18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,855 Blog Posts


Now I don’t want to cry chicken little here, but the sky is really falling. JPM missed, thanks to a massive trading shortfall, for the first time in 15 quarters, and the retards from WFC ran out of fraudulent ways to beat their estimates. As a result, the futures, which were swimming higher before I went to bed last night, have now turned lower. Gains have been REVOKED and buy the dipFAGS BTFO.

JPMorgan Chase misses by $0.21, misses on revs

Wells Fargo prelim Q4 $1.21 vs $1.18 S&P Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; revs $20.98 bln vs $21.80 bln S&P Capital IQ Consensus Estimate

Normally I ‘d suggest that a miss at JPM isn’t a big deal, but it sort of is, when considering the fact they are the best bank in the US. If they’re doing ‘poorly’ in this environment, how do you suppose C is doing now?

Nasdaq futures are still higher by 25 and WTI is +1.5%, all bullish for stocks. I’ll be taking my cue from the bond market, specifically looking at the 10yr, which is now yielding 2.69%, down 2bps for the day. BAD.

European markets are mostly down to flat and the buyers look exhausted up here. Let’s see how the first hour of trade is before making any grande assumptions.

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Cramer: San Francisco TechFAGs Love Trump’s Big Beautiful Trade War

You cannot stop the carnage. You might be able to delay it for a short while, but human nature demands conflict and high degrees of drama, especially when traveling up the power totem pole. Case in point, Cramer sashayed around San Fransicko last week and was deeply surprised by the support for war against China around those parts.

Dare I say, the spike in futures this evening will be entirely revoked and vomited by the opening bell?

Good night.

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Exiting the Trading Session Tactically Superior

It was a non-eventful day FESTOONED with zany moves in healthcare stocks. For a moment or two, I was seduced by a few, but then I quickly regained my bearings and made sure to keep my money nice and safe, in cash.

I closed out the session, 45% cash, with lots of triple downside ETFs to bet on a disaster to come. I realize this is not a high probability trade, but I’m bored and if forced to make a bet, I’d bet on lower prices.

We must acknowledge that stocks are in a bear market and this recent uptrend is nothing more than a respite. Very soon, actual centaurs will traverse the streets of Wall, kicking traders in the chest and defecating on the exchange. I will have you know, I do not intend to be around when this happens and will gladly watch it from the luxury of my own home.

Today was a sandwich say, highlighted by the fuckers on CNBC reminding everyone that stocks were ‘OFF THE LOWS.’ We’ll have these fucking indices on their backs, not before long, and the people on CNBC suffering grave injuries on live teevee soon.

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Reminder: We’re Still in an Uptrend in the Longer Term Downward Channel

Even though I’ve taken on positions in SOXS, FAZ, and DRIP — the trend is higher. I know, what could possibly cause stocks to go up?


Stocks trade up for all sorts of reasons. If I was to give you my best advice, I’d say to eat a sandwich and to chill the fuck out. My shorts are anticipatory trade, unconfirmed. While the markets look tired and we might be topping, price action hasn’t confirmed these theories. Ergo, one must remain open to the idea of even more upside, in spite of how annoying it all is — given the news.

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The Pelican Room is only up for a handful of people now, namely the biggest sinners. Because I am a messenger for the Gods, you should know that if you’re able to comment inside Exodus right now — you’re likely destined for hell. Sorry, I did not lead the life of degeneracy that you chose for yourself. Enjoy burning in the fires for eternity.

Still bored, seeing oil go down, I sold my HCLP and SND positions and bought some DRIP in its stead.

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I’m Depressed, So I Bet Against Semiconductor Stocks

I was having a hard time grappling with the fact that part of Exodus is down today, namely the very active social club called The Pelican Room. Normally, I use it to vent and berate my members. But today, without it being active due to tech concerns, I find myself rudderless — back up against the current, fucked, forked, radish.

While you might have a respite, or a safe place to reside during periods of duress, I have none. When I get melancholy and begin to brood, I look for ways to lash out, a classic psychological malady that is often treated with electro-shock therapy. While I may one day sign up for one of those courrections, for now I buy SOXS — betting against the semis because it’s fun to root against US companies wholly based in Asia in the midst of a trade war with Asia.

These companies are all woefully exposed to the pangs, and those pangs may one day bang, and knock their blocks off.

Granted, it’s all very possible that this trade may go awry and I may be forced to devour moar crow; but I seriously doubt it. I seriously doubt in your ability to stop me.

This trade is early and designed to anticipate a move that hasn’t happened yet, so it’s not high conviction.

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Fly Sales: $ACB, $IQ, $YY, $EGO

It’s early, but the price action might be a foreshadowing of a great doom to come.

I sold ACB for a 12% gain, and IQ, YY, and EGO for marginal, mid-tier losses.

All in all, a wash — raising cash in order to better position myself for the great fuckeries to come.

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Good morning lads.

It appears my Rube Goldberg trading software device has gone astray this morning and effectively silenced those inside of The Pelican Room. For those outside of the realm of knowing, this is where all of the true gentlemen and distinguished gentlemen cavort during the day. They leave hundreds, if not thousands of messages, regarding topics such as Biggie vs Tupuc, CandlestickFAGS and why they should be eliminated from society, FAGboxes, whiskey, and all topics concerning eggs under the sun.

Quite frankly, I’m afraid a day of silence bodes poorly for the mental health of many in there, chaps who rely upon the discussions to keep them stable and of course genius.

While I track down someone who could help fix this issue, it appears The Pelican Room inside Exodus will be silenced for at least several hours — perhaps forever. We shall wait and see.

Early going, futures are sharply lower and I expect to lose money in my longs, but of course make money in my FAZ and TLT positions. I’m also 25% cash, so that will help me decide which way to play the coming volatility.

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Top Rated Pot Stocks by Exodus

As many of you know by now, pot is a cure-all herb that is capable of curing any ailment known to mankind.

Got cancer?

NOT A FUCKING PROBLEM. Smoke some high grade pot and get cured.

Dick feeling a little flaccid?

NOT A FUCKING PROBLEM. Take a few drops of CBD oil and become erect and hard as the sword of King Arthur.

Lost all of your hair and now look like a god damned fool?

NOT A FUCKING PROBLEM. Rub some THC onto your scalp and soon watch all of your hair, RESTORED, as if you were a 4 year old boy.

For many decades, our evil politicians have been in bed, sucking the dicks off big pharma, hiding the overt benefits of smoking pot and how the country of Jamaica has thrived for decades by keeping the population in a constant state of purple haze.

Thanks to an egregious national debt burden, western nations have now opened their bosom to the idea that pot is, in fact, good — especially if taxed properly and able to fund slush fund projects that offer nothing more than curious amazement in the stead of utility.

According to the Exodus Market Intelligence Platform, these are the top rated pot stocks that are traded in America.

As of Friday, I was long APHA, ACB, and CRON. Try to fucking stop me. I will rip your arms out of your sockets.

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Trading Stocks is No Place For Self-Indulgent Ideologues

Way back in the days, during the nascency of my career as a stockbroker, now presently disguised as something honorable with the term “investment advisor” aka parasitic boozehound, I often felt special enough to be able to front run a large directional shift in the market. Much of this belief was rooted in narcissism and my early success in America Online, an investment I made out of High School that turned $6k into $250k. Truth of the matter is and was, I was simply at the right place and at the right time. I did not invent the internet and AOL wasn’t all that risky — given their pole position in the industry.

Years after AOL, I tried to duplicate that success over a variety of stocks, some in sectors that I had no business even pretending to be a pseudo-intellectual in. The net result was disappointment though disillusionment, followed by a recalcitrant stubbornness. I brooked no path towards being humbled and ended up destroyed and ruined as a result.

In plain terms, the market never bankrupts or ruins people. People ruin themselves via hubris.

For example, things looked terrible into the New Year, correct?

The poorhouse is littered with geniuses and former trading gurus who started to believe in their own grandness. I know nothing more than the market, the all encompassing redoubt of human knowledge and ingenuity.

If you were being honest with yourself, like I was here on January 4th, you would’ve covered your shorts and went long on this day.

All of the ingredients for an extended rally were present, buoyed by oil and high yield price reflation. I ended up trading in and out of about 20 stocks for profit since then and currently own a variety of low brow speculative gambles, all for the express purposes of EXTREME and delicious profit.

If you’re short here, you’re merely anticipating the market and not trading with it. Think about it.

Intellectually, I am a bear. There are a sundry of items that can dislodge the economy and the market; but I choose to remain obedient to price action, and not the caprices of my own, insulated, opinions.

Here’s a data dump of things I am looking at on a fundamental level that will affect price action in the markets.

Happy Saturday.

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