Allow me to Interrupt Your Evening with a Few Solid Facts

I believe my prior post might’ve left the wrong impression across the internets. Some of you might’ve, for example, believed that I was actually scared of Mrs. Fly and the ramifications for ignoring her “buy on open” order for SHAK.

Let me explain something to you people.

“The Fly” is dominant, in the traditional sense of alpha-male wrought with a deep understanding how the heavens and the earth correlate to one another. A cultured man, cursed by geographical birthplace, an entrepreneur and natural leader. All of these things make up a small portion of the man known to you as HORATIO CLAWHAMMER aka Plutonium Petey, Le Fly, HARPOON HARRY etc.

Mrs. Fly doesn’t read the blog, never has and never will, because the lot of you are “abject morons” (her words, not mine!). I am a defender of social justice, provider and solicitor of revenge themed schemes. Aside from all of that, my resume is rather extensive when it comes to the arts of proper money management, etcetera, etcetera, yadda, yadda, yadda.

What the hell is the point here, you ponder?

I am getting to it now.

I needed to write another post to get that damned title off the front page, because Mrs. Fly walked by an hour ago, whilst drinking a cup of her favorite stupid cinnamon tea. Bog standard, she nearly caught me and my SHAK indiscretions. Call me a coward and I am going to track you down like the dogs that you are and punch your lips loose!

Enjoy some more Louis Armstrong. I’ve been blasting it all day.

I am going to share with you an actual conversation that I had, not too long ago. Naturally, I do not wear a wire and cannot remember the precise words that were exchanged; but it went something like this.

Fly: Hey, that Shake Shack, your favorite, is coming public soon.

Mrs. Fly: Oh, that’s great. Make sure you buy some for us and the kids.

Fly: Pffff, no way. Listen to me, I am buying HABT, errr, ummm, because the valuation is better.

Mrs. Fly: What is HABT? I’ve never heard of it. No one cares about the valuation for SHAK because they just want to own it. It’s going to be big.

Fly: Look you, I don’t tell you how to do your job…

Mrs. Fly: Oh, like the time I told you not to buy all of those dot com stocks but you thought it was a good idea to throw our entire nest egg into it? Just buy it and stop over-thinking it.

Fly: Let’s go check out HABT first. I am telling you, SHAK is going to trade at a lunatic valuation.

Mrs. Fly: Have you see all of the stocks I’ve bought and where they are now? ULTA, AAPL, CMG? Just buy it.

Fly: I’ll buy it in the 20’s, pal. Now go fetch me my crown and scepter. I have a kingdom to rule over.

Mrs. Fly: Get them yourself.

Needless to say, I never quite bought SHAK for her, or the kids. Instead, they have chopped meat company HABT. If she happens to stumble across today’s closing price, she will go ape. Let’e keep it between us, shall we?

I added to both BITA and DSKY.

Nothing can stop the market, not even death.

All of the gloom from 15 minutes is gone, like a fucking whisper in the wind on a cold winter night. A new era of hedonistic perversion, which has stalked the market for many weeks, is now here, lying down on your sofa–eating grapes, watching television.

Stocks are back on the way higher again and all of the people who just sold, small infants with weak intestinal fortitude, will be forced, BY LAW, to buy back in.

When you bet against stocks you make yourselves to be slack-jawed apes.

Indeud.

What should we do here, lads? The fucking market is melting down. I am off by 0.7% and things are getting worse.

Should I…

a. Fuck off and eat a sandwich?

b. Fuck off and buy more?

c. Fuck off and sell it all?

or d. Fuck off?

I eagerly await your opinions.

Remember back in January when I was buying oil, SLCA under $25, and told you the seasonal trends were forever in our favor? Well, most of you spit at me, like camels, siding with Dennis Gartman’s brain-dead philosophy that dictated oil was heading back to pre-industrial era pricing of a nickel per barrel. Here we are with Q1 in the books and you’re all slobbering over yourselves, trying to get back into oil.

Let’s not be reactionary, ok? Have a look at the season trends again, courtesy of Exodus.

Even an infant can see that oil is a highly seasonal commodity, pertaining to the performance of equities. Do yourselves a favor and avoid it for now. That doesn’t mean to short it or wait for a dip to buy it. That means avoid it. Do you hear me, fuckheads?

Moving on, markets should trade higher today. The weather is a bit gloomy and Blustar is a bit doomy; but the Sun Also Rises and before you know it, speculative fervor will be back in the tape, pushing halfway retarded, dim-witted, money managers back into the fray–chasing performance. It is my belief there is vast under-investment in this country, particularly with persons under 35 years old.

Let’s see how the market responds by 10am before making wild assumptions.

The month of May is a very somber one for the drug addicts in the financial services business. It’s bitter-sweet, actually. It marks the period of the year when you actively cheat on your spouses, run about the Hamptons with cocaine in your noses, and drink yourselves into a coma. On the other hand, you also get smoked in the stocked market.

You’ve managed to stumble over so much cash these past 10 years that performance no longer matters. Your lives are absolutely meaningless, literally. You are devoid of culture, pride, and most of all: decorum.

May 10,000 snakes descend upon you and bite your faces off.

As for me, I am readily toiling away, like a commoner, only with a 155 IQ.

Stocks sold off today, so everyone is crazy in the face. Not me. “The Fly” is a stone forrest of resolve, one that is prepared by the laws of nature to withstand any idiotic barrage set forth upon his domain.

As I write to you, the market is off by 0.2%. Frankly, this sharp a drop concerns me. It doesn’t worry me for the obvious massive capital loss reasons. I fear for the well being of my broker/advisor peers. This is not the sort of tape to snore at, in between naps and snacks. This is the type of tape that one pulls out hair, punches oneself in the gut, then liquidates all of his holdings–goes home, files for divorce, and then spends the net 50 years pushing a shopping cart aimlessly around town.

I am curious, sincerely, how are you dealing with today’s meltdown?

Fuck you. You can’t tell me what to do. I intend on punishing my family this summer by working through the scalding hot temperatures without pause (no homo)–like a runaway machine with uncontrollable AI. While the lot of you prance about in your fucking capris halfway across Europe, “The Fly” will be fortifying his kingdom. Rest assured, a great plague, a famine and pestilence, is coming. These are the times to batten down the hatches and work, not idle oneself with reckless stupidity.

I know, you have a cruise booked in July. You want to travel by boat and throw up into the sea from a severe case of salmonella poisoning.

Look you, I don’t have time for your shit. Get your things in order, or leave the site. We don’t need lazy readers like you, lounging about the lobby like lizards in the sun. We encourage strong thinkers and aggressive entrepreneurs, persons of interest.

While the market might be a bit flaccid today, like some of your penii, JANUS IS STRONG LIKE BILL GROSS’S HEAD.

Winners win and losers lose.

I sold CENX because a loser is a loser. With the proceeds, I averaged up in AGIO–because they have a cure for cancer. Yeah, man, they totally have a cure for cancer (cough, cough).