iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,003 Blog Posts

Storm Chaser Jeff Piotrowski Panics: Rooftops Will Be Ripped Off, Windows 15-30 Stories High Blown Out

Emmy award winning storm chaser, Jeff Piotrowski, just did a gloomy Periscope, warning people to evacuate Florida, saying a storm of this magnitude will lay waste to wherever it hits.

“You don’t want to experience it. I promise you.When your house starts coming apart and your buildings and walls start collapsing, the boards start punching through the house like torpedoes, like missiles — it’s unbelievable what’s going to happen.”

Having experienced some of the major hurricanes in person, Jeff painted a grim picture of roof tops being torn off, both house and hotels, windows blowing out up to 15 to 20 stories highs — power failures and ‘catastrophic’ damage that will take months to repair.

If you’re wondering about the intensity of this storm, I strongly advise you to watch his Periscope below and heed his dire warnings.

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FLORIDA BRACES FOR ANNIHILATION: HURRICANE IRMA CLOCKING IN AT 200MPH SURFACE WINDS

The good folks at the NOAA2 just recorded Hurricane Irma’s surface winds at ~200mph, barreling towards the lesser Antilles. The current trajectory of the storm has it wiping out all of Miami, or perhaps swinging west and laying waste to the Florida keys. Either way, insurance stocks (UVE, HCI, HRTG, FNHC) in Florida are positively doomed.

Here is the latest reading on this great storm of death and cataclysm.

The storm is clocking in at 913.1 mb.

To put this in context, Hurricane Katrina clocked in at 902mb and this system hasn’t even reached the coast yet.

An update from Guadalupe.

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FINANCIALS GORILLA RAPED AS MONSTROUS HURRICANE ENCROACHES UPON FLORIDA

To say that today’s session was merely a dip isn’t an argument. You make yourselves to be clown-fools when you take positions like that.

I want you to behold and have a gander at the sheer carnage of the financial sector today, lit the fuck up because Hurricane Irma is going to bring disaster with her.

HRTG – 18%
HCI -18%
UVE -18%
FNHC -17%
MHLD -10%
AGO -5.5%
FHN -4.5%
HBHC -4%

Ergo, the only reasonable thing to do, especially for a gentleman — such as myself — of extreme importance and decorum is to BET AGAINST THE ENTIRE FINANCIAL SYSTEM AND HOPE THAT IS CRASHES, LEAVING NO SURVIVORS.

I personally guarantee a continuation of this utter and sheer bloodshed tomorrow. However, bear in mind, everything we once thought was sacred about finance (logic, common sense, math, etc.) has been designated for the trashcan.

For now, let us pray for the end of western finance, spearheaded by the mongrels who profit furiously at Goldman Ballsachs.

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These Stocks Are Getting Hit Hard During Today’s Pullback

Insurance companies are getting hit hard. Irma is clocking in at 185mph and is now considered a Super Cat 5 Hurricane heading straight for Florida. In related news, a new hurricane is forming just behind Irma, ironically called Jose, and it too is heading for Florida.

This has insurancefags shitting their draws.

UVE
HTRG
HCI
UIHC

^^All down double digits.

Refinery stocks are getting hit too, as the WTI-Brent spread narrows and cracks collapse. This is simply a walking back of the ill gotten gains Harvey provided these stocks last week.

But seriously, the financial sector is in all sorts of trouble here, from the property insurance sector to the surety and title insurance. Have a look.

Related: New data suggests 50% of home prices are in bubble territory.

The way to play this: GET IN THE FAZMOBILE.

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Having Fun Yet? Getting Parched?

Is it merely a coincidence that on the day 100 NASDAQS were stolen from the National Treasury, Le Fly decided to step back into discretionary trading?

Perhaps.

One thing is indelibly clear, we’ve got work to do. Once the hydrogen bombs pop off, scores of people will be dehydrated. It is our duty, as peace loving Americans, to provide those in need with pamplemousse flavored sparkling water (pic related).

Laugh all you want, but it’s true. FIZZ is going, the fuck, higher.

Hedging the calamity to come is simple. Fuck the banks. Fuck the banks again. And then fuck the banks last.

Do it, via FAZ.

War requires oil. Trump is a madman. Get long OAS.

In the event you’re unsure, buy GLD and TLT and simply watch as markets begin to unravel and then implode. The coming crash is seasonally appropriate and will produce many “Old Man Scotts.

Boy, this blogging is making me awfully thirsty. I believe it’s time for a La Croix, Kiwi Sandia flavored, carbonated water pop.


That’s not fucking me. I have way less hair.

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MARKETS IN SPIRAL MODE, AS THREAT OF WORLD ENDING NUCLEAR WAR LOOMS

Ever since I was a young boy, I wanted to write a nice headline like that. Sad part is, it’s not entirely a fake news headline. Say what you want about Hillary “fucking” Clinton, Trump is doing exactly what we feared she’d do — head us down a ruinous path of war, bloodshed and fuckery.

Rich people.

The Dow Jones is down over 200 now, with the fag-heavy NASDAQ -71. All in all, this is a rather pedestrian decline. You should be concerned if the losses doubled from here.

On the risk off side, the 10yr is off nearly 8bps to 2.08%, sending my TLT higher again.

My quantitive positions are somewhat hedged by the 20% cash and GLD/TLT positions and my discretionary positions are getting ready for some big dicked gains (no homo).

The way I figure, nuclear war with China and “Best Korea” will cause oil prices to careen higher. Plus, it might dehydrate people, upping demand for refreshing beverages. As such, I am profusely long both FIZZ and OAS, with an FAZ hedge — because FUCK THE BANKS.

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FUCK THE BANKS: Fly Buy $FAZ

Hedging my previous long bets in FIZZ and OAS, I went long FAZ — which was flagged oversold on Thursday of last week by Exodus. The thesis here is simple and straightforward: fuck the banks, twice. I hope they burn.

In the event I’m wrong, I’ll be stopping out of this fucker at $16.

The upside is seemingly unlimited.

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Sessions Ends DACA: ‘Ending the Previous Administrations Disrespect for the Legislative Process’

No more unfettered illegal immigration. Contrary to crazy opinions, some people are illegal, especially those in the country without permission. As a citizen of America, I truly couldn’t care less about dreamers, as long as they work hard and contribute to the country. However, if I were a dirty handed career politician, I’d have a very difficult time reconciling a position to permit dreamers into the country, especially since they work against the best interests of the citizens of the country.

They take up resources and reduce wages. Ergo, they’ve got to go.

AG Sessions just rescinded Obama’a Dream Act.

What does that mean?

Not sure yet. What we do know is that government lured people into registering for this program, only to now have government armed with said lists that can be used to deport them.

How nice.

Judge Nap explains why Trump had to make a big fuss about this.

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Strong Flavored Crack Pick: Bought Into the Oil Patch

I don’t want to get to wild on my first day back to discretionary trading. After all, the market is a little weak and a barn buster of a ‘Cane is heading straight for the retards who live in Florida. I am sorry to be so insensitive to those living in Florida — but you live in Florida.

Having said that, take a look at HCI — a fucked up way to lose money off Floridian insurance.

Markets are off by 160 and the country is on the verge of armed nuclear and civil war. Ergo, I bought some OAS — because everyone wants to get back into the oil patch. WTI is higher by 3.3% and all of the fashionable people I know are getting in.

Don’t be afraid to lose vast sums of money during your journey towards equilibrium. “The Fly” is a champion of heroes, a crowd pleaser amongst the vast swaths and swarms of horrible people who make up our great industry. Exercise a modicum of decorum and join me as I explore the deepest bowels of risk, bringing new meaning to the word crazy. After all, it’s my money; I can lose it however I please.

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Fly Buy: $FIZZ — Because a Hurricane is Coming Edition

As promised, I bought FIZZ this morning at $119ish. The stock cannot stop going up, because either KO or PEP must acquire them and they know it. The La Croix craze is out of fucking control and poses a serious threat to BIG SODA’S dominant dick-grab on the grocery store.


WTF is going on here?

So what’s a decent price for FIZZ?

Well, MOAR.

It’s trading expensively as shit, like a fancy pair of dungarees. This fucker is at 6.5x sales, heading higher, and there’s nothing PEP or KO and can do to stop it, aside from buying them out. At $5.5b market cap, it’s still affordable for any major soda-fag company. But a deal cannot get done without a premium.

Hell, MNST is up only 10% over the past 12 months and sports a p/s ratio of 9.5x. Given that FIZZ is the hottest shit since sliced bread at Whole Foods now, I’d say buying the company at 12x sales is entirely fucking reasonable, or $240 per share.

HAHAHAHAHA — you stupid motherfuckers. You’re gonna have to buy out FIZZ for $11 billion.

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