Prepare for Doube the Fun

Where is the market going? Does anyone know? One thing is for sure: volatility is back .

How lucky are you, exactly?

With Monday off, but everyone else trading, U.S. markets will “enjoy” double upside or downside on Tuesday. It’s like the market will be converted into an ULTRA-MARKET, if only for one day. So, if Europe gets raped on Monday, prepare for a 3%+ down day on Tuesday.

As far as I am concerned, there is little reason to play casino, ahead of a long weekend, after making a “fuck load” of money in my positions. So, as you know, I sold out of many positions, threw on a few hedges, and will relax like a heroin addled pelican over the weekend, while chomping on BBQ chicken, ribs and steak.

In short, I am not sure, so I have put myself in a position to do no harm.

Have a great weekend and prepare for Mr. Devil Dog’s presentation (Fly cartoon) to iBC, sometime Sunday night, ahead of Asian trading.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKTRJZkNoSo 616 500] [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vqR_fO7GEs 616 500] [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNam0mzfR3g 616 500]

^^^ROFL

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With Fitch screwing Spain, I shifted my position.

I bought 50,000 FAZ, south of $14.85 and 50,000 VXX, under 29

UPDATE: Fitch must have seen The PPT score of 3.17 (I kid).

Anyway, all of the things that scared me out of the market last time are creeping back. Credit agencies acting all gay and shit. TLT going up, as people do the “Hugh Hendry” with great ferocity. FXY is going up, as the carry trade unravels. And, the FXE is tanking, due to its failure. So, without hesitation, I went to 50% cash, more than doubling my cash position from yesterday. I sold out of some ATPG, at an egregious loss. However, I still hold some. I sold out of my largest position, EMN. And, I sold out of RAX, MTW and  FLS. Basically, I sold out of all of the shit that I bought earlier this week.

To a stranger looking in, “The Fly” must look like an indecisive psychopath. However, that’s exactly what I am, AND MORE.

I change my mind all the time, which for some odd reason, has gifted me with a lifestyle that you middle class assclowns could only dream about. At any rate, that’s my new position.

I will be adding to my VXX position until it is 15-20% of assets.

NOTE: For PPT subs, June’s Seasonality Report is ready.

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It’s not wise to stand in my way, especially when the stock market is open for business. Many of you think this is a game. Well, I am here to remind you: it’s not a game anymore.

For years, I’ve been slapping people in the faces with hot slices of pizza, then tossing them into idle tar pits. The stock market is in my blood, just like stupid is in yours. Let it be known: I am here to claim my prize, AND MORE.

The market is taking a breather, after yesterday’s ferocious melt up. As you know, my brain translated into software, better known to you common folks as The PPT, warned you of an OVERBOUGHT condition yesterday. Nonetheless, I do not believe the market is done going higher. The problem here is the long weekend, coupled with the fact that people are superstitious about being “caught long” over the weekend. Which, as you know, makes no sense, especially since the market tends to trade up on Mondays.

Regarding the fucktarded issue of ATPG: It has successfully mugged me of coin. With Obama intent on shutting down GOM wells, ATPG is having a difficult time, due to its GOM exposure. However, the stock has already been cut in half and is the worst performer, over the past month. I will hold onto it for a little while longer. But, just know, I am not married to it and will not allow a minor loss turn into another SD.

I will not be “TIVO’D” on ATPG.

In closing, I am keeping it light today and will likely sell a few things, before I buy.

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Indeud.

UPDATE: Go download the new iBC iPhone App.

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Lots of cross-currents, especially in the currencies. This is a real hard market to gauge, which is why you should keep it light. If you have some sweet gains, off of the lows, take some off the table and chill out for awhile. Although I am adding to some positions today, I still have a decent amount of cash on the books. Plus anyway, I’m fucking nuts, with a 30% YTD gain, while you are just some guy reading my blog, poor and destitute.

At any rate, I have several pressing matters to attend to today. So, unfortunately, this will be my final post of the day. I am looking for the market to keep its gains, mainly because of the euro/yen situation.
However, I’ve been tricked before by this cocksucker of a market. The bottom line is this: trust nothing but the gains in your portfolio. You need to book them constantly. Hit and move, young boy, hit and move.

UPDATE: I sold out [[TYH]], in order to “respect the hybrid.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HCGwTXNOLs 616 500]

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I bought 20,000 ATPG, between $13-13.04, 5,000 MTW @ $12.05, 2,000 GS @ $143.21 and 5,000 FTK @ $1.42.

Disclaimer: If you buy the mosaic of stocks above because of this post, we will find out soon, the CEO of BP is actually an evil genius, who is intent on destroying the world. And, you may lose money.

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As long as the Yen stays down, we are good to go. Mark my fucking words.

Okay, time to brag a little.

I’m up around 2.5% this morning, thanks to big dicked gains in the following stocks (note: I’d be up a lot more if it wasn’t for my 25% cash position):

TYH, ATPG, EMN, PKX, GS, RAX, MTA, IBN, C, MTW, CBD, SD, FLS and GMXR.

See pal, that’s who I am and you’re nothing. Do you think you are a good investor? Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. If you want to read here, you better make some money, or you’re out pal. Hit the bricks and beat it because time is money. By the way, I have no desire to share any scarce resources with the likes of you.

So, in closing, my gains for the year have eclipsed 30% aka “much more than yours.” And, I’m just getting warmed up.

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BP is the greatest oil company in the history of the world. THEY FUCKING SAVED FLORIDA! I find it to be “so awesome” that the well was plugged. I am sure, as we speak, Texas Tea Men from, ummm, Texas, are celebrating over decadent breakfasts, as the readily devour large chicken eggs and liters of orange juice.

I warned you yesterday, and I quote: “you have to get hooked to this market. I told you to get hooked and now look at the market. It is giving you a chance to get hooked.”

If that sentence made no sense to you, very well. I will continue to go about my day, laughing on the inside, while scowling like an old man with a brain hemorrhage on the outside.

Today, I will make a “fuck load” of money, much to your chagrin.

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The prospect of a “double dip” recession is entirely off the table, as future news of “A New and Improved Gilded Era” is upon us. Forget about welfare stamps and big stupid blocks of cheese. I am talking about $10,000 cheeseburgers, dressed in 24 karat gold wrappers.

Men of circumstance will walk around Manhattan, dressed like Teutonic Knights, only this time in solid platinum. The price of sugar shall sky rocket, as housewives indulge themselves in the decadency of properly prepared French pastries.

It appears the Europeans will in fact get their act together, effectively leading the way to a most heinous short squeeze, one that the world has never seen before. It will get so egregious, the CEO of BP will be elected new Prime Minister of England, for his splendid handling of the GOM oil spill “situation.” They shall write hard cover history books and scientific journals, outlining the ricochet effects of such extravagant and grander than life events and “eventualities.”

Hedge fund managers will wear tailor made suits, that expose their private anatomy, because they can. And, private equity funds will order the assassination of any uncooperative CEO, because it is their right.

I do not say these things because I am mentally ill, or insane. I say them because they are true. Always remember, the internets never lie.

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I am so mad right now; this post has to be brief and to the point. I did not expect the volatility kick up like this so fast. And, as a result, I gave back some gains. The market got “BALLMER’d,” thanks to the CEO fo MSFT talking shit about his company.

In short, this is the worst case scenario for the market, to do an intra-day reversal with authority. Good call to some of you MOTHERFUCKERS who predicted this drop. Still, with the Vix down and TLT weak, it makes no sense to me, at all. We should have been up.

Off to punch holes in walls.

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