You want olde school? I am going to give it to you.

Over the past month we’ve all seen shares of NOK and RIMM soar, as AAPL dropped like a stone. The stock exchange, in its infinite wisdom, has declared the Apple fad to be over, in exchange for crappy cellular phone devices–built by sub-standard engineers.

I give you the crappiest cell phone on the planet.

NEXTEL LATIN AMERICA, walkie- talkie and all.

How fantastic!

Que bueno!

Excelente!

Some loser from SeekingAlpha did a very stuffy analysis as to why the sum of parts are worth more than the current share price. That’s a waste of time if you ask me.

This is about one thing and one thing only: who is the ultimate anti-apple? I reckon the retarded Nextel phone steals the crown.

Considering 40% of the shares are sold short, this little piece of garbage can mosey on up to $10 in a flash. Hence, I am long about 100,000 shares.

BTW: The ticker symbol is NIHD.

Carl Icahn has lemon meringue pie all over his ancient face. It seems the FTC shut down a pyramid scheme. Therefore, Wall Street’s knowledge dictates that they are to shut down the racists over at Hebal Life soon.

FTC Announces Action Against Alleged Pyramid Scheme

The Federal Trade Commission will co-host a press conference in Lexington, KY, today at 1 p.m. ET (Noon Central Time), with the Kentucky Attorney General’s office, to announce a major action against an allegedly illegal pyramid scheme.

Steve Baker, Director of the FTC’s Midwest Region Office, and Kentucky Attorney General Jack Conway will be available to answer reporters’ questions.

The event will be webcast live.

TIMBERRRR!

With this sort of pinless hand grenade action, I can only presume Ackman now has the initiative and will inflict great pain and suffering upon the faces of both Loeb and Icahn.

The hedgefund wars continue.

RELATED: Other multi-level marketing schemes are being bled too, namely MTEX, BTH and NUS.

I used to know a complete douche bag who’d call his clients and say “I’m making a lateral move here and selling XYZ to buy ABC.” He’d only say that because he didn’t know any other words in the english language and because he really, really needed the money. These “lateral moves” were often stupid and didn’t even make any sense.

Ironically, his story ended when one of this reps blew up his firm with a $400,000 hit. When running a firm, just know, someone has to pay for the hits. It’s either the rep or the owner. When the rep leaves, the owner gets the bag.

That being said, I made some moves today, none of which were of the “lateral” nature.

I sold out of NAV and added to WNC, WETF, USG and GS.

Exposure to US equities stands at a conservative 107%, +9.7% for the year.

Just because the market is up every single day doesn’t mean it shouldn’t go up even higher. I warned you for well over 1,000 hours now: a new gilded era is upon us. Feel free to walk around in splendour, with your overcoats buttoned up high and scarves folded  in the european fashion. Give yourselves French middle names if you like. When at restaurant, order the hollandaise sauce with any and all dishes, even dessert.

Unfortunately, some of you  haven’t quite grasped the concept of perpetually higher equity prices– and as a result, have been optioned off to live the life of a horrible monster–vagrants of irreconcilable circumstance . To reserve oneself at a time of great excess and decadency is equal to falling asleep in the middle of an orgy.

Do not fall asleep in the middle of an orgy and stop being horrible monsters. Make believe you’re all crack addicts, or maybe even heroin, and buying stocks is the only way to stop the shakes. Call your brokers up, frantically, asking him to “get you the good stuff now” because “you got to have it.” If he questions your sanity, tell him “the frisson of excitement has given you the foresight to take what is rightfully yours.” Then proceed to burp loudly and curse him out as if he were a street prostitute trying to take your money without giving you a proper blow job (absolutely no homosexual).

This tape was built for short squeezes. Men like Icahn pressing hot irons to the face of men like Ackman is where we are now. I’ve built a screen of great mastery and fortune. Consider yourselves lucky enough to view the information contained in such a “screens of grandeur.” Members of The PPT may access the screen here.

All others shall be comforted by the fact that I’ve taken the liberties to upload these results, if that’s what you call them, to the Chartpin.

Enjoy.

Sorted by technical score.

1. USG
2. EQIX
3. VMED
4. ILMN
5. CIEN
6. AMKR
7. COCO
8. UA
9. GRPN
10. BZH

Disclaimer: USG is a top 5 position of mine.

Fly

The Important Matter of the Series 7 Examination

The Important Matter of Wood Leads

By Law: We Cannot Go Lower

Chess

Investigating the Apple Train Wreck

Intraday Look and Analysis: Don’t Look Away

Starting the Year on Fire

RC

Unbelievable

Are We At A Short Term Top?

1500 Brick Wall

Rhino

It Seems….

Cruising While Upset

 Woodshedder

S&P 500 Makes New 1276 Day High. What Happens the Next Year?

What I’m Reading This Weekend

Elizamae

Best of “The Fly”: 1/20 – 1/25

Revisiting $AAPL and “the Void”

Raul3

What Is Your Edge?

Book Talk: Notorious AIG

Scott Bleier

One Direction

Caine Thaler

Here’s What Happens When Your Cash Flow Doesn’t Add

Jakegint

The Tide Shall Rise

News

$SBUX Posts a 13% Gain in Profits 

Who Won, Icahn versus Ackman? (Full Interview and Poll)

Is $AAPL the Next $MSFT ?

Today Show – no rifles used in Newtown shooting

LIVE STREAM: ICAHN-ACKMAN BATTLE LIVE ON CNBC

I went on margin for the first time in ages, leveraging up to buy as many blocks of WNC as I could possibly muster. I know their sales are explosive. Let’s see how the street likes them.

I also added to my ELLI position, doubling down on the name –post brutal sell off. It is my only loser, at the present. I am swimming in a sea of green. I emerge (you come, I emerge) from the water looking like a sea monster from the lagoon, strewn with seaweed and Heineken beer bottles. I am making so much money right now, my face is numb and my right hand is slapping people in the face, all on its own.

Back in the old days, I’d slap my trader/servants with hot slices of pizza. Now that I work from home, my wife slaps me with debit card transactions. There is a certain sadness to my existence. Nevertheless, don’t feel sorry for the guy with the machine gun and money to raise a militia.

“The Fly” dominated today’s tape, walking about the office, plotting to kick over the tombstones of his enemies. I made 3.10% for the day, led by NAV, VHC and WNC. I’m +10% for the year. I’m “gorilla arming” my banana into the weekend to come (absolutely no masturbation).

At the time of this post, I was 106% long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pZsJ9FFV7Y

Full Icahn-Ackman truly epic battle

With today’s move, my gains are nearing +10% for the year.

Yet another stellar January for Senor Tropicana.

I added to my WETF position.

Cash position is now at 0%.

Netflix is hurrying back to $300, its rightful and lawful price given to it from the Gods of cinema. Apple is finished and semiconductors, like KLAC, QLGC, LSCC and RMBS, are all the rage.

OSK reported an outrageously good number, once again helping the prospects for trucking stocks. NAV is my favorite in the space, not because of the fundamentals, but because of the potential upside. I consider it to be a powerball ticket.

Bill Ackman is getting the business again, with shares of HLF trending up. It seems all of the high profile shorts, like GMCR, CMG, are ripping to the upside. Dare I say, it’s folly to disclose a short position to the world, unless you’re planning to cover your short right away. I don’t think it’s tactful or gentlemanly to hold these press conferences, highlighting reasons why XYZ is going to zero. These short sellers have it coming to them, AND MORE.

I’m fully invested, with less than 5% in cash. I am up 0.8% for the day and +7% for the year.

The Yen is getting wrecked today and SNE is up nicely off an upgrade. WETF and HMC are my favorite Japanese plays.

Finally, I like the look of OVTI here, as well as MOS. I want to position into Ag before the planting season, which is less than a month away. This is the season for Ag. Don’t expect Ag stocks to trend higher all year long. But you should expect them to keep going up now.