iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,328 Blog Posts

Best Rally of 2024 Achieved

You were all warned of an impending rally yesterday. I told you to get 100% long and not to be fooled — but alas I can only do so much as to direct you to the water. I haven’t figured out a way to force you to drink.

After enduring early losses of 60bps due to an errant $TNA position gone astray, I concluded a COVID afflicted week +49bps in easy and genteel positioning — as market chugged higher almost continuously from the opening dump.

I just got back from $SHAK where I gobbled down a double cheeseburger, fries, and a custard. I am afforded this luxury because I am now attempting to gain 10lbs, after cutting for several months and shedding 17lbs. I hope to complete my recovery this weekend and back to the fucking gym on Monday, initiating my first creatine cycle in years — wholly fixated on strength training with the stated goal of being able to crack humans bones in half with my bare hands.

For the year, the market has been dour — highlighted by high beta stocks down 11%. We are only saved by the “Mag 7” son of a bitches up around 7% YTD.

As per usual, we are in a traders market and I am the very best trader you’ll ever come across in your entire pathetic lives.

My portfolio returns mid-month January, 2024.

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