A Poem of Sorts

I am going to take your horses and turn them into unicorns. I will scratch the land that you walk on and make large corn plants appear. I shall climb mountains and urinate on your head.

I am “The O Man.”

I know I can, take a tin hat and turn it into a bank loan. I have powers of enchantment that will make you cut your cocks off and dive into large vats of Chinese chicken.

I am “The O Man.”

The stock market is down because Wall Street CEO’s are in planes. I have a plan that will amaze. I will, I know I will take large loans and make the economy grow. The cock you cut off will magically reappear, once I get done kicking the Taliban’s derriere.

I am “The O Man. I am “The O Man.” Oh boy, Sir Lancelot, I am “The O Man.”

See ya later.

UPDATE: I’m Back.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0fVQ3i90zg 450 300]

In case you are wondering, yes, I am bringing my A game to The PPT, only for those who find it in their black hearts to buy Woodshedder a new toilet bowl, via subscribing.

NTGR took the fuck off. SWHC and RGR are going gangbusters and, yes indeed, my gold short, DZZ, is making you gold bugs look stupid. Apocalypse gun plays, BGFV and CAB, are starting to go and my egregious short in the euro, via DRR, is behaving rather well.

In short, I am winning.

Today, I initiated a new position in GLW and intend to sell it north of $11. In addition, I am encouraged by dollar strength to tell you, asshole, oil is most certainly going lower. Eventually, the market will go higher. When it does, stocks like GLW, INTC and NTGR will rip to the upside.

With my money, it makes sense to get long, providing I keep a short leash on the positions. Ultimately, we will collapse and the S & P will touch down on 500. However, before it does, I intend to have fun, by making it interesting and eventful, every step of the way.

Top picks: DUG, GLW

I bought 100,000 shares of GLW, between $10.15-10.31.

Disclaimer: If you buy GLW because of this post, Obama will NOT cure cancer in your lifetime. And, you may lose money.

Believe me, I am fully aware that every time I rant and rave about how stupid XOM is, oil stocks rip higher. Nonetheless, I must say, oil is an ass. All of you goat fuckers going long oil should be rounded up and tossed into horse stables. Seriously, Japanese exports get cut in half and you’re over there buying oil, as if you can drink or eat that shit.

We’re being vaporized by a financial murderhole, yet some people feel it makes sense to bid up the share price of XOM. I know the game. XOM is the market. All of the cheerleaders, who want the market to trade up need to boost XOM. I get it.

But, what I don’t get is how you are over there buying crude, amidst the fuckery. Soon enough, bankruptcies will unveil themselves in the oil and gas space and you will remember the cold winter days of 2009 when Senor Tropicana warned you of pending doom.

I’m still long a lot of bullshit. But it only makes up about 15% of overall assets. I’m looking for potential value plays. Doing quick screens, NTGR and KBR look cheap. As a point in fact, I have a number of stocks, trading near cash, that may be worth accumulating.

In closing, I’m looking forward to some sort of Chicago Tea Party, where I will be sure to bring my fucking boxes of tea. I don’t like stocks here and I don’t like gold. Short oil, gold and long guns is how I’m playing this market.

Gun makers RGR and SWHC are on fire, as well as cheap drug stocks, like WPI, TEVA and MYL.

What does that mean?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing, aside from the fact that people have done lost their minds.

Expanding on this trade, it might make sense going long BGFV or CAB, due to insatiable demand for guns and survival gear—LMAO. However, I would not recommend buying BGFV ahead of earnings, due out tomorrow.

North of $8.40, I sold out of 3/4th’s of my RGR position and put the proceeds to cash. Right now, I am comfortable being short oil stocks, while holding onto some SWHC. Everything else is an ass.

Who said it was too late to analyze risk to the system? Come now, it’s been a walk in the park, regarding all of the bank non-failures. Now, in an amazing twist of events, the government is going to tell us that the banks need capital.

BREAKING NEWS.

They are going to discard their old, flawed mathematical models and invent new ones that will tell them C, BAC and WFC suck balls and need a couple hunge—billion that is.

Looking at Japanese, Korean and pretty much all Asian output, it is clear, as well as obvious, we are in a depression. A depression caused by too much debt, which in turn caused the economy to collapse inward. The answer to our problems, apparently: borrow more.

This way, when people are on soup lines fishing for idle packets of saltine crackers, the government can explain to us, via radio broadcast (tv’s will be offline) that we as a nation defaulted on our debt, effectively rendering our bullshit currency worthless. But that’s okay. In replace of those stupid green bills, we will get coupons with Obama’s and Bush’s likeness on them.

With those coupons, we will be able to acquire “government food” and “government gasoline,” as well as “government clothes.”

You fuckers will yearn for the days when SBUX charged you $5 for a disgusting cup of bitch coffee, while on a long, mournful line, waiting for the “government Doctor” to see you.

He also pledged to do other stuff, despite America being stuck in a “homo box,” due to “fucked up loans.” Oh, if you work on Wall Street, you will be plucked from your house, in order to make solar panels or car batteries, in an unnamed desert not near you.

Go America, go!

UPDATE: No more airplane rides for Wall Street. Take the bus or horse.

UPDATE II: Bush did it.

UPDATE III: Checks are on the way.

UPDATE IV: Bush did it again.

UPDATE V: The U.S. does not torture people. We just ruin their lives with CDO’s.

UPDATE VI: Try to give away your money whenever possible.

Fly Summary: The speech sucked. May the bear market resume sucking the life force from the world.

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I walk away from today’s tape like a fucking champ. Sure, I may have less money today than yesterday. But, I am now short your stupid gold bricks and that’s all that matters.

At the bell, I bought 2,000 DUG @ 28.30. And, 15 minutes before the bell, I loaded the fuck up on DZZ aka “fuck your gold bricks.”

When economic collapse besieges you, your stupid gold coins will be used as decoration, outside your mausoleum.

In adddition, I blew out of my EEV position, early this morning and I bought more guns, via SWHC and RGR.

My best guess: the market sells off tomorrow, following Obama’s campaign speech. However, in the event I am wrong and we blow higher, I have a 43% cash position to remedy that.