I’m On My Way to Hell

I knew it was too good to be true. I was just over here, chatting up my Ukranian painter, discussing the ‘evil fucking Russian bastards’, having a grande old time with the markets pressing new highs. A few hours pass by and we’re heading to hell again. ‘Tis is the life of a person who speculates for a living.

A smooth 40 point downtick has me in fits. Quick, someone call the Fed and ask them to initiate QE to help me with my capital gains.

Truth is, and you know it, we’re over due a smacking about the face and gums. We’ve had it too good for too long. On the other hand, many of you smug catamites are buying FAZ now, hoping for the worst. We might just melt up into the bell, just for shits and giggles.

Nevertheless, I’ve prepared myself for a trip to hell, fully expecting to bleed out a little for the sake of nourishing the tree of speculation.

I added to YELP, even though I really want to buy GRUB, aka the uber of food delivery.

Listen to me: oil will destroy you if you allow it. Stop trading in and out of 3x ETFs, churning and burning your bullshit accounts into oblivion. Be a gentleman, own shares of SLCA and WFT, for the win of course.

There are many ways to skin this season cat. Firstly, let’s state it plainly, I am long oil through March. For some of you rocket scientists out there, that means I am going to be long crude stocks no matter what, even if Saudi Arabia decided to give it away for free.

While it’s true, in recent weeks I’ve reduced and eliminated several oil positions. Just yesterday I sold out of PACD. The simple fact of the matter is, I am playing a game of shadows, ebbing and flowing between overweight and equal weight the sector. Yesterday I sold an outlier position to raise funds to buy more QIWI. I did this because I am big man and like to eat salmon steaks on beach with champagne.

My core oil positions are WFT and SLCA. When oil turns up again, both of those stocks are going to blow brains out to the upside.

Note: I added to my WFT position today.

So what we are years late and you’re really not that interested. However, unlike other corporate accounts that are totally fucking retarded, iBankCoin will use its newly minted instagram account to archive my wonderful and artistic headlines. God willing you will be able to peruse the many phallic laden statues that I post for decades to come.

Here is the link to the account.

Follow us on instagram: @iBankCoinHeadlines

Market commentary will commence after we’ve received at least 200 followers.

I consume a lot of information, probably way too much. I believe we are in the ‘golden era’ of teevee programming, which is driving ad dollars and subscription models to new highs. See AMCX for evidence (Better Call Saul is as good as Breaking Bad).

Today the very best show, House of Cards, released season 3 on NFLX. The best thing about NFLX is they release all of the episodes at once, permitting binge watchers to go ‘hog-wild’ and consume.

Before the market opens and before things get colorful around here, I wanted to pay tribute to Mr. Underwood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4AdTiwwCag

All big man in Moscow owns condo in Monaco. We pay all cash money for villa on beach and visit when weather in Russian Federation is fucked. Our women wears mink coats and big diamonds when we visit symphony.

If you want to live here and have big diamonds, you should buy QIWI and YNDX, yes?

Vladimir Putin makes Ukraine pay cash money for gas or else they freeze like sausage in snow.

Russian banks are very safe and there is big opportunity in ruble. Don’t listen to American lies and propaganda.

The cold war is only cold because you don’t have mink hat, no? Maybe you should make some more money and then you warm up on coast of Monaco.

Now listen to good music and eat caviar.

I added to my QIWI position, very bullish on the Russian Federation indeud.

The last post was intended to serve as a litmus test for minimum IQ required to visit this site. From time to time, I purposely post incendiary subject matters in order to gauge reader IQ. You have failed me again. Big surprise.

As such, a new era of massive culling has begun. The good folks at iBankCoin will start a campaign to ‘cleanse’ this site of its lower tier person, expelling them from our quarters in order to preserve the sanctity and respectability of its reader class.

Even in the lowest of places, such as the ‘coal room’ on the Titanic, passengers were required to behave in a certain manner, else the captain of the boat would kick them off the ship–catapulting them into the snow caps near the arctic. As fate would have it, the good captain was so busy banning these mongrels from his ship, playing with the human catapult, that he ended up sinking the whole lot.

The market is soft. The dollar is strong. I am still up for the day.

I never quite understood why some of you disliked HABT. I guess it’s because you didn’t like the buns, or maybe the catsup. Too many carbs for your liking. The idea of selling short HABT is treacherous to me, on a multitude of levels.

For one, considering the demographic HABT is catering to, it’s literally impossible for this business to fail, long term. They’d have to be supreme idiots to not make selling fatty meat to Americans a successful venture. The core of the HABT story, as well as SHAK, is the vanguard assault on the catamites who sell rubber hand-burgers: MCD. They are part of a cadre of higher end hamburger chains that were built for the sole purpose of deposing the old guard, both Burgered King and McDonald’s.

Now listen to me closely. It’s never a good idea to suggest someone “sell short HABT” if and when it breaches a magical price level. People, this is a real business in a very real and hungry world. Like a quality Bordeaux, some ideas take time to ripen and develop into something special. This, my distinguished guests from the internets, is exactly that.

Aside from my renewed confidence in HABT, I am boolish as hell on QIWI, YNDX and NDRM here. The only move I’ve made, as of today, is sell out of the remainder of my WRE position. I feel rates will climb. Therefore, REITs will suffer.

I get lots of unsolicited emails, mostly good. A very small minority of you would like to see me perish in fires or drown in an ocean, eaten alive by crocodiles–starved to death inside of a trunk. However, the vast majority know greatness when you see it. Ergo, I am praised by many, hated by few.

Some of you equate my stock market actions to the heroic storming of the beaches of Normandy, or the dropping of the atomic bomb over Nagasaki. Others believe “The Fly” to be a prophet, here on earth to ingratiate himself with vast splendour and unparalleled riches, sharing with you, the plebeian reader, along the way.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. “The Fly” is an action hero, fighting enemies and conquering them through extreme acts of financial violence. He’s like Captain America, Batman, and Spider-man, wrapped up into one giant atomic bomb over Nagasaki.

I do admit, rather freely, however, that comparing me to the legendary soldiers at Iwo Jima is a bit much and a tad insulting to the valor demonstrated by those men fighting with the savage. However, I do suffer from formidable pangs of misery, advanced torture methods inflicted upon me that can be no different from criminal acts of war against hostage POWs.

That being said, I am faster, stronger, and smarter than all of you, which is why you are “the reader” and I am the founder and author of a world class financial website, whose sole purpose is to teach idiots how to bank coin in the stocked market, a rigged game in a hallway filled with smoke and mirrors and trap doors and false ceilings. Believe this, without me, you would be in very dire straights, loitering about homeless shelters in search for hot bowls of chowder and stale bread.

Alas, that is not the case and my immortality insures that you and future generations of your ilk can and will be rewarded with the ever-lasting fruits of my calculator-like brain, an IQ of 155, speed reader, and commander of all things pertaining to equities.

I cannot stress to you enough how invaluable the second iteration of The PPT is to me, having the luxury of working with it for more than two months now. We’re in the process of debugging it, making sure it’s ready for prime time. I can confidently say there will not be a single member of our secret society who will be disappointed by the results, a work in progress for nearly half a decade.

Why the delay?

We built it, scrapped it. We built it again, scrapped it again. One must not rush art. We aren’t venture capital financed, so there was never a sense of urgency that superseded the every day trials and tribulations of maintaining and servicing the world’s best finance site.

As we put the finishing touches on Exodus, I will be uploading some pics and try to answer any questions that you might have about the software. It truly is the crown jewel of my extensive resume of online accomplishments. Indeud.

This is the new front page or dashboard. This is what you see when you login.

RIP Don Keough