In Ben We Trust

You didn’t need to analyze charts or fair value analysis to capture today’s gains. All you needed was a little faith in Ben Bernanke and his printing press ways. It is in the best interest of the ruling class to see the markets higher. Look, most you bible thumpers visit churches and eat stale bread because you believe it is the body of God’s son. How absurd. If you could believe that, why not believe The Clam has special powers to control the market, like a marionette?

On the eyes of Colonel Gadaffi’s first son, I reckon this here market is going a lot higher. We are climbing the great wall of worry and pissing on the climbers down below.

I stepped out of most of my MWW position, due to the “dumbness” of the volatility in that name. I didn’t help my beta problem with my SHLD buy; but I’m an addict, so melt away into a sewer drain.

Based upon last night’s earnings, tech is a buy again. You have to acknowledge the INTC numbers as something more than a one off event. Over the past few weeks, semis have sold off hard. I like FORM here, for the win.

In summary, keep your stock picking game on a high level, sticking with us here, and have a little faith in The Bearded Clam—or you will descend into the fiery pits of hell when you die.

I bought 10,000 SHLD, right here, for the squeeze.

Disclaimer: If you buy SHLD because of this post, the next time you visit Kmart armed robbers with ski-masks will hold you hostage inside of it.

I sold 90% of my position for a 10% gains.

I don’t need to say anything to you. I will let the market speak for me.

Fuck off.

For the first time in a long time, I ventured off into the dark abyss of the financial blogosphere. Mainly, ideas were plentiful, some cogent others not-so-much. However, the overall common denominator is the incredibly low IQ’s of the gurus professing investment acumen. Most of these men can’t string 10 sentences together, without committing heinous syntax errors, let alone teach me how to bank coin. All in all, the grammar is nothing less than an abomination out there.

If I was terrible at fixing bathroom pipes, I would not advertise in my local newspaper “handyman available, specializing in fixing bathroom pipes.” The very notion that you muster the nerve to blog, without knowing how to write and speak proper English, is shameful. SHAME ON YOUR HOUSE, in all seriousness.

After throwing almonds at my screen, disgusted by the lack of creativity on the web, I ventured back to iBC and was equally chagrined. Quite honestly, if I was viewing iBC, particularly Fly blog, for the very first time, I’d think “The Fly” was a Goddamned idiot (note: I am permitted to say “Goddamned” because I know he is a figment of your overzealous imagination). With all of the cursing and joshing around, I’m afraid this website is being misrepresented by some deranged rapper with a few million worth of diamond necklace money sloshing around the markets for sport.

Plainly, your opinions are not all that important to me. I do not say that out of disrespect or disdain for my readership. Don’t get me wrong: if I read harsh criticisms, they sting for about 1-3 minutes. Then I remember how “awesome and amazing” my $30,000 “bathroom problem” is and I forget all about it. Life is too short to worry about the opinions of those who do not truly know you. The important factor that has me on this train of thought is my children. Tooth fairy forbid my teenage son logged on and saw the drivel posted here, I’d be shamed for about 3-6 minutes. In all seriousness, I do not conduct myself in the same manner in real life, as I do here.

I’m not getting all emotional about this issue, quite the contrary. It’s very likely I will continue to tell you to “fuck off” in between sips of hot hot coffee. However, just know, eventually, this shit you read here will need to be watered down, as I ride into the sunset, an old goat fucker.

One day removed from S&P’s dire warnings over the United States’ credit quality, stocks ripped higher, as Ben Bernanke did lines of home grown blow off of his favorite printing press.

I recovered all of yesterday’s losses, gaining more than 2%, on the backs of WNR, MWW, X and OXY.

My refinery stocks are “Costanza trading” by responding inverse to the crack spreads. That makes no sense, whatsoever. But I will not complain. The important thing to note here is the market spit in the face of low end credit analysts at Standard and Poor’s. There is nothing imminent about their warnings. Therefore, it’s business as usual, with POMO and QE3 on the front burner.

Basic material stocks are in play here, as investors hedge against the demise of the dollar. There is no better sector to have my money than basic materials. Everything else is simply too hard.

Going into earnings season, look for outrageous results from a slew, mind you, of oil and gas companies. One of my favorites is OXY, so there.

Consolidating all of my thoughts into one sentence, I will say this to you: bet against refiners and lose your fucking house, car, and wife— as she will leave your ugly broke ass for someone with coin.

I added to my CVI position.

Disclaimer: If you buy CVI because of this post, you will suffer from erectile dysfunction for the rest of your life. And, you may lose money.

In light of the recent string of government poker website seizures,with the assistance of certain shadowy figures, I’ve concocted a 5 part plan to ELIMINATE the national debt.

Part 1:
SEIZE ALL ASSETS OF OIL COMPANIES. Their money will be put to great use in the PUBLIC sector.
Part 2:
SEIZE ALL ASSETS OF THE INVESTMENT BANKS, LARGE AND SMALL. Their criminal ways have come to an end.
Part 3:
SEIZE ALL ASSETS OF DOMESTIC COMPANIES DOING BUSINESS IN CHINA. The Chinese are evil, communist bastards. Can you smell the irony?
Part 4:
SEIZE ALL CASH RESERVES OF SLIMY TECH COMPANIES. Their cash is now our cash.
Part 5:
RAISE TAXES ON THE RICH. From here on, the “rich” will be defined as anyone who owns a car or a bicycle.

This message was paid for by IVAN STALIN, Great, Great Grandson of that Russian fucker who fucked up the Germans.

If I read one more comment about “how gay the WNR is acting”, the comment thread will be disabled forever. It will not be disabled for a few hours, like on other pussified blogs. I will take that shit off for the rest of your natural and supernatural lives. There is real money at play here, not some bullshit 4-5 fig Zeeco account. I don’t trade for fun or to learn. I do this shit professionally, and with a great deal of honour.

Early going the market looked great; now it’s just milquetoast. Letter X is rebounding nicely, off of STLD numbers. And, MWW is up sharply, based on random mutual fund dollars landing on the green part of the wheel of fortune, at some idiot shop in Boston.

With letter X, I was going to cut my losses if it went down today, despite my beliefs that the stock is ridiculously cheap. I want to limit my downside to about 10%, if possible.

Crack spreads are sharply lower and the WTI-Brent crude spread is tightening; but refiners are showing decent strength, sans ALJ and CVI. Frankly, the correlation between spreads and share price has disconnected in recent days, so I am not surprised.

The next 2 hours of trade will be very important in order to establish a tone. Watch out for those fucking murder holes.

I got my cocaine trees blossoming in the backyard and single malt scotch flowing in the fountain, like water. I have my stocks displayed on a fucking jumbo screen, as if I was watching the fucking super bowl. Unfortunately, we are setting up for a May rape, just like last year. Naturally, whenever the market comes down, you little pigmy motherfuckers come out from the wood-works to eschew bitter nonsense. Check this out: I would rip your mouth from your jawbone if you said half of the shit that you write in the comments section here to my face.

I am awfully close to raising cash via quick sales. The upside to having concentrated positions is my ability to go to cash at a drop of a hat.

My advice to you is simple. Set aside your refined cocaine and think about worst case scenarios. If your portfolio cannot withstand a 25% draw-dawn, lighten up. As for me, I am sticking with some of my core holdings for the duration. The non-essential shit are subject to extreme prejudice and sale in between trips to the urinal.

The market has a certain stench to it, like garbage mixed with pungent cinnamon potpourri. The whole U.S. credit negative thing is a joke. However, it serves as an excuse to sell stocks. Couple that with the absolute chaos reverberating around the world, there is a chance for massive downside. Once again, I spit on massive downside, until I see it happen with me very own blue eyes.

Into early European trade, “The Fly” will be chain drinking cups of coffee, brushing his teeth, then chain drinking more coffee, courtesy of Colgate and Green Mountain Coffee.