iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,168 Blog Posts

We Need a BIG Drop

I made fun of “The Woodshedder Prophecy” yesterday for saying “we need several 800 point drops,” in order to form a bottom. Scratch that idea.

I am going to one up all of the fuckers on CNBC and say “we need” to drop like 5,000 points, over the next 3 days, in order to “form a bottom.”

Keep in mind, that bottom will be built upon fire and shit. Nonetheless, you will be happy to know, it will be “the bottom.”

Sifting through stocks this evening, I can make a strong argument for mass bankruptcies, from [[M]] to Prudential Financial, Inc. [[PRU]] . As you know, I have been warning of this crash for more than a year. As a matter of fact, up until two days ago, I was up more than 60% for the year. My gains are still bountiful, but my blood pressure is through the roof.

This failure is indicative of a failed society. One that let a corrupt government lead it by the nose into financial, moral and social bankruptcy, which inevitably may lead to national default.

Erroneously, I find myself long equities in the midst of this crisis. My plans, as always, is to slaughter them all. No seriously, I will be forced to duck and cover tomorrow. I might have to throw on some lightening fast hedges, in order to stem my losses. Moreover, I will look for a “real bottom” to form, around Dow 3,000—giving me motivation to lever up and get long some General Electric Company [[GE]] around $4.

No matter how much money you lose, always remember, there are armies of space aliens out there waiting to abduct you and perform anal cavity searches. Do not let those little big eyed green fuckers capture you and laser beam you up into their spaceships. They are first class asshats.

Top pick: Early Alien radar detection system

UPDATE: Apparently, Krull lost his shirt.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDD7Wjbot_8 450 300]

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Behold The Goldilocks Economy

Enough of the sobbing.

Let’s lighten up the mood a little.

Thanks to this ‘Goldilocks Economy,’ which is being eaten alive by insane bears, I am forming a gang.

After all, soon enough, foreign governments will be pulling their money out of treasuries, effectively sending our dollars down to zero. So, with that in mind, I have decided to get proactive and form a street gang, in order to forage food from local banking executives. We will open warehouses around the country and store this food, in order to survive the apocalypse.

Who’s in?

You must admit, this economy is so impressive, it just makes you want to take up arms and drive a fucking tank into the White House. Pardon me for the overzealous idiocy, I have lost control of my capacity to reason.

Good friends of mine are literally looking for caves to live in, based upon far away planets getting set to crash into our fucking planet. These things are all good news, if you have a strong gang and the ability to seize the food supplies of local banking officials and/or mortgage players.

Just so you know, my first stop will be at the doorstep of the tanned one himself, Mr. Mozilo.

More on this later.

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Welcome to Financial Anarchy

I am fucking irate at myself for covering my shorts and going long into this maelstrom. Call me sentimental, I didn’t want to give up hope for this country. Despite hating all of my neighbors, deep down, I want America to exist.

Instead, it looks like we are heading for a full blown collapse. From General Motors Corporation [[GM]] to Morgan Stanley [[MS]] to Prudential Financial, Inc. [[PRU]] to MetLife, Inc. [[MET]] to Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , it’s all over. People with money are frantically buying treasuries, like crack heads with access to a credit card.

Seriously, all of my peers have been obliterated. Most investors/advisers are long equities. Very few go crazy and short stocks, like Senor Tropicana. The general feel around the water cooler is despair and fear.

The conditions are perfect for a bottoming out. However, the fundamentals are so debilitating, no one wants to get long ahead of the next bad headline.

In closing, the world appears to be screwed. There is a full fledged rout on equities here, exacerbated by forced selling and nervous 401k players, like Steve. Also, idiots like me, who have been buying this dip, are giving up hope, taking losses and crying in their beer.

I’ll have you know, “The Fly” will never cry in his beer. He will die with honor and without any signs of weakness.

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Here Come the Margin Clerks

Brokers are idiots, in general. Seriously, I know like 2 people who have skirted this meltdown unscathed. Many of these series 7 Gods of finance are heavily margined and are praying for a dog bone or a rally, to bail them out. Unfortunately, they are unable to withstand the market fuckery and are forced to blow out of Chesapeake Energy Corporation [[CHK]] and other asshole stocks, at very low prices.

It’s typical for these men of money to wait until the end of the day to sell. That’s when the margin clerk comes into their office and throws hot coffee on their necks for not selling the day prior.

From 2-4pm, expect the market to get raped, until it doesn’t, due to margin call selling.

Also, unfortunately, since we have failed to rally, expect the market to fuck itself tomorrow, as it does on every Friday. Who knows what will happen over the weekend?

Ooh, scary.

Best case scenario:

We flush out today and tomorrow, then run higher first thing next week.

Worst case scenario:

We are met with multiple bankruptcies Sunday night, sending the Dow reeling to 7,000.

Place your bets.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $31.03.

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We’re Going To Zero

I am hearing a lot of “we’re going to zero” jargon these days. All of my ‘smart friends’ have been wiped out, under a pile of equity shit and now fear for God and Country. After all, the country of Iceland is going out of business.

Don’t you find it amusing that news actually means something these days? I mean, I remember getting all pissed off and shit a few months ago, over the markets reluctance to acknowledge bad news. Now you Wells Fargo & Company [[WFC]] fuckers are in a grave. I wish you no luck.

However, at the same time, I am looking for a little bounce action in the banks, via being long egregious quantities of [[UYG]] .

During today’s tape, I’ve been adding to UYG and [[TBT]] , while selling Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

Without a doubt, should the market get back to normal, TBT will sprint higher.

As an aside, “The Fly” is about to go to Dunkin’ Donuts for a little “coffee fun.” But, as many of you know, I am embarrassed to be seen in such a grotesque place, which doubles as a hangout place for blue collar jerkoffs, who drive in police cars and build homes. So, I’ve decided to stand outside and ask someone to buy me a “cup of Joe” (blue collar slang), sort of like how teenagers ask adults to buy them beer. As always, I will be disguised under hat and fake mustache.

Here’s my pitch: “Hey you, do me a favor ova here, take this 5 dollars and buy me a cup of Joe. You can keep the change, ova here.”

Top pick: TBT

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Rally or Die

The pungent smell of death is in the air. All of a sudden, people are panicked about the prospects of Ford Motor Company [[F]] and General Motors Corporation [[GM]].

Shocker.

There are incoherent calls for a market crash and the banks are doing their part to support such theories.

Personally, I feel like a jackass getting long [[UYG]] . But, my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] positions, so far, have cushioned the wrongness of my banking mishap.

Aside from [[UYG]] , which I think is a must own here, I do like commodity stocks for a trade.

By the way, the dry bulk shipping rates hit another new low. On any turn, get long [[SEA]] for a little shipping fun.

Finally, I spit on people who are piling into bonds at these levels. I am very close to initiating a short position on treasuries, via [[TBT]] or [[PST]] . Yields are at historic lows. One would have to be a fucking asshole to think there is meaningful upside to bonds.

I say short them.

UPDATE: I bought 100,000 [[UYG]] @ $9.85.

UPDATE II:I bought 5,000 [[TBT]] @ $59.92

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Great Depression? Blow Me

While it’s true, it appears we are doomed to repeat the asshattery of our Grandfathers. It’s also true, the stock market doesn’t have to go down another 50% this week.

We’re down 14% inside 5 days. I hate charts. I know they’re for morons. For example: how many of you bowling alley lovers got flamed going long when the Vix hit 45 again? But, how much lower would you grave diggers like the market to go?

I guess the decision at hand is: will the financial system melt down, right now? Not in 1 month or 1 year. Right now. That is exactly what the market is telling us.

However, things are being muddied by hedge funds folding, mutual funds tax loss selling and people panicking to blow out of their bullshit 401k plans, because of the mass hysteria in the media. Call me a mentally ill gorilla gone apeshit if you must, but I like to buy when blood is in the streets.

If you have heavy losses, I suggest selling everything and starting new. Nothing clears the mind more than having a clean slate. It will empower you to make smart decisions, instead of worrying about the same garbagio that has been punching you in the scrotum for the past year.

If that means selling Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] down at these levels, so be it. The name of this game, as always, is still stay in it. Because once you are out, it’s very hard to get back in.

NOTE: Bill Miller from Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] is still the worst investor on the globe.

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C R U S H E D

I must admit, I did not see that coming. What was that, 300 points down in 15 minutes? People are just getting banged out, via egregious margin clerks.

Maybe the world is ending after all?

Brutal.

I ended up losing some coin in [[UYG]] , but did alright in The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , [[DIG]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

The only thing left to do is chase the rabbit down the hole, if needed.

Thank God for ample cash supplies.

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