iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,430 Blog Posts

Excuse for Hawaiian Missile Alert Scare: ‘Someone Literally Pressed the Wrong Button’

A few months back at the height of the North Korean nuclear showdown bullshit, CNN was teaching residents, incredulously, how to survive a nuclear attack. Today, someone in government ‘pressed the wrong button’, which led to a 38 minute long state of pending annihilation — sending out text messages to all residents warning of a fucking missile heading their war.

Here’s CNN getting to the bottom of this boondoggle, finding out that someone had in fact, ‘literally pressed the wrong button.’

Ed Dowd, former iBC blogger and resident of Hawaii, describes what he saw when the alert went out during breakfast.

His opinion on the whole pushing the wrong button excuse.

Former Halloween actress took to Twitter to blame Trump.

Kids in storm drains.

And…like clockwork, the ‘deep state’ did it.

For a country that seemingly has everything, why is everyone so fucked in the head and what the fuck is wrong with our officials/leaders? Not enough fear? Bunch of Pennywise motherfuckers out there.

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Enjoy the Long Weekend; Trade More Shitcoins

I spend my days trading equities and generally winning. At nights, and now on the weekends, I trade SHITCOINS — cryptocurrencies that go higher on a minute by minute basis. I’m just getting into this sort of drivel, so I’m not entirely comfy giving picks, although I’ve done so inside Exodus on occasion.

Right now the crypto market is so overwhelmed, the major exchanges aren’t accepting new accounts. More than that, the execution is laughable. If you wanted to buy Bitcoin on Coinbase now, you’d need to wait ~12 days for said bitcoin trade to settle, meaning you’re locked the fuck in until it hits your account.

In short, this is a market that is unable to handle the order flow, which is also completely filled with rank amateurs who don’t know what they’re doing. But that’s the wonder of it all — a bunch of retards chopping each other’s dicks off and not even knowing it.

Enjoy the long weekend and try to avoid visiting SHITHOLE countries that are actual cesspools. As for me, I’ll be toiling away, improving myself, making a mockery of my competition.

Crypto market cap is over $730 billion again. Share whatever SHITCOINS you enjoy buying in the comments section.

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GETTING MY RANDALL J. KIRK ON — GOD DAMN IT

Who’s the coolest nerd in biotech?

Damn right, it’s Randall ‘Fucking’ Kirk — the man who’s gonna make sure your apples never brown and your fucking hammed burgers never spoil. He’s going to genetically reengineer the world, weed out racists and nazis, concoct a utopian society free of bad salmon, because all of the new ones will be perfectly engineered for exquisite eating.

At any rate, I’m in a touch above $14, looking for a near term move above $17.

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YOU CAN’T FUCKING STOP THE MELTUP

Everything you knew about order and the ways things are supposed to be has been tossed down one gigantic fucking shithole. You’re over there in your bullshit suits, shined up shoes, getting your bald head annihilated by a market that never goes down.

Add another 200 on top of the 21,000 we’ve gone up since 2008.

All the while, inflation has been non-existent. Quite honestly, this is the very best economy of all time — even better than the 20’s.

When was the last time we had technological innovation on this scale, with no inflation, roaring markets, super low rates, and a God damned President who tweets stock quotes?

Having said that, it’s important for you to be “in the market” and not only on the fringes. While I’ve been crushing trades in crypto space, it is not the market. Those stocks could go down 50% from present levels and the market would never know. If you’re playing along, do yourselves a favor and take 70% of your money and invest it in a quantitative strategy, like the one I have in Exodus. I’ll be trading that Quant account once per month, which is designed to position in the very best growth companies — spread out across sectors.

Back to the cryptos, my SRAX is the only stock that looks promising. Other than that, especially with today’s IPO — LBRT — I like frackers.

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Raising a Little Cash Again, Eyeballing More Frackers

I sold two piece of shit swing trades, both for boring ~10% profits (RCON, SOGO) and have placed the proceeds aside, awaiting new opportunities.

I can’t stop thinking about oil stocks. It has always been a desire of mine to walk the oil fields like a true man, spitting on the dirt, wearing cow’d boy boots with spurs on them. Now with oil in the mid $60s and all of those literal FUCKHEAD Princes in Saudi Arabia in prison, we might truly get higher crude — thanks to a sundry of SHITHOLE nations around the world.

There are many other irons in the fire — but I’m not feeling it today. Perhaps my mood will change later on; but for now I am risk averse.

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If Inflation is Such a Threat, Why Aren’t TIPs Moving Higher?

Don’t tell me the TIPs faggots aren’t tuned into the market, understanding of inflation. That’s all the TIPs fags do, worry about inflation. Yet, here I look at the 2yr treasury breaking 2% for the first time since 2008, accompanied by headlines that speak to some sort of rampant inflation that no one can actually see with their own two eyes.

Here’s the chart on TIP, inflation protected treasuries.

Raw commodities? Hardly any traction.

Let’s stop pretending there is some inflation genie dying to pop out from some fucking lamp. Truth is, rates are jimmy-rigging higher because the Fed wants them higher, so they could lower them later, when this all falls apart.

As for inflation, only the wealthy are enduring its deleterious wrath. Everyone else is shopping at Walmart.

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Morning Poppers (Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop Edition)

Are you ready for another day of blissful trading, equivalent to free money? Dow futures are +100 and I’m sure the news is truly important, but I couldn’t care less. Whilst drinking my morning glass of coconut cream, I saw from one of the corners of my eye something ado regarding S. Korean balking about banning cryptos and also JP Morgan’s earnings.

What’s important to know is that markets prefer higher and that if you’re long — you’re indeed smiling right about now.

Ripple is +20%, Bitcoin is +3.5%.

Here’s some MOAR news.

JPMorgan Chase beats by $0.07, misses on revs
PNC beats by $0.09, beats on revs
Energous prelim Q4 revs $0.03 mln vs $0.45 mln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; entered into a distribution agreement pursuant to which Energous may offer and sell, from time to time shares of its common stock for an aggregate gross proceeds of up to $40 mln
eBay upgraded to Buy from Hold at SunTrust
FuelCell Energy upgraded to Buy at B. Riley FBR, Inc.; tgt raised to $3.50 — Multiple opportunities not fully reflected in the stock
Etsy downgraded to Equal-Weight from Overweight at Morgan Stanley
Mosaic resumed with a Neutral at JP Morgan; tgt $26

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A Hard Truth: Crypto Currencies Are Dead; Long Live Crypto Currency Equity Proxies

Bitcoin and the whole kit and caboodle are getting ravaged tonight — off by ~10% or so. Truth is, and this cannot be debated, the crypto currency asset class has been dead money for weeks. At the same time, we’ve been making inordinate sums of money long crypto currency equity proxies.

Observe 7 day returns in cryptos, spearheaded by a 40% drop in Ripple.

Meanwhile, we’re cranking out 100% winners inside minutes in crypto land, blessed with actionable news events that cause stocks to spike without pause, and are having a generally great time during a period of distress in the crypto-currency correction.

Wall Street wins again.

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ONE HUNDRED PERCENT INCREMENTS FOR LIFE

Crypto mining is causing electricity grids to blow out, globally. If you think about it, crypto mining is the essence of human stupidity — digging for something virtual, made up out of thin air, simply for the purposes of profit. So people will freeze to death, potentially, because some bedroom billionaire ravaged the grid with his 24hr per day crypto mining operation.

I like the idea of future humans traveling back in time to give us cryptos, forcing us, via greed, to upgrade our processing power, efficiency, and electrical power grid to one day save the human race from extinction. I like that idea because the reality is just so fucking stupid. Nevertheless, here we are, vaping into the winter winds, running fast, with gigantic avocados falling out of our pockets.

I banked today — and step into tomorrow’s trading day long a sundry of high risk gambits. I’m stoically high key excited to see my oils trade tomorrow. Other than that, expect the blockchain to proceed — spitting out new winners. But you’ve got to be lightening speed fast. Read the news. Laugh at the news. Take your 120% profit. Find the next one.

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And…I Got Another One: $CNIT

Chinese burritos are spiraling out of control higher today, led by an outrageous move in CNET. I’ve played this stock before and I also played another Chinese stock with a similar ticker, CNIT.

I’m in it again. You hear me you fucking faggots?

$3.50 or die.

Three fifty is just a start, frankly. All the CNET players are gonna roll down to their retarded cousin, CNIT, soon.

Watch.

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