Textbook Says to Go Long

As tempting as it is to buy [[SKF]] or [[SRS]] down huge, I will not attempt to bottom fish, until we get a few trading days under our proverbial belts. First of all, we have no idea how effective or ineffective the new Fed plan will be. Therefore, with that logic, executing any directional trade now is pure river boat gambling.

You might as well take your fat ass over to OTB and hang out with the rest of the losers, while you’re at it.

In my book, the best thing to do, on days like this, is sit it out. Do nothing.

Worst case scenario, you might end up paying 2-3% higher, for inverse ETF purchases or long side plays. However, that’s a price I am willing to pay for assurance.

Frankly, if you’re buying this tape, and this is nothing but a headfake, tomorrow or the day after will be the beginning of the end for your bullshit trading career.

On the other hand, if you’re short and continue to sell into this rally, without thinking, you can easily find yourself in a world of pain—should this rally extend a few more days.

My bias, as always, is bearish. However, this time around, I am going to be far more evil and guileful with my next set of investments or reverse investments—if you know what I mean.

NOTE: Even though the textbook says to go long, “The Fly’s” book says to do nothing. I just wanted to clarify my title.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ7cTI623Vg 450 300]

I knew the market was due to spike, especially after seeing Cramer capitulate on television last night, sounding the alarms of doom and gloom. Not to beat up on the guy, but he’s been 100% wrong on the markets, since 2007.

Today’s move by the Fed to add liquidity into the AAA mortgage market is brilliant. Furthermore, I think it will help add liquidity, in a big way.

The near term game plan is simple: If you built up a huge cash position, like “The Fly,” sit back and enjoy watching the idiots scramble for sea shells. If you are heavily short, get the fuck out of the way, for your head is about to be separated from your torso.

This type of move by the Fed can underpin a sustainable move in the markets, especially since everyone is caught leaning short.

Quick trades: Long [[UYG]], [[GS]], [[DGP]], [[SBNY]] and [[OZRK]]

Chuck Norris is client #1, of course.

With the exception of Jeff Macke, whom I have decided is a highly competent investor, EVERYONE ON FASTMONEY BLOWS.

Really, they are all batting like .120, over the last 12 months. They fucking suck. All I hear is “buy this, no decouple that, solar stocks look sweet here or Carl Icahn is fucking great.”

I’m sick of it. I spit on Fast Money, from 300 yards away.

The worst of the worst is that pony tail dude. Although I love his enthusiasm, this man is a money destroyer on wheels. He needs to be contained to a box of playdough, and not giving investment advice to a populace that is screaming for sage commentary.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_X4R8D_JSw 450 300]

The good news for [[TMA]] shareholders is that the stock can only fall another buck. Good news, indeed.

As you all know by now, the news of Governor Spitzer soliciting “Ladies of the Night” sent shock waves throughout the investment community—as confidence in our markets and leadership become front page issues.

However, I must tell you, I am quite pleased to see Spitzer didn’t have some sort of absurd gay theme going on in his life. It just seems every single politician is a flaming homo. Good to see some old school, degenerate, testosterone running through the veins of a male politician (yes, that was a poke at Hillary).

As for the markets:

I expect this Spitzer shit will result in another wave of selling. People are done. They want no part of this market. Therefore, expect to see a crescendo sell off, sometime soon, much to the chagrin of the bullish variety.

Just know, today’s trading action gave instant victory to “The Fly,” against the cowardly forces of Dennis Kneale, James Cramer and Charlie “Meatball” Gasparino.

With my money, I covered my trading [[MON]] position, for a cool 40k+ profit. Keep in mind, I am still heavily long [[SMN]], whose largest short is MON. In addition, I took out a trading short on [[POT]]. Fuck POT.

Finally, sometime soon, due to the egregious manner of the recent sell off, I will build my cash position to an obscene amount, while paring down my shorts.

Basically, I’ve made loads of money this year. I find no need to “press my bets.” Until we spike hard, to the upside, I will make surgical trades and reduce my downside exposure.

Remember: Always keep a spare gun under the bed.

I bought 1,000 [[DGP]] @ $25.61.

Disclaimer: If you buy DGP because of this post, your name will be revealed as “client number 10.” And, you may lose money.

You’re telling me the NYS Governor, Elliot “get the bad guys” Spitzer is a pimp?

That’s it. Something odd is happening here. It’s almost as if Mother Market wants the market to go down another 30%.

On a side note, this knee-caps Cramer’s clout, considering how close he is to Spitzer. Perhaps I can entertain myself in a short [[TSCM]] trade (while dancing to the Wisdom Tree Indian ETF commercial)?

Developing…

UPDATE: After reviewing the evidence, “The Fly” finds Governor Spitzer GUILTY of soliciting whores for personal gain. As a result, the Governor must resign and reliquish power to the Godly folks at iBC. Redundantly, as a result of this development, “The Fly” has withdrawn is Presidential bid, in order to fill the vacuum at the NYS executive branch.

As always, developing….

I sold short 5,000 [[POT]] @ $145.63.

Disclaimer: If you sell short POT because of this post, someone will out their cigar on your new car. And, you may lose money.