18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,562 Blog Posts

Really Bad News is Great News

It’s hard for me to explain today’s market action, since reason is absent from the pastiche. Maybe everyone is just reading charts and shit, saying: “yeah, look at that line Bob. Do you see that line and dot? Ooh, that looks sweet. I’m gonna buy right now.” Bob replies: “But Hank, what about Wamu’s ridiculous numbers or Alcoa’s swing and a miss”?

Finally, Hank adds: “fuck the numbers Bob. Look at those lines. Buy the lines, not the economy, goatfucker.”

In my head, that’s how two jackasses on the NYSE make financial decisions.

Enough of what I think. What is happening, whether you like it or not, bulls are throwing pies at the bears’ faces, then making a quick getaway on their tricycles.

During today’s session, there are all sorts of asshole dip buyers, out and about, going long everything, particularly “ag plays.” After all, there are plenty of hungry mouths to feed in China.

[[MVIS]] is pressing higher and actually looks good. I own a small piece, but nothing meaningful. In my opinion, the best time to buy the stock will be in September, 2008.

Finally, the IMF’s decision to sell gold should be ignored. They have no fucking idea where gold is heading. They’re just a bunch of bureaucrats. On today’s dip, I like [[DGP]].

UPDATE: Remix!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd-GNR0U7rQ 450 300]

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Let’s Rejoice

“The Fly” wins Final Four Contest, via popular vote (98% vs. 2%)

And, tomorrow, the Godly folks from iBC will celebrate their 2 millionth page view, since inception—AKA “Double Platinum Party.”

Invites pending. Bring your fucking guns.

UPDATE: Behold the iBC double platinum party video.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNvA0Sk4nok 450 300]

UPDATE II: Another iBC celebration video.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzXxmizTsig 450 300]

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The Alcoholics Lose Again

Look you little rustics, I don’t have the time nor the inclination to readily update you of my market mastery.

As you can see, [[AA]] shit the shower, thanks to their extreme ineptitude.

While it’s true, “The Fly” has given back an atrocious amount of coin, in recent days. It is also true, he has more than enough to go around and will be making a sharp comeback, sometime soon.

My guess, the AA news will spearhead the basic materials sector lower, thanks to “high energy costs.”

If not, then I’ll have to resort to extreme measures, such as small sacrifices or voodoo magic.

At the end of the day, the market is ripping higher on news that we are in the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Sometime soon, sanity will kick in and send these bulls sea-worthy.

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Contest Over: “The Fly” Wins Again, by Default

Even though my [[WM]] short is being ransacked today, I still win the iBC Final Four contest—thanks to the curious absence of “Matt.”

Odd, no?

I’ll have you know, the stock God’s smile upon “The Fly.” In order to allow “The Fly” win this important contest, they probably put “Matt” in his local prison or something equally egregious.

Hence the term, “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly.

Festivities pending.

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Red Light/Green Light

Feel free to go ahead, get drunk, smoke some crack, while shorting egregiously expensive stocks.

From my vantage point, the market is now 15% overvalued, thanks to the inordinate amount of dumb money sloshing around.

The following trades will be executed, immediately:

Long [[DGP]], [[SMN]], [[SRS]], [[SKF]] and [[SSG]].

In addition, short [[TSCM]], short [[WM]], short [[LEH]] and short [[MON]].

The kitchen sink approach, if you will.


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The Planet is Going to Explode

It’s too late to jump into the rally, you damn rubes. Look, if you’re like me, all stupid and shit, short stocks in a squeeze, chalk one up for the bulls. Don’t go chasing stocks up here, like it’s 1998 again.

What are you mentally ill?

Sometimes it’s important to accept the fact that you were wrong. You missed the rally. Don’t compound the first mistake by covering and going long.

Retards do that.

When the pain is unbearable, the market makes fast directional shifts—effectively deballing those who switched sides. Meaning: you will cover now, buy some [[FSLR]], [[BIDU]] and [[AA]], then the market will collpase, due to “profit taking”— taking your stupid money with it.

So, to sum things up:

If you caught this rally: good for you. Now go die.

I’ll just sit here, patiently, waiting for the planet to explode.

…any minute now.

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Here it Comes!

Do you hear that?

Do you smell it?

It’s coming fucker.

What am I alluding to?


Stay tuned.

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I can’t wait to see the terms of the [[WM]] financing. How in the world did they manage to raise 5 billion?

Well done, “Wamu.”

As for today’s trade:

Do I really have to do this? I mean, you all know how angry I am, seeing bullshit thrown on the wall and sticking. All of my favorite enemies are higher, including the “ag plays.” I’m over here shorting food stocks, while the world is dying of famine. Well done, dick.

After the close, the spastic retards from [[AA]] will fuck up their earnings. They always do. I do not think they were able to deal with the spike in electricity prices, which is a key expense in producing aluminum.

However, aside from that, everything goes higher, thanks to all the “liquidity” in the system. Ho-hum.

Last night, after visiting some family in the middle parts of Pennsylvania, “The Fly” was stalked by some sort of maniacal truck driver, on his way back to NYC.

Apparently, the truck driver didn’t like it when I trailed him with my fucking beamers flashing in his stupid face. Upon passing him, the asshole tailed me, switching lanes, blinking his lights, the whole 9 yards. Egregious shit.

If my family wasn’t in the car, I would have pulled over and played “Joey Baseball Bat” on his head.

All I kept thinking about was how I wished my car had been armed with sidewinder missiles, so that I could blow that fucker into the woods. After about 50 miles, I outmaneuvered him, and left that loser in the dust.

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