18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
My fucking arms are involuntarily punching people in the face now. That’s how hopped up I am on win. Step to me, ask me a question about a price to sales ratio, and you’re liable to get your jaw broken for you.
I don’t give a shit about the late day fade. I’m up almost 18% for the year thus far. I got Exodus ready to launch and advisors up my ass trying to get a piece of greatness.
You only live once (yolo) pal, so you might as well go balls to the wall when given the chance.
Speaking of which, how’d you like that close on DSKY?
Yeah buddy, that’s 100% premium cut winship for you right there.
I had some idle cash lying around, so I deployed it into DSKY.
A little background on DSKY.
Out of all the piece of shit stocks in my Chinese Burrito index, this one steals the crown. It is the worst performing Chinese stock, by far, making it all that more attractive to me. When you go into these knowing the company is entirely filled with shit, it’s liberating, yet invigorating, sort of like riding on a roller coaster without any guards. I’m just sort of pissing in the wind here, doing loop-d-loops, whilst holding on by the skin of my cock.
That’s it. ALL FUCKING HELL IS ABOUT TO BREAK LOOSE. ALL 66 SEALS OF HELL ARE ABOUT BE BE BROKEN AND LUCIFER WILL THEN APPEAR FOR THE EXPLICIT PURPOSES OF TAKING BACK HIS DEMON SHORT SELLERS, BACK TO HELL, IN ORDER TO SUMMARILY TORTURE FOR 1,000 YEARS HENCE.
It’s not enough that I already own ICPT, GILD, AMGN, AGIO and SGEN. I need MOAR AGIO. After all, they have a cure for cancer. Brrrhaahah, hahahaha, hahahah (maddening laughter).
We killed all the bears and buried them last week. Now we’re heading over to the cemetery to dig up their bones and stomp them out into dust.
Who’s down?
It does’t matter what I say here. The Gods favour Fly and owe me for the shit they pulled on me last year. Since then, I’ve sacrificed many goats and punched many mustaches off. Like the Lannisters, “The Fly” always pays his debts.
What the fuck do you want me to tell you, son? Markets are ripping tits off and you’re sitting there waiting for pullbacks. Look, there are people like you, afraid to take what’s rightfully yours. And then there are people like me who literally don’t give a shit, straight honey badger style, and lives life like there is nothing to lose.
I want the market to decimate to zero. When it happens, I can only hope to be fully leveraged, zero the fuck out, and give me a real reason to move to Puma Punku. In the meantime, I’ll sit here collecting coin, like a fucking Scrooge on X-Mas eve, banging out gangster rap music in my office–so fucking loud– the joints in the sheetrock separate.
Goldman downgrades almost every oil stocks except FANG today. Greece is on the verge of vomiting all over Germany again. Negative mortgage rates are coming, thanks to deflationary pressures. China just posted their weakest GDP number since the financial crisis.
What does it all mean?
It means we’re going higher, you fucking muppets.
What part of “never bet against QE” don’t you dick-holders get? NOTHING MATTERS. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, the same type of shit that cannon shot America into the winners circle 100 years ago.
Markets are fortress cities, immune from the Golden Horde raids, steadily melting up–fueled by QE and cocaine addled hedge fund managers.
I believe my prior post might’ve left the wrong impression across the internets. Some of you might’ve, for example, believed that I was actually scared of Mrs. Fly and the ramifications for ignoring her “buy on open” order for SHAK.
Let me explain something to you people.
“The Fly” is dominant, in the traditional sense of alpha-male wrought with a deep understanding how the heavens and the earth correlate to one another. A cultured man, cursed by geographical birthplace, an entrepreneur and natural leader. All of these things make up a small portion of the man known to you as HORATIO CLAWHAMMER aka Plutonium Petey, Le Fly, HARPOON HARRY etc.
Mrs. Fly doesn’t read the blog, never has and never will, because the lot of you are “abject morons” (her words, not mine!). I am a defender of social justice, provider and solicitor of revenge themed schemes. Aside from all of that, my resume is rather extensive when it comes to the arts of proper money management, etcetera, etcetera, yadda, yadda, yadda.
What the hell is the point here, you ponder?
I am getting to it now.
I needed to write another post to get that damned title off the front page, because Mrs. Fly walked by an hour ago, whilst drinking a cup of her favorite stupid cinnamon tea. Bog standard, she nearly caught me and my SHAK indiscretions. Call me a coward and I am going to track you down like the dogs that you are and punch your lips loose!
Enjoy some more Louis Armstrong. I’ve been blasting it all day.
I am going to share with you an actual conversation that I had, not too long ago. Naturally, I do not wear a wire and cannot remember the precise words that were exchanged; but it went something like this.
Fly: Hey, that Shake Shack, your favorite, is coming public soon.
Mrs. Fly: Oh, that’s great. Make sure you buy some for us and the kids.
Fly: Pffff, no way. Listen to me, I am buying HABT, errr, ummm, because the valuation is better.
Mrs. Fly: What is HABT? I’ve never heard of it. No one cares about the valuation for SHAK because they just want to own it. It’s going to be big.
Fly: Look you, I don’t tell you how to do your job…
Mrs. Fly: Oh, like the time I told you not to buy all of those dot com stocks but you thought it was a good idea to throw our entire nest egg into it? Just buy it and stop over-thinking it.
Fly: Let’s go check out HABT first. I am telling you, SHAK is going to trade at a lunatic valuation.
Mrs. Fly: Have you see all of the stocks I’ve bought and where they are now? ULTA, AAPL, CMG? Just buy it.
Fly: I’ll buy it in the 20’s, pal. Now go fetch me my crown and scepter. I have a kingdom to rule over.
Mrs. Fly: Get them yourself.
Needless to say, I never quite bought SHAK for her, or the kids. Instead, they have chopped meat company HABT. If she happens to stumble across today’s closing price, she will go ape. Let’e keep it between us, shall we?
All of the gloom from 15 minutes is gone, like a fucking whisper in the wind on a cold winter night. A new era of hedonistic perversion, which has stalked the market for many weeks, is now here, lying down on your sofa–eating grapes, watching television.
Stocks are back on the way higher again and all of the people who just sold, small infants with weak intestinal fortitude, will be forced, BY LAW, to buy back in.
When you bet against stocks you make yourselves to be slack-jawed apes.
