RIDING WITH ICAHN

My whole life I’ve looked up to Carl as the person on Wall Street who best personified a son of a bitch. Anyone in the business loved the movie Wall Street and the villain Gordon Gecko. Well, there have been many rumors about who the movie was based off and those rumors can all fuck themselves — because he’s the only man on Wall Street who has emblazoned a path like Gordon — taking innumerable companies over in a “fuck you, give me three seats on your board” fashion.

Now 87 years old, the catamites are out to get Carl. I haven’t looked into Carl’s business and hope he can live long enough to find a better replacement than his fucking son Brett. Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty to support Carl in his time of need. We all know how much Carl appreciates the assistance of unnamed Internet personalities, so I wanted to reiterate my long position in IEP and tell Carl the following words.

Do not worry bro. We have your back. We will kill your enemies and eat their flesh off their bones and then take said bones and place them into the oven and bake them till dry. Then we’ll take those bones and Vitamix them and use them to fertilize our cannabis crops. And then we’ll smoke them.

I was on guard for rape and the only thing it did for me was I raped myself a little bit with poorly executed hedges. I soon began to realize that in spite of my seething hatred for a bull market — we are inside one. I admit to you to be powerless in this regard. I cannot destroy the market with words or even with my small accounts. In a different time line, perhaps I was a banker with billions at my disposal to crush the spirit of longs — crashing stocks lower at will. Men like Jay Gould used to partake in these sort of shenanigans all the time — back in the good olde days. Hey, I used to partake on a smaller scale in stocks we could rig higher back when I managed money.

But those days are over and now it’s just me and my fucking toolz against market forces. I really do win every single time. You’d think the sort of returns I am posting on a live forum in an actively managed portfolio would create some excitement. Alas, people like to trade their own way and blow the fuck up in spite of my best intentions.

The truth is, you do not deserve Stocklabs. None of you do. If the software did nothing and only had me in it — you’d still not deserve it. There will come a day when I decide to take my ball and fuck off and cancel everyone, returning their filthy money to them. That day, as nice idea as it is, has not come. I have more toolz to create and need test subjects to test them.

I crushed the session, +123bps, fully long and without hedges into tomorrow. Who is gonna stop me?

BIG dicked squeezes underway — spearheaded by stocks with largess degrees of bearshitters in their midst. Presently you can shoot bears in a bowl as they flounder about in their stupidity.

CVNA +44%, BYND +21%, EXPI +19%, UPST +13%, AFRM +12%, W +9% to name a few.

I’ve been using the Stocklabs short squeeze live data to cherry pick my trades, now up 95bps for the session. I started off slow and had most of my assets in cash up until the past hour or two.

My general sense is for continued enlightenment for the bears. I cannot give you a valid reason for this melt up and I am certainly not a fan of the GLOBOHOMO. But it is what it is and I certainly do enjoy the fruits of all the faggotry and empire building by absolute scum. How this all resolves itself will be something to behold and I am pretty certain, eventually, the unending arrogance of the neocons will squander a good thing and result to widespread panic and pain.

Until then, we sip from the chalice of perfidy.

Good day —

I just got back from my dog walk and when I left my residence for the rugged country clubbed streets, I was flat for the session. Upon returning I was delighted to see my fortunes have increased to +50bps. I am in total control and now posses upwards of 75% cash, fully confident to achieve another 1-2% this week to close at recourd highs.

It’s important that I tell you these things. After all, if I don’t who will? Lucky for you, all of my trades are recorded in real time inside Stocklabs. Whilst I have more than 10x’d my account in the past 3 years, you’d be shocked to learn that many of the people who joined Stocklabs end up in shambles and absolute ruin.

This of course is no fault of my own — but the human nature. I am told there are people out there who visit the doctor fat and slow, who are told to lose weight and exercise more, and instead of doing that eat more food in front of the TV. The same applies with a chat trading room, whereby the ego of men kick in and after a time believe me to be fallible and sashay on their own in an attempt to be better than Le Fly.

This is folly. I am and will always be the very best trade you’ll ever come across. I might not be the best today or this week or even this year. But over time you will come to understand, and perhaps appreciate, that my adaptability is second to none.

Still bullish — but taking a breather here and waiting for a few solid red candles.

Markets pseudo collapsed today on news from the WSJ that Instagram was custom tailoring their algorithms to cater to pedophiles. Naturally of course this is a concentrated trait of democrats. We already have the registration lists and it would be easy to do, since so many of them loved quarantine and more than that loved working from home. What I speak of is locking all democrats inside their homes in an effort to reduce crime. By my count, if we did this civilization would enjoy a 75% reduction in crime.

At any rate, I managed $10k+ in day trading gains and closed +65bps for the day. I have no hedges and just 22% cash. The reason why I’m bullish is Stocklabs related. We are OVERBOUGHT on our 12mo algo and the data suggests more gains. Today’s weakness was focused on large cap tech with a wide swath of everything else going up. Breadth was a respectable 67% and in spite of the Satanic order we are presently oppressed under — stocks look good for a renewed leg higher.

I am back near sessions highs, +70bps — not because the market cooperated — but because I am a professional and understand the relationship between human emotions and stock price levels.

I am presently hedged via UVIX and SQQQ with a fully long book mostly heavily invested in commodities. We are seeing a commodity rich rally, the sort of rally that we had in the early days of the Ukraine war. Fertilizers, coals, and oils — all up, even ag.

I am not sure if this is a sustainable trend — but it is fund to imagine. I imagine, for example, ALL OF EUROPE, especially Italy, freezing on top of their starvation because Russian supplies have halted due to chicanery.

I feeeeeeel that a blend of SHORT tech and long volatility and commodities IS the winning formula for today. If stocks continue to drag lower and if my profits dissipate more than 10bps, I will increase my short exposure.

I sold all of my stocks sans BTC at the open and was delighted to see I had been up 73bps. Feeling fresh and invigorated, I closed my laptop and sought out to walk my fucking dogs. But before I left, I opened the laptop to take a peek at the action and much to my chagrin learned that stocks had in fact went even higher without me. Feeling abused, I quickly bought a small stack of shit and then shut the laptop for good en route to dog walk.

Upon my return I gently walked over into my library amidst Mozart for violin and opened my laptop to see the horror of my actions. In the short period of my dog walk which was highlighted by explosive diarrhea — markets had in fact collapsed and my gains shrunk to 33bps.

QUICKLY I bought some UVIX and LABD to freeze things — but that didn’t work either and now those are down too and my gains are a paltry 20bps.

As I write this markets have legged lower again, so I sold all of my longs and bought some SQQQ. So aside from my 7% BTC, I am UVIX, LABD and SQQQ at 15%, the rest cash, now eagerly waiting for the end of western finance as we know it.

At one point I rattled off 13 consecutive successful trades today. You have to understand something, I am and always will be the best trader you’ll ever meet. I am mostly infallible and hard to beat down for any period longer than a few weeks. I adapt to any tape in any decade in any trend in any country in any emotional state. I’ve traded while enraged, elated, content, enraptured, depressed, sullen, and boisterous. I’d consider my mood now to be very excellent, feeling as if I could, if I wanted to, punch holes through solid concrete.

I’ve been at the gym again lifting heavy weights and drinking nothing but whey — washed down with some Celsius Energy soda pop.

I closed the session +168bps in fantastic trading — fully free from any shackles I had previous encumbered myself with and with strong intent to aim for very high returns. I sense, if being honest, now is the time to press the envelope. We have the bears laid out with their guts hanging out the side. All we have to do is pull up a chair and eat them alive!

All trades broadcasted live inside Stocklabs. If you’re retarded and can’t make money, join.

NOTE: If you want to get a feel for the platform, C2 does retarded updates on our channel.

The Russell is up nearly 3%, leaving entrails and a path of blood strewn with the remains of short sellers in its path. It was over before it started and now it’s just getting worse for them.

I advise you strongly to cover shorts now and BEHOLD the GRANDE DICKED RALLY of 2023.

It doesn’t have to make sense. Quit being so logical.

As for me, I am KEENLY positioned in and out of these IWM type stocks, Chinese burritos and the like. I am +120bps with 82% cash, deploying cash tactfully and with honor and grace.

Presently I am long BTC, GDRX and FUTU.

I was trading from my dog walk — selling stocks ripping higher whilst dodging out from the way of the Mexican lawnmowers. I see the market is rallying like a great whore today and this suits me just fine. I’m up 65bps and have 66.6% cash — because I too like to play games with numbers.

I added to my Bitcoin today — because fuck the US govt. I finished reading Camille by Dumas last night and truly hate him for writing such a sad novel. It was excellent — but very sad — like WTF sad. I’ll probably sober up to a Hemingway book next. I’m also listening to Grant by Chernow and the more I listen the more I hate Grant — what an alcoholic piece of shit.

On the war front, it appears the Ukrainians broke their own dam and blamed Russia for it. I see a lot of people tossing around the words “war crimes” when referring to this war. I’d like to remind you there is no such thing as specific war crimes. War itself is a crime. Ergo, when partaking in war there are varying degrees of severity but all is a crime. Do you mean to say, for example, the fire bombing of Dresden which targeted civilians is less of a ‘war crime’ or even in the same league with busting of a dam in an area mostly evacuated? I think not. The whole scheme is coming to a head soon. You can sense the desperation of the NATO homos attempting to paint rainbow nazi flags onto willing sacrifices in the UKR army.

Back to stocks: still bullish.