18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,454 Blog Posts

Jim Cramer Defecates on Bitcoin Again: ‘This is One of the Least Functional Markets I’ve Ever Seen’

The former Goldman alumni and professional stock hustler, part time owner of shitty Mexican restaurant in Brooklyn, got up this morning and decided to talk greasy about Bitcoin again — saying bitcoin is the least functional market he’s ever seen and how the owners of bitcoin do not seem to be piggish, whatsoever. He queried that sellers might step in when the crypto market surpassed $1 trillion in cap, which is more than double present values.

All in all, Cramer doesn’t have a god damned idea what he’s talking about.

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Howard Davies Warns CME Against Launching Bitcoin Futures, Says ‘Irrational Exuberance’ is at Play

I’ve never seen an older man in my entire life. Here’s a Wall Street legend, founded FSA, telling Tom Keen from Bloomberg that Bitcoin is, essentially, nuts. He cites a one sided market, with no sellers, equating it to ‘irrational exuberance’, borrowing a phrase from Alan Greenspan. Moreover, he warned the CME against launching BTC futures contracts, saying he has no idea how to price such an instrument, implying their reputation could be damaged by the product.

“This is irrational exuberance,” Royal Bank of Scotland Chairman Howard John Davies said in an interview on Bloomberg TV on Thursday. “This is a very, very unusual market, that shows we’re not in a normal two-way trading market.”

On a related note, the two ETFs that have exposure to Bitcoin have performed best this year. GBTC is higher by 1,580% this year and actively managed ARKK is higher by 70% — because its largest holding is GBTC. Go figure.

Here is ARKK’s other holdings.

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Morning Poppers (Equities are for Olde Men Edition)

What are you still doing here and why aren’t you logged into your Coinbase account to trade some Rare Pepe Cash? I’m days away from publishing my new book — about 33,500 words, so if you haven’t read the first part and want to get Grandma a nice Xmas present, buy it now. Once I get iBank Bitcoins up and running, the rare art on that book cover will be worth millions alone. Just think about all of the money you can make on the iBank Bitcoins are will spill out into the world, introducing the younger generation to “The Fly” and his violent ways.


Via Zerohedge:

For those keeping track, this is how long it has taken the cryptocurrency to cross the key psychological levels:

$0000 – $1000: 1789 days
$1000- $2000: 1271 days
$2000- $3000: 23 days
$3000- $4000: 62 days
$4000- $5000: 61 days
$5000- $6000: 8 days
$6000- $7000: 13 days
$7000- $8000: 14 days
$8000- $9000: 9 days
$9000-$10000: 2 days
$10000-$11000: 1 day
$11000-$12000: 6 days
$12,000-$13,000: 17 hours
$13,000-$14,000: 4 hours
$14,000-$15,000: 10 hours

Total market value of cryptos is now $410b.

Listen, I’m very busy right now and do not have time to cater to your every whim. There’s lots of ways to make money today — just quit dicking around and pay attention for once, will ya?

Here’s some news to start your day.

SAGE +46.9% (reports positive top-line results from phase 2 placebo-controlled trial of SAGE-217),
Tesla: Anheuser-Busch InBev (BUD) placed order for 40 TSLA semi-trucks
Galectin Therapeutics target raised to $10 at H.C. Wainwright — The market gets it wrong, again
Mellanox Tech target raised to $70 at Stifel
Edwards Lifesciences reaffirms FY17 outlook, provides FY18 projections, approves new $1 bln share repurchase program
Lam Research upgraded to Buy from Neutral at Nomura
Shake Shack upgraded to Equal-Weight from Underweight at Morgan Stanley
Commercial Metals upgraded to Buy from Neutral at BofA/Merrill
Ctrip downgraded to Neutral from Overweight at JP Morgan
Cummins initiated with a Outperform at Oppenheimer; tgt $192
Yelp downgraded to Underweight from Neutral at Piper Jaffray; tgt lowered to $37 from $38
Goldman Sachs target raised to $300 from $290 at BofA/Merrill; Added to US 1 List

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Invisibl Pepe Art Debuts; Rare Pepe Cash All the Rage

Anyone want to purchase some Invisibl-RARE-Pepe art? You can buy it now — but it’ll cost ya.

Quit saying ‘nothing is there’ you faggots. The art is invisible, but is there, rest assured.

Overall, the Rare Pepe Art market in crypto terms has been on fire ever since Lord Trump stole the election from Hillary. I mean, the value has gone up from $73,000 to $41 fucking million. That’s quite the return. What is the allure?

It’s backed by RARE PEPE ART you faggots. Get on board now.

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Just 3 hours after Bitcoin passed the historic mark of 13,000, it has now passed 14,000 — well on its way to 50,000. Total market cap for the cryptos is now $387 billion and only olde people aren’t involved in sizable way. Clearly, decentralization is the only path forward and Goldman and JP Morgan are literally shitting their drawers, just looking the BTC spiral higher.

With this elaborate move higher, the BTC crew from Twitter are have a field day, a digital feast, to let haters know how stupid they are for not getting in at much lower prices. Look, you had a chance, you opted to buy QQQ and make just 30%. LOLz, old faggots.

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Greetings and salutations lads,

The Bitcoin happy train continues to run over morons in its path, now higher by 10% to $13,188, up more than 25% this week. The total market cap of the cryptos is now $380 billion, now worth more than the market cap of JP Morgan.

While all of this is super impressive and I am sure the gains will continue, uninterrupted, another contender has emerged, something called IOTA. This small little ICO is now worth $11 billion, up a mere 1,000% in 2017 and 202% over the past week.

Perhaps others on the site can redpill us on why IOTA is blasting off. Inquiring minds want to know.

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KRAMPUS ALERT: Muddy Waters Clown Rapes $OSIS in Polished Short Report

How wonderful. I especially like this short report by Carson Blockhead. The pageantry is very fine. Here have a look at the ‘candid’ shots of Carson doing some analysis on OSIS, which is lower by 25% on this report.

Now imagine yourself long this stock, hit with a margin call, all because Carson and his buddies wanted to front run a high profile media announcement of their short position, a few weeks before Xmas. This is fucked up on a very large scale; but he has a great track record, and as far as I can tell, he’s abiding by all of the laws.

Shares of OSIS have been clown-raped, and are screaming lower.

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Raise Your Hand if You’re Making Money Today

Markets are moving higher today, but everything else is lower. Most of the small capped stuff is getting obliterated. At the top of that trash heap is my HMNY, thanks to CNK launching a competing service. Does it really matter, all things considered? No. But now I am truly a long term investor.

Oil is tracking lower again, laying waste of oil stocks…yadda, yada, yada.

Who gives a shit right? Stocks go up, down, then up again. At the end of the day, if you’re buying large capped stocks — you cannot go wrong. Just buy more as they drop, and you’ll make even more when they hit new highs.

The only thing I want from Krampus this holiday season is for a sharply higher VIX. We need some panic in the air, a nuclear war, Presidential impeachment, something. Sitting at $14, UVXY looks lonely. You should join it.

There are only two sectors in the market that mean anything: tech and finance. The combined sectors comprise more than 50% of free cash flow reported over the past twelve months. If we are ever to get a deranged move to the downside, both of them need to be destroyed.

Is that too much to ask?

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Bob Doll: The Market Cannot Go Down; Earnings are Too Good

This was one of those cringeworthy moments in financial television history that I knew when I saw it, I could document it for future use in order to humiliate Bob Doll. While no one here is arguing with the merits of US earnings, I think we could all agree that it is patently absurd to suggest stocks cannot trade down, because earnings are so damned good.

Well, that’s exactly what Bob Doll just said. It’s impossible for stocks to even pullback a mere 5-10% because of the power of earnings, so you might as well mortgage out the house, leverage it up, and buy QQQ.

On the issue of earnings and free cash flow, publicly traded US companies have enjoyed about $1 trillion of free cash flow over the past 12 months, on revenues of $11.2 trillion. Total debt is around $9 trillion, most of it sequestered in the banking space, which is tricky to quantify. The total market capitalization of US companies is a little above $23 trillion. Within the free cash flow matrix, here is the breakdown per sector.

Basic Materials: -$82 billion
Consumer Goods: $100 billion
Financial: $330 billion
Healthcare: $114 billion
Industrials: $79 billion
Services: $164 billion
Technology: $253 billion
Utilities: -$751 million

In short, financials and tech make up more than half of the free cash flow generated by American publicly traded companies.

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Morning Poppers (Krampus is Coming Edition)

Can anyone seriously argue that we’ve all been a good people the past year — I mean as a whole? Societal upheaval is coming lads and Krampus is going to whisk away your entire families. Sure, you’ve donated some of your excess returns to very nice charities, but that still doesn’t negate the fact that you’re a truly horrible person.

Now you might be asking yourselves now: what sort of person wakes up and types that sort of shit into his computer at 7am for thousands of people to read the minute they wake up? I will have you know, “The Fly” transcends space-time and has seen the future and I am here on a mission of mercy, for Christ’s sake.

In related news, I finished my book. I will be proof reading out the retard mistakes I made and publish it before Xmas. You can buy it for all of your friends and family members before Krampus whisks them away. In all, it came out to 33,500 words, about twice as long as last book. It ended on a bit of a cliff note and to be perfectly honest, I probably won’t get around to writing part 3 for a long time, since I am reentering money management and will be quite busy. Nevertheless, I think you’ll like it.

Eurostoxx 50 stocks are getting their dicks cut off this morning, with the Dax off by 0.9% and Asia pummeled into a losing streak not seen since 2015. On a related note, Nasdaq futures are -13, WTI -1.3%, AND BITCOIN IS +8% to 12,600.

The yield curve is now just 53bps, new lows. I remain short BAC.

Here are some other headlines worthy of your time.

Chemours downgraded to Neutral from Buy at Goldman
Walgreens Boot Alliance to acquire 40% interest in Chinese pharmacy chain GuoDa
Henry Schein downgraded to Underweight from Equal-Weight at Morgan Stanley
Square CEO Jack Dorsey tweets: ‘Turning on Bitcoin for a lot more cash app folks right now’
Pattern Energy upgraded to Buy from Neutral at Goldman
Snap initiated with a Underperform at Evercore ISI; tgt $7

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