iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,376 Blog Posts

The Important Matter of Mountain Vacations, part II

As most of you know, “The Fly” had a most disturbing mountain vacation last summer. Well, I’ve done it again.

It all started when the Mrs. wanted to venture off to some water park resort area, so that our three kids could go on slides and flimsy rafts. Much to my chagrin, this trip was coordinated with one of the neighboring families.

The Fathers name is Dave. Dave is a decent guy with a rather subdued demeanor. However, one thing that stands out is his egregious tan. See, Dave is jewish; but he looks African-American—due to his obsession with celestial fireballs.

With zero experience driving up to this “resort,” coupled with hating my navigation system, I decided to trail Dave, all the way there.

Big mistake.

Unbeknownst to me, aside from his addiction to harmful rays and cigarettes, Dave thinks he’s a race car driver too. With 4 kids in his car, Dave felt it was necessary to, at all times, double the allowable speed limit. On several occasions, he had to slow down to a paltry 80mph, so that I could catch up. He was booking 90mph down winding mountain curves, just so that he could make it to the poolside extra early.

After my nightmarish drive, we took our seats near one of the pools and began to apply sunscreen to the kids.

Being the tough guy that I am, when Mrs. Fly asked me if I wanted any (sunscreen), I said: “nah, I’m okay.” I even took time out of my day to point a finger (or two) at men with sunscreen all over their faces, calling them “bird sh*t bathers,” while chuckling (I never laugh).

Anyway, my older son made sure his Dad (me) went on all the insane rides. We waited on long lines, in order to slide down some tunnels, going like 300mph, depositing us into murky pools.

On one slide, I thought it made sense to have my younger kids “go it alone.” To make a long story short, on one of the mat slides, my youngest son dislodged from the mat. Seeing this occur, anxiously, I waited for him at the end of the tunnel, preparing to catch him. Much to my chagrin, he was traveling at the speed of sound by the time he made it to the end, effectively knocking me under water (head first backwards)—knocking both of my water shoes off. Thinking fast, with one arm, I held him up by his life jacket, while I began the process of drowning in some dishonorable pool. Quickly, I let go of him, so that I could catch my footing and take him out of the water. Mind you, all of this occurred in front of a teenage lifeguard, who was laughing at my plight, as she applied sun tanning lotion to her arms.

Following that, we went on a variety of long lines, just for some cheap 10 second thrills, most of which were of no amusement to me.

By 4pm, I started to feel very hot. The altitude was high and the sun was robust. Having an Irish complexion was of no help to “The Fly,” as the devil’s son beat down on his Godly flesh. Going back to my lounge chair, I saw Dave taking in rays like a solar panel. That man makes Angelo Mozilo look like a pale nordic or an albino—no kidding.

Suddenly, he made an offhand remark to me: “boy are you going to feel it tomorrow.”

“Huh,” I shot back.

I scurried back to the unpleasant restroom to get a glance at the mirror. Upon reflection, I knew it was too late.

I was burnt to a cinder.

Quickly, I asked Mrs. Fly for some of that “cowardly sunscreen.” She obliged. However, this time, she was rather obnoxious about the whole ordeal—with sort of an “I told you so” tone to her voice.

Unfortunately, I was “forced” to remain in that sun infested hellhole, for another 3 hours. The sunscreen did very little to help alleviate the constant drubbing that fireball appropriated to my face, back, legs and arms.

By the end of that day, the sun had flexed its muscle on Senor Tropicana and reduced his agility to nil, who’s movements resembled those of old people in wheeled chairs or morons from the 80’s “doing the robot.”

After that, I followed Mr. Bronze aka Dave, all the way back home—who found it necessary to make numerous lane changes along the way, doing 100mph in the darkest freeways known to man.

Off to apply some aloe vera.

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Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

I’m leaving early today, taking off to my weekend hiatus.

For the day, I just about broke even, proving my ability to travel time, via a plutonium powered time machine. Keep in mind, there was nothing in Woodcheddar’s charts that made me buy [[RKH]] and [[UYG]] yesterday.

Aside from the obvious, I made money in a variety of long positions, including, but not limited to, Starbucks Corporation [[SBUX]] , Assurant, Inc. [[AIZ]] , Auxilium Pharmaceuticals, Inc. [[AUXL]] , Valeant Pharmaceuticals International [[VRX]] , Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] and The Clorox Company [[CLX]] .

Conversely, I gave back some coin in my shorts in Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] , Vulcan Materials Company [[VMC]] and First Horizon National Corporation [[FHN]] .

Unlike everyone else, I think today’s dip in energy names present a good entry point. With [[DIG]] , I will buy down to $80, then pray to the stock Gods to prey upon short sellers.

In closing, never bet against the man in a time machine. And, furthermore, never bet against “space alien magicians,” who frequent low end eateries, just for the “atmosphere.”

Top pick: Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]]

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Rumors and Rumors of other Rumors

Some retarded fund, with large natural gas positions ,is getting blown out. Hence, natty [[UNG]] , is getting mud stomped.

Other rumors of Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] getting bought out has to be chicanery. My guess, they will unload their asset management division and raise new capital. This is all window dressing. However, in the event I am wrong, I am long until Monday—hook or crook.

Something is brewing with Fannie Mae [[FNM]] /Freddie Mac [[FRE]] .

Will the government step in at the equity, preferred or bond level? Or, will they do the right thing and make the bond holders take a haircut?

My guess, we will hear something definitive Monday morning.

On light volume, Mother Market has decided to stick it to the bears today. We are in a very tight, low volatility, trading range—as evidenced by a sub 20 vix reading. Should we leg lower again, the market will touchdown on 10,500, with a vix reading of 30-32.

This is all setting up very nicely for cash rich bears. Let this rally go. Come back to the table next week, to stick your claws in some doomed banks and asset managers.

Trying to get in early, I bought a small position in Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] . There are rampant rumors spreading over Akamai Technologies, Inc. [[AKAM]] —possible buyout. For my money, I’d rather be in EQIX—so I am doing just that.

NOTE: Pzena Investment Management, Inc. [[PZN]] can’t catch green, even if it were living in the open fields of Ireland.

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Fly Buy: EQIX

I bought 2,000 Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] @ $77.20.

Disclaimer: If you buy EQIX because of this post, your only son will become a gangster rapper. And, you may lose money.

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Market Sentiment

[youtube:http://ru.youtube.com/watch?v=bslpmwFlJoA 450 300]

For those of you who are unfamiliar with “Costanza trading,” watch this clip.

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Going Nowhere, Fast

I’m in Oklahoma City, throwing fire crackers, from the back of my town car, at the locals. This city has a certain “Great Depression” charm to it. It makes me want to give up all hope and become a mechanic or even worse: an IT consultant.

As you know, I bought Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] yesterday, based upon ouiji board advice. I covered my short, then went long. However, I will sell it, first thing Monday morning.

As a whole, my hedging moves worked to a charm, as I am going nowhere, fast. Literally, I am up like 0.10%, as you read this.

Look the balance sheets of the banks are grotesque— and make me want to punch their eyebrows off. We are getting very close to “boot stomp” territory in the market, based upon price and seasonality. My best guess: we tread water for another week then get flung into a river made from gasoline.

Oil and gold are pulling back a bit. As a result, my purchases of [[DIG]] , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) [[PCU]] and Yamana Gold Inc. (USA) [[AUY]] are not helping my plight for greatness.

And, as unbelievable as it may seem, morons with propeller hats are buying Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] , as Fannie Mae [[FNM]] /Freddie Mac [[FRE]] die a slow death.

This is a huge miscalculation, on behalf of low IQ investors.

To close out the day, I will probably short more LM, while nibbling at some more war stocks: Lockheed Martin Corporation [[LMT]] , General Dynamics Corporation [[GD]] , AeroVironment, Inc. [[AVAV]] and Northrop Grumman Corporation [[NOC]] .

NOTE: I will sell my bank hedges, [[UYG]] , [[RKH]] , early next week.

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“The Fly” Has a Secret Win

I was too ashamed to tell you what “unnamed investment bank” I bought yesterday. Had you pried, I might have told you.

Anyway, there is one person who knows what I bought: Ragin’ Cagin’.

Aside from that, I intend to make large buckets of coin today, Las Vegas style.

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A Public Service Announcement

Do me a favour [sic]. When visiting my Godly website, be sure to leave your retarded comments and market advice, at the last third rate blog you were visiting prior.

“The Fly” does not need, want or desire any of your ideas or “market positions.” And, he most certainly does not need the likes of you giving him financial advice.

If you are unable to read on a third grade level, this website is not for you.

If you are not able to grasp the concept of “hedged trading,” as opposed to switching a bias, this website is not for you.

On the other hand, if you are the sort of person who finds great pleasure in kicking old men down idle manholes, while banking coin—sonning this market, visit and do it often.

Just know this: I have no desire to hold your hands. I do not know you and would likely get into a fist fight with most of you, if I ever had the displeasure of meeting you in real life. Some of you are astute investors, who understand the difference between a bond and a bund. Unfortunately, many of you are regular meat loaf throwers, with IQ’s lower than my pet rock.

To make it perfectly clear, yet again, I am NOT net long of the banks, but hedged. I am net long commodities and a variety of names, that I deem worthwhile. Take my advice and talk less, listen more.

And, while you’re at it, go take a look at the percentage gains I just booked in my shorts, then get back to me—pal.

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