iBankCoin

REMINDER: Treasury Yields Are Utterly Meaningless

Here, take a look at the latest fake news from CNBC.


Implying that technical analysis applies to the sovereign bond market

If you’re new to this business, the first day on the job, get used to retards like in the above CNBC shitpost feeding you with sensationalist clickbait articles, purposely designed to trick you. An old partner of mine used to scream at CNBC during work, swearing they were trying to ‘fuck him on purpose.’ I’d say, ‘why the fuck would they want to do that?’

He’d reply ‘because they’re fucking jamokes that’s why.’

If you were hoping to glean some wisdom from my former partner, I am sorry to disappoint. But the point remains, they’re quite literally the worst people on the face of the planet.

Moving on.

Look, the Dow Jones Industrial average is going to crash because the 10yr bond is above 3%. That’s it — end of discussion. This has nothing to do with Chinese trade wars, or new treasury depleting wars in the Middle East. All that matters the swing off the resistance line and subsequent circle jerk and battle du jour between chart chomping motherfuckers.

Side thought: Why is Stocktoberfest East in April?

Carrying on, I think I will sell everything now and go 100% short in my trading account.

As you were.

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“The Fly” is Back — Literally Unfazed By Yet Another Market Meltdown

I spent the day embedded in the natural degeneracy that is NYC. Amidst the smell of homeless man bum and Chanel stores, Le Fly found respite in a wide varietal of fatty foods. I’ve been eating like an absolute savage since getting off from my vegan exploits. The way I see it, I’ll be living in the gym soon and I might as well get it out of my system, especially since I’ve been injuring myself and serving penance on the altar of asinine dietary plans.

Let it be known, “The Fly is drinking more than ever — mostly, gin — eating gigantic steaks, eschewing the faggotry world of politics like the plague, and winning like an olympic gold medalist in these here markets.

On Friday, my trading account closed flat. Today, it traded down 0.25%, all the while the lot of you were beaten with shovel, racked and ruined, for at least 2%.

BEHOLD.

I step into tomorrow’s tape a proper man, one without heavy losses and instead in a great position to fleece you of your margin liquidations.

Good nite.

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FUCK — THE ANIMALS HAVE ESCAPED AND CRASHED THE MARKET

Of all days to crash the market. “The Fly” is out sauntering about NYC, enjoying the climate and the food — all the while wild roaming beasts crush the skulls of our robotic overlords.

I only have LABD, NUGT and lots of cash to hedge. I haven’t checked my quotes to see if I’m surviving the melee.

Is gold offering save harbor? Will Le Fly live to saunter in Paris this summer?

Please fill me in in the comments section, as I am no longer able continue this communication.

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And Just Like That…Futures Are Through the Roof Again

You might be getting motion sickness by now. The up and down jerking of the market is enough to make one sick. Futures are +150 and the Nasdaq is heading for a +50 open. There is a lot of good news this morning, none as big as Bitcoin breaking higher again. It seems, and correct me if I’m reading this wrong, but the cryptos are signaling risk appetite is back. A fresh crop of newly minted SHITCOIN investors are about to buy some lambos. This move has been building slowly — but here we are BTC $9,300 and ETH encroaching on $700 again.

My portfolio of cryptos is +50% over the past two weeks and I’m looking to again add to it — seeing that the HODLers are back and all. However, firstly, we need to bank some coin in the proxies, while of course avoiding the typical hazards of investing in horribly operated companies. First and foremost, get long OSTK and enjoy the ride.

Gold, oil and copper all higher, the latter up 1.7% — which is boolish for China stocks.

I’m taking a personal day off today, which will be spent in NYC for my daughter’s birthday. If you see me sauntering around NYC, you may not approach me or ask for autographs. However, if you should notice that I am instead traversing or even idling you may come say hello. I want you to pay attention to the distinction, for the former can get you killed.

Also, Amazon is now delivering packages to the trunk of your car.

Here are some other headlines moving markets this morning.

Gapping up/down: ATI +6%, WHR +4%, CAT +4% and VZ +3% after earnings, MITL +9% after M&A news; SHW -5%, MMM -3% and BIIB -2% after earnings

Gapping up
In reaction to strong earnings/guidance
:

  • CDNS +13.2%, SANM +12.3%, WFT +8.1%, SRCI +6.8%, EDU +6.1%, ATI +5.9%, SLM +4.5%, WHR +4.4%, HLX +4%, CAT +4%, SAP +3.7%, HOG +3.6%, MDR +3.6%, CBI +3.1%, RUSHA +3%, VZ +2.9%, UTX +2.6%, CR +2.2%, FITB +1.9%, ZION +1.8%, AMP +1.5%, JBLU +1.5%, PHM +1.3%, KO +1.2%, LMT +1.2%

M&A news:

  • MITL +8.8% (to be acquired by an investor group led by affiliates of Searchlight Capital Partners in an all-cash transaction valued at approx. $2.0 billion; MITL shareholders to receive $11.15 per share in cash)
  • TRMB +4.9% (Trimble to acquire privately-held Viewpoint from Bain Capital in all-cash transaction valued at $1.2 billion – expected to be completed in Q3; expects first quarter revenue to be above the high end of the range of prior guidance)
  • SHPG +4% (Shire plc: Takata (TKPYY) close to agreement to acquire SHPG following improved offer to GBP 47.00/share, according to Bloomberg)

Other news:

  • EVLV +33.3% (Amazon said to have held acquisition talks with Evine Live (EVLV), according to TechCrunch)
  • TNDM +3.5% (entered into distribution agreements with Australasian Medical & Scientific and New Zealand Medical & Scientific to commercialize Tandem’s t:slim X2 Insulin Pump in Australia and New Zealand)
  • ALNY +2.9% (announces new results from the APOLLO Phase 3 study )
  • CYTK +2.8% (presents data from the Phase 2 clinical study of reldesemtiv in patients with spinal muscular atrophy)
  • ZYME +2.6% (Zymeworks announced that Celgene (CELG) exercised its right to expand its collaboration agreement for the research, development, and commercialization of bispecific antibody therapeutics using Zymeworks’ Azymetric platform)
  • LQ +2.2% (ticking higher after Sohn announces SohnIdeaContest winner — Andrew Walker of Rangeley Capital with LQ submission)
  • NWL +2% (announced its first quarter 2018 earnings results will be released Friday, May 4; Starboard filed its definitive proxy statement as announced before the open), TSRO +2% (positive top-line results from Quadra trial of ZEJULA)
  • EBAY +1.7% (eBay and PayPal finalize new payments agreement)
  • PRTA +1.7% (after today’s 25 point / 69% decline)
  • BSX +1.3% (announces one-year data from INTREPID study on advanced, levodopa-responsive Parkinson’s disease)
  • AMZN +1.2% (Glenview Capital’s Larry Robbins said at Sohn that rumors of Amazon moving into pharma are untrue)
  • BA +1.1% (Boeing and Ryanair (RYAAY) final order for 25 additional high-capacity 737 MAX 8 airplanes worth $3 bln at current list prices)
  • NTEC +1% (presents data collected from two Phase 1 studies of its proprietary Accordion Pill Carbidopa/Levodopa )

Analyst comments:

  • DISCA +3.1% (upgraded to Buy from Hold at Deutsche Bank)
  • IQ +2.5% (initiated with a Buy at Citigroup)
  • BP +1.3% (upgraded to Buy from Neutral at Goldman)
  • HD +0.8% (initiated with Outperform ratings at Wells Fargo)
  • LOW +0.7% (initiated with Outperform ratings at Wells Fargo)

Gapping down
In reaction to disappointing earnings/guidance
:

  • CVNA -6.5%, (also commences 10 mln share follow-on public offering of Class A common stock — includes 4 mln by selling stockholders), SHW -4.6%, MAS -3.4%, MMM -3%, SAN -2.9%, AMTD -2%, TRV -2%, BIIB -2%, CNC -1.9%, TVTY -1.1%, MLI -1.1%

Other news:

  • EPZM -15% (announced that U.S.-based enrollment of new patients into tazemetostat clinical trials is temporarily on hold)
  • AGO -4.9% (dips lower in after hours trade after Greenlight Capital’s David Einhorn voices concerns at the Sohn conference)
  • INCY -4.6% (following FDA advisory committee meeting for baricitinib)
  • JOE -3.9% (speculation that JOE will be next Kerrisdale short target)
  • CASA -3% (files for 7.35 mln share common stock offering by holders including Chief Executive Officer and other officers and directors; announces partial lock-up release)

Analyst comments:

  • HSIC -1.3% (downgraded to Neutral from Buy at Goldman)
  • SWKS -0.7% (downgraded to Neutral from Buy at Mizuho)

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TIME TO GET BACK INTO SHITCOINS — BRITAIN IS A CLOWNISH POLICE STATE

You’ve been told that the west enjoys freedom. But what if I told you we’ve never had less freedom — in the history of man. Would you believe me? The information is right in front of your faces. We’re all just one small infraction away from prison. Your data is being parsed like never before and you’re targeted for crimes that are patently ridiculous.

Look at this ‘crime’ that was committed in the UK — which earned an old man 8 months in prison. He stuck his middle finger up at a camera.

The North Yorkshire police department are so accustomed to tyranny they boasted about this on their Twitter account — warning others to avoid said crime.

Police were unable to ascertain his speed but charged him with perverting the course of justice, which he pleaded guilty to at court.

The judge who jailed Hill said such actions “strike at the heart” of the justice system and his sentence must act as a deterrent to others.

Traffic Constable Andrew Forth, who led the investigation for North Yorkshire Police, said afterward: “If you want to attract our attention, repeatedly gesturing at police camera vans with your middle finger while you’re driving a distinctive car fitted with a laser jammer is an excellent way to do it.

“It’s also an excellent way to end up in prison. As Hill’s case shows, perverting the course of justice is a very serious charge which carries a custodial sentence.

“It’s our job to keep road users safe across all 6,000 miles of North Yorkshire’s roads. Mobile safety camera vans are an important tool to do that – they are proven to reduce collisions and they help save lives.

How dare he!

They’re watching your browser history, your GPS location, listening to your phone conversations, picking up on keywords, investigating your banking transactions, making sure you’re behaving online: humans have never been less free — ever.

In other news, it may be time to discard your common stock portfolios for cryptos again. The sector is red hot and I’m firing up my Binance account again — hoping to get in on the next wave.

Total market cap is now $412m, still -50% from the highs.

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Why is “The Bond King” Gundlach Telling Me to Short $FB?

Last year Gundlach told everyone at the Sohn conference to go long emerging markets, short SPY. I could deal with that rec and accept it, even from a disgusting, filthy, bond guy — such as himself. But this year he’s gone too far.

At the Sohn conference this afternoon he told people to short Facebook and to get long oil stocks.

The details are as you would expect — Facebook is a public relations nightmare, an evil corporation spawned on earth to spy on and control the populous. I love how FUCKED FACES like Gundlach are just learning about this now in 2018. We all knew Facebook was doing this and those of us who were keen to their schemes avoided the platform altogether.

All of the socials are honey pots to fetter out dissidents.

As for the oil trade, I imagine he believes bond yields are heading higher because so is inflation. Higher CPI usually means higher commodity prices. Again, only a fucking retarded chimp goes on stage and says these things to a group of top hatted gentlemen.

I follow a strict code of conduct when eating at niche restaurants and I think it applies here.

Never order a steak in a seafood house.

Never order the fish in a steakhouse.

And here, don’t take stock advice from a bond salesman, especially when he’s shilling for adoration in a crowd filled with bumbling, sycophantic, idiots.

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I’VE COMMITTED ANOTHER GRAVE ACT OF DEGENERACY

Listen to me. I am tired and need to go take a nap. The market isn’t going to hurt me. No idea what it has in store for you — but I’m sure it’s not good.

I bought some VERI and a hedged a little with LABD — betting against science. I’ve never been a ‘fan’ of science and instead prefer ritualistic spells and magic. I once cured my broken arm with a simple pagan spell, which included a rather easy blood sacrifice to the gods.

I am short MUH medicine.

The VERI trade is pure alpha, so that trade might very well go sideways and out on me. I angled into that thing at about 33 degrees, hoping to come out at 90 — but I might have to a 180 and flip out of that fucker — should the waters get rough.

Off to nap for a few.

Ciao

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Here Are the Top Industries in Every Sector, Year to Date

This post will keep you honest — highlight the fact that you quite literally haven’t the slightest clue of what you’re doing. You manage money for others — but behave like infants in a sandbox — tossing sand around like animals covering their feces. You, Sir, are a vagrant mountebank.

Good morning.

Basic Materials
Silver +11%
Consumer Goods
Personal Products +8%
Financials
Investment Brokerage, National +6.7%
Healthcare
Home Healthcare +24%
Services
Education and Training +11.7%
Technology
Security Software and Services +22%
Utilities
Foreign Utilities +12%

If you want more details, you misers will just have to sign up for Exodus.

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Stocks Look Bouncy — Aluminum Hammered on Russian Sanctions Relief Offer

Nasdaq futures are +30 and despite the recent volatility in the market — I am getting bored of the monotony. Up, down, up, and then down — with the same verve, but going, inexorably, nowhere.

The rhetoric is the same and the people spewing it are predictably lame. CNBC is more worthless than ever — posting nonsense like this on their site.

And I am completely bored with politics and don’t think I’ll ever talk about it again here. I might discuss geopolitical events — but the left v right stuff is fucking lame and you won’t get much of that from me anymore.

Early going, both gold and oil are lower — and Bitcoin cash is through the roof, +25%. I’ve been making some of my losses back in my SHITCOIN portfolio. I’ve completely forgotten about the thing, since the blow out. Last year this time, I vividly recall discussing Bitcoin at this derby party I visit every year and the price shot up from that point and never looked back. I suspect people think the price is heading up now because tax season is over — but that’s stupid and also jelly-brained dumb.

Aluminum is getting hammered this morning, off by 6%, due to US sanctions on Russia’s Rusal.

Oleg Deripaska is a Russian oligarch, President of Rusal.

This from Reuters today, stirring the pot in Siberia.

“The entire life of this city depends on Rusal,” said Evgeny Ivanov, until recently a foreman at the plant in Sayanogorsk, where pockmarked asphalt recalls the harsh winters endured by its 60,000 inhabitants, and icy blue mountains line the horizon.

“If something were to happen to the factory, in my opinion the town would die out. There would be nothing left for people to do here,” he said in one of the town’s few cafes, explaining that the private firm he now works at also depends on the plant.

“There are lots of people here who are unhappy with the government, and with Putin too. If the plant starts cutting staff, people will revolt,” he said, declining to be named for fear of losing his job.

“If people are fired, what will they do in this town? … They’re not going to sell sunflower seeds, are they?” a worker responsible for repairing smelting pots said.

Globalism is shitty, except for the fact that it interconnects nations and gives them an incentive to keep the peace. If we didn’t have strong trade relations with China or Mexico, I’m pretty sure we’d attack them by now. This row with Russia will likely be resolved by using economic leverage against them. The only reason why we have said leverage is because of globalism — which is both a peacemaker and scourge of our day.

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