iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,250 Blog Posts

iBankCoin Presents…

Ragin’ Cagin’.

As I sit here, on the road, watching the Asian markets melt like a fucking cheap candle, I am bringing Ragin’ Cagin’ on board the Godly IBC “team.”

As you know, “The Fly” recently allowed Lord Duc to become a member of the “team.” Being that Ducati is an arch enemy of mine, I felt it was only right to bring on my staunchest ally, “RC.”

Let’s all give a warm “fuck you,” in order to welcome Ragin’ Cagin’.

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BREAKING NEWS: Another Tab Will Be Added

That’s right. As unbelievable as it may seem, the Godly folks at iBankCoin have decided to bestow an iBC blog (tab and all) to one of you Peanut Gallery fucktards—sometime today.

This, as you know, will help “The Fly” in his journey to “get his share” of the billions being made on the internet—one fucktard at a time.

Developing…

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Quick Alert: Back to Starbucks

Just so you know, due to a recent unfortunate event, regarding my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee consumption, “The Fly” has switched back to Starbucks—for those of you who are keeping record.

As you know, Dunkin’ Donuts is the coffee choice of poor fucktards, cops, firemen, construction workers—people like that (no offense to public servants of course).

I repeat, “The Fly” is back to drinking Starbucks coffee, exclusively. Fuck those pink gay clown cups, over at DD.

Trade accordingly.

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“The Fly” is Raising Interest Rates

Due to an egregious spike in internet traffic, on iBC, “The Fly” is raising interest rates, in order to slow down traffic. For the first time ever, I am losing money on this fucking site, due to even more egregious bandwidth expenses.

What the fuck?

Essentially, I am looking to decrease the internet traffic on this site, via ruining your (internet leech) stay or “experience” here. As you know, “The Fly” has many methods to accomplish this arduous task.

With regards to the market, [[MSFT]] told you all you needed to know. We’re in a bear market, despite what those busy BEAR STERNS [sic] bidding bankers in Europe and Asia espouse, through their obvious desire to offer a high premium for distressed asshats.

My take on the market is reliant upon time, not price. Meaning: we cannot be out of the boiling soup, yet. It’s too early and the decline is too tepid.

With regards to interest rates, it doesn’t matter, in the near term. After all, what’s the point of having 3% interest rates if credit is still tight? If Joey Bag-o-Donuts can’t get a line of credit, who gives a fuck?

By the way, quick alert, Dennis Kneale is an asshat.

Finally, if a shot gun were put to my head, in order to extract one stock pick, I’d say: “shoot me Sir, if you must, but before you do, go long [[SMN]].

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QUICK EMERGENCY ALERT: The Recession is Back

Quick, be sure to sell equities. Soup lines are forming. Unemployment is on the rise, again.

Even Cramer is switching his frothy mouthed optimism with a “take profits” post.

The pain.

Developing….

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Fly Buys: SMN, REW

I bought 1,000 [[SMN]] @ $45.50 and 5,000 [[REW]] @ $67.

UPDATE: I bought 5,000 SMN between $45.45-45.84.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks, your mustache will get punched off. And, you may lose money.

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Fuck the Banks!

I just escaped from my local mental institution. As you know, they were holding me against my will, forcing me to write bullish commentary. Upon completion of my previous post, I ate a can of spinach, then proceeded to punch all of their mustaches off.

With respects to this market, Cramer has tofu for a brain, if he thinks there is a bidding war for [[BSC]].

Please!

Everyone in the business knows BEAR STERNS [sic] is doomed, due to their business being eliminated from existence.

Look you, I don’t have time to explain every single detail. Just know, the banks are a triple sell. Sell, sell, sell—sell, sell, sell.

For now, I will continue to do nothing, with the exception of throwing idle marble paperweights at my trader/servant.

I’ve had a banner start to the new year. I do not intend to fuck it up with bad trades and unnecessary risk. Instead, I’ll wait until next weeks Fed meeting to make up my fucking mind, with regards to my reentry of choice inverse etf’s.

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The Bear Market Has Been Postponed

In the meantime, let’s all have a ball killing a few million bears, while smoking crack pipes outside CNBC’s global headquarters.

It must have been a tough night for the European and Asian bankers, who are allegedly in the midst of a heated and contentious bidding war, for the corn can fuckers over at BEAR STERNS [sic].

Everyone wants a piece of the BEAR now, as the balls from the bull slap the bears—on its way higher.

What credit crisis?

That was so early January 2008. Ever since our politicians “saved us” with the stimulus package, coupled with Bernanake’s rogue trader induced 75bps EMERGENCY cut, the markets have nothing to fear, with the exception of homo-hammers on a Friday afternoon.

Fuck it, with my money, I’ll just wait a couple hundred more DOW points, then dive in head first. Whether there will be water in the proverbial pool I’m diving into is irrelevant. What’s important to note is that [[BSC]] is “TOO GOOD” to stay independent.

You heard it here second.

As for the markets:

[[MSFT]] had great numbers. [[BRCM]], and other fuckers, beat lowered expectations. What we’re witnessing now is a caffeinated short squeeze. Quite honestly, you don’t have to think, in order to bank a little coin in this market.

Look, if some asshole wants to get in your way, when trying to go long 10,000 shares of [[FSLR]], you tell him to go “fuck a goat” or you will “punch his eyebrows clean off.”

It’s that simple.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a bull market.

NOTE: At the time of this post, “The Fly” was under the care of the friendly people at his local mental institution.

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