Praise and Glory to our Visionary and Leader, the venerable and diplomatic Elon Musk (Praise)! The corporate Twitter account for Tesla, a company so prolific, so disruptive that it strikes fear into the core of Detroit’s ugly and iconic General Motors headquarters, the very corporate twitter account that regularly informs Us (the chosen people) about our future as citizens on Spaceship Earth—the Tesla twitter account opened up to take questions ahead of their Tuesday shareholder meeting.
Send us questions today for Elon to answer at our Shareholders Meeting tomorrow
Now, say three Hail Elons for peering with lust at the sexy corporate logo. It is okay that it looks like a vagina. You are forgiven.
NEXT, look what this surgeon from the very gender-neutral city of New York asked Our Last Corporate Hope. He asked an intangible corporate entity if they wear boxers or briefs! Corporations are considered individuals by tax code, but they don’t wear cloths Roland, silly goof!
Then, something magical happened. As east coast believers in The Mission of our Leader said their evening prayers to Space X and The Boring drill, His Holiness emerged on Twitter, a civic forum operated out of goodwill, and said the most amazing thing ever. EVER! He does not wear underwear.
Wearing anything at all is just a conspiracy by the capitalist running dogs of Big Underwear
There are two types of people in this world. Those who follow the rules, bend the knee to authoritarian rule, then there are the ones crazy enough to think they can change the world. Are you going to be this asshole?
And call you wife ‘Mom’? Or are you going to build time machines and cavort around the world with the finest actresses and supermodels?
You have to learn the art of not giving a fuck if you want to stand a chance as an independent business hustler. They want you broken, saddled with debt, consuming out of necessity, and plugged into their corporate matrix.
Are you crazy enough to not wear underpants? Our Leader is, and shares of $TSLA are at record highs. Think about it.
Writer’s note: I am long Tesla shares and will not sell. Instead more will be purchased, quarterly, in perpetuity, and the shares will be bestowed upon my litter of children. Also I love underwears, especially from Fruit of the Loom.
Thursday morning shares of Sangamo Therapeutics, a company that tinkers with DNA in pursuit of immortality [ticker: $SGMO] opened up more than +50% after announcing a strategic collaboration with Pfizer.
Let me put this into hip-hop terms so you social media types can understand it. Pfizer has all that pharmaceutical money—$19.45 billion dollars in cash, according to Exodus.
Pfizer generated $14.08 billion in cash flow over the last 12 months. They are the third biggest cash generator in the drug dealing game.
If you were to say, take a lesser know hip-hop artist, like a scrappy white dude from Detroit, and put him on a track with a hip-hop legend, instantly the outsider is legitimized.
The scenario described above is what has fueled a two-day rally in $SGMO that spiked shares up by more than +85%. On Friday other CRISPR names, which were discussed in these hallowed halls earlier this year, began popping alongside Sangamo.
Full Disclosure: The writer currently owns $SGMO and other CRISPR plays
CRISPR is an acronym that stands for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats which basically means they can chop up and rebind living DNA. By doing so they might be able to cure major diseases—CURE—not treat.
Cures are worth way more than treatments. This is the extent of my understanding of the biotechnology. It was presented to me by my top scientist and since then the science has been affirmed, without provocation, by the most intelligent medical professional I know. It was also discussed by the one the the Exodus greats, JungleeGirl.
There was a major battle between UC Berkeley and MIT over who owns patents on the use of CRISPR. As of today, the east coast thugs at MIT own the patented rights. Seeing two well-known institutions caught up in a feverish dispute really makes it seem like there is a fire somewhere, behind all the smoke.
Then I began applying some analogous techniques passed down by the Option Addict, and noticed the entire space looked aligned with discouragement. If that assumption holds true, then the moves happening this second week of the fifth month under our new authoritarian regime could be just the beginning.
This is my top theme trade of 2017. Everything else I own falls into five categories:
How eloquent of Coach to report earnings the morning after #MetBall2017 and best Wall Street expectations, on a Tuesday!? Shares of $COH are up more than 10% and trading at a new 52-week high after a first quarter rife with discretionary spending by our beloved upper class.
Coach Q3 EPS $0.46 vs $0.44 Est, Sales $995M vs $1.02B Est
Consider these earnings a small addenda to the belief that the United States is entering a period of economic prosperity not seen since the early ’20s.
Writer’s note: My homies and I are long $COH as part of the Exodus Q1 Top-Down Analysis (Annual) portfolio. However, this is somewhat irrelevant due to the remaining holding period (11 more months before next adjustment).
Enough of the boring Wall Street guff, here are some scenes from Monday evening’s gala, enjoy.
Emma Roberts, goodness:
Bella Hadid in a stunning Alexander Wang dress, politely posing with Kendall Jenner, Wiz Khalifa, and ASAP Rocky:
Australian model and Orange Is The New Black acrtress Ruby Rose stole the spotlight with her ruffled frock, designed by Burberry. Note the matching man-human arm piece, brilliant composition:
Rihanna flew up from Barbados with a complicated dress that certainly made eating dinner tricky:
And finally, the couple of the night (so adorbs) was Selina Gomez and TheWeeknd (thas his name). Selina rocked a custom-made Coach dress. Very nice, very clean:
As you can see, the event was a success for high-end brands, especially Coach, who managed to ultimately win Met Gala’s unofficial fashion show by picking the hottest couple of the night.
All very gay, all very bullish. Maybe you buy Coach shares today, yes? Get good price before it is gone.
Or not. Either way, Coach put some nice numbers on the scoreboard Tuesday that will go a long way toward this company reasserting their earnings growth trajectory.
Authoritarians have a good way of spinning their creepy actions enough for their believers to justify an attack on their human rights. So far, that is the case with the republican-led campaign to repeal Obama-era internet privacy rules. Your basic republitard can belch out the talking points about how Google and Facebook already watch everything they do, so what’s it matter if the internet service providers do the same?
Right? What does it matter, what’s another set of hands digging through your private possessions, NOT STEALING ANY OF THEM, but logging their details and selling the information to the highest bidder?
FCC Commissioner Mignon Clyburn laid out a perfect example, one you cheesed burger eating ingrates could comprehend. WATCH:
Ah yes, the ‘internet of things’ …you remember that phrase? It describes a time in the not-so-distant future where your thermostat, security cameras, television, refrigerator, for fucked sake your toaster are all pushing little bits of information about you out to the interweb.
This is not good, dude. When Trump signed away privacy rules that would have stopped Comcast from logging your preferred toaster settings to their evil towers in Philadelphia, he sold you out to faceless corporations, immortal diseases roaming the earth. Faceless corporations, mind you, who completely control your ability to access the greatest invention of the 21st century, the big information bang, the internet. Internet service providers control it. Not Google, not yet at least.
Massachusetts Rep Mike Capuano had some fun with these insane republican measures, referencing his recent online purchase of some undies, which is worth bringing to your attention if for the visuals alone:
Perhaps you are beginning to understand the gravity of our President’s pen strokes Monday, the ones that approved a very Orwellian nightmare, a repeal to privacy rules that Obama worked so hard to bless us with. Your internet service provider can henceforth mine and measure your every internet move and the FCC is totally freaked out.
STILL BULLISH FOR $VZ $T and $CMCSA
Also, someone mentioned VPN players could become interesting going forward, as internet users seek to protect themselves from the ISP money grubbers. It’s worth an investigation. DEVELOPING…
Shares of the world’s greatest technology company, Tesla, are achieving new heights Monday after the company’s CEO, the magnificent Elon Musk (all Praise and Glory to The Leader) handsomely announced, they set a delivery record in the first quarter.
Twenty five thousand, OVER twenty five thousand Tesla cars were delivered to excited consumers, consumers excited to tell the sheiks running OPEC, the goons lording over American oil firms, and every internal combustion earth hater, “byeeee.”
Tesla delivered over 25,000 vehicles in Q1, of which about 13,450 were Model S and about 11,550 were Model X. This was a new quarterly record and represents a 69 percent increase over Q1 2016.
Q1 production totaled 25,418 vehicles, also a new quarterly record.
Also, over the weekend, our lord and savior, our benevolent Elon (all Praise and Glory to The Leader) was rumored to be building an entire clean tech city. As of this publication, the rumor is being considered an April Fools prank.
For now, investors will have to be content with being involved in the only company hellbent on disrupting the most diabolical forces on our earth. The pure evil that capitalism gave birth to, the oil executive.
So far it appears to be working. The company had a record setting first quarter as they barrel toward their Q3 goal of mass production. The Model 3, a car for the working man, and an opportunity to dollar vote against the muckrakers in Alberta, Canada.
Normal people and businesses trying to spread their brand on Snapchat find it difficult. For years it lacked an in-app discovery function. You can’t really search people either, unless you have their snapcode, phone number, or user name. But all that changed at the stroke of midnight last Friday. Right when the first quarter of 2017 ended, the company launched an update to create 1 million searchable stories.
Content creators have struggled to build audiences. Gary Vaynerchuk, founder of a digital marketing agency that did $100 million in revenues in 2016 wrote an entire piece discussing the issue.
Snapchat doesn’t have a suggested user list (like Instagram does) or a method to easily search for people, although some websites and apps are trying to make the process easier. There also aren’t any hashtags or retweets that you can piggyback off of like we see on other platforms.
Snapchat’s new search feature is likely to be monitored closely by the company and investors as the unicorn enters its first full quarter as a publicly traded company [ticker: $SNAP]. Wall Street is the home of Pavlovian children, obsessed with seeing immediate results, else they begin demanding executive upheaval and board seats. Fortunately, Snapchat shareholders do not even have voting rights. They are third class dogs. Speaking of dogs, you can search ‘puppies’ on Snapchat and receive an endless stream of puppy videos.
These truly are the best of times.
The feature allows users see what is happening real time from places far reaching like exotic beaches, to sporting events, to a local bar, and much more.
Social media apps have begun copying features from each other. Mark Zuckerberg and his team of coders recently added the ‘story’ feature to Instagram and quickly monetized it with skippable ads. A 24-hour running story function has also appeared recently on actual Facebook.
On April Fool’s day, Snapchat ran a filter that made your snap look like an Instagram post, trolling the copycats at Facebook.
Facebook executives may still have bitter feelings after Snapchat founders told Mark, more or less, to take his $3 billion dollar cash offer and piss off back in November 2013. Snapchat is currently worth about $27 billion, give or take a few hundred million.
The question of who did what first is quickly becoming as irrelevant as the chicken or the egg dilemma.
The real question on investors’ minds is, “Is my money parked in a Facebook or a Twitter?” And it is a fair question for an investor to ask, considering the performance gap between the two stocks over the last 856 days:
Facebook and Twitter both have fantastic ‘discovery’ functions built into their platforms. It is an essential piece of the social media puzzle. People are quickly turned off to a platform if it feels like they are talking to themselves.
Snapchat’s searchable stories were rolled out on the last day of March in select cities. As of now, the feature is unavailable in the ghettos of Detroit. As soon as it is however, I will begin disengaging the outside world for hours on end, instead piping the ‘puppies’ story into my Daydream goggles.
As more information about the feature becomes available, I will discuss it on snapchat. If you are invested in the name, just trading it, or just want to see my really really extremely good looking face, now might be a good time to download the app and follow me.
You are going to die. Unfortunately your parents conceived you a few decades too soon. Had you poked your head into the world over the last year or so, via the test tube or traditional breeding, then you would’ve had reasonable odds of living forever.
Doing everything right every day henceforth, you might make it 165 years tops.
Perhaps you want a designer baby–with height, a nordic look, and high IQ–and you have the gusto to send your fluids to the test tube. CRISPR will give you your little viking. The desire to create a symmetrical super human drove me to vote yes and go long SGMO, a small player in the DNA editing space, back in January.
Inside Exodus, the theme has been effervescing, with the conversation being led by none other than the venerable JUNGLEEGIRL. This made me take a closer look at a few other names, which I have also become involved with.
Back in January humans were discouraged about the ambitious plans of these mad scientists, affixed to their televisions as our new authoritarian leader threatened to kill the Healthcare industry and put everybody into the coal mine.
Pull up weekly charts in $SGMO $EDIT $NTLA (affectionately referred to as Nutella) $CRSP, a few others. So much discouragement.
More recently, after the group had a nice run, the late money chased prices higher and was stifled by the market, subjugated to rapid losses, causing these belligerent fools to DENY THEIR BELIEF in these scientific achievements.
Denial, it seems, has abated. And the group, as a whole, looks prepared to begin a new campaign, a campaign against the Christians, the liberals, the Muslims, and any other archaic faith.
Humankind has pursued immortality since the dawn of science. An ironic twist occurred in the 11th century, when Wujing Zongayo, in his Chinese laboratory, searching for an immortality elixir, invented gunpowder.
Investors are mostly people with lots of money who want to live as long as possible, watching their little spawns take over neighboring tribes whist they read the Wall Street Journal and sip iced tea peppered with umbilical stem cells. They are once again becoming confident science and CRISPR. The names mentioned above are closing out the first quarter under Trump leadership with swagger and confidence.
GoPro made an announcement Wednesday evening, likely after their Treasury department smoked a large hookah filled with cannabis, saying 270 heads will roll in their San Mateo headquarters–down the hilly streets of San Fransisco–all the way to Hyde Park, where the hobo bros eat pizza and draw rat finks.
The announcement follows a cut of 200 jobs in November, as the camera and sub-par drone maker struggles to turn a profit, all while CEO Nick Woodman sails about the world in his 180 foot yacht.
These job cuts likely represent an elimination of the most absurd chaff, the type of fat one trims from a cheap cut of ribs, for example. These are San Franciscans, coming to work in flip flops for a few hours, working on apps to rate dispensaries on company time, and complaining when the work week exceeds 32 hours.
Wall Street is quite pleased to see these tanked top wearing west coast punks meet the axe–shares of $GPRO are up around +15% on Thursday trade.
Let this be a message to all California residents. The days of gimmick gadgets supporting a gluttonous workforce are numbered. You best learn to surf or create a new camera app for Mark “Rubbernecker” Zuckerberg to flip to the CIA, else find yourself living on the streets, busking to Chinese moguls for kombucha money.
GoPro’s CEO is cutting jobs fast and indiscriminately, straight off the yacht, and Wall Street loves it.
The biggest private investor in Norway sold all their shares in Phillips 66, Marathon Petro, and Enbridge, for a sum total of $34.8m USA dollars in hopes they could ‘make some sort of impact’ amid the Defund DAPL movement. All three companies are partial owners of the pipeline which funnels tar sands out of Alberta, Canada and carries the sludge across critical U.S. rivers.
“We hope that our actions and the actions of other likeminded investors in either divesting or calling for an alternative [pipeline] route will make some sort of an impact,” said Matthew Smith, the head of Storebrand’s sustainability team.
Let’s turn to the charts and see if their selling pressure has had an impact, shall we?
It’s difficult to say exactly when these sell orders hit the tape, but share of Marathon Oil have been struggling to reclaim the $17.50 resistance level. A short vs about $20 actually makes sense here, especially considering the multi-year slide lower that began at the end of 2014. Lots of overhead pressure on $MRO:
Enbridge (ticker: $ENB) saw an abnormal amount of volume coming into it during the first month of 2017, however so far it has held up. You can see, however, that it has failed to regain its upper value. Similar to $MRO, selling out, or betting short against the firm makes sense vs this resistance:
Phillips 66 seems the most resisliant of the pack. Their shares have hardly budged. Worth noting, $PSX also sports the largest market cap. Big ship, small pipeline. The price chart on PSX looks more based out then the rest and offers the least amount of evidence for justifying a sell:
While it’s unlikely the divesting efforts of private investors will succeed in stopping the Dakota Access Pipeline, a project Trump has endorsed that began under Obama, backed by Big Oil, their actions, along with the noise and protest of native people, are likely to make these fossil fuel titans think twice before beginning future projects.
Curbing the actions of these huge petro and coal companies is critical to saving humanity from the grotesque human impact on global warming. Conscious investors are likely to earmark their funds for more progressive companies as the effects of our carelessness become more evident.
The decision to divest millions away from U.S. firms associated with the Dakota Access pipeline by Norway’s largest investor is setting up interesting context for betting against $MRO and $ENB.