Unfettered Pleasure Awaits The Patient Bull

I just received word that the venerable Jeremy Bentham will preside over this afternoon’s Fed meeting. He brings to the table several hundred years of voting experience. His radical allegiance to the dovish faction has often been questioned by reporters. Most recently he was quoted as saying, “Money and its availability is paramount if we are to bring forth society’s hedonistic satisfaction.”

Critics bring attention to his insistence on keeping a set of glass eyeballs in his trouser pocket for the last 10 years of his life. They find his commitment to preserving his body irresponsible and disgusting.  Nevertheless, his headless cadaver’s voting power is likely to sway the cast at the Federal Reserve to delay liftoff until next year.

Alas, stocks continue marching higher as we wrap up New York lunch. Have you had a satisfying meal? Hopefully you left room for the afternoon feast.