MARKET PLUNGES INTO HELL: DOW CLOWN-RAPED BY 528

Prepare to overshoot to the downside.

The fundamentals do not matter now, only emotion and forced selling by catamites who are now below maintenance. I did not buy today because I do not gamble. “The Fly” bets on sure things and partakes in ideas emanating from the stock gods, found inside and around his urinal shadows.

This is the worst two day drop since 2008. We are now off by more than 10%, marking an official correction, first time since 2011. More than 66% of stocks are down 10% or more and 25% are off by 20%, aka bear market territory.

The fears of China slowing are feeding upon itself and is causing people to reexamine everything. Bear in mind, this entire run higher has been based upon global growth. The civilized world has been stymied for quite some time and we’ve been relying upon savages in the far east to buy our wares.

Bottom line: we plunge lower, through the fucking floor boards, on Monday. Asian markets will get clobbered and disappear into thin air, as if they never existed. This is a very unique and special situation. I truly want you, as a novice investor, to appreciate the novela styled drama of all this. Take it in and learn from your idiotic mistakes.

As an aside, “The Fly” has been in a 50% (now 60%+) cash position for almost two weeks, having sold his largest position in GG yesterday. I stand before you a mountain amongst a field of pebbles. I endeavor to buy all of the blood and opportunistically bid for quality names, which I will outline in a special weekend blog inside Exodus this weekend, into the teeth of this monumental and memorable market calamity.

Good day and God speed.

Massive gorilla raping taking place at the open, curb stomping investors into clown-dust. I’m just gonna say this to you, okay? People out there are fucking crazy. Cramer is on the teevee now telling you to buy and sell at the same time, to seemingly churn yourselves into a bar of butter. I am going to keep this real.

This market is a transvestite. It has a surprise waiting for you. Don’t be out there all naked and shit, for you might regret it later.

By Wednesday of next week, you will feel better. At the close of trade today, you will want a stiff drink.

Some really good stocks are on sale now. Margin liquidations are happening and the sellers will soon exhaust themselves; but we’re not there yet. I know that’s annoying to read. I used to get all mad, and shit, at people when they told me I couldn’t make all the money right now. Truth is, Friday is a shitty day to reverse and head higher. Friday’s were built to be dramatic, tire out traders into submission and ruin their fucking weekends.

Ever hear of “Turn Around Tuesday”?

Of course you have.

Enjoy your “Fuck you Friday.”

Let’s be clear about what is causing this decline: the dog-eating Chinese. Ever since they devalued their shitty currency, Asians have been seen chasing each other down toilet bowls. Similar to the currency crisis of 1997, this is bound to get worse, fuck a lot of people, then sky-rocket the fuck higher and never look back.

But most of you don’t care about all of that. You want to know how to play this for the next 3 days, fat little frog faces looking for a good time. Never fear, “The Fly” is immortal and will always be here to offer guidance. Ten thousand years hence, I will be here telling people, with a certain parlance, to jump off Jupiter’s moon and to liquidate their no good rotten children into the energy core at Ham and Egg galaxy number 6, formerly known as Earth.

Having almost 60% of my assets in cash, not having been fribbled away by the eastern winds of China, I am in perfect position to catapult myself back into the winners circle of champions with my cock out swinging freely and with liberality.

Listen to me and do not ignore what I am about to tell you. This isn’t an ordinary drop; but the manner by which it drops will be like all others that have preceded it. People panic and sell their stocks to save their hides. In order to properly establish a bottom, the Third Estate must be cleansed from this place of business and washed away with high powered water hoses.

These are some scenarios for tomorrow’s open.

Gap higher and never look back: this can only be done with some Federal Reserve or QE related news

Gap higher, then fade and sink into the close: worse case scenario. This is the ultra-bearish scenario; but a high probability one.

Gap higher, plunge lower, then rally: this washes out the Third Estate fine and dandy. After they sell, buyers step in and shoot trebuchets at their homes.

Gap lower and plunge: low probability play, considering today’s drubbing.

Gap lower, then rally: this is best case scenario play.

Gap lower, rally, then plunge to new lows: Death

I’d like to see a gap lower, rally, then small fade, then monster rally. This will wash out the weak hands and entrap the Rickard Santelli cabal into egregious short positions into face punching 10% rallies. However, I’d be a seller after the rally. I do not believe we are done going lower. Bounces should be used to raise cash.

Now that we laid out the scenarios, here are the 10 stocks that I am rallying behind. As you know, I own a bunch of stocks, most of which are very small positions, 0.1-1% of assets. During times like this, however, I like to rally behind a few quality names. Here is what I like now.

Tech: PANW, CYBR, AMBA
Basic Materials: fuck you
Consumer Goods: MNST
Financials: WETF
Healthcare: GILD, BLUE, ONCE
Industrials: No Interest
Services: NFLX, SHAK

Broader market ETFs of interest include TAN and TNA. I am avoiding oil on purpose and shying away from industrials, who are heavily reliant upon China. God willing, I can sashay (no homo) myself in and out through a few names and then exit stage left and watch the world burn.

Some of you are so mentally deranged, you attempt to post comments each and every day, despite being banned from doing so, as if you were talking to yourselves. I see your comments in the moderation pile and I urinate on them, as I chew on beefed jerky. I am ever so sorry to disappoint you, but I saw this decline coming. I know it pains you to know and see that I’ve been 50% cash for more than a week, with GG being my top holding. Don’t worry, fucked face, I am sure I will make a few errors upon my reentry into the markets.

At the bell, I sold out of my GG position, putting my cash position at recent record highs. Despite my belief that the market will turn up soon, I erred on the side of caution, after seeing the market cascade lower into the bell. I still have one gold stock, EGO, which I intend to hold a little bit longer.

All of my other positions were castrated, like yours. It was an awful day and a sad day for those drinking NASDAQIRIS. I have a mind for this sort of tape and it takes a lot of patience and quick wits to catch an inflection point.

It was a 90% down day, indicative of margin selling, panic and despair.

Given all of the news, is it possible we are entering a new bear market?

Sure, why not?

But nothing goes up in a line, nor down. Recall how the oil stocks bounced off the concrete earlier this year, luring a fresh set of canaille into their shares. I believe, at a minimum, we are overdue for an oversold bounce. If you believe the market dynamics have changed and the economic conditions dictate that stocks should trade lower over the foreseeable future, sell short or liquidate after the coming bounce.

Ideally, we gap lower tomorrow morning and reverse higher into the bell. That would set up for a pleasant afternoon and sublime change of pace into the weekend. I’ll post more later on tonight, after I had time to fully absurd todays fuckery.

Ladies and gents, Rome wasn’t burned down overnight. It took the savage animals generations to fulfill their dastardly plans, supplanting civilized government with horseshit.

Today we have centaurs living next to live volcanos, in jungled areas of Hawaii, tweeting messages of panic.

Listen to me: the selling climax will pass soon and in its place will be Hansel and Gretchen styled greed. Measure yourselves and be greedy when others panic and panic when others are greedy.

According to the untenable laws of mathematics, this market is going to bottom out soon, catapulting the centaurs into mine fields laden with “Bouncin’ Bettys.”

Get your buy lists ready for deployment.

SHOMP

Big jowled, florid faced, men have been emailing me all morning, pondering about my disappearance during this market rout (heavy emphasis on R). The way I see it, it’s preferable, for me, to avoid the situation all together, and opt for sandwiches or beverages. This stuff is a drag. Even though my largest position is up (GG) and I am in the enviable position of having 50% of my assets in cash, I do not like to make up lost ground.

The amount of damage done to my poor NASDAQS is significant and it saddens me to tell you this, but 110 NASDAQS are missing from the national treasury today.

I suppose we could pretend this condition is transitory and that all will be well. But what fun would that be, after all?

Gentlemen, the end is now. Your trading is churning what little net worth you have left into clown-dust. You might as well take whatever money you have left and travel to Florida, bake in the sun and prepare to be swept away by seasonal hurricanes.

Perhaps you could live out the rest of your lives in a bohemian lifestyle. Why, even Einstein was known to enjoy the splendour of a simple house with very little possessions, other than his books and pipe.

The halcyon days of 2013 aren’t going to return. Fall back on your memories, for they are rich with good times– when men could smoke cigars and drink scotch, uninterrupted by missing NASDAQS. Back then, there wasn’t stilted margin clerks plaguing us to “raise cash or sell out”. Things were simpler then, significantly grander.

The Bank of Better Times has evaporated and in its place is a fucked up Chinese tea house, whose floor is strewn with bankrupted cantonese farmers and Greek catamites.

Nothing is more important than the condition of the oil and gas sector now. As per Exodus,  this is where our predictive algos place the sector.

It can go lower.

Bear in mind, the sector is beyond simple supply and demand action now. We are entering the solvency phase of this cycle and many companies will be squeezed into receivership, which is why I’m staying away from the sector.

On the plus side of commodities is gold. You’re likely busy being harangued by losses now; but this has been my best call of 2015: long gold into August at a time when the market sucked balls.

I faired okay today, down about 0.2%, buoyed by GG, CYBR and 50% cash. I am looking to position into some SHAK leaps on another leg lower. Aside from that, I have no sense of urgency to step into stocks yet. The horizon is black and the margin clerks are gearing up to liquidate your accounts at zero, very soon.

“The Fly” will be buying the blood, as always.

For over a week, I’ve told you to get long gold and to raise cash. With my own money, I am in a 50% cash position and my largest holding is GG. The play here, for me, is to time the next inflection point with sublime mathematical precision, allocate all resources, and drive rail spikes into the thick skulls of volcano men. So don’t fucking come here, in search for Le Fly distraught, strung out by his bullish caprices. I will fucking massacre you!

This is an 80% down day and only a handful of stocks are up. The only sector that is up is gold (you’re fucking welcome). Moreover, the only gold stock that is down because of Greece is EGO (buttfuckers).

BEHOLD in the glory of the superfluities of Americana. They, the Americans, cannot help themselves but to exaggerate moves, both bearish and bullish. Born actors, tradesmen, frontier men, the American will lament over microscopic problems and hallucinate during times of moderate success. He will burn cigarette holes into his furniture and burn down his entire house, drunk and strung out, depressed over a temporary loss of capital. In the past, this American would thrust himself from rooftops, as an antidote for loss of capital. Now he takes heavy doses of psychotropics and fires off shells into crowded movie theaters.

I beam with pride and overjoyous feelings of jubilation when I think about my fortune, being born into this Americana.

If I’m being honest with myself, I’d have to admit that the market has been in a bifurcated bear market since early 2014. Remember the old ‘bubble basket’ ordeal and how 100+ high growth stocks got taken down by a mere 50%+ last year? Or how about the total and complete destruction of the commodity sector this year?  Do we even need to talk about retail, shopping mall stocks, or global growth industrials? Anything related to BRIC is death. I bought a little EGO, to hide in gold, and that motherfucker is down 10% today because one of their Greek mines were shut down by that bastard government.

So what has worked?

Biotech, other healthcare related names, cyber security?

That’s fantastic. Get long the pre-revenue biotechs and companies who police the internet for criminals. This is what our investment world has been reduced to. No longer are we able to buy MSFT, DELL or even GOOG early stage. By the time XYZ is worth a lick, fucking Fred Wilson is doing another round for his private Venture Capital investors and then bringing it public at 100x sales. The only shot we have at outsized returns is buying distressed stocks, derivatives or pre-revenue biotech–hoping for an FDA approval.

Let me repeat that again, so it sinks in.

The only shot we have at outsized returns is buying distressed stocks, derivatives or pre-revenue biotech–hoping for an FDA approval.

As per the title of this post, I think it’s abundantly clear that a super strong US dollar, accompanied by a macro-slowdown in global growth, isn’t exactly what American companies need right now. As such, Janet Yellen would be remiss not to see these early warning signs of wear on this market and the overall integrity of the US economy. Moreover, and I write this with emphatic intentions, if the Federal Reserve raises rates now, as worldwide growth recoils from the commodity collapse aftershocks and Chinese implosion, Janet Yellen and her cohorts are nothing less than first class morons.

Gather around gents and bear witness to the circle jerk. Before you come to partake, please place your brokerage accounts into the flaming barrels of garbage on the side, right next to the heroin needles.

In my previous post I said to “build positions”, which is always a good idea when markets are soft. But what I didn’t elaborate on is the speed in which I think you should do so.

I haven’t purchased anything today. I am more of a “buy the momo” type of person and I rarely catch falling knives. But when I do catch knives, I like to do it slowly, moderate myself to avoid large fuck ups. Today’s decline negates yesterday’s and places us back into the ‘fag-box‘, beholden to Chinese fuckery, who saw their “index” drop by 6% last night.

I wish this was enjoyable; but it isn’t. Watching a market destroy itself in a slow drift lower is always a drag. I’d rather be doing anything but this, literally. Part of me thinks I should be adding to positions today. But then I get visions of large gaps lower and recall the gut wrenching feeling of being “Four Horsemen’d” to death (see last year’s March debacle). So, instead of being brave and true to my mantra, I am opting for a safer route, one hidden and tucked away in cash. I envision myself pouncing on the tape just before it takes off. I will then bathe in $100 bills and light fire to them, nonchalantly, upon my exit.

Banks and gold seem okay today. Risk appetite is definitely non-existent and we need to wade through the final days of summer in order to get a decisive move in either direction.

So what am I saying, exactly?

I haven’t a clue. The market is seemingly rudderless and the only trade that has worked with any consistency is long gold. So, for now, I will keep GG as my largest holding, perhaps add to EGO on weakness, and maybe buy more ONCE if risk appetite makes a reappearance.