18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,200 Blog Posts

Traders Are Selling the News — But They’re WRONG

I’m back from the Benz dealership in yet another chapter in the saga regarding my fucking car. Smarter people than I tell me “go get a new car, moron.” But I will never bend or fold and will spend $100,000 in repairs before I acquiesce and cave into the sales department. I’m a wise men, smart even, but when it comes to dealing with cars — I am an abject idiot.

Markets are fading early gains — because they can.

The 25% Tariffs will remain as is, with 7 1/2% put on much of the remainder,” Trump said in a tweet.

The USTR office confirms the U.S. will maintain 25% tariffs on approximately $250 billion of Chinese imports, along with 7.5% tariffs on about $120 billion.

It’s a Friday, so I will grant leniency for this transgression. But stocks should not be sold, but instead bought with cannibalistic appetites. You might fret of delving into the indices at these levels, but remember that cowards live in the shadows and brave men fuck.

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GET IN HERE and Congratulate President Trump For His Victory

Whether he gets impeached or not, executed or let free, you should thank President Donald J. Trump for winning the trade war against the mongrel nation of China today, solidifying phase 1 of the deal today with extreme gravitas.

Bears will now be trapped in tar pits, and preserved perfectly, for future bulls to find 66 million years from now. By the end of 2019, all of the short sellers will be dead.

I made 4 or 5 good buys today, looking forward to more gains in the AM.

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This is what we’re been building up to — a two hundred point rally into pagan Xmas. Literally nothing can stop us.



However, bonds yields are rising again and the 10yr is nearing 1.90%. If, in fact, it rises to 2.00%, I gurantee you stocks will get rocked. Listen to me now, watch it closely.

Other than that, smooth sailing into the New Year’s. The desire to fade this news and sell into it is palatable, but you’d be wrong. This is where you knuckled down and buy shit — the worst stocks known to mankind.

This is what I did today, so far, on a closing out basis.

SWAV +6%
(GTHX -3%)
PUMP +5.1%

I’ll likely buy 2 or 3 stocks into the bell.

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Stocks Just Will Not Go Lower

If you’re wondering what to buy the old battle ax for Xmas this season, look no further than two of my profanity laden books — replete with my origin story about getting into the business during the dot com boom and bust.

For those who already bought them, feel free to buy them again. As you can see, they are collectors items with original RARE art on them. If you’re wondering where the fuck part 3 is of this trilogy series, it has been shelved, indefinitely. I had quite literally written 700 pages worth of reading and decided to ditch it. I then attempted to re-write it, but have since soured on writing outside of this blog. Why I have soured on writing is beyond my control. I will say, however, that waiting for Exodus 2.0 to be finished and the ramifications of that on my already busy life has probably taken its toll. I would like to, at some point, finish writing the book — but truthfully I do not feel like doing it and since I don’t make any money off these fucking things — my motivation is next to zero.

Markets will move higher today, which I suppose is good for me. Even if it were to trade lower, you’re not getting an outsized move before New Year’s. It’s just not happening.

If you want to sell short, start now and bulk up heavily before New Year’s and hope to Baby Jesus we start off 2020 in the fires.

UPDATE: (Sigh)

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Give Me Panic or Give Me Warren

The past week has been uneventful for me. I haven’t put my heart into trading, partly due to end of year malaise and partly due to my disgust in a one way tread higher. The 3x Semi long blow job ETF, SOXL, is higher by 180% for 2019. In other words, you could’ve tossed your entire account into a 3x upside ETF and gotten rich inside of a year. I thought these things were designed to burn hot and destroy investors? It looks to me like these are fantastic long term vehicles for wealth creation now. In a low volatility environ, what could go wrong, after all? The commissions are now zero and the Fed is in the wings eagerly waiting to ejaculate onto the faces of investors. There is little to no resistance on the way up. Companies are borrowing as much as they can for as little as they can in order to buy as much stock as they can in order to BOOST earnings, artificially.

BTW: You have 3 days to enroll into Obama-Care and get fucked on premiums.

I’m tired of this repeat. I want impeachment and then fires. Or I want fires now and then impeachment. If I can get neither, elect the Indian Warren and have her raise taxes so high the market explodes, literally explodes, and rains down ash upon the people — burning the weak ones to a cinder.

I cannot apply my God given talents in a tape like this — wholly dumb and incredibly monotonous. It is not a puzzle, but merely an exercise in who can be more degenerate and leverage the fuck out of a tape that cannot lose. Because of this, I bear witness to the dumbest of men presiding over $50m brokerage accounts — living fat and hoggish off the land of Trump whilst clamoring for Mueller reports and faggotry of an industrial nature.

I want the waters to flow black and the blood to pour heavily — markets disjointed and collapsed under the weight of 100,000 retards infinitely leveraging themselves into oblivion.

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Fed Sits on Thumbs, Promises to Become Irrelevant Until 2021

The Fed is officially persona non grata.

Following a year of being beaten around the face and brow by Trump, Powell is mailing it in for 2020, forecasting nothing thru 2021.

“The Committee judges that the current stance of monetary policy is appropriate to support sustained expansion of economic activity, strong labor market conditions, and inflation near the Committee’s symmetric 2 percent objective,” the statement said.

“The Committee will continue to monitor the implications of incoming information for the economic outlook, including global developments and muted inflation pressures, as it assesses the appropriate path of the target range for the federal funds rate,” the committee added.

This of course means nothing. At the first sign of instability, the Fed will remove the dicks from their mouths and slash rates again. Nothing happens, until it does. In this case, nothing is forecasted thru 2021.

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I’m out of the office today with my daughter who needs some testing on her eyes done. No big deal, hopefully — but I’ll be out most of the day.

Early going I see just one of my stocks is sharply higher — SAGE — based on insider buying reports. Software stocks are getting the business, sharply lower, just because.

It’s important to note this sector has been leadership for half a decade and is struggling to regain its footing. I suspect if the market tops out, you will first see it in SAAS.

Other than that, nothing going on.

More later.

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The Signs Are Everywhere — Don’t Be Afraid to Look

You don’t need to look very far to know modern society has gotten piggishly fat and decadent.

We’ve become caricatures of spendthrifts and booze-hounds tripping over each other in grandiloquent manners to disgrace ourselves.

The signs of late stage narcissism and carelessness are everywhere.

How long do you think this can last?

Apple’s new stupid computer, now fetching for $60k.

And you think this makes you better?

When the Fed stops jerking off the markets dick — what will become of us?

While you sit there enjoying that fresh glass of chardonnay, some middle earth’d pleb is in an Amazon slave cage factory loading boxes onto the heads of his peers.

We keep borrowing because there aren’t any negative ramifications.

And then you wonder why we’re at record highs.


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Evergreen Theme: Nothing Ever Happens

Every year we pray upon the altar of the Fed and hope they rescue us with their gifts of liquidity. The bears get slaty and predict chaos and mayhem. For a time, the markets decline and then more nothing, as they reemerge and spike to fresh highs. The bears shit themselves, eat one of their young, and head back into hibernation. This process has repeated itself yearly since 2009. The market was supposed to collapse over and over again, but more nothing emerged.

Think back to 2016 when the Chinese were fleeing their nation, due to repatriation, and Trump’s election would spell doom for a wide array of factors, namely the trade war rhetoric. What happened? More nothing. We are year 3 into Trump’s trade wars and markets love it. Does this make sense? No, of of course not — but more nothing.

He’s supposed to be impeached and maybe political instability is bad for stocks, no? Also, he talks shit about the Fed daily, and that too is bad. Never undermine your Gods. But more nothing. We keep soaring to new heights.

Yesterday some fucker from Credit Suisse said the Fed would launch QE4 — BEFORE YEAR END. What depraved nonsense.

A fourth round of quantitative easing will be needed before year’s end to address stresses in short-term lending markets, according to Credit Susse analyst Zoltan Pozsar.

So-called QE4 would help rebuild bank reserves, which have dropped as the Fed has shrunk its balance sheet, Pozsar said.

Market experts continue to dissect the problems in repo markets that flared up in mid-September.

Trust me when I tell you, more nothing will come from this. Also, Trump’s impeachment is also more nothing. Nothing ever happens because that’s the segment of the simulation we’re in — one giant fucking troll. Shit appears to be happening — people tossed into prisons, maybe a war or two. But on the big scale, as determined by the stock market, it is more nothing.

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Articles of Impeachment Drafted For Trump; Futures Slump

They say the real reason for the -40 points off in the Nasdaq this morning is the delay in PHASE 1 of the China trade deal being signed. It will never be signed. But I am bored of giving credit to the China news and have come to believe that China isn’t even a real country anymore. I have convinced myself we can do without it and no longer need their factories to make any of our shit.

Today the Democrats will perhaps draft not one but two articles of impeachment, which should end us in the Senate for a show trial. Will Trump finally get impeached, arrested, and then executed for crimes of the highest order? No, as a matter of fact, he’ll probably get reelected because of these articles of impeachment, which leads me to believe something is amiss here.

Yesterday I bought 10 piece of shit stocks based on monkey dart throwing techniques. My cash is still at around 40%, so this sell off will do nothing to me. I am impervious to your market moves.

NFLX caught a downgrade this morning and the analyst says BEHOLD there will be massive subscriber losses in 2020. Do you think so? I don’t.

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