iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,374 Blog Posts

The Mother of All Bailouts is Upon Us

Obama administration will create a “bad bank” aka “money hole,” in an effort to cleanse the banks of all of their mistakes. In addition, they will acquire such said toxic assets at a fucking premium.

This is a fucking crime. However, what’s another trill between idiots? Oh, and instead of taking preferred stock, the Gov’t chose the Bill Miller route. They will eat lowly common stock.

UPDATE: Britain was 3 hours to financial ruin.
h/t GW

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Enter the Wheel to Nowhere

I’m out of here; this shit is for the birds. Apparently, the market is stuck on stupid, frozen, unable to ball up and make a move. However, that shouldn’t stop the stock Gods from punching my teeth in with a little “reverse SRS love action.”

The late day SRS fuckery is so classic, they should rename the etf ‘Frank Sinatra,’ ticker FRANK.

Here is a recap of today’s events:

X told us they blow and will begin the long process of bleeding out losses, for the foreseeable future. In addition, they have a $2 billion pension shortfall.

On that news, the stock ripped higher.

The Obama stimulus package has, in fact, no stimulus, touting less than 5% in real infrastructure spending. Instead, we will waste some fake money on condoms and abortion clinics.

Good times.

And, the big news being swept under the rug is: Congress wants to restrict steel contracts to U.S. firms only—with regards to the stimulus spending. Do these fuckers ever pick up history books; and more importantly, are they familiar with Smoot Hawley?

It’s almost as if they (Congress) try to be extra stupid on purpose.

This is not the time to take a protectionist stance with our trading partners. You can’t build an economy, based upon global growth and all if its trimmings, then all of a sudden, when the shit hits the fan, rescind or radically change how we conduct business with other nations.

Asshats.

In short, I like t-bills here, via TLT. And, I like short oil and short commercial Re. However, I cannot short the banks down here, no matter how much I hate them. Look, BAC, USB, WFC and C could double from here and no one would complain about valuations. It’s all a black box. No one knows what the banks are worth. Therefore, absent any really bad news, men in green leotards may choose to jack those fuckers up, in order to be all stupid and shit.

At the close of trading, my top longs were CHL, FXI and TS. And, my top shorts are DUG, SRS, EEV and ERY.

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Get in Line

I just got back from lunch and I must admit; it was quite decadent. Amongst the finger food snacks of Gruyere cheese, fresh basil and herb infused turkey, I was also privy to some high end balsamic vinegar—not the bullshit that you buy from Stop and Shop. Losers.

Truth be told, lunch was rather light, since I was rushed so that I may endeavor to get back to the desk, in order to do the Lord’s work, of course.

Speaking of which, I think it’s fairly obvious, as well as shockingly accurate, that Senor Tropicana is well on his way to greatness. Little ol’ XOM may not be down yet; but, believe you me, it shall drown in a muddy pool of pig vomit, before this week ends.

Earlier on today, I bought some Chinese shit, namely FXI and CHL, based upon an urge to get long real communism, as opposed to the ambiguous U.S. version. In addition, I needed some upside hedges.

The way I see it: the Chinese are stark raving mad. There is a possibility, although not likely, that I can make obscene amounts of coin long DUG, ERY, REW, SRS, while also making money long Chinese fuckery, based upon post Chinese New Years brainwashing.

Nevertheless, if you are trading against me, good luck, you’re certainly going to need it. I’ve been at this shit for too long, to lose out to some random loser who searches the internet for stock picks.

Top picks: Short XOM

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Fly Buys: CHL, FXI, TS

I bought 7,500 CHL @ $45.77 and 5,000 FXI @ $25.05.

UPDATE: I bought 15,000 TS @ $20.85

Disclaimer: If you buy the stocks above because of this post, a rabid panda will bite you. And, you may lose money.

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Justice!

Boy are they gonna get Thain, huh? After a “few trill” in losses, NY Attorney General, Cuomo, is getting tough—opening up an investigation of sorts— against the man who likes to decorate his office with elaborate things. What a fucking joke.

How about Angelo Mozilo, Stan O’Neil, Sandy Weill, The Bear Sterns crew?

I have a novel idea: instead of going after the guy who bought the $1,400 trash can, how about going after the guy who destroyed the infrastructure of capitalism, via knee capping the banks with CDO’s and other financial tools of fuckery?

How about that guy?

While Dick Fuld, Jimmy Kayne and the boys sip pina coladas on some square beach, in the middle of nowhere, little ol’ Thain will be receiving uppercuts to the scrotum, via witch hunt.

Can you say scapegoat?

As for the markets:

It’s business as usual: oil is in the shitter and XOM is up. Nothing to see here, carry on.

I’m sick of rehashing the news for you ingrates. Go pick up the newspaper and find out what’s going on. All I care about are my positions and, thus far, they are not responding to the laws of reason.

Who buys commercial Re, in the midst of a commercial Re funding crisis? Who are these people?

Anyway, I have a lot of cash on the “sidelines,” a little more than 50%. So, there is a strong possibility that I may buy something, like TLT—a true Costanza trade.

Almost everyone I know is shorting t-bills. At the same time, I hear grumblings that the Fed is very unhappy with the recent spike in yields. As a result, they may take their communist printing press and use it to buy t-bills. Oh, what a mess.

Therefore, TLT may be worth a floater.

And, finally, I am a firm believer in buying DUG, ERY and SRS on dips.

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Keep Betting Against Me

Many of you ball lickers are not familiar with my resume. Some of you are and still believe “The Fly” will eventually be wrong. Others are like “WTF, this man is a space alien magician; God forbid I bet against him.”

What you need to understand, and listen to me very carefully: you are not in my league, pal. You are over there, sipping on that bullshit aluminum can filled with Brisk Iced-T, trading in and out of 500 share lots. Pffffffffffffffffffff.

Do not compare yourself to “The Fly,” at anytime, in any venue.

“The Fly” is so much more superior to you, when he pisses, it hits your ceiling.

All of my moves today were executed flawlessly, with exception to an early FAS purchase.

All of my SRS, EEV, DUG purchases were Godly.

All of my UYM, PFG and FAS sales were pristine.

And there you are, yet again, betting against me, as if you know shit from moonshine about this here market.

Remember, if you are having a good day in the market, trading against me, I’m just handicapping your spasticly retarded brain, so that I can take your funds at a later date.

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I Found Something!

Oil is selling off here, despite a weak dollar and battered treasuries. Maybe it’s a little profit taking, maybe not. Either way, I am very much interested in betting against the pig called XOM, at these levels, via DUG.

Also, it’s worth noting, I have hardly any upside hedges right now. Early this morning I had more than 50% long. However, watching today’s tape, witnessing one sector after another go down, I opted to take on some risk here, by going net short.

At the present, I am 45% short, 5% long and 50% cash. It’s an egregious mix, one that can get me in a bit of trouble. However, I am pretty good at catching inflection points.

Gosh darnit, I think I found one right now.

NOTE: I will not be adding to any of my short position, throughout the day. Before I do that, I want to see Doe 8,000 breached, on a closing basis.

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