You Are Stupid Because Long Bonds Are Going Higher

If my title offends you that means you are, by my definition, “stupid.” While you wait for “macroeconomic trends” to take hold of the economy, I will sit here, in my luxurious leather chair, knee deep in long bonds. Why, you ponder?

Well, for one, I do not subscribe to the belief that sovereign wealth funds fish for yield, when purchasing our debt. If you believe the Chinese will stop buying treasuries because the yield is too low, well then, you might as well kill yourself now and get it over with already. I hear a lot of people suggest gold as the investment of “safety.” However, I contend, with great vigor, gold is a suckers bet, readily and purposely manipulated downward by our government overlords.

If you think it’s hard betting against “The Fly,” good luck going the other way on the Empire of the United States.

Yes, it’s true, I do not believe free market forces will win. Yes, it’s true, the Fed cannot raise rates now, without hem-locking the already struggling workforce and knee-capping the real estate market. So, as long as people suck off the government tit and real estate values stay depressed, spreads need to be wide, in order to help banks hide their losses, with the hopes of “growing out of them.” Believe me, I am well aware that the consensus opinion of investors out there is contrary to my own. So, don’t bother debating the issue with me, for I am in a world of my own.

Today’s sell off was nothing special. Like I’ve been saying over and over, ad nauseam, we have very little upside left, with a good 10% downside.

Then again, what the fuck do I know? I’m just some guy here on the internets, spewing opinions around like trash in the S. Bronx. Go buy some [[FAS]] up here. See if I care.

I doubled my [[TLT]] position, sub $89.

Disclaimer: If you buy TLT because of this post, your only son will take a job at a tool factory. And, you may lose money.

So every stock, inside of every sector, has been firing higher, with exception to one: solar. Unlike past market frenzies, when solar stocks charged higher to the chagrin of naysayers, right now no one is buying them. Why?

Well, for one, many of the European suckers, like Spain and Germany, were big consumers of solar shit, as I like to call it. And, investors are insane. Their little brains think like this: “yo Rocky, it’s cold outside. Global warming is a scam. Sell my solars.”

But, almost immediately, the worm can turn! “Yo Adrian, get ova here and look at these fucking hurricanes. Yo, I want to buy solar stocks.” See how easy that was?

So, with that in mind, and solid numbers out of JA Solar Holdings Co., Ltd. (ADR) [[JASO]] , I will be adding to my current position in [[TAN]] —effectively “tanning my ass,” ahead of the arduous “Deacon of Death” hurricane season. Plus anyway, something tells me solar stocks are about to enjoy large buy orders from the dumbest men on Earth AKA our best money managers.

Since I’ve been “flat” on the market, 30% long, 15% [[TLT]] , 10% [[VXX]] . 45% cash, I’ve been as happy as a pig in New Orleans. I don’t know about you fuckers, but this business grinds you down until you feel like going postal on people. Most of you cannot share my sentiments because you are either too young or too damn small to matter. Truth be told, over the past 3 years, this market has taken 10 years of my life, via stress and silent strokes and shit. I may not reveal my true emotions to you fuckers, because that shit is gay. But know this: I take my job very seriously and would rather forgo upside, in favor of safety—especially if I thought there was a risk to the market— every fucking time.

Some of you have such small brains. Frankly, you remind me of small dogs or pitbulls, with all of your herky-jerky mannerisms. Let’s take my position in [[TLT]] to task, shall we?

I am down a STAGGERING 1.8%, after dividends, okay. Forget about what you believe will happen to long bonds 6-12 months from now and look at the recent performance. Although you may think they are getting crushed, they are not. In fact, considering the amount of speculative fervor out there, I contend, [[TLT]] is behaving exactly as it should—counter-risk. Should the market dip, mark my words, [[TLT]] will outperform. So, it is a hedge. Get it? Good.

Granted, the [[VXX]] thing was just stupid. But, keep in mind, I did not think the market was going higher. So, essentially, I called the market WRONG, but ended up MAKING money, during this recent melt-up. How did I manage to do that? Very simple: proper asset allocation.

My long positions more than made up for the decline in [[VXX]] , AND MORE. With [[TLT]] basically flat, I managed to squeak out a few percent to the upside, despite calling the market wrong.

Hence the term applies: “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he is losing.

On a website related note, I am bringing on a good friend of mine, Mr. Bones, who will school you piker brokers how to raise big money. I know the site has big viewership amongst America’s finest brokerage houses. And, sadly enough, most of you don’t know how to properly grow your businesses. Mr. Bones will attempt to school you on how to acquire large assets.

With my money, I am digging the action in [[TAN]] and Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] , while rooting for the bad guys to grow some balls and bring this sucker down to the ground.

Well, there you have it. Stocks continued to melt up, as investors chase performance. Very seriously and sincerely, this is bound to result in grave repercussions for stock prices. Imagine the market being a giant see-saw, with all of the people on one side. They are feeling all good and shit about life, because their end of the see-saw is lowered into warm chocolate. They are partaking in many grotesqueries, orgies, gobbling down huge amounts of chocolate—things of that nature. They are swimming in the chocolate, as the other side of the see-saw is just stuck in the sky, vacated. Things look great, as the prospect of being pulled out of the molten chocolate is slim to none.

HOWEVER.

Out of nowhere, a fucking space shuttle appears, shining its stupid LED lights on all of the orgy lovers, who happen to be swimming and eating in the molten chocolate. Suddenly, a great big ape, of monstrous proportions, is dropped onto the vacated part of the see-saw—changing the “balance of things.” Instantly, all of the free spirited chocolate covered people are flung into the sky— and devoured whole— by the giant chocolate covered ape, who happens to love the delicacy of “chocolate covered asshats” with unending vigor.

How dare the market be up just 3 points. You fucking cocksuckers have been selling, haven’t you? The goal here is to destroy any remnants of pessimism, by way of taking the houses or living quarters of short sellers and forcing them into “jam sandwiches” aka painful divorces. As you readily know by now, money is everything. Try out your bullshit marriage, without the decadent luxuries of money, and tell me how that worked out for you 1 year from today.

“We shall thrust giant swords into the heads of those who oppose us,” said Robot a323 to Robot C179.

As we walk this stupid planet, a new bible is being written. The world survived the apocalypse of 2008 and now we are entering the “Renaissance of the 2010’s,” which will last until you are dead. Trust me when I say, there is NOTHING to gain from discovering lies and corporate fraud in a world that is based upon a lie. So, with that in mind, go long corrupt organizations with great vigor, for “whoever can lie the best shall benefit the most” (Book of Goldman, verse 23).

As Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] nears $100 per share, I am reminded by distant memories when some of you fucking asshats said “yo, guy, that stock sucks dick. It’s a fad and it’s going to like (burp) $00.00.” Lo and behold, you were wrong, once again. Do yourself a favour and simply shoot yourself in the mouth.

With my money, I will buy more TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] , as if my head was made from gasoline and some homeless guy was chasing me around with a flaming barrel of garbage.

There is nothing for you to say or do. The market no longer adheres to the rules of reason and justice, just government programmers. The economy, from every perspective, is booming. The auction houses are enjoying record revenue, thanks to the emergence of the Chinese elite class. You will hear of such things during May’s auctions. So, you might as well get in [[BID]] ahead of that news and make a few million in the process.

Immediately, we should all put our sandwiches down and make many millions of dollars, long stocks—with reckless abandon. On Pinocchio’s nose, both TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] and General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] are going much, much higher. In addition, I should average down in my albatross, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , because as sure as I am sitting here, it is bound to go ape shit to the upside.

See folks, the robots are broken and the market has been hacked. If the world ended today, have solace in knowing your 401k plan will continue to appreciate, 0.5% per day, until the end of time. On a personal level, I am not pleased with my asinine [[VXX]] position; but it could have been worse. On the ears of Zeus, I could have been riding in the FAZmobile or the SRScopter. Anyway, the time for regret and internal emotional battles is over. Le market is giving you a french kiss, whether you want it or not—sort of like Pepe Le Pew. I suggest you spray paint a white line on your back and take it, with great veracity and unending enthusiasm!

Cheers!!

Before I Forget Update: Danny has a great post up. Check it out, fuckburglars.

Woodshedder’s PDS is fucking destroying the market. Good stuff Private Woodshedder.

Cordially,

General Robert E. Fly, Commander of the Northern Masters, rulers of all things “Southern”

The mechanical bull market gave us another 40. That’s all. Go home and kiss your kids and look forward to another 40 tomorrow.

Good day.

Top picks: General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]]

I bought 20,000 TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] @ $7.25.

Disclaimer: If you buy TQNT because of this post, you will be targeted by the IRS for an audit. And, you may lose money.