18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,239 Blog Posts

An Overview of My Time Machine

Here are all recent oversold signals inside Exodus overlaid on top of a SPY chart. As you can see, the winship is impeccable. The gains are impenetrable.

Coming soon, I will be building financial models on top of the platform.

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MALLFAGS: Get in Here and Defend Your Thesis

There are two top performing companies in the retail space now, W and AMZN. Everything else has been ripped to shreds. The death of the shopping mall is not being promoted enough, leaving mallfags with a false sense of security to believe that this ‘dip’ will bottom out and the good times will return again.


Over the past 3 years, the median return for the department stores is DOWN 55%.

Over the past 3 years, Amazon is UP 215%.

For the past 12 months, all of the department stores, combined, posted revenues of $128.5b, with free cash flow of $1.45b. All of the apparel stores, aka the shit in the malls, posted revenues of $107b, with free cash flow of $6.4b. More than $4b of the free cash flow was produced by three companies: JWN, LB and ROST.

Amazon posted $113b, with free cash flow of $6.7b.

Quarterly revenue growth for the department store sector is down 5% over the past 12 month, whilst Amazon is higher by nearly 30%.

Now extrapolate these numbers over the next five years and tell me what the retail landscape will look like. Moreover, what will happen to all of the REITs will mall properties, dependent on dying retailers for their income?

There’s a reason why I’m mentioning this, as part of a greater overall thesis that I intend to talk about over the not-so-distant future. There is nothing wrong with using technicals to buy/sell stocks. However, ignoring the fundamentals is a sure-fire way of being caught off guard by an earnings warning, which could surprise rape you because you weren’t paying attention.

Quit being lazy. Screen out the bullshit. I have empirical evidence showing that buying companies with good fundamentals shatters the performance of those lacking. More on that later next week.

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Ransomware Attack is Further Proof that Microsoft Sucks

The windows operating system is a complete disgrace to the human species. Anyone who supports MSFT by purchasing their shitty products deserves to be afflicted by malware that fucking demands payment in bitcoin.

If this massive cyber attack has proved anything, it is this.

1. Bitcoin is going to be banned by the regulators. It is the preferred currency for illicit activities and a threat to central banks. It will fail.

2. MSFT is a shitty product. Buy an Apple.

Also, Proofpoint has been all over the news, trying to help stop the attack. This could be a tradeable moment for cyber security plays.

Courtesy of Exodus.

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Dread and Misery Afflicted Retail Stocks This Week

There used to be a time, pre-Amazon, when the US stock market was guided by the retail sector. It was exciting and invigorating. After all, we were betting on pure hedonism, swaths of overweight Americans heading out to their local shopping malls, Starbucks beverage in tow, to express their God given rights of consumerism. However, over the past decade, the black hole known as Amazon, coupled with the aging of our society and theft of the healthcare industry, that trade is all but dead.

It’s demoralizing, really.

I’m sure we can still figure out ways to make money in tech stocks and there will always be healthcare names worth pursuing. But the thought of our shopping malls becoming nothing more than vacant lots or storage facilities for Amazon, begs the question: what the fuck are we doing as a society?

The week that just past was littered with blow-outs in the retail sector, spearheaded by M, DDS, JWN and JCP.

On average, department stores dropped by 10% and apparel by 5%.

Over the past two years, the time in which Jeff Bezos quickened his ascendency to become the world’s wealthiest man, the department store industry is down a staggering 61%

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My Purchases Have Been Delayed; I’m Back on the Ark Again

I have a model that quantitatively allocates money amongst certain stocks, based on a given criteria, using the Exodus engines. My criteria seeks alpha and doesn’t permit underperformance. Moreover, it demands risk hedges, via GLD and TLT, if they’re outperforming the quintiles of equities I have pre-selected.

Because of this, I allocated 10% of my assets in GLD and TLT, equal weighting, and will reassess the market next Friday for reentry back into stocks.

I want nothing more than to be long, running in the long, green fields, naked — eating apples and hammed burgers. But it wasn’t meant to be, sadly. Until that day beckons, I’ll be here, in the darkest corner of the ark, floating the seven seas in search of bounty.

Markets look weak, but not weak enough to warrant a mean reversion trade. Because of this limbo, I recommend to do nothing, or get defensive.

Details will be found in Exodus.

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President Trump is Going Crazy on Twitter Now, Come See the Fun

I want all of you political faggots to lighten up. It’s Friday, markets are at record highs, and entertainment is in abundance, is it not? The drama is thickening (if that’s even possible) this morning after FBI reports countermanding Trump’s claims that Comey requested to dine with him, while also telling him on three separate occasions that he was NOT under investigation. The FBI assets that such information would never have been relayed to the President by Comey, obviously because Trump is a Russian agent and it’s important to investigate any and all non-leftists as soon as they enter office.

Before I get to the opus magnus tweet by Trump, let’s review some of this earlier shit-posts from this morning.

The Russians are laughing up their sleeves. Cut it out.

Let’s make peace. Quit war-mongering.

You’re all sore losers, accomplices of FAKE NEWS.

Note there are 3 questions marks at the end of that sentence. Clearly, we can’t let this man have the nuclear football. He’s liable to throw it.

And here it is. Trump threatening Comey over apparent leaks suggesting the President was never told he was NOT under investigation, while also invoking Nixon — AGAIN.

He just wants the madness to end.

Truth is, it will never end. The ride continues and will always continue, as long as he’s in office. His only recourse is to become a swamp drainer of epic proportions, inflict damage upon his enemies and lay traps for all sorts of people — later them exposing them to execution via steam catapult.

For those of you still insisting Trump has Russian ties, need I remind you that he has, in his possession, a ‘certified letter’ stating otherwise?

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After You Read This Article, Forget About it and Go Back to Sleep

Bloomberg is reporting on a curious real estate transaction in Chicago and an antenna in an open field, that was erected in order to permit a small group of traders gain a marked advantage over everyone else.

Let’s have a look, shall we?

Tremendous, beautiful antenna, believe me

So you’re wondering, ‘what the fuck is that?’

That nondescript pole on a flat 31 acre plot of undeveloped land is in close proximity to the CME Group. It is owned by a Jump Trading affiliate called ‘World Class Wireless’, who purchased the lot for twice the going rate, or $14m.

The high tech microwave antenna is able to intercept data coming out of the CME before it makes its way to the east coast — creating an arb situation that last microseconds. It is the definition of cheating, rich, powerful people using their position to jimmy rig trades in their favor, all but guaranteed. It’s like having a time machine that can go a microsecond into the future and see prices and then trade off of the knowledge using very sophisticated high speed quants.

Nothing at all wrong with that, right? This reminds of the movie Office Space, where the main actor tried to explain his criminal plan to his girlfriend and merely taking a few pennies out of the penny tray — who couldn’t quite grasp his innocence.

Another virtuous firm, McKay Brothers LLC just won approval to build a microwave tower diagonal to the CME data center — under the name Pierce Broadband LLC — a harmless little telecom company. The approval gives them the right to build a 350ft antenna 600ft closer than their existing one — which could mean all the difference in the world, when attempting to remove pennies from the penny tray.

Webline Holdings is another penny tray grabber — with a ‘license’ to operate a microwave network stretching from the data center all the way to Carteret, NJ, where the Nasdaq data center is located. The trick here is to intercept the signal in Chicago before it gets to New Jersey.

This could all be negated if the CME simply placed a microwave antenna on their roof — all but rendering nearby antennas meaningless. But for some odd reason, they continue to relay data to nearby microwave antennas outside of the data center, which is then stolen by the aforementioned companies above, all for the purposes of rigging markets.

Please explain to me how this is legal?

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FINALLY: Proof that Trump Doesn’t Have Russian Ties, Plus His Comments on the Vainglorious Showboat, Jim Comey

Good evening gentlemen. Over the past few month’s, the left part of the country has been going insane over Russian ties. They believe the only reasonable explanation for Trump’s win over Hillary is because the rotten Russians ‘intervened’ and played king-maker for Vladimir Putin.

Up until now, no one really knew if this was true, definitively. I never thought that the Russians hacked anything, because I viewed it as sour grapes, plus I have ZERO confidence in our ‘intelligence agencies.’ But I didn’t have proof, until now.

President Trump did an interview with LESTER “the molester” HOLT this evening and had this to say.

“I actually asked him” if I were under investigation, Trump said, noting that he spoke with Comey once over dinner and twice by phone.

“I said, if it’s possible would you let me know, am I under investigation? He said, ‘You are not under investigation.'”

“I know I’m not under investigation,” Trump told Holt during the 31-minute White House interview.

“I just want somebody that’s competent,” Trump responded. “I am a big fan of the FBI, I love the FBI.”

But Trump also insisted there was no “collusion between me and my campaign and the Russians.”

“Also, the Russians did not affect the vote.”

“I have no investments in Russia, none whatsoever,” Trump told NBC News. “I don’t have property in Russia. A lot of people thought I owned office buildings in Moscow. I don’t have property in Russia, and I am…in total compliance in every way.”

There it is folks. Serious question for Trump haters out there: how can you recover from this and what charges will you make next? Perhaps pivot back to Russian hookers urinating on his face, or how about him raping a bunch of people — based off his ‘locker room’ talk?

With regard to Comey: there isn’t any room in the Whited House for ‘showboats’ and ‘grandstanders.’ The fuck out of here with that attitude.

“He’s a showboat, he’s grandstander, the FBI has been in turmoil,” Trump said of Comey in his wide-ranging interview with Holt. “You know that, I know that. Everybody knows that. You take a look at the FBI a year ago, it was in virtual turmoil, less than a year ago. It hasn’t recovered from that.”


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Jared Kushner Brokers Deal with The House of Saud to Invest $40 Billion in U.S. Infrastructure

We’re so lucky to have two Presidents, one in Donald John Trump, the other in Yoel Chaim aka “Jared Kushner”.

Thanks to his astute diplomacy, the House of Saud has agreed to build our bridges and tunnels, allocating $40 billion towards American infrastructure projects — because they love us.

By 2020, Saudi Arabia will have a sovereign wealth fund worth upwards of $2 trillion, taking into consideration the share sale of Saudi Aramco. They intend to invest as much as 50% of the money overseas, compared to just 5% now.

The Kingdom recently inked a deal to invest $45b, as part of a $100 billion venture with Japan’s Softbank. They also dropped $3.5 in Uber last year.

No word on how they intend on ‘cashing in’ on building American highways for us. Perhaps they can set up Islamic tolls across the country — fining women for driving without their veil.

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Market Regains Footing as Retail Stocks Descend into Hell

Yesterday I was discussing financial modeling with you rank amateurs. Today I’ll simply point out that if you inserted basic fundamental analysis into your process, you could’ve avoided this from happening to your portfolio.

Plain and simple, retail is in a depression. If you’re gonna add that sector into your quintile of stocks to choose from, be ready for trips into the depths of hell to be beaten senseless by centaurs and well endowed dragons.

Separately, stocks staged a nice comeback, mainly led by tech. Gold was the big standout today. More than 65% of stocks were lower, so it was mainly a money losing session for most.

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