iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,326 Blog Posts

WHAT THIS MARKET NEEDS RIGHT NOW IS SOME GOOD OLDE FASHIONED FAKE FUCKING NEWS

Things are bad enough without the sophomoric CUNTS in the media making things worse. Let me tell you the type of people who take up journalism.

FT published this tidbit regarding WAL exploring options for their shit company.

Joyfully, I was enjoying a full collapse of western finance as we knew it.

And then…this happened.

And we saw some whip-sawing of stocks, mostly to the upside for the banks based off the notion that FT was just making shit up. Things are hard out there, on par with the wild bullshit I had to deal with in 2008 when Charlie Meatball Gasparino interrupted by trading day 4 times a day for months in order to disseminate some bullshit rumors about bailouts and deals. 99% of them turned out to be false and if you’re up for some digging, you can find all of that shit in my archives — as we go back here, way the fuck back, to 2007.

I am still wading into shorts here, with a watchful eye on CARL ICAHN’s IEP, which is apparently on the menu. I bought some back and almost instantly lost some money in it; but I have reserves to buy more — as I am only 157% leveraged to the fucking hilt trying to sort out this fucking God damned mess.

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TD BANK CANCELS $FHN MERGER; REGIONALS COLLAPSE

Regulators are working on new insurance schemes but I really don’t think it matters. The reputation of the small banks are forever lost and people don’t really care about them and prefer to have their money at JP Morgan. That’s just the way it is.

So what’s going to end up happening is widespread collapse of the regional banking space and the FDIC can’t cover it all and Chase can’t buy them all. These bank runs could spell an extreme version of doom, never seen before.

Today TD Bank told FHN to fuck themselves and canceled their proposed merger. I’m pretty sure the only way they could do this is due to a material change in FHNs business. The stock is down 45%. Based on all this you see, how can the FOMC with a straight face say hiking rates was a good decision? The reason why this is happening is because of the Fed, period end of story.

Today we are also seeing the contagion spread to insurance firms. Look at MET and PRU getting knifed in the fucking face. How do you paper over this?

You can’t. Banks are losing deposits because people don’t see why they should keep money at PACW over JPM.

I started the day down 1.2% thanks in part to CARL FUCKING ICAHN collapsing again, due to some internet short seller. What in the fuck Carl? I sold it out for a nice loss and now heavily hedged my longs eagerly awaiting a crash event.

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This Time It’s Really Over

Let me offer you an excuse for missing out on the coming crash. It’s up to you whether you choose to accept it or not.

I had to drop my wife off at the airport this morning and then shortly afterwards I had to pick up my mother in law, who is staying with us in lieu of our trip to Europe. I had been quite busy — barely enough time to absorb all of the news — and now find out in the after-hours the entire regional banking sector has blown up and JP Morgan will soon be tasked with nationalizing the entire banking sector.

I guess when Jamie said “this part of the banking crisis is over” what he was really alluding to is another crisis looming in the foreground.

ALL REGIONALS ARE BLOWING OUT ON NEWS THAT PACW WAS LOOKING FOR A BIDDER. The fact of the matter is, this time it’s really over.

LOOK AT IT.


Data by Stocklabs

This hurts especially because I was heavily hedged 10 mins to the close and decided to go long on a whim based upon my testicles. Like I said, I had been busy and although my allergies are non-existent, the fact that I had to do so many things should more or less excuse me from my disastrous positioning. I might actually ask the NASDAQ and the NYSE for a full refund, based on these events.

My plans entail letting loose some blood tomorrow and then quickly reacting in size to what I see in front of me, which is code word for shorting the market down to zero. I might’ve missed out on the opening salvo of the coming fires, but soon enough I shall partake in the roasting of the heads of my enemies over campfires as if they were marshed mallows for a s’mores treat.

I do not feeeeel very good about all this and I am delighted to see so many banks ripping lower amidst a gargantuan move in the VIX and blowing up of oil — I am dismayed, saddened even, by these turn of events as it directly pertains to missing out on all of the fun.

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Tried My Best — Market Fucked Me

I started the day inside of a 1.2% hole and remained in said hole in varying degrees into the close. I traded like the wind in a 100% long only book via hedges and Chinese lottos, and leveraged UPSIDE ETFs — yet at the session close I more or less did it all for nothing, finishing DOWN 0.98%.

The market cold collapsed and then sprung higher, and then collapsed and then sprung higher and then raped everyone. It was one fuck you candle after the next — typical of a Fed day. I will say however, the real move is going to be UP. The bond market continues to price in a Fed cut — so what are you selling for? Get the fuck out there and grab your balls and get long.

We are still ENTREATED to Chinese Lotto stocks nearly every single day, with 200-1,000% movers in a RIGGED only for fuckers market. I’ve been hooked and snared into the foray, but only with small chump change investments. I might toss, say $10k, at an idea — just for fun — accepting the remote idea that my entire investment might be lost in an instant.

I am working frenetically here and my pace is quickening and I am beginning to get pissed off that I cannot pull magic rabbit heads out from my bag of tricks. I keep reaching for the magic rabbit heads and end up with a fistful of bollocks.

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The Fed Needs to Stop Hiking Rates

Fucking pieces of shit. Remind me why I need those catamites managing interest rates? They’ve fucked everything up as far as I can remember. These are the same neocon scum that appear to be managing the entire country, foolishly, without regard for anyone of anything but themselves.

The FOMC dove in again with a 25bps hike — because fuck you. The implication is no more hikes — but that’s a very shaky implication. One or two bad inflation numbers and the sons a bitches will be at it again — breaking all chains until their slaves are drowning in high interest bearing loans.

NEVERTHELESS, the market is viewing this as a positive. I waded into the number 132% leveraged long without hedges and have opted to ignore the initial fuck you candles until 3pm. The US 10yr is down 4bps, which is all you need to know.

Grasp this. The market is PRICING IN about 200bps of FOMC rate CUTS while the Fed is raising rates. This means that if the Fed doesn’t start cutting by Fall, the market is going to throw a tantrum and rates will soar.

WTI is hammered lower at -4.3%. The euro is up 0.6% vs the dollar just in time for my European vacation. The NASDAQ is +88 with breadth at a tricky 67%.

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CARL ICAHN POLEAXED BY INTERNET SHORT SELLER

What the fuck Carl?

You’re supposed to retire with dignity and honor, a testament to your wonderfully successfully career on Wall Street as an absolute icon. Yet here you are getting bowled on by Hindenburg reZEARCH who claims you’ve made a fatal mistake, classic even, of being OVER-LEVERAGED.

Say it ain’t so Carl. Please tell me you’re gonna put the tennis racket down and slap the shit out of these assclowns.

This is what Hindenburg had to say about Carl “Fuck You, Give me Three Seats on your Board” Icahn.

Shares of IEP are down a staggering 38% over the past two days. Apparently Wall Street no longer believes in Carl — very sad and very greasy of them.

Even Montauk Bill Ackman is rejoicing in Carl’s anguish.

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MARKET COLLAPSE HELPS CURE MY TRADING SLUMP

All I needed was a full fucking collapse to get the fluids flowing in the right direction. I have been fixated on these Chinese Lotto stocks — shit like VCIG popping 550% out of nowhere — in an effort to extract maximum coin from this market place.

I made about $11k in day trades and closed +1.44% on the session, in an otherwise woeful display of market fear.

I feeeeeel better and my mood is very excellent. I am pretty certain that if I tried, I could punch someone’s head clean out of their helmet right now.

As it happens, I spoke to The Devil today and informed him I’d be EXTRACTING some of his money in order to place it into my checking account — since he is very long and very wrong. I closed the day 30% SHORT via inverse ETFs on top of a new quantitative stratagem that now holds many low beta stocks. My quant, which is bereft of any trading, was only down 36bps for the day.

I am very leveraged at 142% and the margin interest is a bit of a burden — but on the whole part and parcel of my prevailing winning strategy.

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AMERICA ONLY NEEDS BIG CORPORATIONS

If you own a small business, you might as well inject yourselves with an MRNA vaccine and wait for your prize. The era of American capitalism is over and in its place is a bastardized version of predatory monopolistic socialism. You can call it communism — but I’m afraid that would be an insult to the commies. This is far worse and bereft of any semblance of freedoms — a concern for anyone interested in the republic founded under the principles of intelligent men.

Here we are with another regional bank run underway, post FRC. We have come to understand that the big banks will always get bailed out due to the dollar’s currency reserve status. We also have come to understand that small banks aren’t needed in this post modernist version of America — if you still want to call it America.

LOOK AT IT.

It’s really over this time. You should make arrangements to stockpile food and guns, post haste. Talk to your neighbors about creating a neighborhood guard, in order to shoot would be catalytic converter thieves. The barbarian hordes fast approach and a great whore of an evil presides over you in various forms — presiding over you.

OR, none of that happens and people buy the dip into the close. You realize how fucking crazy it all is when forced to accept these alternative outcomes.

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FULL MARKET COLLAPSE UNDERWAY

Pardon the late blog — I have been stricken with panic at House Fly this morning and it isn’t market related. To be honest, I don’t even know why markets are CRASHING lower and I really don’t care. It’s all bullshit anyway. We understand the regional banks have collapsed and will continue to collapse. We know the economy is diving headlong into a deep recession. Hell, in Stocklabs the aggregate revenue growth is now NEGATIVE for 5 consecutive quarters.

My crisis lies in the soon to be destroyed Europe, where I will be on holiday in about a fortnight. Apparently the drunkards in Scotland will strike and decide not to drive their trains. Me being the consummate planner and miser, I booked a train from Edinburg to London and now needed to draw up a backup plan — due to the fact that my train will not be running.

Whilst many of you are RACKED with losses this morning, I am +15bps — due to some hedged and well timed circumstances. I am not even trying and I am beating you — imagine what would happen if I truly applied myself.

I don’t place much credence into down 600 Dow days because they’re mostly rigged. However, I would enjoy a nice crash, over say a cabernet — perhaps a strong year with a very nice brand.

BTC and gold are running and the world is falling apart. Let me go walk the dogs and get back to you on this later.

NOTE: We are accepting FREE TRIALS for Stocklabs for a limited time. If interested, email me at Fly@Stocklabs, or fuck off.

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CHINESE SHIT STOCKS CONTINUE TO BREAK DICKS TO THE UPSIDE

We are now in the final stages of the bull run — capped off with a very classic move in Chinese shit stocks. A pastiche of them have joined the soirée higher, amidst such degeneracy unseen since the COVID days when Portnoy was blowing up his account live on Twitter.

I will admit, I bought a little SXTC and BHAT — out of pure desperation. Since I am in a trading slump and I depart to Europe in about 10 days, my fear is I’ll have to vacation all around Europe whilst in a very bad mood. If in a bad mood, I might not be able to pretend to enjoy Paris.

Nevertheless, I am doing other things too, such as doling out free trial to the poors. If you want a 5 day trial to a TRANNY friendly chat room and extremely high end data platform that 99% of users don’t know how to use: email me at [email protected] and I’ll squeeze you in. I am mostly doing this to annoy my current customers, since I feel they deserve it and need to allow empathy enter in their hearts for the poors.

Best case scenario, I make 1000% tonight in SXTC and BHAT and then come on here tomorrow and boast and brag and holler at everyone with food streaming out of my mouth, most likely shrimp or some other fancy fish — washed down with champagne or some other high end liquid.

I have a right to make money just like any of you. If JP Morgan can steal FRC and immediately make billions — I should be able to do the same. Hell, I was raised to believe “you can be anything you want — even President.” Well then, I’d like to be President too.

For the balance of my day, Mrs. Fly has an array of arduous chores scheduled for me — all pertaining to cleaning and scrubbing and partaking in monotonous things that cause me to sleepwalk around the house wondering where it all went wrong.

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