iBC Back to Normal (Late Night Snacking Edition)

I’m spent with the political narratives. It’s not that I’ve had a change of heart about fomenting massive levels of tumult and anarchy in America — but because I’m a bit bored. I took a 12 month jaunt into the swamp and came out the other end snoring. I won’t ban political posts just yet, or cast aside the divisive cocksuckers in the comments section just yet — but we’re getting there.

I’ve been bitten by the trading bug again and intend to dedicate gobs of time finding small locales of degeneracy from which I can draw inspiration and really fuck up the competition. Additionally, I’ll be managing money, professionally again, unlike you larping vegemite eating losers, sometime in the not-too-distant future.

Life as a professional blogger was fantastic — but “The Fly” has nations to punish and Orbital Space Cannons (OSC) to complete. Believe me (extra Orange Gorilla), it was a nice run exposing John Podesta’s sordid affinity for pizza and the great crimes of Barry Obama — but it’s time that I moved onto something more meaningful. After all, I never had an interest in ‘saving’ the country, no more than Bane intended to save Gotham and give it back to the people.

Snack time these days, as a vegan, consists of grass fed broccoli spears, tomatoes and sprigs of herbs, atop large pieces of bread, olive oil and a fuckload of potatoes. I will, undoubtedly, become a fat vegan asshole with this diet. As we speak, I’m listening to this lunatic song on loop with a pumpkin waffle and half bag of frenched fries in the oven.

You don’t know anyone like me — you never will.

At any rate, futures look like giant nothing burgers on a hot vegan grill tonight. We’ll be banking some MOAR coin in XIV tomorrow, like wild animals, whether you like it or not. Believe me (extra pussy grabber), I see you faggots shit talking in OA’s comments section. I will have your head severed and mounted atop my cauliflower crops.

Nite.

For $1,000, you can own a device that will take your ugly face and transform it into a literal pile of talking shit, to send to your friends and colleagues via text messaging.

Here was the grande unveiling.

Who wants in? You can become the pile of shit you’ve always wanted to become. How about that for setting the bar low?

Apple can fuck themselves pic.twitter.com/1RWYcqCV83

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) September 12, 2017

How will you cryptofags recover from these comments, a stinging assessment of your primary source of wealth: FRAUD. Earlier today, Dimon said Bitcoins were a fraud and was nothing more than a redux of the tulip bubble. This afternoon, he doubled down on those comments and said it was only a matter of time before government took notice of Bitcoins and shut that shit down.

Imagine this: you’re there in your pleather chair, buying and selling cryptos, content with your illicit gains in today’s modern day tulip craze. Nature calls and you visit the lavatory to defecate inside of your Home Depot tier Kohler bowl. You get back to the chair and see your accounts have been frozen — because the Federal Reserve, in conjunction with all central banks around the world, that bitcoins were illegal and shut down under AML laws.

Your accounts are zero, dreams dashed, Bernanke wins again.

DIMON: GOVERNMENT WILL SHUT DOWN BITCOIN pic.twitter.com/4l55d1a4qb

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) September 12, 2017

Bitcoins are down a staggering 1.4% on this newz.

People are making a big deal because the top banker in the world said his biggest nemesis, Bitcoin, was a fraud. While I do agree with him, these statements are on par with a Police Commissioner bad mouthing a cop killer.

The world of cryptocurrency is bigger than bitcoins now. The blockchain, if successful, will replace investment banks and crush their free cash flow models.

On this news, BTC has dropped by 2.6%. Big deal.

DIMON: BITCOIN IS A “FRAUD”; “WORSE THAN TULIP BULBS”
DIMON: BITCOIN WILL EVENTUALLY BLOW UP
DIMON: BITCOIN WON’T END WELL
DIMON: WOULD FIRE ANY TRADER TRADING BITCOIN FOR BEING STUPID

UPDATE: Apple iPhone X starts at $999; pre-order Oct 27, ships Nov 3 

UPDATE: Stupidly, Apple unveiled the iPhone 10 today, apparently skipping over 9. This is inane on a multitude of levels. The worst is they’re hyping a product that isn’t being retailed soon. In other words, why upgrade to an 8 when the 10 is so fucking awesome? If I owned AAPL, I’d sell it now.

WATCH: “Your iPhone is locked until you look at it, and it recognizes you.”

Apple unveils Face ID for the iPhone X https://t.co/4k1rN31BDe

— NBC News (@NBCNews) September 12, 2017

Now all of you Dick Tracyphiles can really make believe you’re cracking cases, while talking into your watch. The new iWatch will be untethered to the iPhone — which is likely to drive sales for the product. I believe the iWatch makes up around 2-3% of overall sales for Apple, so this is a big deal.

Source: CNBC

Apple said Bluetooth and Wi-Fi are 50 percent more efficient, to help save on battery life, and there’s a new barometric sensor for better detecting flights of stairs. Apple used the display of the Apple Watch to serve as an antenna.

During the announcement, Apple CEO Tim Cook said that the Apple Watch is now the No. 1 watch in the world, ahead of even the most popular traditional brands. Cook also said customer satisfaction is at 97 percent.

The new Apple Watches will launch with watchOS 4, the latest software, which includes new health tracking functions, Siri recommendations, new watch faces and more.

Apple said the Apple Watch is the most-used heart-tracker in the world and it will now notify users when it detects an elevated heart rate when a user isn’t active. It will, also listen to heart rhythm and will detect atrial fibrillation and alert a user if the heart rate starts to move into irregular rhythms. Data from the Apple Watch can be sent to a new Apple Watch Study that’s begin run in tandem with Stanford Medicine, as first reported by CNBC, which will launch later this year.

As for the iPhone 8, it looks just like the 7, just with faster chips, better camera — yada, yada, yada.

H/t: @jank0

iPhone 8 has new stereo speakers, 25% louder. New chip: A11 Bionic. 6-core CPU.
iPhone 8 will use first-ever Apple-designed GPU, 30% faster graphics performance. Should make a difference for ARKit.
“This glass is the most durable even in a smart phone.” 4.7″ display for iPhone 8, 5.5″ for 8 Plus.
The iPhone 8 12 MP camera has a single lens. Dual lens in 8 Plus.
“iPhone 8 has the highest-quality video capture ever in a smart phone.”
Wireless charing is coming to the iPhone 8.
iPhone 8 will start at $699 , iPhone 8 Plus at $799 . In stores September 22, iOS 11 is coming September 19.

The stock price has not faded after these announcements.

At CNBC’s Delivering Alpha conference, Blackstone’s CEO, Stephen Schwarzman told Michelle Caruso-Cabrera that after the Charlottesville mayhem, he received hundreds of defamatory emails, many calling him a ‘nazi’, borrowing the narrative of the far left group ANTIFA. This is especially absurd, since he’s jewish.

But don’t let logic get in the way of all that pent up anger and hatred.

Schwarzman on being called a nazi by idiots and why he decided to disband the business council with the President, saying the public discourse applied too much pressure on the CEOs in the group — making it untenable.

Blackstone's Schwarzman on being called a 'nazi' by idiots. pic.twitter.com/KqKN7qIsuU

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) September 12, 2017

Bonus: The NY Times published fake news on his reaction to Trump’s comments following Charlottesville.

Blackstone's Schwarzman on the 'Failing NY Times' publishing fake news. pic.twitter.com/R1c5rpBn3f

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) September 12, 2017

One of my favorite pastimes, back during the financial crisis, was to short the banks. Boy how I miss those halcyon days, the blue mist of cataclysm and the end of western finance. Alas, since then, all has been fine on the bankers front. Worldwide, we’ve entered a renaissance of economic steadiness.

Obviously, some win more than others. Those who dig for coal or clean chimneys for a living haven’t faired too well. But for those of us in finance, software, or legal, this economy has been splendid.

Setting that aside for the moment, it appears the little banksters have gotten ahead of themselves, yet again, and are overdue a stern talking to — a courrection even.

Observe the OB/OS oscillator of Exodus.

Sector: Financial

Industry: Money Centers

Henceforth, you should be barreling into shares of FAZ, inside the FAZmobile, for rapid transit to profit. I was supposed to stop out of this thing at $16. But I am giving it a little rope here, considering how stretched the finnies are at these exorbitant levels.

Markets are basically flat, with all of the gains corralled in oil/gas, retail and foreign banks. Tech stocks are pulling in a bit, which is normal following a big climb.

Not having a catalyst driven idea on the desk now, I am simply buying more XIV. The game plan for this is simple: destroy volatility. Embrace the complacency of a market that seemingly jogs on daily, without a whim or a care in the world.

VIXfags will be destroyed, one way or another. If I dedicated my life to simply buying XIV, by the end of my life, I’d be an extraordinarily wealthy man.

In about 2 hrs, the Apple event will be live. Who’s chomping at the bit to purchase a $1,000 iPhone?

Back in 2000, a good friend of mine who managed a small fund for a handful of clients came to my house in Bay Ridge, NY to show him his paycheck for the quarter. He was ecstatic to have made so much money at such a young age. Both of us were in our early 20s. Back in those days, the brownstones we were living in cost about $400,000, hardly a hot market.

With his small fortune, he bought 2 more brownstones, both to be used for rentals. A few years after that, he bought another home for himself, near the shore, and then a building on 5th avenue to house his business. Fast forward to today, he’s a rich man — all through his real estate holdings.

I grew up in Brooklyn, when it was a fucking shit hole. You could not travel to neighborhoods like Bedford Stuyvesant without getting robbed or shot. It was really that bad and I went to all of the worst neighborhoods — having grown up in East Flatbush.

I was perusing Bed Stuy’s real estate values this morning and was shocked to see brownstones fetching for $3 million, upwards of $900 per sq ft.

Across the board, Brooklyn’s real estate market is ebbing towards equanimity with Manhattan, by the square foot.

The best neighborhood has been Park Slope, a place of ill repute when I was cavorting there in the 90s. It was filled with gangs and people who wanted to punch you in your face. I recall being accosted by a lad with a group of 10, accusing me of being with a group of teens the week prior and beating up his friend. I was seconds away from being pummeled to death when I managed to convince them I was a man of extreme repute and honor. Then I bribed one of them with my 40 ounce of malted liquor and we quickly became friends. Back in those days, sharing a 40 ounce of malted liquor, with total strangers,  was something to be cherished.

Here is the real estate values of the now gentrified Park Slope.

Sandwiched between Park Slope and Bay Ridge is a neighborhood called Sunset Park. I spent much of my teenage years hanging out there, with most of my girlfriends domiciled in that locale. It is, without question, an interesting neighborhood, filled with drug dealers and people who run around at night beating up people for cash. It’s a mostly hispanic neighborhood with strong ties to the Puerto Rican community. It is vibrant and fun, providing you can avoid getting razor bladed to your face. I once recall being accosted by two gents who attempted to kill me with a mallet.

Real estate values for Sunset Park.

Juxtapose those values against where I live now and it’s not even a contest. Suburban and rural areas in the United States have been BTFO over the past decade, beset with stagnant prices. Aside from the elite zip codes, all of the appreciation has taken place in urban areas. I suppose there is justification for that, since that’s where the jobs are. But is the suburban dream of a 2 car garage, pool, and 4 bedroom house dead?

UPDATE: Apple: Morgan Stanley raises bull-case thesis to $253 from $203 on AAPL ahead of iPhone event; Overweight, $182 tgt

Good morning Mates. Fly here and I woke up with an Australian accent. I had myself a spot of Vegemite this morning and now I’m back to preparing myself to kick older men than me down empty elevator shafts, throwing bottles of mustard at them on their way down.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Theresa May’s BREXIT bill is facing immense criticism and there are calls for her to rewrite it. This might have something to do with the fact that the pound is higher v the dollar by 0.84%.

I think we can be clear now on Lab Brexit policy; there is no policy. Lab will adopt literally any position it thinks may bring down the Gov

— Patrick O'Flynn (@oflynnmep) September 12, 2017

European markets are higher by 0.79%, with exception to Britain, who is down 0.25% — likely due to its curreny popping higher.

Dow futures are higher by 51, NASDAQ +13.

Both gold and silver are weak again, off by 0.5%. And copper is down 1%, which might lend weakness to Chinese related stocks. By the way, there are a slew of Chinese IPOs coming public soon. WTI is higher by 0.4%.

ETH and BTC go higher, no matter what. The former is higher by 4.6% and the latter by 3.4%.

Govt bonds are slightly weaker, as the tape takes on a risk on aspect to it.

Here are some other headlines, from my fucking Twitter feed.

Gapping up:
RADA +13.5%, TEVA +7.6%, LAYN +7.1%, CTIC +5.2%, TTD +4%, EYES +3.9%, BVXV +2.6%, PPHM +2.2%, GPRO +2.1%, WDC +1.3%, MU +1.3%, AMD +1.3%, QIWI +1.1%, AAPL +1.1%, JD +0.6%, NVDA +0.5%

Gapping down:
SAGE -24.3%, HIIQ -22.3%, LMNR -9.7%, BCRX -8.7%, BIP -4.8%, PTLA -2.6%, FDC -2.1%, MRNS -1.9%, EFX -1.7%, MZOR -1.7%, CPT -1.2%, ADXS -1%