I smartly closed out that position for +4.7%. See, at the time the cruisers were all halted and OXY too. But then the news came out that was positive, bailouts and divvy cuts. No bankruptcies. We have a fucking low bar of expectations going on here.

So then I went all in.

I SOPPED up my buy lists, a wishlist of stocks that I liked. I even bought TSLA.

The point here is that I cannot be wrong. I am ordained to bank coin in this market. I was born into the riots of NYC and I thrive in chaos.

I reserved 20% cash for eventualities. But I doubt I’ll need it.

Top pick: FRO

Comments »