Seasonality Report: BWLD

Your suspicions are correct.

Natural gas stocks have been bludgeoned, as of late. However, like all things in life, THEY ARE FUCKING LYING TO YOU.

Case in point: Southwestern Energy Company [[SWN]] looks like a piece of shit on an ice cube tray. However, what you didn’t know, the stock has gone up in April, 20 of the last 21 years. How’s that for track record? ‘Tis the season to go long natty and oil service names. Since I have nothing to do, being all pussified in cash and treasuries, I’ve been doin’ a little studying. Based upon the laws of seasonal investing, Chesapeake Energy Corporation [[CHK]] , Weatherford International Ltd. [[WFT]] , Southwestern Energy Company [[SWN]] and Anadarko Petroleum Corporation [[APC]] are buys, from now until May. For the love of rice and mice, should this market ever pull back, I will break skulls to get long these names. I believe in them that much, as if to commit a most heinous felony.

Other than that, life is sort of on cruise control now. I am sure Mrs. Fly has a fun-filled weekend planned for me, going to malls, and little bitch ass boutique shoppes. And don’t forget, we mustn’t be late to the Whole Foods Market, Inc. [[WFMI]] sermon on Sunday. The Lord will be mad if I am tardy.

Tardy retardy go drink some bacardi!

Enough about me. How about you?

Nah, just kidding, asshole. No one is interested in what you have to say. If they were, they’d be visiting YOUR BLOG now, not “The Fly’s.”

In closing, many props to our new blogger, Scott Bleier, for nailing this move, via an array, mind you, of accurate stock calls. Sooner than you know, iBC will be launching a newsletter service, hosted by Mr. Bleier, in an effort to help the common leech “de-leechify” himself.

Good day to you and yours.

UPDATE: I bought 50,000 Silicon Storage Technology, Inc. [[SSTI]] , between $3.22-3.24.

You can’t depend on anyone to do anything right. So, with that in mind, don’t rely on people to sell stocks, despite the low [[vxx]] levels. The problem with shorting is people are fucking insane. They will keep bidding stocks up, no matter what, until they die. Believe me, coming from a guy who successfully traded the dot com bubble, until its sweet end, shit can get very irrational, before you can start to look smart again.

Thanks to the melt-up, risk is back on the table, which means [[TLT]] will give back. However, I want you to keep note of the fact that my “big set-back” is merely 1%. That’s what you call a “low-beta” trade—one that does not rape you either way.

I’m still making coin today, just not as much as folks like Henry Fool, at least percentage wise.

My current positions include: Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] , Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , [[CBD]] , Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] , GlaxoSmithKline plc (ADR) [[GSK]] , ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] , Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] , Silicon Storage Technology, Inc. [[SSTI]] , [[TAN]] , Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd (ADR) [[TEVA]] , [[TLT]] and Visa Inc. [[V]] .

With my sidelined, pussified cash, I will just—sort of—wait this market out. You know, it’s important to note, if this was 5 years ago, I’d be buying stocks with the fervor of a gorilla in a banana tree. With age comes discipline. In a way, I have more respect for money, especially after the credit crisis.

Anyway, try not to fuck yourselves, stepping in those murderholes. I know many of you are killing it with spec trades, great fucking job. When you little fuckers become billionaires and the apocalypse hits (2012), don’t forget to buy Le Fly a seat on one of those arcs. I’d be very much interested in a 1,000 square foot room, with incandescent lighting; fuck that LED shit—FYI.

Who said snow would coerce companies into shit canning people?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

For the month, we only shed 35,000 jobs. That’s so little, it’s like creating jobs, but in a very non-creating way.

As a result of this terrific news, futures are up, the dollar is up, and traders, generally, have “stiffies” for high beta names. Into what can only be described as “the bestest jobs report, like ever,” expect bears to shit themselves (again), get punched in the face with jelly filled donuts, and die inside of a few short trading hours.

At the moment, I am “unswayed” by “VOS” (Victory over Snow) and may opt to sit this rally out, from the luxury of my miniature swivel chair.

Investors are betting that no matter how bad tomorrow’s numbers are, stocks will go higher. They figure, the numbers will be tossed away, due to snow. In their pea sized brains, it “makes sense” to get in AHEAD of the most horrific jobs numbers in months. What you need to remember is this: the entire rally is depending on real improvement in the employment landscape. The longer it takes to show net gains, the patience of coked out money managers will wane, eventually leading to lower stock prices. You can take that time-line to the fucking bank, cash it, and go buy a Ferrari.

The market went up today, and so did my [[TLT]] . And, that fucker paid me a divvy on 3/1—reducing my cost basis to mid $88’s. Into tomorrow’s calamity, I am 12% treasuries, 35% equities and 53% cash. Believe me, it’s painful to sit out the late stages of a bull run, because things look “fantastical.” However, just remember, shit like [[SCOK]] rise to the top, just before nuclear war heads emerge from hidden silos, en route to your little bullshit office or house.

I sold out of Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] and CGG Veritas (ADR) [[CGV]] at these levels.

The EU is in real trouble, as their “austerity plans” come to fruition; I gather, weak countries will determine it was a mistake to forfeit the important tools of monetary policy, in exchange for that big grandiose circle jerk, better known as “the euro.” I am sure Greece would love to monetize their way out of the mess they’re in now. Instead, thanks to the fucking euro, they are beholden to the sausages in Berlin. It’s only a matter of time before the EU is forced to turn their fucking presses on laser, space speed, or the whole fucking parade ends. Should the latter occur, the U.S. dollar, as well as U.S. debt, will be sopped up like cola on a fucking sham-wow.

There’s a reason why I am avoiding stocks, while throwing coin into [[TLT]] .

Today’s tape is more of the same. Low volume melt-up. But, it has the feel of walking through an old haunted house. Any second now, I expect some sort of zombie to pop out from the shadows and take a bite out of my cranium.

In short, [[TLT]] is still my best trade, with a side order of Silicon Storage Technology, Inc. [[SSTI]] , due to the downside protection of an all-cash offer. Around these levels, I am starting to like [[VXX]] too. And, if I wanted to trade 3x bullshit, I’d buy [[DRR]] right here, right now.

BlackRock Plays It Safe: Treasurys

NEW YORK—BlackRock Inc., the world’s largest money-management firm by assets, has increased its holdings of Treasury securities in recent weeks in response to the unsteady outlook for growth, ongoing sovereign-debt woes and contained inflation risks.

Ho-Hum.

They will be horrific, thanks to the fucking snow and shitty economy. Men dressed in burlap will throw themselves into lit fireplaces, so that you may choke on their black smoke, emanating from their carcasses.

I must admit, as of late, the whole blogging thing is fucking boring me to death. Everyone has their motivation, whether it be through gaining power, popularity or money. I desire none of the above. Sure, I like money and the fact that iBankCoin pisses on the competition; but it gets old. I am surrounded by sheer incompetence, every where I go. The inadequacies of others, in general, denigrates quality of life. These days, no one takes pride in their work. They don’t contribute to anything, only take away. For every person that adds value, there are 10 who endeavor to take it away. There is something to be said about the internet and how it is a cross-section of life. People should go back into the fucking matrix, or die sooner; that’s all.

On Jupiter’s Stone, the market is topping here. How do I know?

Well, do you ask a fish how does it swim or a bird how it crashes into airplanes? Of course not, so quit asking me “why”?

In the big scheme of things, we’re all crack heads, playing “follow the bee” in Times Square. I meant that in the most anecdotal way possible, as you know.

Top picks: [[DRR]] , [[TLT]]

Based upon the prognostications of the shadows near my favorite urinal, the market is due to dip, right about these levels. While you shovel water-bugs and rice into your respective mouths, “The Fly” will be working, diligently, on protecting his small (10%ish) year to date gains.

See folks, life is not about swinging for the fences, at least not all the time. To me, life is about cracking 40 ounces of malt liquor over the heads of unsuspecting neighbors, then drawing mustaches on their faces, for future removal, via brass-knuckled sandwich. People do not retain the services of Le Fly to waste time or “make believe.” I refuse to tell you things, based upon 3-6 month time frames, that no one with agreeable brain functions would feign knowing. I dare to say, EVERYONE on CNBC are from the primate order. While some vary in their overwhelming “grotesqueries,” it is made abundantly clear, on a daily basis, that they are in fact lacking in vitamin B supplements, which has resulted in rapid deterioration of their respective frontal lobes.

This might come as a bit of a surprise to some of you, but Senor Tropicana is most fortunate enough to have not just 1, but two brains. Indeud.

Back to the important matter of stock market advances, I dare to say “this one is getting long in the tooth,” as evidenced by frenzied buying in the dumbest stocks known to mankind. Nevertheless, I will resist the temptation to sell them short, because it is not in my gameplan. My plan is rather simple, concise and above your pay-grade: vastly outperform all indices, on a yearly basis, which is exactly what I am doing at the present. Now some of you are rolling the wheel of great fortune, trading from strip joints, buying OEX calls while doing lines of cocaine. Always remember this, while spinning, Mr. Fuckface.

For the remainder of the day, I shall scurry about, raising a bit of cash into the bell. I will have you know, already, I sold out of 90% of my ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] position, for a rather gratuitous profit. Going forward, I shall endeavor to crack skulls and plant time bombs inside of my rivals’ headquarters. Oh, and I might buy some more [[TLT]] .