iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,108 Blog Posts

Get in Here and View Some Fucking Oversold Stocks

I’m real sour tonight, like a walking and talking lemon. I’m pissed off at Kevin Spacey for ruining NFLX with his gay perversions. Not that anything is wrong with being gay, but only his form of being gay — raping others and such. I’ll just leave that subject sitting there quietly and move on.

The fucking stock market is gonna tank out tomorrow. I was so looking forward to my IQ rising again; but it appears I’m going to get punched in the gut and will buckle over like a true manlet. No matter how tough you think you are, the market has a way of making everyone into a beta jackass.

No worries, “The Fly” is a genetic anomaly and will figure out new methods to skin his cats.

Meanwhile, here’s a fucking list for you to peruse, oversold stocks in Exodus — most with 90% win rates, average returns very beautiful. Your shitty systems pale in comparison to what I’m doing here. Ask around — this shit is better than sliced bread.

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Very Soon I’ll Be Rich, Harvesting My Crops

I planted a triple upside IQ crop last week that has grown into a real beauty, believe me. By tomorrow, I fully expect the share price to rage higher, going above $40 — making me an extremely rich man. With the money I make from this investment, the proceeds can go towards science to help cure diseases, the homeless, and of course starvation.

I envision myself on the deck, drinking gimlets, having my illegal Mexican servants harvesting my crops. I’ll be in the shaded area, away from the skin cancer, whilst everyone else swelters in the hot sun, collecting money for me.

My IQ is so high, it’s almost unbelievable. Just 30 minutes ago I was so melancholy and was behaving like such a drama queen, but now my mood is appreciably better, as I bear witness to a magnificent rally in this splendid Chinese equity.

I AM CHAMPION OF ALL THE KINGS. THE GREATEST COCKSMITH WHO HAS EVER LIVED. ALL SHALL BOW DOWN TO MY EXISTENCE AND STARE AT THE GRAVEL AS I SASHAY TO AND FRO.

Good day.

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ALL I HAVE IS MY $IQ; EVERYTHING ELSE IS LOSS

I report to you as a melancholy man. Markets are betwixt with fear and greed, unsure of its own gender. I tried to tell the market, “Mark you are a man. Get up and dance” and it simply nodded at me and then pretended to put on some lipstick and eye shadow. The subsequent result of this confusion has led my portfolio astray, with only my IQ and a little bit of this PVTL to keep me afloat. Earlier this morning, I sold all of my oils for losses and now I am hamstrung by a slew of stocks saddled by intra-day losses.

The tech sector, as a whole, has market breadth of only 30%. I know — this is the very worst market in the history of the world. Next thing you know, Russian paratroopers will land in DC and occupy the White House.

Even my earlier purchases of AMD and SHSP have gone nowhere. The Lord works in mysterious ways and now it is testing me with capital losses, Frankly, I don’t know what to do with myself. Am I to remain in cash, about 20% now, or buy MOAR? Should I short sell stocks, go on vacation, and never look at my screen again?

The only sectors moving higher today are the banks — a bedraggled sector bereft of dignity and excitement. I’d rather kill myself than be forced to trade in and out of banks. I cannot think of a more horrible existence than that.

At any rate, I hope the close of trade brings forth new gifts of profit, although I am reticent to believe such a thing is possible. The summer doldrums have infiltrated every orifice of the human mind — fixated on perversions and drugs, addled by summer sangria and spritzers. Nobody loves stocks anymore. Sad!

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MY $IQ IS LIT — AND A MICRO CAP GAMBLE

Now that I got all of the bad mojo out of the way, I can really spread my wings and fly up in this bitch.

As you know by now, my IQ is very high — higher by 7% today to above $36. This is a triple upside play for me — meaning it represents more than 15% of my overall portfolio. This is a long dicked position and there is nothing that you or your stupid friends can do about it.

The stitches of time and space are on my side. You and your small peasantry funds are nothing more than an idle nuisance, an annoyance, to me and my people. We buy stocks and dare you to short them, to hurt us, and you can never accomplish anything.

Reason being: you’re all pikers.

Also, I bought SHSP. This is a super micro capped piece of shit with a small float and it’s thinly traded. I do not advise following me into this burning house. After all, the stock has tripled recently and is shooting towards fresh highs. God forbid it should go higher, you and your bandits might need to form an committee in an attempt to fucking stop me.

As an aside, I bought AMD too.

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Time to Buy Oil — I’m Out

I sold out of all of my oil stocks this morning on this gap lower. No interest whatsoever in guessing the next move in crude. I have NO IDEA what I’m doing in the oil pits.

I will now take my proceeds and invest them wisely in a slew of high beta tech stocks.

In the meantime, you can fade my oil sales and make yourselves a small fortune — for I am certain I just booked marked the top and bottom of the recent range with my inane activity.

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HODLing is Back, Just in Time for the US-Russian Summit

On news that Trump will release the SPR, oil is fucking plunging this morning, off by 2.5%. Perfect, because I’m long a bunch of oil stocks.

Futures are flat. England is getting punched in the face — down by 0.9%; and Trump is meeting with Putin in Finland. All that is nice and good, but let’s be honest here; the real news is BTC and the crypto sector breaking the fuck out. Prices have ebb’d enough and now they’re gonna flow.

Look at them run, bro. LOOK AT THEM!!!

BTC is higher by 4% and many others are up more. The lambos are being polished off again, engines revved up. All of the HODL’ers are back in style, wearing their hipster white t-shirt uniforms with their handlebar mustaches. They look like philosophers, but only a lot richer. Real philosophers are poor as fuck, always analyzing shit for free, writing books about things no one cares about.

In other news, my triple sized IQ position is +2.2% in the pre-market. Hopefully those gains will offset the beatdown I’m about to endure in crude.

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Senior Iranian Oil Minister Trolls Trump on Tapping into SPR and Elevated Oil Prices

Ever since Trump decided to punish Iran and impose sanctions, the price of crude has been strong as shit — trending higher. While I welcome these elevated prices, mainly because it discouraged poor people from driving and crashing into other people whilst taking selfies of themselves in their piece of shit vehicles, it’s important to document any time a senior oil minister trolls Trump for daring to access America’s strategic oil reserves.

“My advice to you, Mr. President, is to avoid touching the SPR – to cool down and give up sanctioning Iranian oil,” Hossein Kazempour Ardebili, Iran’s representative to OPEC, said by email.

“Mr. President, as I have foreseen earlier, it seems you are resorting to the SPR due to the fact that there is no spare capacity to cover for Iranian exports – but there will be many repercussions,” Kazempour said.

“Saudi Arabia, the U.A.E and Russia pretended to be able to deliver 2.5 million barrels a day of Iranian exports,” Kazempour said. “That was a miscalculation, Mr. President: you have fallen in their trap, and prices will go up.”

It’s not the first time the Iranian official has responded to Trump’s policies. Earlier this month, Kazempour said that tweets by Trump criticizing the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries had pushed oil prices up by about $10 a barrel.

“If we in Iran were to stop our exports for just one month to show what it can bring to the world economy, you would have thought twice,” Kazempour said. “But we are a civilized nation, and a responsible government.”

Thank God Iran is such a civilized nation, otherwise we’d be hamstrung by $500 crude by now. Just think about all of them oil stocks soaring higher under $500 crude. There’s no way I’d lose money on gas consumption, since my market gains would far outpace the amount of money spent at the pump. Granted, the economy would be in shambles and poor people would freeze to death during the winter months, it would be a fine experience, something to tell the grandkids by the fireside on wintry Xmas time nights.

“Back in my day when Iran decided not to be civilized, we didn’t have oil or heat, or even gasoline — because it was too god damned expensive. Why, most people went back to burning firewood in their houses and driving horse and buggies. Those were the days — you should’ve been there.”

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Long Day, Here’s Some Software Magic Stocks

I just got back from entertaining out of town visitors. We ate 100 pizza pies and also dessert. Before they arrived, I frantically scrambled to tidy up the yard, doing a sundry of gardening — which resulted in my stupid bald head getting sun burned to a crisp.

Also, I lost my favorite $300 sunglasses in the process. I’m pretty sure I mistook them for a piece of trash and discarded them with the rest of the dead plants that I threw away.

Now I’m home and the company is gone, and my head is throbbing, my stomach feels fat, and I’m sullen because my favorite sunned glasses are gone.

Meanwhile, I’m tired.

Exodus free trials are still open. Be sure to taken advantage and behold the grandeur of my robotic mind.

You know I like software — so here’s a solid screen showing high growth/high Sharpe for the industry.

Off to drink myself retarded.

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Closing Out the Week a Magnanimous Success

The Dow is higher by 100, but breadth in tech is only at 38% and most of the gains to be enjoyed are in useless services and industrial sectors of the market. That’s ok, because we need a good digestion after a hearty meal. “The Fly” will now spend the balance of the day planning his weekend, which will be filled with all sorts of rote tasks that suck the very essence of life out of his very old, and ancient, soul.

I will push through it, as I always have, amidst a dizzying amount of gin and lime juice — because life is better with gin and lime juice.

Into the close, it looks like I’ll shed 100bps. I had high hopes of continued success, but the market never does exactly what you want it to do on exactly your schedule. Am I right?

In the end, as always, “The Fly” will win and crush the skulls of his enemies and then take said skulls and grind them into dust and then take said dust and sprinkle it on his steaks like the salt bae, and then eat them (extra cannibal).

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My $IQ Has Stabilized at 34

Yesterday my IQ was fucking soaring. I had everyone inside Exodus shitting their pantaloons thinking about all of the money to be enjoyed. Early this morning, it looked like it could go either way. Now I’m readily convinced my IQ will stabilize at around 34.

Some believe my IQ can get as high as 100, mainly because they’re “the Chinese Netflix.” But I tend to not think too hard about those predictions and instead focus, rather intently, on the short term. Impulsive, base, even craven thoughts permeate my psyche on a second my second basis — me against the world, destroying enemies, yada, yada, yada.

Meanwhile, Russia is being charged, once again, with hacking the elections. Rosenstein has indicted a dozen Russians and blamed their military for the victory of a certain Donald J. Trump.

Who’s looking forward to the 2020 elections!?

At any rate, my portfolio is down almost 100bps today and that’s quite all right, considering it was up 500bps yesterday. I’m flush out of cash, nothing but a tinned pot and happy memories to help me get by now, so say hello when you see me and if possible toss a few wooden nickels my way.

I’m awfully hungry and somewhat thirsty.

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