A Noble Opening

Congratulations to Prezident O’Bama for receiving the Nobel Peace Prize; he certainly earned it. After all, since he was elected Prezident, there have been no wars and world wide crime is down an astonishing 99%.

In other news, I just got back from an egregious blood test, where I halfway bitched out—nearly passing out from the ordeal. I don’t know why my heart rate plummets to 40, while having my fucking blood removed. But it does and I fucking hate my heart for it. If possible, I’d rip my heart out and punch it in its face, for making me look bad, in front of Doctors, nurses and other snarky people.

Back to business:

The market will close green, only because it is the path of least resistance. I will peruse my positions later on, in order to analyze risk. Now is a good time to take a little off the table, just in case the ball jugglers sell equities next week.

Right here, right now, I like Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]] , ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] and Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] .

There are two things I know for sure:

1. School buses should not have that little stop sign on the side, fucking up the traffic behind it.

2. “The Fly” wins all the time, even when it appears more wins are impossible.

It’s not like I’ve been a little bit hot. Dude, I’ve been middle of a live volcano, while gasoline rain drops from above, type of hot—for years, jackoff. I am “IVAN THE INFERNO” of this stock game, while you’re just some guy.

Look here, pal, I nailed the crash of 2008, shorting everything from LEH to LM down to the ground. Fast forward a few months, into ’09, I nailed the reversal and have been minting coin since.

Do not try to duplicate what I am able to do, since I am a space alien magician, not from your world. Where I come from, people walk with their brains and shoot people in the face for Vintage, 1991, Colt 45 (Billy Dee Williams Edition) Malt Liquor aka “Earth Juice.” So don’t come here, to my site, iBankCoin, acting like you know how to play the market—none of you do. Even you hedge fund managers, mutual fund losers, you all can suck on my fumes.

No one, in all of the world, is better than Senor Tropicana. Never ever forget that.

More importantly, I am up more than 3% today, on the backs of Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]] , DryShips Inc. [[DRYS]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Yamana Gold Inc. (USA) [[AUY]] , Homex Development Corp. (ADR) [[HXM]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] and Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd (ADR) [[TEVA]] —just to name a few.

Into the bell, I am holding all of my longs. I do not feel like selling; therefore, I will do nothing of the sort.

I bought 5,000 Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] @ $22.95, 10,000 McMoRan Exploration Co. [[MMR]] @ $8 and 3,000 Ceragon Networks Ltd. [[CRNT]] @ $9.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above names because of this post, your face will be punched off, upon entering your favorite eatery. And, you may lose money.

Quit bellyaching about jobs. For those of you who are unemployed, send your resumes into iBankCoin, for I am looking for qualified people to shine my shoes.

You see, folks, I bought [[MWW]] , before the C student analysts upgraded the name, in anticipation of an improving employment market. It’s only a matter of time, via hook or crook, people of America will work again. Granted, their jobs will suck moose balls; but it’s work, nonetheless.

In a normalized jobs market (5-6%), [[MWW]] is worth north of $40. Write it down somewhere, put it in your sock drawer, and go eat a bowl of Chinese noodles.

Yet again, the market is melting up—no surprise there. What is surprising is the price action in Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . I mean, what in God’s good name are the short sellers thinking? With more than 20% of the shares sold short, and commodities running, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is poised, mind you, to break the fuck out, “murking” scores of bears along the way.

As an aside, AT&T Inc. [[T]] is kicking ass on the smartphone front, now signing up Dell Inc. [[DELL]] . Verizon Communications Inc. [[VZ]] is an ass.

To play this, you want to own the names who benefit from the At&t build out, such as Ceragon Networks Ltd. [[CRNT]] , Starent Networks Corp. [[STAR]] , Alcatel-Lucent (ADR) [[ALU]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]], ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] and [[ERIC]] .

Separately, General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] is doing all sorts of good shit and will likely blow the barnyard doors off estimates.

Drunken midgets shot from cannons, while a grotesquely obese audience prays for a head to wall decapitation.

Gregarious, yet nefarious, executives sell wooden scraps, disguised as metal to unsuspecting smelters, in accordance with grinning accountants.

And finally, ham and egg investors peruse the internet for inarticulate drivel, providing it is filled with acrimonious sentiments, hosted by wildly callow men.

Instead of buying stocks today, I ventured off on an inane shopping spree, buying irrelevant shit—only because I can.

As expected, the market lifted off into the bell. First thing tomorrow, providing we see some strength, I will continue buying into my Foreign Thesis and pick at a few underperforming commodity names, like McMoRan Exploration Co. [[MMR]] or more Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] .

In closing, the powers that be, want inflation; therefore, we shall have it.

Trade accordingly.

I don’t feel like buying or selling. I’m just sort of gawking at the boring action this market is giving me. There is very little conviction, on either side, which leads me to believe: this fucker wants to go higher.

Today’s wet towel comes in the form of an anomaly, via a strong dollar. However, it’s only a matter of time before the dollar fucks itself again, effectively sending stocks back up. I must admit, the whole weak-dead dollar situation does not bode well for quality of life concerns, here in the states. But, at least for now, it is incredibly bullish for equities.

Looking out a few years, I believe this country is in for very hard times. The deficit spending is beyond ridiculous; and as a whole, America is a compilation of undisciplined pork chop eating slobs, no offense to the fine gentleman of the south.

However, my job is not to invest money for three years down the road, but now. People want to make money and they want to make it now! I invest for the present, but always mindful of what may occur in the near future. What may look great today can be soiled with vomit tomorrow.

In summary, do not misconstrue my bullishness as misguided hallucinations of utopia. I know this country is in a race against time. I realize that America’s best days are behind her and we are all doomed for the “luxuries” of Chinese prison factories. Nonetheless, while on our trip to Hades, I’m simply picking berries off the lonely trees—enjoying the ride.

Many of you are young punks, just learning this stock game. You rely on charts because it is the easiest way to become an authority on stocks. On the internet, unfortunately, there are many false profits, like Tim Knight, who claim to be “experts” on technical analysis. Look, Tim Knight is a technician like Hank Paulson has a handsome head of hair.

Fuckers like that are ideologues, who view charts via a distorted scope, because of bias. Real technicians, like my boy John Lee, don’t have a bias or an agenda to put forth. Don’t listen to men who prance around the internet, like ballerinas in the winter winds, geeked out on viagra, jonesing for the apocalypse. Men like that are supposed to be ridiculed, not respected.

In my business, fuckers like that are not respected. They are cast out and never invited to the cool parties.

Back to business:

After the recent run, expect a minor pullback. However, do not expect anything major. The Federal Reserve put the wolves out on the short sellers, via “loose goose” monetary policy. All dips will be bought and there will not be a price to pay for all of the mistakes made, at least in 2009. Ask me about 2010 and I will offer a whole new set of investment options.

In short, quit listening to children. The market is alive, full of energy. Feed off it and make your mark.

On dips, I like General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] and IAC/InterActiveCorp [[IACI]]

Courtesy of The PPT, here is a list of stocks that have vastly underperformed the market in 2009, all basic material stocks, with % of shares sold short over 10% and ytd returns of less than 10%. Naturally, it comes as no surprise, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is in the mix (fuckers).

Potential Late Bloomers (% of shares sold short, ytd return)

Thanks to “bigger than God” stock market gains, the holy folks at iBankCoin will be holding their first ever party, also known as “CAMP PARADE” or “CHAMPAGNE PARTY” or “SAUSAGE SOIREE,” depending on where you are geographically.

The event will be held at a secret location. You tell us where to find you and we will arrange for your transportation. Upon entering the party, you will be given a pipe and a blazer, most likely from the venerable TED BAKER himself, providing he is still alive. Imagine the scene, 50 sausages chatting it up, laughing over champagne and a fine pipe. Oh, the anticipation, it’s almost too much to fathom.

While it’s true, I hate most of you and would rather see you in prison than at a party; it’s also true, iBankCoin has a reputation to uphold—all thanks and praise to the Bush administration for the plethora of “no-bid contracts” sent our way during the Gulf War.

At any rate, the market is closed and I won again. It should not surprise you, now or ever, that “The Fly” is always a step ahead, conducting himself in the most fashionable manner, with pride, dignity and honor.

Good Day,

Hope to see you all soon.

Le Fly