Market Volatile AF — Maybe I Should Go Long Volatility ETNs

The market was doing great this morning. Now is looks like shit. Perhaps I should segue myself into a comfy UVXY position, sit back and watch the wood burn on the fire.

Oil is getting blasted and the Nasdaq is low — thanks to EXTRME weakness in the semis. I am holding my SOXS position through the earnings to follow. I am particularly looking forward to NVDA — which is priced for perfection.

On the topic of cryptos, the rally has paused and OSTK stopped dead in its tracks. Good thing I booked profits earlier today.

On a serious note, you’d need to have a mental disorder to buy any volatility ETNs ever again. You’d be better off playing with a box of dynamite sticks inside of an inferno.

The only other thing I did today was buy SECO.

I’l be out for the market close, but rooting in spirit for everything to collapse like a desk of clown cards.

Kerrisdale has a rich history of making retarded calls, such as short STRP, SAGE, and VSAT. I have no idea how they’re still in business. Nevertheless, they are and now they’re directing their ire at the blockchain, specifically calling out Kodak as a ‘zero.’

Shares of KODK are sharply higher on this contrarian news, as Wall Street couldn’t give two shits out the report.

“No photographer would rather be paid in KodakCoins over real money,” according to a report Wednesday from Kerrisdale, a hedge fund known for moving stocks with its outspoken calls. “It’s a last-ditch stock promotion gambit for a company hurtling towards bankruptcy.”

“Rather than dreaming of a ‘new economy’ for photographers, shareholders should be concerned about an eventual wipe-out,” Kerrisdale said. “Eventually, possibly as soon as the next time Kodak reports earnings, a share price levitating on the hopes of blockchain technology will give way to the gravity of dying, old-world fundamentals.”

Here’s Kerrisdale’s last two high profile shorts, laughable clown failures.

Fuck you if you’re shorting stocks today. We have to celebrate when given the chance. Today is a jubilee of insanity and I am at forefront making noise — banging on pots and pans.

I kicked out the OSKT I bought this mooring for a $3.50 gain.

Why?

Because.

With the proceeds, I rolled into SECO?

Why?

Because I liked the MUH chart. That’s right, the chart looked so delicious I wanted to take a bite out of it — so I did.

The party is back. Do not remind me of the dark days of two days ago. Up we go.

I am all for chaos and have enjoyed the Trump presidency so much more than Obama’s boring 8 years of virtue signaling. However, when it comes to money, I tend to be a little superstitious and this sort of shit tastes like lemon.

In the “old days,” when good news was reported, the Stock Market would go up. Today, when good news is reported, the Stock Market goes down. Big mistake, and we have so much good (great) news about the economy!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 7, 2018

Please @Jack, stop the President from ruining our great big beautiful titted stock market — and I mean that in the most gender neutral way possible. We simply cannot have this madman out there tweeted shit like this. Doesn’t he have a war to wage with North Korea? They’re such a threat — he should really focus on nuking them.

Had I not been a victim of a most egregious raping in XIV, I would be laughing at those caught in it now. Instead, I find myself in a state of disbelief – yet somehow enlightened by the whole ordeal.

A sacrifice was needed to be made in order to jimmy rig the market higher. Too many faggots were selling vol premiums — living off the fat of the land like absolute pig-faced fuckheads. Those people have now been removed from the field of battle, casualties in a war that is fought on a 3-D Trump chess board.

How does it feel to be a sacrificial lamb? Rather good, might I add.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I am still not eating rotting flesh. I will likely never eat a steak again, let alone a scrawny piece of chicken. “The Fly” sustains himself on gigantic pieces of fish now — living the life of a pirate on the high seas, noshing on sea-weed whilst plundering villages. Right now, for example, I am eating an avocado sandwich with a few piece of lettuce, staring at my crypto currencies. I’m a hipster now.

Stocks are higher by 200+ Dow points today because XIV has been killed. We’re up 800 over the past two days because you didn’t read the prospectus. It makes zero sense lamenting over the details or get angry about criminalities committed upon our persons. We must pick up from where we left off and extract money from this bitch of a whore.

On that note, I am nearly up 2 on this morning’s OSTK purchase. Time to move on and embrace the #NewParadigm, ensconce ourselves in the grandeur of irrational markets thrashing about Wall Street — murdering people in its path.

I must admit, it’s so wonderful to have my XIV position down 99% after the market runs higher by 700. Some might’ve thought such a rally would’ve produced a feverish run higher in the ETN. Alas, Credit Suisse and the mathematicians who built the ETN have truly outdid themselves, nearly breaking the entire market with an instrument spawned from the hottest pits of hell.

Earlier today I read a report from Goldman that read like an old man screed hating on crypto currencies, so I bought some OSTK. There are many crypto proxies out there — but OSTK is the chief proxy — the head honcho. If Bitcoin is back on the way up again, OSTK will move in tandem.

By the way, do not be surprised to hear people start to talk about the correlation between stocks and cryptos. Yes, stocks are rallying today because so are cryptos. Yes, the market began to tank last week after cryptos tanked. There is a correlation — make no mistake.

Here’s a quick rundown on my current tactical holdings, after all of the selling the past few days.

OSTK, KBSF, ESV, LEDS, FTK, XIV and SOXS.

There isn’t anything honorable, per se, about that combination of holdings. By all measures, it reads of mid-life crisis desperation — a man who is still walking around in shorts trying to be cool. HOWEVER, you should know this merely represents 30% of my investable income — chump change, idle clams invested for sport. Most of my money is invested in my quantitative strategies, which have performed wonderfully — much better than anything you’re doing now.

That much, I assure you, is bankable.

Correction are healthy; it gets rid of excess investors.

We’re working through some overhead resistance and will soon find support.

I’ve been in this business for 1,000 years and this is what a bottom looks like.

Lots of cold hard cash on the sidelines.

The economy is supposed to grow at 20% this year. This is nothing more than an small pit stop en route towards Dow 50,000.

Bitcoin is the future and so is the Blockchain.

Tax cuts, new jobs, and innovation — all good reasons to own stocks.

We’ve gone too far. Soon there will be a buying frenzy and shorts will get their dicks chopped off as we springboard higher.

Make your lists of stocks you’ve always wanted to buy. Take a shot of whiskey. Now buy said list.

There, now you don’t have to watch CNBC today.

Here’s some MOAR news.

Chipotle Mexican Grill downgrade details — to Sell at Stifel; tgt lowered to $250…Investors still waiting for earnings with integrity
Zendesk upgraded to Equal-Weight from Underweight at Stephens
Michael Kors beats by $0.48, beats on revs; guides Q4 ~in-line
Snap upgraded to Buy from Neutral at BofA/Merrill
Apple initiated with a Neutral at Goldman; tgt $161
DPW Holdings reaffirms that it sees FY18 revs above consensus
Intercept Pharma downgraded to Sell from Neutral at Goldman
Charles Schwab downgraded to Sell from Neutral at Citigroup
Cleveland-Cliffs upgraded to Outperform from Underperform at Credit Suisse
Chipotle Mexican Grill downgraded to Neutral from Buy at Mizuho
Snap upgraded to Neutral from Underweight at JP Morgan

I can hear these people in my thoughts, as I eat, as I drink coffee, as I sleep.

“We must retest the MUH lows in order to MUH capitulate and put in a MUH bottom.”

These words have been bandied around Wall Street for generations, by what I like to call “Retest the Lows Fags.”

These are men who amble around Wall Street, waiting for catastrophe, shitting on all recoveries, pitching for a retest of the lows for reasons that are nonsensical to the thinking man.

According to this chart, we have 1,200 points of heart pounding downside left.

While I am cautious about espousing this view, especially since its been suckers bet for a long, long time, it certainly is alluring.

The NIKKEI is +1.6% and fading here. WTI is +0.77%, BTC ripping higher by 16%, and Dow futures are down 212 points.

In light of the XIV chicanery, I felt it was my duty to inform others of the full suite of Credit Suisse ETFs, so that you might avoid them and never trade them again.

In a world filled with endless choices in the ETF world, there is little reason to favor an evil organization like Credit Suisse, a company who zeroed out its volatility ETN after just two days of market tumult, done like thieves in the night in the after hours session.

In addition to this list, VIIZ is another one of their bastards from hell.

In meaningless drivel Credit Suisse inspired after-hours trade, upside volatility is +26%, in spite of the fact that futures are -100.

In case you’re wondering why Credit Suisse is evil, here’s a testimonial.

Market roared higher by 550. It’s hard to argue XIV would’ve been +30% today, when the cathartic moment it failed contributed to the sequence of events that caused the price drop in the first place. It’s a chicken vs egg paradox. In other words, the destruction of XIV was the genesis of today’s rally. The tree of profit, at the altar of the Federal Reserve, needed to be enriched with the blood of traders betting on complacency.

After all, is there a greater evil than complacency?

I think not.

The most important development today was the bounce in Bitcoin and other crypto currencies. They are risk personified and the market didn’t like seeing so many HODLers roasted at once, without respite. We prefer a slow boil to a roast and it’s never a good thing to have too many executions all at once.

Earlier today I sold out of my gold position and a lot of shit and now have only some shit and XIV and some SOXS, which was purchased for the purposes of a hedge and I was not around today to sell it, so now I am stuck with it — like a fool — eagerly awaiting an exit.

XIV closed down a meager 92% for the day, an impressive showing, especially since volatility was in fact crushed as well. My quant portfolio was higher by 2.4%, and that represents 70% of my investable income — so I suppose that’s something I should be pleased with. All in all, today was a very dark and grim day in the annuls of my trading history and I shall always reference and remember the time when the great volatility whore raped me for sport, not for pleasure.

Upside volatility ETF, UVXY, is the opposite of what XIV is supposed to be, and it was down by more than 30% today.

Well done, Credit Suisse. Your sacrifices went better than expected.