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Nasdaq Futures Have Skyrocketed Thanks to Better Than Expected Tech Earnings

I just got done driving the family around for a solid 3 hours. The majority of my time is spent doing things like that — to and fro in an unproductive whir of patriarchic duties. My advice to young men out there, attempting to make their mark — wait a long time to start a family. After you’ve found the right woman to settle down with, map out the live of your children in advance.

After the market closed today, the advice given in my previous post was summarily flushed down the sewer pipe. AMZN, INTC, and MSFT crushed earnings and now Nasdaq futures are +100. I’m going to get fucked in this SOXS tomorrow. My only saving grace will be this burgeoning rally in cryptos — which should buoy shares of OSTK over $40.

Summer is coming. The better among us will soon depart to their gentile destinations, leaving incompetents to man the trading turrets. We should anticipate a feverish run in cryptos and something akin to a drift higher in equities. Providing people can keep from slitting their wrists over the meaningless driving higher in rates, all should be okay.

My intent is to play trends and invest the majority of my money systematically. Right now, the trends are scatter brained — helter skelter, aimless nothingness. Regardless of whether the indices are jumping higher, there really hasn’t been large marge money in this tape.

Alas, time to go now — as I have 5 rib eyes to cook and a bottle of red to uncork.

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If You Buy Now — You Will Die Tomorrow

Jesus Christ. I leave the blog for a short while and an absolutely drooling idiot took over in the comments section writing illegible things.

Look pal, you’re banned. As a matter of fact, you’re entire family is banned. I zeroed in on your IP address, found your apartment tenement, and banned your whole housing project. I even banned the owner of the bodega down the block, just in case the owner is your uncle, or some shit. In order for you to post on iBC, you’ll need to take a subway out of the ghetto at least 5 miles away. Your entire hood got banned, tossed idly into cold prison cells, because none of you have anything interesting to say. Not a single thing.

As for the market, it still sucks. None of you have proved me wrong. True, I took some hammers and blades to the head in these fucking inverse ETFs, but I made a little back in OSTK. Net, net, I was up today — so eat that you flaming faggots.

My quant account stunted again, poleaxing the SPY by 30bps. I’ll have you know, this is the absolute worst time to buy stocks — on a big up day that is encumbered by rancid breadth. Go ahead, I dare you to do it.

If it weren’t for boring ass utilities, most stocks would be down today.

Bottom line: go fuck yourselves and go away…it’s almost May.

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“The Fly” Has Been Suspended From Twitter Again

This is the second ban I’ve received in as many months. Both times I was suspended for joking around with folks. This time I was banned for telling someone “KYS” — which is an acronym for KILL YOURSELF. It wasn’t meant with malice –but the Twitter AI is fucking stupid, retarded, moron tier skilled, so it tapped me with a 12 hour ban.

Do you know why they suspended me?

BECAUSE THEY ARE GIGANTIC FAGGOTS. That’s why.

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Today’s Tape Sucks — Prove Me Wrong

Utes and tech are leading the way up. Fuck you.

Breadth is a paltry 62%, yet this is the shit on CNBC.

Here’s breadth per sector.

Basic Materials: 63%
Financials: 52%
Consumer Goods: 50%
Healthcare: 55%
Industrials: 35%
Services: 55%
Tech: 70%
Utilities: 68%

If you weren’t long an egregious amount of electricity stock or semis coming into today — you’re losing money. I fact, right now most of you are feeling like complete shit — seeing the market up and your portfolios doing dick.

Am I right?

This is designed to demoralize you in order to get you to make a stupid move, in order to steal your money. Do not let them do it. Tell them to fuck off and to give blow jobs to donkeys.

Might I add, this is a fine time to remain short, especially asshole tech stocks and biotech. But that’s just me talking my book.

Aside from that, I am fine long OSTK and NUGT — both performing admirably in an otherwise rancid day for longs.

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Markets Surge and Storage Cryptos For the Win

The market looked weak early going, with trannies holding her back — but now things are in full hard cock mode — sprinting with alacrity.

Over in crypto land, things are looking popping. My favorite sector in cryptos has been and always will be storage cloud based services. Today, SC, STORJ and ELF are beasting to the upside — and there’s nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it. Both SC and STORJ are up 30% and 20%, respectively — a proper move for a proper set of coins.

The big story of the day has to be the turn in CMG. Much of the earnings beat is due to mobile. I suppose this trend could be confirmed by the share price performance of GRUB. Isn’t it odd how GRUB beat YELP to the punch on food delivery? The people from YELP should fucking kill themselves for missing out. They should’ve owned that part of the business. Instead they’re stuck dicking around with scam artists leaving fake food reviews.

Americans are very fat and also very lazy, which is why PZZA and DPZ go higher every day. Find a stock that sends food to Americans and I will show you a higher stock price. Privately held Panera is getting into food delivery in a big way. I’m convinced that the only way to thrive in this environment is to cater to the comfort demands of fat faced Americans.

Banks and industrials are not participating today. It’s all about tech, select basic resources, and some REITs bouncing off their tombstones.

I’m kind of frozen here watching SOXS and LABD punch my face off, only partially offset by OSTK. In my quant portfolio, I’ve got big dicked gains of 1.2% for the day — led by SJW.

Now we sit back and perform Voodoo rituals, eagerly awaiting for a most egregious reversal in the markets — helping HORATIO CLAWHAMMER come out of hibernation and into the limelight of blogging stardom.

 

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WTI Approaches $70 — GET READY TO BEND OVER AGAIN AMERICA

We’re so fortunate to have our own natural resources in the shales so that oil prices could be artificially flung higher, taxing Americans of their coin, for the benefit of a very select group of people. If $100 WTI saves a few million Venezuelans from starvation, I’m all for it. But the oil spike was never about that — it’s a tax and a rover baron scheme.

Did you know there are many states, like Connecticut, who tax by gross amount of gasoline sold? It is literally in their best interest to see higher oil prices. With that being said, I don’t think the oil sector is reflecting this new normal, as WTI moves towards 4 year highs.

A spate of good earnings and feelings has futures sharply higher this morning. I’ll be getting clubbed down in my SOXS and LABD today. Hopefully, some of my other longs can offset the carnage. I have lots of cash and I have an idea where I want to put it — so hopefully I won’t fuck it up.

Year to date, Exodus has performed sublimely — responding to each oversold signal with absolute success.

If you’re unaware, we have a new tool in Exodus, Sharpe ratios, which can be used on an individual stocks basis, portfolio, or in this case sector. It’s incredibly useful for any asset planner, especially when trying to put together a portfolio. Here are the top industries, ranked by our Sharpe ratio, as of yesterday.

That’s the 252 Sharpe, but we also run a shorter term one too, for swing trade ideas. I’ll be putting in Sortino in May.

Here are some other headlines.

Gapping up/down: CMG +13%, ORLY +12%, AMD +10%, FB +7% after earnings, TWTR +2% and BA +1% after upgrades; EBAY -5.5%, T -4%, AAL -4% and DB -2% after earnings

Gapping up
In reaction to strong earnings/guidance
:

  • CMG +13.4%, ORLY +12%, PENN +11.4%, BEAT +11.1%, UCTT +11%, PCMI +10.9%, AMD +9.5%, JAKK +9.5%, GNC +8.8%, DPZ +7.5%, FB +6.7%, CYS +6.6%, ALXN +6.5%, XLNX +6.1%, CETV +6.1%, ECHO +5.9%, SJW +5.8%, HZO +4.8%, RDN +4.8%, INTU +4.7%, (reports 6% increase in turbotax online units: raises full-year consumer group guidance range), TAL +4.5%, MMSI +4.3%, RRC +4.1%, PYPL +4.1%, LODE +4.1%, WPG +3.7%, CTXS +3.4%, MTH +3.3%, ALGT +3.2%, NS +3%, RS +2.8%, V +2.7%, AXTI +2.5%, BAX +2.2%, KNX +2.1%, RTN +2%, NOW +1.9%, WB +1.8%, EQT +1.7%, LVS+1.6%, F +1.6%, MCK +1.5%, (McKesson launches multi-year strategic growth initiative; reaffirms fiscal 2018 outlook and provides preliminary fiscal 2019 outlook; to acquire Medical Specialties Distributors), TRN +1.5%, COP +1.4%, VLO +1.2%, UPS +1.2%, SAVE +1%

M&A news:

  • MATR +25.3% (NICE to acquire MATR for $2.70/share)

Select chip related names showing strength:

  • MU +2.7%, INTC +2%, CY +2%, SMH +1.6%, SOXX +1.6%, ADI +0.6%,

Other news:

  • AZO +4% (following ORLY results)
  • AAP +3.6% (following ORLY results)
  • FMI +2.9% (FDA granted a Breakthrough Device designation for its new liquid biopsy assay)
  • NVDA +2.5% (following AMD results)
  • MSFT +1.5% (following AMD results)
  • RESN +1.4% (continued strength)
  • MA +1.3% (following Visa results)
  • SNAP +1.2% (FB sympathy)
  • KL +1.1% (reports drill intersections that provide ‘significant’ results at all three of its key exploration targets at Taylor mine), .

Analyst comments:

  • TWTR +1.9% (upgraded to Outperform from Neutral at Macquarie)
  • ANTM +0.9% (upgraded to Overweight from Neutral at JP Morgan)
  • BA +0.8% (upgraded to Buy from Hold at Societe Generale)

Gapping down
In reaction to disappointing earnings/guidance
:

  • FARO -11.6%, BGG -11%, LMAT -10.7%, NGD -7.6%, NTGR -7.5%, CRI -6.8%, SPB -6.6%, UHS -5.8%, NOK -5.7%, EBAY -5.5%, LUV -5.3%, Aan -4.7%, LKQ -4.5%, T -4.3%, ESV -4%, NVCR -3.9%, AAL-3.9%, CRR -3.5%, MGLN -2.9%, RDS.A -2.5%, DB -2.2%, CINF -1.8%, QEP -1.6%, IRDM -1.6%, BMRN -1.4%, CME -1.3%, ARCH -1.2%, SCI -1.1%, AFL -1.1%, VALE -1%, ZBH -1%

M&A news:

  • QCP -7.8% (to be acquired by Welltower for $20.75 per share)

Other news:

  • SGMO -2.6% (prices offering of 12,310,000 shares of common stock at $16.25 per share)
  • CASA -2.6% (prices offering by selling shareholders of 7,350,000 shares of common stock at a public offering price of $25.00 per share)
  • CVNA -1.5% (prices and announces upsize follow-on offering of 11,000,000 shares of Class A common Stock at $27.50/share)
  • CRTO -1.3% (announces that founder and chairman JB Rudelle will return to the role of Chief Executive Officer )

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Facebook Surges in After-Hours on News of Defeating ISIS

A certain bond salesman just got beat the fuck out.

Not only did FB crush numbers — they also reported victory over ISIS. Their AI is humming along, eliminating ISIS-shills with robotic precision.

The stock is up 7% in the after-hours.

Related: AMD crushed earnings and is +9% in after-hours. I am prepared to get curb-stomped in my SOXS position tomorrow morning. Nasdaq futures are +75.

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YIELD CURVE SHILLS BUSTING LOOSE, RAPPER SUPPORTING TRUMP: THE CHAOS GODS REIGN SUPREME

Now that the 10yr is above 3%, the newest and latest obsession is the 2 year yield — because fake news has to print something.

It’s a beautiful narrative, spawned by the devil himself. No matter what happens, paint it as bad news. Rates drop — sell stocks. Rates rise — sell stocks even more. The purblind always see things through a distorted prism because their minds are addled by hormone imbalances and narcotics.

Nevertheless, I am net short in my trading account now — because of the mentality that seems to be sweeping my peers into jam jars filled with poison. I’ll happily buy their margin liquidations and leave a single rose upon their freshly dug graves.

Donald Trump and Kanye West bonded today — much to the chagrin of the Hot 97 morning crew — hosted by ‘Ebro’ and ‘Rosenberg’ — both of whom are complete imbeciles.

Aside from Kanye, another Trump fan is that new Rainbow Hair’d rapper — 6ix9ine. Here’s a clip from an old interview with the fat fuck named Joe.

So what does it all mean? Absolutely nothing, other than the fact the culture has a glitch in its matrix.

The chaos Gods are smiling.

Top picks: SOXS, LABD

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MARKET SKULL STOMPS OVERZEALOUS SHORTS IN VICIOUS HEAD RIPPING REVERSAL

I bought SOXS at about the highs of the day — when the Dow was -150. Now that the Dow is flat and the Nasdaq is barely down, I can officially admit to be played like a fucking electric guitar. This is some bullshit right here. The 10 yr yields are still at 3.02%. Isn’t the market supposed to accelerate to the downside, now that all is lost and that yields should be ripping higher — because MUH technicals?

On a separate note, cryptos are ridiculous to the downside, in jelly-fish to the face trading action. Who gives a shit anymore? Buy them when they go down — sell them when they go up. Rinse and repeat until you’re out of money.

What the fuck do I care?

God willing, and I mean this in the most religious way possible, I hope by the time you finish reading this the market is sharply lower again and everyone is fish out of water suffocating to death.

But that’s just me.

I hope you enjoy your lunches. Try not to choke on any of them fish bones.

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ALL IS LOST: Ten Year Treasuries Rise Above 3% — The Game is Officially Over

I sold out of most of my longs in my trading account and bought SOXS.

This is why.

Although I think it’s utterly ridiculous to fret over a 3% 10 yr, I know you’re scared of it. Like Pennywise, I am merely playing off your emotions, hoping to float a few fuckheads and make some profits.

I stepped into some SOXS — because the semis are now in a secular bear market. Good luck trying to prove me wrong — you can’t.

This is a market that was designed to break you. It’s almost May, small plebs, go away.

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