Jamie Dimon Describes How to Price Level 3 Assets

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxWeaevzc9o 450 300]

When the market was knifing lower 200-300 points daily, it scared people. Newspaper men started to write stories; and people from the government became opportunistic. So, the bears changed the approach.

Death by a thousand cuts, instead of the “sword of gay death.”

Notice, all of the “party stocks,” like [[AAPL]], [[RIMM]] and [[GME]], remain chockfull, while other stuff falls by the wayside, namely the bastards from [[LEH]].

If any of you leeches have been reading my poetry for more than 6 months, you know “The Fly” was always bullish. Gee, he’d run outside, following consumption of 4 cans of Monster Energy soda, and kick old men down stairs, or idle manholes—just to celebrate his long positions.

He was the “perma-bull” variety, until everything changed.

What changed?

It is a very long story and I do not care to bore you with the details. Just know, the stench from Wall Street, with all of its greed and folly became too much for “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana. He read of massive errors being made at trading desks, coupled with “homo-hammered” retail sales.

He saw how stupid the internet trading community was, with all of their disgusting charts and loathsome market commentary.

So, he made a market call. One that was meant to last the entire year of 2008, not a few measly months.

The call was and is, as you know, to bet against the coked out guy on CNBC, talking gibberish. To bet against former Forbes magazine editors, who like to see equities trade higher, even in their nightmares.

In short, fuck stocks for all of 2008. “The Fly” will win, because God designed him that way.

Top pick: Short [[LEH]]

Death to the trannies!

May all trucking companies and truck drivers be hit with egregious revenue loss and “fuckfaced” speed bumps.

God willing, of course.

You’ve been warned.

More on this later.

Developing…

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEmK9qFB1Y0 450 300]

In markets like this, it hurts to use cognitive thinking. Instead, you’re better off taking a large club (mouse) and start beating (buying) down stocks, in order to store them in your cave (portfolio).

With my money, I’m just throwing good money into a fucking “inferno of fun,” by shorting stocks.

With all of the bad news, the market barely budged. Fucking hilarious.

All day, banana eating cavemen were just storing basic material stocks in their fucking caves, pushing up the prices of filthy coal and ag stocks.

I must say, the appetite for risk is abundant. However, keep in mind, investors always take toss ups, prior to a swift deballing. When the frothiness is apparent, most of the time, it’s time to sell short.

In closing, “The Fly” booked mild gains today, on the backs of [[WM]], [[SRS]] and [[SKF]]. Maybe over the next week or so, those fucking bastards in the [[SMN]] will start bending to my will.

Top Pick: [[SSG]]

Trade accordingly.

I bought 2,000 [[SRS]] @ $90.08, 1,000 [[SKF]] @ $104.80 and 2,000 [[SMN]] @ $33.45.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your only daughter will grow up to idolize Maria Bartiromo. And, you may lose money.

I know many of you have been stuck in the go-go days of 2000. Nonetheless, it’s good to have you back here, in the present, in the midst of a fantastic recession.

As you know, the Fed is concerned about the recession, via their minutes.

Forget about a 2nd half recovery. It’s not happening. Right now, with the market massively extended, I’m warning you, take profits now, else lose a few limbs during earnings season.

See, when the economy slows down, companies warn of earnings deterioration. Right now, the market IS NOT pricing that in.

Ahead of numbers, I prefer to be flat or short the market, as the slowdown takes hold of EPS estimates.

I understand your fucking charts say “buy without fear.” Moreover, I encourage you to do so. This way, I can use your legs and arms to fuel my cash machine.

Developing…

As you know, “The Fly” is short [[WM]], from as high as $18.50. I read over the terms of today’s 7 billion dollar financing and it’s ridiculous.

First of all, they are pricing a gigunta amount of shares significantly below the market @ $8.74. Selling WM here is equal to taking on the arduous task of shooting fish in a barrel.

Once again, all of the private equity rumors were inflated. TPG anchored the deal, but only took down 2 billion worth of Wamu crap.

Additionally, Wamu will be forced to change the way the bank raises money. They will be forced to shut down all wholesale mortgage operations, and refocus on retail, in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

In other words, Wamu will never be the same again.

With all of the dilution in the stock, I like my chances of covering my short position, under $10.

iBC Call to Arms UPDATE: A staunch internet ally of mine, Howard, is up for some sort of mundane internet award, for one of his Wallstrip shows. Frankly, I do not care for much, with the marked exception of 2 1/2 inch rib eyes. However, I care a great deal about “mundane internet awards.” It’s one of “The Fly’s” weaknesses.

In short, go vote here tomorrow. Do it for Howard. Do it for your country. More importantly, do it for “The Fly.”

NOTE: Failure to vote for this important matter may result in the removal of your mustache, the next time you are drinking a glass of Merlot.