18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,864 Blog Posts


Off to join my local country club, on a day that I preside over magnificent losses. I ebbed into the markets once again this afternoon, met with two strong trades, and now it’s all gone south again — hammered to the face by 500bps.

Over in my super cool and awesome YOLO account, an account which I was boasting over 15% daily returns last week, I am in fact ass-kicked to the tune of 630bps, a marked improvement over the 850bps drawdown at today’s lows. I am keeping a very high cash position, upwards of 75% — because today is in ruins and there is not much that I can do other than wade into the markets slowly and methodically. If I dive in there like a younger man, I might not make it out alive. It’s best to see you people head out into the waters first, test the deep for some sharks, before I follow in.

I am hereby cutting today short. Our COCKLABS PROJECT is almost done. It has only taken us 15 years to develop and I am certain you will enjoy it for the 5 months you’re a member, just before blowing out your stupid little accounts in a Reddit gambit.

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What a malodorous tape!

I’m was sharply lower by 350bps at the open. I had sold everything to stem the bleeding, being caught off guard in a most heinous way. But then u got vacuumed back in with 35% of my cash. Those purchases have led me even lower to 400bps. I have two choices in front of me:

Hold the line and keep buying and possibly wreck myself to the tune of 1000000bps or perhaps I trade methodically, one or two stocks at a time in an effort to create a miracle.

There sell off doesn’t need explanation. We all knew it could come at any moment. But is it real? Will it survive? Can the bears win?

These questions and much more to be answered soon!

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Ignore the Indices

We were up sharply today.

If you made money it is because you have a well trained eye. If you lost money, your trades are stale — your dick flaccid.

I gained 310bps and made another 600bps in my overnight YOLO account. I am making money at will and nothing can ever stop me.

Yes, rates are soaring, now near 1.3%. But no one cares.

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The Stock Gods Favour Me Again

Last week I had a lapse in judgement when I cursed the stock Gods, mildly ribbed them for being cuckhold faggots. Since that time (Thursday), I have changed — became anew in the spirit of generosity and prosperity and have recanted my curses upon them. As I stand before you now towering, you must wonder “how does this man achieve all of this? How on earth is it possible?”

I am fueled by pure vengeance and rage. Literally nothing can ever stop me, as I am an immortal machine of profit — gallivanting freely with weapons in the stock market and chopping off heads for sport. Also, I am quite good at this. Also, my gains EXCEED 3% for the session, whilst the lot of you are mired in the amber of your own ignorance.

I’d offer help but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if I gave it to you. If you want my advice it is this: stop trading. This isn’t your business and you’re not cut out for it. You can make more being a waiter or a dishwasher. If you need ideas — eat the fish you are given in Exodus and shut up about it.

Midday fades are merely generational buying opps. I will be 100% long by the close.

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Energy Breakout — When Texas Freezes Over

During the long weekend I was delighted to see Texas’ windmills freeze over and as a result the entire state without power. While some may perish under the harsh conditions of 2 inches of snow, it was worth it — at least in my estimation. Having all that oil and not being able to do anything with it because of wind turbines is all very wonderful.

Early this morning energy stocks and nuclear stocks broke the fuck out. Oil is of course trending and people are now starting to wonder about wind turbines in the midst of GLOBAL WARMING. I am off to a good start, sporting modest gains of just 4%. I try my hardest to trade hard and well — but admittedly at times get distracted. Over the weekend I turned zero dollars into many of thousands trading to and fro cryptos. I had a grande time and left with a 100% win rate and much success. The money was there for me to grab, so I did it.

Right now markets look bland only to the untrained eye. But I, see, have a very trained eye and can tell you there are movements happening worth noting — such as in the shippers and tankers. What stupid denizens of ill repute! However, and this goes without saying, the US 10yr is at 1.27% and inflation is on the fucking move again. Morgan Stanley is already jerking off to “COMMODITY SUPER CYCLES” and the writing is all over the wall. Dare I say we are perhaps in the 1st inning of this commodity super cycle?

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Excess Liquidity and Shitcoins

The AELF coin that I lost in transfer from the stupid Binance has since tripled in price, over a period of three weeks. I sent it to the wrong address and POOF fucking gone. ‘Tis the future of finance.

With all of the gains in the principle cryptos and stocks, people have resorted to river boat gambling over the weekend via SHITCOINS. There are only 5 coins on Robinhood, so naturally they’re bidding them up. Admittedly I bought ETHEREUM CLASSIC in the 14s and sold in the 18s for a few thousands of profit. It will pay for all of my car payments for 2021. It only took me an hour to make that money, so my time, as you can see, is quite valuable.

My wife is also buying Shitcoins and her mother, an eldery woman from S. America, wants to set up her own CoinbasePRO account too, in order to gamble a bit. Presently she gambles via the lottery and scratch offs.

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It’s All So Very Annoying

I’ve gained 10 pounds in the past 6 months — and now I consider myself to be a fat fuck — slothing around greedily making money in stocks. For what? What the fuck sort of existence is this? As I type this my wife brought me an early Valentine’s Day present of cookies and I ate half — because nothing says “I AM A FAT PIECE OF SHIT” like eating a cookie while blogging.

I lost 75bps today and it felt like I lost 10%. Every trade faded and I felt stupid and my methods to be old and greasy. I will re-evaluate next week and attempt to right the ship.

Things on the agenda include STOP BEING A FAT FUCK, join the country club, and quit eating whatever the hell I feel like eating. Nothing but chicken and broccoli from herein-forth. Moreover, and this goes without saying, time to get back to the fucking gym and away from the griddle overflowing with bacon grease and panned cakes.

My progress in my portfolios.

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Last night in the AHs I was overwhelmed with joy as my doubled sized SOS position sprang and leapt higher, amounting to +22%. I went out last evening a new man, renewed in the spirit of genius. I was going to make bundles of cash and sashay throughout life care free.

Then at 4am I was somewhat beguiled to see SOS barely up. The crypto rally had dissipated a bit and with it SOS. I said to myself “all will be well by the open” so I went to bed with a full heart and mind at ease.

By the open of trade I bore witness to great horrors, as my dreams transmorphed into unmitigated nightmares. The stock had plummeted lower and with it my equanimity. I ended up selling the doubled sized SOS position ironically near the lows, down 16%.

I dragged my feet and cursed the Gods and cried out and begged them to tell me “why curse me? What have art done to thou?”

Immediately after my words rang out into the coldness of the air around me, SOS screamed higher, as if laughing at me and kicking me in the head whilst I writhed in anguish. The stock joyously reached new highs and its loyal shareholder rewarded for their patience, whilst I stood alone cuckholded in the dark hoping it’d go lower.

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Waiting for My Fair Share in the AHs

A bit of a fucked day for me, first down day in what seems like the past decade. I shed 150bps and 333bps in YOLO — but made money in my longer term and quant accounts. I am most interested in my trading, so my overall net worth can fuck right the hell off.

I lost money because I got caught early and I didn’t micro manage the account. Often I will take 20 trades and rip out 2-5% quick gains to make up lost ground. However, success defeated me today, as I stand before you long robed +118% for the year. I am beyond catching pennies in a fountain. I want the BIG FISH and aim to make BIG DICKED returns, now that I have them. While this might seem like a recipe for assured disaster, it probably is. Then again, ask me if I give a fuck.

Life is varying between degrees of boredom and normalcy and the money I make does nothing but sit there and digitize and taunt me with its grandeur. I sit and I wait and then I wait some more.


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It’s a proven fact the more information one has the greater the chance at making a better decision. Having said that, I now have over 400 monitors in my home office and continue to buy more each and every day. I’m like the architect up in this bitch, seeing all and knowing all probable outcomes.

We’re suddenly in the midst of a major semiconductor shortage, something that appears to have come out from nowhere. The Chinese trade war to blame or the fucking BOOMING economy? No one knows — other than the fact that it looms and stands to break in half the already beguiled auto industry.

Also, alpha is being fucked today, as the gamma squeeze retards face a horrible death. As a point of fact, big cap is up while the pennies, all of the hot stocks, are mostly lower en masse. It truly is a massacre out there for cannabis retards and let me remind you to avoid catching fast moving knives to the downside.

I have remained flexible and have minimal losses of less than 1% in my trading, and I am up in both my quant and long term dollar cost accounts. My YOLO overnight account, however, thrashed lower by 3.5%, as I endure the pangs of the great unwind.

For some of you new traders out there, never hold onto your down stocks, for they do not love you and never will and will take all of you money without ever even granting you children. Take your hits and move on.

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