Fly Show: Episode #1

I am done for the day. I nearby went to 100% cash. I will think this market through this evening, over a warm cup of Earl Grey tea, indeed. In the meantime, BEHOLD, “The Fly Show” episode #1.

Enjoy.

NOTE: Here is the post, pertaining to this clip.

Dennis Kneale is the mother of all asshats, betting homofied martinis for a bullish close. I mean really, how does the SEC allow CNBC to make such irresponsible remarks to such a large audience?

I say, offer them silver bracelets and an extended stay at Rikers Island.

Going into the final hours, it appears the bottom fishers are out and about, trying to jerk the market higher. However, I cannot get behind such trades, with the banks on the verge of catastrophic credit downgrades.

Basically, if you have to buy here, do yourself a favor and invest no more than 5% of your assets.

Take it easy. Get light, drink some crack cocaine and call it a day.

Personally, I am basking in my own glory. I am so Godly right now, I am radiating. With double digit gains year to date and a bountiful 60% cash position, “The Fly” has opted to start his own language and shit or start pronouncing words in a manner that pleases him—not society.

Words such as “Hello” can now be pronounced as “Heeloe. ” Or “ridiculous” can now be pronounced as “ryedickyouless.” You get my drift.

These are some of the imporant matters I am partaking in, while the market adds digits to my checking account.

UPDATE: I am selling most of my inverses here and covering all shorts, including VNO. I will hold 10% short, 5% long and 85% cash.

Developing…

Not to sound like our resident scholar, Devildog, but odds are we will swan dive into the close—thanks to BAC/C/BCS.

Let me clarify today’s moves:

I fucking hate inverse etf’s. Although, truth be told, I am rather enjoying them today. However, I made a committment to leg out of these fuckers when the time was right. Now, going into this mornings trade, more than 60% of my assets were tied up in these fucking bastards. Two weeks ago I was ready to laugh at funerals and cry at comedy shows because of my large inverse etf exposure. However, I grabbed my balls, when the time was right, and nearby tripled down on my positions, just prior to the current meltdown.

I have SRS from $49, FAZ from $35 and DUG from $22—just to name a few. Basically, I’d have to be out of my fucking mind not to lock in big year to date gains, within the first two weeks of the new year.

If you recall, last year I was up huge during the first two week of ’08 (more than 25%), only to give most of my gains back like a fucking imbecilic fucktard, thanks to the insane Jan-March rally.

My point: never underestimate your enemy. Right now, my enemy, for the most part, are most of you—since you are long stocks. Don’t lie. I know you are betting against me.

Bottom line: I don’t give two fucks and a gay fiddle about where SRS goes, after I sell it. This is the first month of 2009; quit trying to eat the cupboard bare all in one sitting, you fat fucks.

At the time of the post, “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER was up more more than 13% year to date.

NOTE: At the close of trade, iBankCoin, in conjunction with other internet fucktards, will debut “The Fly Show” episode one.

How’s that funnel?

“The Fly” wins again.

Across the board, I sold or in the process of reducing my inverse etf positions by 50%. I am selling FAZ, north of $60, SRS north of $71, ERY north of $42, DUG north of $27, REW north of $84, SMN north of $44 and EEV north of $64.

In addition, I covered the entirety of my HANS position, just shy of $31. However, I am leaving both VNO and XOM shorts intact.

With today’s early morning move, my year to date gains are north of 10%. Although I think the market goes lower, common sense dictates that I lock in gains here.

UPDATE: A song for victorious bears.

Assholes, don’t miss your window to book profits and don’t think you will time the bottom perfectly with new upside positions. Take your gains and grin.

Look, if VNO is having trouble parting with some of its cash, paying 60% of its qt dividend in stock, the sector is in for huge investor backlash/share price depreciation/multiple compression.

First of all, issuing dividends in the form of stock is incredibly dilutive. Furthermore, the only reason why most people by reits is for their dividends. Expect to see a lot of VNO type deals and full blown dividend cuts, during the course of 2009.

Basically, the sector is about to lose a whole class of investor. The old dude down the block who needs yield to pay for his country club membership. Yeah that guy, he’s a fucking seller of IYR today.

Within the Reits, I want to be a net seller of VNO, SPG, BXP, KIM and SLG. Ideally, I would like to short them on a bounce.

Following the JPM report and impressive upside reversals in Europe this morning, I would not be surprised to see the lunatic fringe of the bull camp attempt to run the market up by 1% or so. However, be very careful of a head fake, especially with oil getting punched in the scrotum.

And, let’s not forget about potential crisis looming at BAC.

With my money, I will look to lock in some gains here and build my cash position to over 50%. I will not buy anything on a dip, including AAPL. My position is still extraordinarily bearish. But, at the same time, I don’t feel like pushing the envelope here. Maybe I am getting old or some shit.

Either way you slice it, the economy is fucked and the reits are fucked in a most egregiously unique way.

Needless to say, this is no time to be an asshole dip buyer.

Still Developing… (insightful post NOT pending)

More on  this later.

UPDATE: CNBC is a fuckery mockery. Just know, I am set on giving the whole staff of fucktards over there one giant asshat award—starting with that shill Jim “the midget” Goldman. Also, it’s worth noting, in Goldman’s predictions for 2009, he stated that AAPL shorts would get squeezed in ’09, once the ‘ridiculous rumor mongering’ was put to bed. How much is AAPL paying Goldman to say this shit?

UPDATE II: Don rocks out!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sd9TFiJJkE 450 300]

This is what it’s all about. Bouncing frozen Monster Energy Soda’s off your fucking heads.

Today’s meltdown solidified “The Fly’s” gains, year to date, which stand at +8%, give or take a percent.

Hence the term applies: “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly.

For the day, while roaming around the vicinity of my offices, I enjoyed monster rallies in my basket of inverse etf’s, including REW, SMN, ERY, DUG, FAZ, SRS and EEV.

Know this, you’re not qualified to offer “The Fly” financial advice. His “winship” is too great for the likes of you. You are better off leaving iBankCoin’s website, in exchange for a Tim. Go give those assholes advice, they most certainly need it.

As for me, I will conduct myself with great honour and offer condolences to those of you who bet against me—in due time. In addition, it’s worth noting, I have informed Mrs. Fly that we are to partake in the consumption of 2 1/2 inch rib eyes this evening, over a fine aged bottle of Bordeaux.

You can talk all you want. However, at the end of the day, I’m the Blogfather of this finance game, while you’re just some pathetic loser, with bleeding out positions, that are out of favour with all of the stock Gods.

Off to prepare for this evenings festivities.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X15It4sYLRI 450 300]

Let this be a warning to all of you.