18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,838 Blog Posts

Wall Street Flooded With Profits as a Deluge Swamps Charleston

The entire downtown area of Charleston, SC is underwater.

More nothing-burgers. They taste stale.

Here on Wall Street, we’re flooded with profits — benefitting from a lack of serious damage done to the banks and the insurance sector. For a moment there last week, people were getting nervous about property damage, from the perspective of a banker who’d be forced to pony up to policy holders. Assessing the damage today, those fears were grossly exaggerated.

Property insurance stocks have risen from the dead and are eating the faces of short sellers.

My only moves today was profiting from my UVE and AEL positions and purchasing an initial spot in XIV.

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Floridian Apocalypse Plays Pullback After Irma Fails to Impress

Talk about a dick headline. How about that one?

Mostly everyone expected Irma to knock down all of the skyscrapers in Miami, killing and maiming people all across the peninsula, all the way to Iowa. But since Irma ended up to be nothing less than a dud, those pro-apocalypse stocks are pulling back here. Perhaps a buying opp?

I think not.

LL -7%
USG -5%
PGTI -4%
KIRK -3%
Gold sector -2.2%
OC -4%
MLM -3.6%
TPX -3.6% — because people were going to need new fucking mattresses.

While I get the profit motive for many in my field, I can’t help but think most of you are evil people. I don’t mean that in a bad way, per se. It’s not like you’re heading out at night, like Jack the Ripper, and killing hookers. But you’re all just a bit off, lacking empathy, and entirely greedy. If there is a God, he will surely send you to hell upon reaching the gates of heaven.

Personally, I just want to raise the kids in the nice northeastern lifestyle, then head out west with my fortune to cavort amongst liberals in Santa Barbara or maybe Monterey. I don’t have an interest in moving to conservatard towns down south. More or less, they lack artistic talents and are dullards.

Prove me wrong.

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Everything is Priced In — Stop Trying to Play the Hurricane

It’s over, weatherfags. I sold out of UVE and AEL — because some idiots thought it was a good idea to bet against a midwest life insurance stock because of thunderstorms in Florida. Both FIZZ and UVE have been fulfilling, but AEL was probably the easiest money I’ve made in years.

Markets are up bigly — there is nothing out there for you to play. If you want to dive back into LOW, LL and PGTI — go ahead and be my guest. But there isn’t the explosive money to be made in those, not yet at least. Bear in mind, the hurricane season is just getting started. People in Texas and Florida are gonna need those hurricane proof windows, if they’re interested in keeping those gusty winds out of their drawing rooms.

The only thing left to do, something I did a short while ago, is to dive back into the best investment over the past 5 years. The ETF that has returned over 500% by simply jogging on. It is the quintessenatial token of leisure, the windcock of Wall Street that serves as a reminder that the bull market can never be stopped. I am talking about fading volatility, via XIV.

Prove me wrong.

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Not the most professional headline in the world and I am certain it wouldn’t bode over well with some of you more sensitive types. But I had to express my innermost animalistic tendencies, commingling 4 letter gutter talk with success in high finance.

You thought you were good, up until the point when you realized that someone like me existed — who effortlessly fulfilled the destiny of Ra’s al Ghul, destroying Florida, while making a fucktonne of money helping people rebuild and quench their thirst.


I’m out of UVE — moving onto the next one — but still very much long FIZZ. From my vantage point, the people at Pepsi have a very easy decision to make. They could either remain the junk food kings — selling shit inside of garbage cans to kids in Mexico — or they can buyout FIZZ for $240 and repent for their fucking sins.

Markets are on blast off mode and I have little reason to sell my FAZ position — especially since banks are still screwed. I just thought I’d pop in here, amidst the celebrations and decadent lunches, to let you know that my first foray into discretionary trading in nearly 2 years has resulted in immense profit.

For some of us out there, it’s as simple as riding a tri-cycle.

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Morning Poppers (post Hurricane NOTHING-BURGER edition)


Just saying the word ‘nothing-burger’ instantly makes you a dick. I find it to equal the use of the word ciao, especially for non-Italians.

Insurance stocks are going to pop the fuck off today. In the pre-market, UVE is +13.5%. Wait until normal people arrive to work and do some lines of cocaine off their desks and then apply some real money into these stocks. Shorts are going to rue the day they turned on the fucking weather channel.

Over in Europe, shit is getting sporty, with the IBEX leading the charge higher by 1.48%. The Eurostoxx 50 is higher by 1.2%. Expect this enthusiasm to transfer here at the open. Dow futures are higher by 127.

The only notable weakness is in gold, off by 0.77%.

Here are some analyst moves, courtesy of my god damned Twitter account. I have no reason to be this angry so early — but I am so don’t fuck with me.

Some quick items that just hit the tape.

Teva Pharma upgraded to Buy from Neutral at BTIG Research
NVIDIA: SepQ GPU and Ryzen pricing strong; positive for NVDA/AMD. data center remains key – Mizuho
Kroger: Spending forces Kroger off long-term guide – RBC
MasterCard upgraded to Buy from Neutral at Guggenheim

Gapping up:
IDRA +13.8%, TEVA +11.2%, ZUMZ +11%, BV +8.4%, ARRY +7%, KURA +6.4%, RDFN +4.3%, AGX +4.1%, OKTA +3.2%, AMD +2.6%, REVG +2.4%, YNDX +2.3%, CLDR +2.3%, INCY +2%, EXEL +2%, TSLA +1.8%, CLF +1.8%, MZOR +1.6%, AZN +1.6%, ACH +1.5%, GRFS +1.4%, AAPL +1.3%, OPK +1.3%, EA +1.3%, MU +1.2%, MT +1.2%, WB +1.1%, NFLX +1.1%, NVDA +1%, MOMO +1%, FB +0.8%, RIO +0.8%

Gapping down:
IDRA 13.8%, AOBC -17.2%, CHKE -16.1%, TNTR -13.9%, ACHN -13%, SAIC -5.9%, PAY -5%, PAY -5%, GG -2%, HMY -1.9%, CYAD -1.8%, FIZZ -1.8%, UTHR -1.7%, SIGM -1.6%, GOLD -1.3%, GDX -1.3%, SLV -1.2%, TLRD -1.2%, RGLD -1.1%, ABX -1%, AG -1%, NEM -0.8%, GLD -0.8%, NEM -0.8%


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ATTENTION FLORIDIANS: Your Sufferings Were Just Right; Wall Street Salutes You and Preps for Greatness

I’m very glad that this storm wreaked havoc across Florida, as it put to bed the idea of moving to that bedraggled state at House Fly. Over on Wall Street, traders are enthusiastic, thanks to the perfumed scent of money wafting through the sky. Irma was bad, but hardly catastrophic, from a bankers point of view.

As I type this, from the darkest corner of my oversized house, lit with candles and the imbued with the tunes of Duke Ellington eerily echoing throughout the hallways, futures are frantically higher.

More than that, I’m heading into the morning session overweight a Floridian insurance stock that was placed upon the rack and shredded last week. Here are the stock, courtesy of Exodus, that will be in play tomorrow.

I knew the sector was oversold, based upon historical precedence on Thursday — because that’s what the software was built to do. Look.

Some of the crazies even started to hit life insurance stocks, domiciled in the midwest, as if Irma was readying to unleash an apocalypse on America — leaving millions dead in its wake. These are always the best opportunities. I bought AEL into the maelstrom and will be profiting soon.

As for my PGTI, FAZ and FIZZ positions. I think it’s fair to say this storm created enough fright to make PGTI’s sales pitch a bit easier for hurricane proof windows. People are still parched as fuck, running away from a category 1 thunderstorm and the banks are still screwed, unrelated to the storm — but thanks to the yield curve.

My weekend was fine, otherwise. I didn’t do much, other than saunter around — reading things — drinking a few cocktails — eating a few foods.

See you in the AM.

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It looks like Irma was a big nothing-burger. Sure, there are some down palmed trees and power lines — a little flooding here and there. But the ghastly predictions of apocalyptic rage being unleashed on Miami turned out to be nothing less than superficial nonsense.

Alas, global warmingfags have been BTFO again and Dow futures are higher by 100. Subsequently, gold is off by 0.75%.

Gents and ladies leisurely loot during Hurricane Irma.

The NIKKEI is running higher by 1% this evening too, on news that nuclear war with N. Korea has been postponed. All in all, we stand to make a fucking fortune with our UVE positions, whilst giving back a tad in the FAZ.

All reports now say Irma will be reduced to a cat 1 by the time it reaches Tampa.

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Wind Gusts of 140mph+ Reported in Naples; ‘A Wall of Water’ 15 Feet High Expected


The Hurricane Irma drama continues.

Fox News is reporting that wind gusts of 142mph are happening now in Naples, Fl. Check out the video below.

CNN’s Chris Cuomo is being destroyed.

Weathermen are, generally, crazy.

10-15ft storm surge expected.

More on the carnage.

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UPDATE: This guy is storm chasing on Marco Island or Naples and has it pinned on his Facebook account.

Irma has just landed on Marco Island as a cat 3.

Emmy award winning storm chaser, Jeff Piotrowski is reporting from inside the eyewall, with very large balls. He reported wind gusts of 140mph.

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Uh, oh. This isn’t good for our local insurance outfits. The seawall is gone. Miami is now part of the ocean.

BONUS: Here’s a man trying to measure Irma’s winds.

Roof ripped off in Miami.

Furious waves in inland Miami.

Over 2.3m people are expected to be without power.

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