ATTENTION MUPPETS: READ THIS

I have a million things whirling throughout my frontal lobe this morning. I was going to attack the reader class for having a ‘fundamental ignorance of comfort’ this morning. However, I felt it might be a bit harsh for 9 o’clock. The market isn’t doing much, so I can’t boast or panic. This is the sort of tape that upbraids the bedlamites and sends them into the streets with ski-masks, throwing old ladies down sewer pipes, kicking wheeled chairs into oncoming traffic.

I could easily accuse you, the reader, of being of ribald demeanor, lowly, third estate, chicken wing eating parvenu. But I will not. Instead, I will invite you to walk around these halls, this museum of indelible meridian; cast stones at my competitors and report all of the illegal mexicans in your neighborhood to your local magistrate for expeditious transport back to their plague stricken cities.

Be a good man, a pillar of your communities. The drifters and the wastrels will always attempt to drag you down into their parasitic dens of moronic design. This is your life. Do as you like, when you like, however you prefer–all within the strictest guidelines of taste and of course civilized comportment.

Here is how I look at every single trading day:

I intend to make money. However, in the event today’s hand is a loser, I will try to position myself for winship the next day. It sounds simple, almost retarded in nature. Nonetheless, too many of you are servile to the tape, obsequious to the pangs of misery.

Snap out of it son. You’re in a raging bull market.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onfDKQ5EDs8

Today looked like a bad day, starting with the opening tick. Slowly but surely, everything got on track, starting with retail.

OA’s top picks, TWTR, BABA and JDST rallied.

My top picks GPRO and TRN rallied.

And for the love of productive analyst days, RC nailed TWTR inside of 12631, in real time, for all to gather ’round the fireside and join.

I will play a much more active role inside that room, joining Option Addict and Ragin Cajun, alongside the hundreds of talented and loyal men there, persons of distinguished means and purpose.

I made 0.4% today, slowly but surely edging my way back into the graces of man. You needn’t worry about House Fly, for it will stand for the next thousand years.It is made from granite and iron, impenetrable by the simpletons staining the landscape with their cheap blood.

ATTENTION 12631 MEMBERS: To commemorate the holidays of anniversary, iBC cordially offers you a free two day trial of After Hours with The Option Addict. Enjoy.

I don’t like to sit on the sidelines because I am programmed to perform in the market. I do this professionally and have done so successfully since the late 90’s. At times, being exposed to the market can be unnerving. It’s always easier to sit out the hard tapes and wait for easier days. But that’s how you miss the big moves.

A great man once said “no balls, no babies.” I’ve always taken my career very seriously. But that doesn’t mean that I should practice risk aversion, regularly. Look, the lot of you are a bunch of Saul Rosenberg’s, scared from your own shadows. I am in GPRO, ANET and TRN, not because they are easy, but because they are hard (extra Kennedy). I do these things, all the while juggling the great many responsibilities of the site, in order to display my grandeur and to remind you to shut up when confronted with superior beings.

I will toss the savage swine into my coal holes and compress their heads under my elevator cars.

The shares of BALT, BTU, GPRO, TRN, LITB and ANET are all going to trade higher, god damn it, and you will be better for it.

Heading into Thanksgiving, look for the Turkey Gods to lather us with the gravy of champions (no homo). Rejoice as the sellers execute themselves amidst the confusion of how to operate the guillotines. Pagan X-mas is going to be extra special this year.

Stay tuned.

Retail is leading the way today. Finally, the drop in commodities is starting to have an affect on consumer related stocks. I like M, JWN, TJX and WSM best.

Moving along that vein, GPRO is your number one item in the stores now. Listen to me: you have to be out of your fucking minds to ignore GPRO heading into a rich holiday season. Also, Chinese retail is on fire too. Post the ridiculous holiday called ‘singles day’, BABA, JD and LITB are being bid up. With almost $2 in net cash and a new deal with BIDU, I like LITB well into double digits.

Moving on, the auto sector will benefit from cheaper oil. I like HAR as an ancillary play off premium auto sales.

Lastly, my favorite high risk/high reward play is BTU. I own a small position and it won’t kill me if I lost money in this; but boy does it want to go. With a GOP controlled congress about to step on the faces of the EPA, I like coal for a trade.

My top 5 positions are GPRO, TRN, ANET, BALT, AAPL.

I sold most of my MU position to bulk up on LITB and buy BTU.

“The Fly” transcends trends. He lives them. He breathes his coal mines in the morning, touches the third rail of his railroad for lunch, and drinks from his oil fields at night. He is a man of many hats, wears them well and without effort.

I went back to the coal mines today, because it is time.

It is time for the GOP to light the offices of the EPA aflame, with some of their ‘clean coal’ fuel.

I bought BTU.

I added to my LITB position because a singles day is the single best phenomenon to ever grip the internet. Plus anyway, it’s going to $10, AND MORE.

For seven years we’ve been having fun about the internets. You’ve seen me at my best and my absolute worst. You’ve witnessed epic calls of magical proportions and others that tasted like soured milk on a hot, balmy, day in prison.

“The Fly” is a man of the people, a person of ‘extreme caliber’, who was genetically designed to outperform equity markets. There will be periods of duress and glitches in the matrix; but rest assured, everything works out in the end.

For reasons that are a bit obvious, today is a bittersweet day for me. Nonetheless, I will persevere and thrust ahead, as nature intended.

iBankCoin was founded upon the principles that the layman, the average working man at home, swigging away, tirelessly, from a bottle of Georgi, should get to enjoy largess quantities of caviar and champagne too. The good life can be yours, if and only when you begin to obey.

I’ve been doing this nonsense for a whole 7 years now and I will probably do it for another 700. All of you will be dead, generations of your gene pool hence dead, yet Señor Tropicana will be trading in and out of Time Machine and Black Hole Energy stocks, like the space alien magician that he was born to be.

Seven years ago a group of people set out to change the financial landscape. They cobbled together a website that would mock and prey upon the readers of TheStreet.com, hoping to decapitate its leader and shame its employees into abject misery and disgrace.

The legend of “The Fly” was born, alongside The Woodshedder, Danny, VINCENZO ILLUMINATI and soon to follow Ragin Cajun.

In the early days of iBankCoin, we had great fun. We were much younger then and the markets were on the precipice of complete and utter disaster. Looking back, I never thought this site would become such an integral part of my life–sacrificing so much for so little. Then again, Le Fly’s bloodlines dates back 30,000 years to the Asian steppes, a rough and emotional people who’d rather eat their household pets than ask a neighbor for a slice of bread.

Trust me when I tell you, this is my life’s work, one way or another. It will end in spectacular success or misery. There isn’t a middle ground, for mediocrity is for plebs.

Shortly after our launch, I brought on Jakegint master of the gold trade.  Other notable bloggers who have come and gone include The Chart Addict, Gio, COACH COFFEE, RHINO, Henry Fool, Alphadawg, Kong, The Devil, Chuck Bennett, Green Writer, JASON TREU, Mr. Bilderberg, Rag, and of course Scott Bleier.

Over the past 4 years, the site has truly entered a renaissance, with the content provided by Ragin Cajun, Caine Thaler, Raul and The Option Addict. Our services have grown with our legions of followers. The site is entirely self-funded and profitable, generally spitting at all of the other finance sites who find themselves enslaved by Venture Capital masters.

Señor Tropicana works tirelessly to destroy the human race, via Orbital Space Cannon (OSC) and finds the Venture Capital community to be of a most outrageous and abhorrent group of individuals. Their headquarters have been entered into the OSC matrix and shall be vaporized when BETA trials begin.

Here are some of the site’s design changes over the years and memorable videos.

This is the video that introduced iBankCoin.

Your arch degeneracy will come to an end this holiday season. I see you selling short my GPRO, foaming about the mouth, clamoring for my demise. It’s been said for over 10,000 years that spoils will go to the victor. Let it be known, as well as evident, that I intend to claim my prize, in the form of your livers, before the year is out.

I made just 0.26% for the day, a weak day in a stupid tape. Make up your minds already. Do you like oil and gold or do you hate it?

Just 49% of stocks were higher today, spearheaded by silver. If you made a ton of money today, you are a complete jackass.

Some fleeting thoughts on the Las Vegas event:

I’d like to thank Victoria for doing an outstanding job organizing this event. Without her, we probably would’ve been throwing mashed potatoes at one another. As a leader, it’s important to know when to delegate a task and when to do it yourself. When it comes to dealing with 10,000 moving parts and negotiating with gorillas, my temperament is ill suited for such an affair. Speaking of which, if and when we do it in NYC, it will be a much bigger event. Most of our readership resides in the Northeast corridors of the United States, denizens of intelligent life forms and men of distinguished means. Las Vegas is a reprehensible city, a curse fixed upon the heads of mankind which shall be smited by the Gods before the millennium is up. When done in NYC, all of the rubes will immediately and thoroughly be dispatched from the iBC parlours by men with white gloves.

I promise you that.

Back to the markets.

It appears my largest position, GPRO, announced a secondary today, which cock-blocked the shares. This is normal and to be expected. Don’t panic, jackasses, for GPRO is destined to melt the faces of every single short seller in the world, before the year is over.

Here are my other top positions and a few thoughts.

TRN: prepare for beast mode. Needs higher oil.

ANET: I have no idea why it’s tanking. Puzzled I am.

MU: Hedge fund hotel. Will trace NASDAQ.

BALT: I expected it to drop, but not this far. I will be averaging down soon.

AAPL: Whatever.

SLCA: From diamond to dogshit. At this point, I just want it to turn into a fucking piece of coal.

GILD: Ho-hum

BID: I own this for my kids. This is a 50 year hold. Never sell it.

BX: The modern day Goldman.

LITB: Sucking off BABA’s tit.

YELP: I will never sell it.

I am a bit shot right now, having just got back from Vegas. I will have a lot more to say tomorrow. Feel free to talk shit amongst yourselves and make believe that I give a shit about your poor taste in cars, food and women.

Back to work.