Inverse ETF’s Soar As Market Plunges

Just in case you were pondering where to put your money the next time the market craters, take a look at today’s melt up in some of America’s finest weapons of financial destruction.

TVIX +9.7%
ERY +8.07%
SOXS +7.4%
EDZ +7.29%
ZSL +6.71%
TZA +6.16%
DUG +5.49%
EEV +4.89%
SMN +4.85%
VXX +4.59%
SPXU+4.58%
BGZ +4.5%
FAZ +4.38%
TWM+4.11%

Meh, this sort of tepid action in the futures, coupled with a mildly lower Europe has me second guessing my lack of faith in THE BEARDED CLAM. If I sell my APC position right now, I will book a 4.5% loss and raise about 10% cash, sending my cash position near 20%. That, my friends, is one of the added bonuses attributed when you buy shit in size. Most of you ham and eggers have little female positions, no offense to the women of iBC. I hope you understand that I respect the women in this business 100x more than the pikers who come to work everyday dressed like imbeciles.

I’m still liking and feeling shares of OPEN and may add to the position. It’s one of those stocks that if I sell, I am certain it will haunt me. I have bought and sold the name so many times before, much to my chagrin. I know valuations are stretched and the stock can pull back a little here; but they are a dominant force of nature. Hey, you dicksuckers in Kansas have no idea what I am talking about, due to the fact that you probably don’t have restaurants over there. You probably eat beans near the old campfire, fart it out, then go to bed. However, here in the civilized world, Opentable is a beast.

As an aside, I am pleased with iBC’s first day of delivering relevant news and information to the general public aka “the unwashed.” I hope you finance site fuckers out there fear my brand, for it is coming for you. You competing with me is like La Jolla competing with China on a manufacturing level. I have an army of supporters that will spit out content for mere pennies on the dollar, while you churn through VC money like an addle-brained donkey puncher on a credit card shopping excursion.

Here is our news page, where you will find our archives and remember to follow us on Twitter, in order to get alerts in real time.

The rumor has finally been confirmed: Starbucks will sell its coffee and tea products via Green Mountain’s Keurig single server machine of wonder and amazement. As a result, shares of Green Mountain Coffee (GMCR) are surging this morning, now up more than 25%.  It’s also worth mentioning, shares of Starbucks (SBUX) are plowing ahead to the tune of 8% too in early pre-market trading.

Lo and behold, the tea bags over at Moody’s now cite a negative outlook, due to Spain’s lack of money. Just 3 months ago they said “outlook stable.” Moody’s believes the cost to restructure Spain’s abysmal banking system will cost much more than projected. Hence, they’re all bearish and shit now.

That’s it, I’m officially spooked. I don’t like the tone of everything; it’s so fucking ominous. By hook or crook, I am raising cash tomorrow and I might throw on a short sale or two, in order to protect my winnings. As much as I would like this market to break out to the upside, it’s apparent to me that risk is becoming a bad word. And plus the dick-suckers from HCA are coming public again. This just wreaks of market top.

My favorite hedge, under normal conditions, would be SCO. However, the beasts from the middle east have ruined that trade. I might go with something more traditional, a classic ETF like TZA or EDZ. I don’t mind getting electrocuted in one of those fuckers for a few days. They’re just trades people. There is no reason to over-think this shit.

As battles rage in Libya, oil futures firmed up by .30, on fears of additional supply disruption. At the same time, inflation is running hot in Asia, as evidenced by Korea’s February PPI data, rolling in at a smoking hot 6.6%. As a result, they raised rates to 3% tonight. At the moment, Australia is down 1.5%, Japan -1.4%, Korea -1.1%, and Hong Kong 0.6%.

Moreover, Chinese exports unexpectedly cooled in February, growing by just 2.4%, while imports surged ahead by more than 19%. And, to make matters worse, Japanese GDP shrank by 1.3% last quarter, as that nation is embedded in the most fucktarded deflationary vortex since the Romans let the Barbarian hordes permeate their city walls.

U.S. futures are trading more than 10 points below fair value on the S&P.

The largest private sector hospital in the country, HCA, priced to ipo at the high end its range at $30. They are expected to begin trading on Thursday.

Back in 2006, private equity vampires took HCA private for $21 billion and shortly thereafter began to bleed the company out, taking more than $4 billion in divvies. Fast forward 5 short years, Bain Capital, KKR and Bank of America Merrill Lynch, alongside the southern gentlemen corralled in the Frist family, are cashing the fuck in, netting a tad more than $468 millski. Not bad for a deal built entirely on debt.

It’s also worth noting, HCA will come public with more than $25 billion in debt and do not stand to benefit from said offering.

On the news that Bill Gross, head weirdo at PIMCO, sold all of his treasuries, the market responded by bidding them up.

Long dated treasuries, best represented by TLT, was up more than 0.95% today, closing at $90.55. The million dollar question is: where will Bill put his money next? Corporates? Munis? Fucking idiotic and childish stamp collection?

TLT

Miss earnings and get your head chopped off. Following fanatical run ups in small to large cap tech stocks last year, share holders bases are riddled with abject idiots, only interested in the fast trade. The result of such a fickle investor class: carnage.

The following are leadership tech names, with market caps above $5 billion, that have fallen victim to the idiot shareholder base–thanks to sentiment change.

CREE -27%
DLB -23%
AKAM -22%
FFIV -18%
NOK -17%
TKC -16%
FTR -15%
NIHD -14%
MRVL -13%
AUO -12%
ROVI -12%

As an aside, copper giant FCX is down 18% year to date.

I sold more than I bought today, raising my cash position to about 10%. There has been a lot of carnage in the tech sector this year and yet here we are, straddling near the highs. We are see-sawing with oil here, due to the ridiculous belief that $100 crude will hurt rich fuckers buying Maybachs. Look you, the box that I drive in is fancier than yours for a reason: I don’t give a shit about money and tend to blow it on weird stuff, like dinosaur bones or ancient swords (no, I’m not interested in having a sword fight).

The market is testing the waters here, shaking out the gimps. By the time you midgets are back in your gimps crates, all of us here on the outside will be having orgies with beautiful women and throwing caviar at one another—like gluttonous pigs dressed in tuxedos. In layman’s terms, you’re gonna miss the party because you are a gimp.

Copper is selling off to the STAGGERING TUNE of like 6%, over the past month. Any idea how much that shit is up, over the past year? Any?

It’s the beginning of March and the Irish are getting ready to drink themselves smart. Relax and go crack open a nice bottle of wine, while you watch the fucking cavemen in the middle east chop each others heads off.

Top pick: OPEN