The Best of iBankCoin This Week: 2/10-2/16/2013

The Fly
The Amazing Market
IT’S OFFICIAL: CARL ICAHN IS GOING TO DESTROY BILL ACKMAN
IT’S TIME TO SHUT YOUR BIG, FAT, STUPID, FACES

Chess
Stock #Market Recap 02/13/13 {Video}
The VIX Can Remain Rational Longer Than You Can Remain Solvent
ALL-NIGHT RUSSIAN CLUBBING: METEORITE CRASH STYLE

RC
4 Trading Ideas For Monday
Trade Ideas For Wednesday

Rhino
SOTU: Analysis and How to Play It
Just Not Built The Same

Wood
Checking In on the Asset Class Rotational Model
Dr. Benjamin Carson’s Amazing Speech at the National Prayer Breakfast

Raul3
The Stage Is Set
INTERNET FTW

Elizamae
Ode to a Stupid Company
BRAVO Good Sirs of iBankCoin

Jakegint
This Is About Par for the Course

Scott Bleier
Race to the Bottom? Are You Sure? (click link for full size!)

Caine Thaler
Long(er) Silver – Bought AGQ

News

The Man Who Literally Killed Bin Laden Cannot Find a Job 

FLASH: SEC Freezes Assets in Swiss-Based Account Used in Suspected Insider Trading Ahead of Heinz Acquisition 

Ackman Vs Icahn Battle Heats Up: Carl takes a 12% Stake in $HLF 

Meet the New Dodgers 

Kitaro 

I added to most of my positions today, except for VHC. I sold some of that. Also, I am planning to buy some Apple July calls ($600’s), in order to up my exposure there. It’s so hated right now, hedge funds are flipping out of it, you almost have to buy it every time money gets allocated.

With today’s buys, I am now at a record 140% long, meaning I am heavily levered to the upside. I am putting my money where my mouth is, foot firmly pressed down on a gas pedal inside of car made from dynamite sticks–headed for the sun.  I intend to maintain a constant and belligerent state of warfare against all sellers, good and bad, until tax day.

If you haven’t banked coin in this tape, you have the brain of a goat and should be put out to pasture in some sleepy Romanian village.

“The Fly” has been to the future, in his space rocket made from space grade materials, and stocks are substantially higher there.

I haven’t forgotten about the Japanese trade and will resume the ways of the samurai shortly. I am very nervous about missing out on a massive melt up in NAV too. It appears the company is doing a few things correctly and the stock action reflects that.

As of 3:23 pm on a calm Friday afternoon, Le Fly is up 1.4%–spearheaded by BX and USG.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM1RChZk1EU

This Scott Wapner guy needs to watch some old Mark Haines footage about how to properly interview a man of substance, like Carl Icahn. I’m not even going to link to the interview, since it’s too awful to watch, let alone promote.

In short, Icahn said he had a total of $14 million in exposure via long calls and short puts. It’s a brilliant move that limits his exposure, but gives him outrageous upside, should he win versus Ackman.

Also, let’s be frank, Icahn can throw another billion at the common stock, if he so chooses, to buoy the value of those options. Don’t think that doesn’t happen.

Icahn didn’t reveal anything of substance and clearly wanted to avoid getting into a soap opera-esque meatloaf throwing match with Ackman. But that didn’t stop that idiot, Scott Wapner, from goading Carl for no less than 10 excruciating minutes.

UPDATE: After the interview, Scott Wapner is still trying to create drama, instead of reporting the god damned news.

Long Icahn, short CNBC.

I sold short CCL because pricing will come under pressure following the Triumph.

I sold a little more of my VHC position and added to BX.

Blackstone is now my largest position, displacing VHC, for good reason. VHC is all concept, dependent upon the courtroom to make their living. BX is a behemoth, monster of finance, landlord and proprietor of assets in demand.

Total exposure to US real estate stands at a staggering $57 billion. A few years ago this would have been deemed to be a dreadful data point. Men clothed in burlap would sell BX short, hoping for a swift decapitation and subsequent bankruptcy. But we are living in a different world now, aren’t we? Re is in boom mode and BX in the captain’s seat.

To be specific, the sages at Blackstone took it upon themselves to buy into the distressed residential housing market, purchasing 17,000 homes, renovating them for income (rent) or resale.

Source: Credit Suisse

Real estate represents one of the four pillars of BX’s business. They are profiteers, flush with capital, dominant in the private equity world and its stock price is heading higher.

If I was Bill Ackman, I’d cover the entirety of my HLF short position tomorrow and let Carl have the company.

Just a short while ago, Icahn announced a very long position in HLF, acquiring 12.8% of the company–joining Dan Loeb in a whimsical quest to eviscerate the sexual deviant, Bill Ackman. I wonder if they really even know anything about Herbal life?

What’s more dangerous than a 76 year old man with $15 billion in the market, hell bent on putting you out of business? Let’s face it, Carl isn’t going to quit. He just made $600 million saving NFLX; now he’s going to place Bill “Mars Attacks” Ackman inside of a “Brazen Bull” to see him cook–ever so slowly.

Shares of HLF are up so much in the after-hours, Bill Ackman defecated his pants (no Carnival Cruise Ship Triumph).

If Ackman doesn’t come out on top of this one, his reputation will be ruined. Carl has publicly humiliated Ackman, questioning his investment acumen, and now he’s going to make him pay with his partners capital.

With this move up, Carl just made $100 million and Bill lost $200 million.

Icahn will be interviewed tomorrow, on CNBC, to shovel more dirt in the face of Ackman–must watch teevee.

Let the games begin!

***EXCLUSIVE***: Footage of Bill ‘Mars Attacks’ Ackman upon receiving the news of Carl Icahn’s position.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofSp-j1R4fw

The god damned tow lined snapped and people are now vomiting on one another, let alone slipping on fecal matter along the deck. The company, totally devoid of reason and rational thinking, offered their 4,200 passengers “full refunds” and coupons towards another cruise.

ROFL.

There are 10,000 well educated Jewish attorneys waiting at dock for  sewage soaked passengers to being filing claims. If I was on that ship (“The Fly” doesn’t travel on cruise ships, but privately owned aircraft carriers), I’d sue CCL until every single member of their counsel died. I’d sue them for the rest of my life, for an unprecedented amount of money. With the wins, I’d take the money and short more CCL–until it hit $00.00.

“There’s poop and urine all along the floor,” Renee Shanar, of Houston, said from her cellphone aboard the ship. “The floor is flooded with sewer water … and we had to poop in bags.”

The ship was in sight of the Alabama shore Thursday afternoon when the tow line broke.

Until the repair is complete, the ship is “dead in the water and when they reconnect safely, they then proceed on their way,” Coast Guard Petty Officer William Colclough said.

The 14-story ship still has to negotiate a tricky shipping channel before it could dock. Before the line broke, the ship was traveling about 5 mph.

Television images from CNN showed passengers with signs of “Help” and “I love you” hanging from their cabin rooms. Others walked around the deck, some waving to the helicopters flying above. People in boats, presumably officials from Carnival, the Coast Guard and Customs, have boarded the ship.

Shanar, who is on the ship with her husband, said the couple had a cabin with no windows, so they have been sleeping outside for days. She said the food has been distributed on the 9th floor, and some of the elderly have needed younger people to bring it to them. They were initially only given cold cuts, like turkey and vegetable sandwiches. Then another cruise line dropped off hamburgers and chicken sandwiches, but the line for that fare was nearly four hours long.

“And then people started getting sick from the food,” she said.
source

There is a whole new breed of animal on that boat, marinating in sun baked urine– sustaining themselves on raw onion sandwiches.

The company has disputed the accounts of passengers who describe the ship as filthy, saying employees are doing everything to ensure people are comfortable.

Imbecille!

 

“It says the room smells like an outhouse, there’s no air conditioning, cold water only,” Lanier says, holding up his cell phone with the texts. “She says the toilet hasn’t worked in three-and-a-half days.”

Another Houston resident with a wife on board the ship, 49-year-old Mike Padilla, was in high spirits as he arrived at the port today and said his wife was handling the situation well.

“She said it was like a tent city, that it was like a big camping trip for her,” Padilla says. “She said they were still having fun and still trying to make the best of it.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA8TXLrmIJY

And this…

Comments »

I have zero interest in gold/silver miners. That trade died when Romney got taken to the woodshed this November. All of the “hard money guys” feel a great sense of dejection and have ceased buying gold stocks. Without a doubt, gold and silver are the very worst places to put money now and have been for the past two years. If you’re still holding a portfolio filled with them, just know, you’re an idiot.

I compiled a list of distressed stocks that I will be researching. Feel free to chime in, as you become acclimated with the names.

Is it time to jump back into the coal mine? Time will tell.

Bottom line: this is a bull market and I am up 0.4% for the day, 100% invested on the long side.

Old man Buffett is buying ketchup. He’s a cynical type. Perhaps the government will begin inserting drugs in our ketchup, in order to maintain a docile mob. Either way, I think it’s fair to say mergers and acquisitions are back. Men of banking have their swagger bag.  Million dollar bonuses and the private jet life are their rite. Soon enough, the ipo market will boom and private equity will become increasingly active–which is why I am long GS and BX.

Just so you know, BX has been a very big buyer of foreclosed properties over the years and now hold a portfolio of more than $3 billion. Not only is BX your best private equity play–but it’s also a great way to play the housing recovery.

ANGI is going absolutely gangbusters this morning. Naturally, I missed out on the run, even though I was a fan. Here is a snippet of a convo I had with RC about it, on 9/11/12–when the stock was at $10.

This has become a regular occurrence. It takes patience to hold distressed assets, a character trait that I am lacking in some regard. I am very patient with stocks that I believe in–but not so much in names that are shrouded with uncertainty–as was the case with ANGI.

Seeing ANGI  soar makes me want to buy back NAV. The company is struggling and in the process of attempting a turn around. The valuation is so cheap, it’s almost worth the gamble. If they’re successful, the stock will quickly head back into the mid-$40’s.

Aside from taking Mrs. Fly to a Valentine’s Day lunch, I intend to research some distressed companies today. I will only buy them if the fundamentals scream value. Otherwise, they’re just dogs in a rip roaring market.

The first thing you should know this Valentine’s Day is that diamonds are coveted, by all women. From the grotesque to the anorexic, feel free to bestow diamonds upon her person–always of the GIA certified type, VS1 and higher. If you are buying diamonds from the shopping mall, just know, you are a vagrant and unsuited to purchase anything of value.

Remember, once you discard or divorce your present valentine, you can always execute a “claw-back” and resell the diamonds for at or near cost. The DeBeers family has a firm grip on the diamond trade, paid for with the blood of a warrior African class. There is nothing wrong with giving your wife a gift that is really a clandestine store of value for your hard work and labor.

Chocolates are traditional on Valentine’s Day. But make sure to buy her dark chocolate only, instead of the bastardized American version of chocolate, which is laden with superfluous amounts of milk and sugar. If your wife doesn’t like dark chocolate, too bad. She will learn how to acquire a taste for it. Plus, it has much less calories and will not transform your beautiful female friend into a fat undesirable troll.

After you give her the diamonds and chocolates, surprise her with florist grade flowers. This is a very important point I am about to make to you. Listen to me you cheap bastards.

Women do not like super-market grade flowers, that were picked by filthy animals, placed inside of glass vases. Moreover, the crap sold at 1-800 flowers or Proflowers is an embarrassment to the botanist community. Do yourselves a favour and head on down to the florist and order several dozen roses–placed in crystal. The price tag will cost hundreds of dollars–dependent on where you reside. But you will leave with a full heart knowing you did your best.

By the way, NEVER GIVE STUFFED ANIMALS. They are stupid and without class.

Lastly, you must take your wife to dinner. If you intend to drink, order a driver from a black car company (not the vagrant sort). Gentlemen never drive while intoxicated. As a matter of fact, gentlemen rarely drive themselves to events or gatherings. You should know these things already, so this may be redundant.

Dinner should be at a tier one restaurant, preferably Michelin rated 2-3 stars. This means reservations would’ve been made months in advance. True gentlemen of the first order plan ahead and never find themselves without a backup plan. If, by chance, you’re at your winter home– in an undesirable city that is without Michelin rated eateries–make sure to at least reserve the very best seat at the very best restaurant.

Most importantly, remember that you are never to receive anything but affection on Valentine’s day (no pervert). Gentlemen should not accept gifts of any sort, asking the lady to “please return this, as I am unable to receive it”–if such an awkward occasion arise. It is not your place to accept gifts on such a day. If you do not wish to insult your loved one, kindly ask her “to please reserve this for my birthday or Christmas, as I will be joyously overzealous to accept it then.”

Happy Valentine’s Day.