THE ANDY SWAN BOTTOM LIVES

As you know, “The Fly” nailed the bottom and “gave” partial credit to a great man: Andy Swan.

Many of you idiots have no idea who he is or what he represents. That is not important, at this critical juncture of stock market bliss. What’s important is the reversal and how it affected my checking account. Quit honestly, I was a little worried over bitchy margin clerks and asinine Great Depressions, towards the end of the day. However, as you know through documented proof, “The Fly” fucking owns this market, as if it were made from hamburgers— and I am the hamburgerlar. Oh and A. Swan owns the market too.

Well done.

In closing, I am riding [[FXP]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , [[ROM]] and [[EEV]] higher, while losing a little bit in [[DUG]] , [[UYM]] and [[REW]] .

At the end of the day, miraculously, I closed +1.8%, reversing an intraday loss of more than 2%.

In other words, “The Fly” wins again, even when it appears he is losing badly.

My time machine lied. We’re supposed to be going up today. The infamous “Andy Swan bottom” is supposed to be alive, flowered with life and blossoming profits for asshat dip buyers. Instead, the bulls get the clerk.

The clerk loves to sell into panic, for the chances of an account going negative equity are far greater.

The selling began around 2:30 and will last until 3:15. If the bulls want to stay alive, they must support the market here and prevent a retest of 8k. Trust me, if we go anywhere near 8k again, we will knife through it like a hot blade through shit.

Personally, I’m getting nicked today, through idiotic intra-day short covers and inverse etf sales. And, let’s not forget, I bought some stuff earlier today.

The good news, for me, I have 30% cash and 20% short. Most of my short exposure is in [[FXP]] .

My feelings are, and I cannot shake them, we should rally.

I’ll say it again: we should rally. We should rally. We should rally, damn it.

The way I figure, the more I say “we should rally,” the better the chance it will come true.

Give it a try, fuck face.

TIME MACHINE UPDATE: Did I call this rally or what? I need a witness. Jake come forward!

Why do I even bother going long? You bulls are a bunch of headless horsemen.

I am shocked to see this rally unravel. If the Dow closes down today, look for a sharp decline tomorrow.

The fact that tech stocks cannot rally, in the face of robust guidance form Hewlett-Packard Company [[HPQ]], is retarded. There is so much pessimism, so much disdain for equities, it will take the hand of God himself to lift the spirits of money managers and force them to get long.

Some stocks are just getting blown out. It is so stupid, I have no desire to rehash. Let’s just say, the fucking homos from [[M]] are not prancing around today.

Basic resource stocks are in a death spiral to zero. Banks are asinine. And, the gov’t is stupid.

I give up. I’m on a buyers strike. I will reserve my cash to potentially average in, down below 8,000. Or, I might just dive back into some shorts.

Stay tuned.

NOTE: Thank God for [[FXP]]

“The Fly” is back to kicking old men down open sewer drains, while guzzling Monster Energy soda from his diamond encrusted chalice.

I want to play the long side here, with great vigor, howsoever with a certain amount of conservatism— if I may be so bold.

I am looking for a 500 point move up from here. My primary hedge will be [[FXP]] . But, already, I have greatly reduced my exposure to it.

There is no reason for the market to run higher; it just will, because I fucking said it will.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, “The Fly” is the market, navigating this bitch of a whore like a bicycle skipping over moon rock.

In the event I am wrong, I have a cash position of 30% to correct my errors.

Right now I am hermaphrodite trading, holding both longs and shorts. Into this weakness, I am taking off some inverses and I might cover my Transocean Inc. [[RIG]] short, in order to catch a quick upside move.

Basically, I am saddled with a bunch of long/shorts and need to time this fucker just right, in order to bank ridiculous coin.

Wish me luck!

UPDATE: I sold out of 50% of my [[DUG]] position, north of $38.25. And, I sold 75% of my [[EEV]] position, north of $95.

UPDATE II: Selling the [[FXP]] that I bought in the 60’s.

UPDATE III: Buying The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] @ $32ish and more National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $24.90

UPDATE IV: I am buying [[UYM]] , sub $14. I am getting net long.

Final Update: I upped my cash position to 30%, while reducing my shorts to  20%. Simple math dictates I am now 50% long. My hedges include: short [[RIG]], short Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] , [[FXP]] , [[DUG]] , [[SDS]] and [[REW]] .

My longside bets are on [[NOV]], [[ROM]] , [[UYM]] and [[MOS]].

I do not think we will run hard. However, I do get the sense the market needs to lift, in order to sucker in some more long term investors. All longs are rentals. My cash position will stay idle, waiting for an opportunity to buy back the inverses cheaper.

Rocky part V Update: I covered my [[RIG]] short, sub $70.

Instead of listening to rank and file tools on CNBC jibber jabber about their bullshit ETF launches, “The Fly” will throw some red meat on the table (raw), for you bull market lovers.

Setting aside my “death to equities” position, there are some stocks that have been outperforming in this tape. Typically, when a stock outperforms in a bad tape, it goes gang busters in a good one.

Via The PPT (coming soon), here are the top 10  ranked stocks (share price above $5), based solely on technicals:

[[CASY]] Questcor Pharmaceuticals, Inc. [[QCOR]] Puget Energy, Inc. [[PSD]] Optimer Pharmaceuticals, Inc. [[OPTR]] American Science & Engineering, Inc. [[ASEI]] World Fuel Services Corporation [[INT]] Chattem Inc. [[CHTT]] California Water Service Group [[CWT]] Cephalon, Inc. [[CEPH]] Alaska Air Group, Inc. [[ALK]]

As far as momentum is concerned, here is a list of stocks with the biggest jump in Hybrid Rank (a combination of technicals and fundamentals) score, over the past week:

Goodrich Petroleum Corporation [[GDP]] Puget Energy, Inc. [[PSD]] Atmos Energy Corporation [[ATO]] TOP Ships Inc. [[TOPS]] Repros Therapeutics Inc. [[RPRX]] SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] Old Republic International Corporation [[ORI]] Imperial Sugar Company [[IPSU]] Fuqi International, Inc. [[FUQI]] [[ASCMA]]

In other newz, another Chinese stock, Ctrip.com International, Ltd. (ADR) [[CTRP]] , is getting the panda kicked out of it today. China: the knife that keeps on twisting.

NOTE: long [[FXP]] , in size.

Chinese H-shares are getting a-bombed in Asian trading. God willing, we shall have a 15% [[FXP]] bonanza tomorrow. That’s right, I said “bonanza,” and I have lots of testosterone running through my veins.

Click here to see the FXP components get nailed, LIVE, in Asia XXX

UPDATE: “Every four years we have a steel cage match in this country.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67hTWuhT63E 450 300]

Art Hogan’s infamous bottom call of 7,800 and change shall and will be broken soon, much to the chagrin of Andy Swan. Men in tight green leotards were buying stocks today, with the fervor of small head lice inside a bottle of vinegar. As you know, they were run over by large monster trucks today.

I, on the other hand, roamed my office, while listening to the music of the Gods. And, I ordered the burning of obscene amounts of incense. I ought to be careful, for the love of privacy. Soon enough the fire department will be dispatched to my office—no doubt.

With the market closing near the lows, I find myself making accurate calls, but not fully taking advantage of the slide. I find myself here, in a most egregious fashion, long stocks.

This is concerning, since I espouse the belief of much lower equity prices. To hell in a hand basket, I’ve done lost my mind and marbles.

Thanks to the abject failure of the U.S. Treasury, the market will go lower than any of you goat fuckers imagined. The pain will be so severe and so dreadful, you will wish and pray for a howitzer shell to the face.

With my money, at the close, I tilted my shorts to outweigh my longs. However, I still have lots of cleaning up to do. My guess, sometime tomorrow, I will figure this madness out and begin trading without manners, but with a certain amount of certitude.

Top pick: [[EEV]]

Don’t be 100% long or short, if you enjoy the luxuries of money. The market is directionless, with hilarious weakness in the banks and boot stomping gains in select commodities.

If you’re long [[FXP]] , you may want to own [[ROM]] too. Or, if you are long [[UYM]] , you may want to own [[EEV]] .

One thing is certain: uncertainty.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised if the market was up 300 or down 300 today. My approach, as always, is to win. If that means getting long National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , with a 30% hedge being short Transocean Inc. [[RIG]] —so be it.

Right now, intra-day, I’m down close to 2%, thanks in large part of the homos who trade Chinese stocks, via [[FXP]] . However, I am optimistic about my burgeoning National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] position breaking $30. And, at the same time, I like the comfort of being short the big oil producers, via [[DUG]] .

Basically, I am not sure where the market is going today or tomorrow. But, I do know, with the courage and tenacity of a hungry lion trapped inside a room full of techno dancers, we will touch down on 7,500 before 2008 is complete.

On a side note, CNBC is hitting a new 52 week low today, with their bullshit Russian propaganda. They actually sent Erin Burnett to Moscow? For what?

Their bullshit market is down 75% this year and opens 2 days a week for trading. Why the fuck is CNBC wasting the corporate dollars of General Electric Company [[GE]] , trying to paint that fucking Russian pig gold?